GRRRRRR... I just need to vent...
 

so my hubby and I have lived in my inlaws house until they get back from Africa... so last month my hubbies brother moved in with us...:rolleyes: hey I dont mind him living here... but I expected him to be an adult and clean up after himself...:rolleyes: boy was I WRONG!!! ok he is 30 years old after all... he leaves half full drinks all around the house, he was doing laundry... well our CLEAN clothes where in the dryer... and there was a laundry basket right there... and where did he put our clothes??? ON THE FLOOR!!! :mad: then... he makes more money then my hubby and yet WE are the ones that buy the food and Im the one who cooks the food... and either my hubby or I are the ones that CLEAN UP!!!:eek: Im soooooooooooooooo sick of it... I KEEP telling hubby HE NEEDS to talk to him... but he wont... GRRRRRRRRRRRR I dont know what to do... but I CANT keep living like this!!! if it doesnt get better Im going to become a B$^@&!!! and I dont want to... :( thanks for letting me vent!!!

leave it...just his stuff...leave it there. Hubby will eventually see. Don't buy food for him, don't cook for him. Be nice about it..oh, you want to have dinner with us? Okay, tomorrow, why don't you make the salad? Or buy a cake?

we do... we leave his stuff around the house... and its DRIVING ME CRAZY!!! its like he doesnt care... he can live in a PIG STYE but I CANT!!! :(

Honestly I would tell him if I wanted to be responsible for another human being I would have children by now. I would tell him I am fine with you being here for a bit but your not a guest. Your family and as such I expect that you do the courteous thing of tidying up after yourself and pitching in.

There wouldn't be too much of that mess at my house. I can't take that nonsense. I have children and I don't care to let them do that nonsense so I won't let a grown man do it.

A couple years back hubby's brother came to visit....I told him those same words because he was doing just what your BIL was doing.

I hate people like that! They seem to think that the cleaning fairy is going to come and make their mess magically disappear. I wish I could make him magically disappear for you, but you're welcome to vent any time! :D

The more you run after him the more he will do it, if your hubby wont tell him then you should, i know i would but then im a lot older than you all!:)

he was...:( their mom ALWAYS did EVERYTHING even now as adults she still does EVERYTHING!!! so since shes gone they still think they can get away with it here... when he would just come to visit he would do the same thing... and I would tell him and his other brother that Im not their Mom or their slave... and that they needed to clean up after them selves... the brother that now lives here didnt do it then... :thumbdown :thumbdown my hubby thankfully is not like him AT ALL!!! he helps!!! he cant stand a mess either... so he ends up cleaning up everything... and it makes me feel bad because hes working all day long... and then he comes home and cleans up his brothers mess...:mad::( yet if you go into his brothers room its clean... I just want him to clean up after himself and help pay for food... and to help once in awhile to do the dishes... this past sunday hubby told him that it was HIS turn to do the dishes... guess what he did??? he put his plate in the dishwasher and started it... and then left the rest of the dishes in the sink and said that the dishwasher was full...

How about talking to the parents? Let his mother know that he is very messy in HER home. Ask her advice about it.

yeah before he moved in he had asked if it was ok... and I told him then... I was fine with him moving in as long as he cleans up after himself... his response was... oh yeah I will clean up after myself... yeah RIGHT!!!! but I guess my hubby is too nice to say anything... and I dont like confrontation either... I just CANT handle this ANYMORE!!! THANKS

I am very sorry for this situation. It doesn't sound like there is a easy solution..... but sweetheart, vent away :) . I guarantee that it will ease your mind and help with your agitation.

LOLl this fella doesn't sound like very good husband material, but I'd suggest to trying to find him a woman to straighten him out. :D:D:D

see the part I highlighted? You are not going to change a 30 year old man. What you need to do is stop feeling bad for your husband. It's HIS brother and HE is the one who has to work it out with him. Otherwise the BIL will come between the two of you. If it was me, I'd stay out of it and let the two of them duke it out themselves. You will not win this battle and it's your husband's problem. I know that sounds harsh, but believe me, I've been there. You have to just stay out of it and let them work it out between themselves. It sucks that you have to live with your BIL's mess but I'm sure he feels like it's more HIS house than yours since it's his parents house. Just realize he's a jerk and don't let it stress you out. He's not worth getting so upset over.

Oh boy do I feel your pain! I have a DUG (darn unwanted guest) here doing the same thing. At least yours WORKS. Mine doesn't even do that and expects me to buy his cigarettes and if I refuse he acts like a childish brat and bites everyones head off.

I don't have any advice. Just wanted to offer you a hug and tell you I understand.

ohhh i know exactly what you mean!! for a while my boyfriend and i had his little brother stay with us! and was that a mistake!! he was always loud drinking and would always pee on the toilet seat and say just wipe it off!! haha!! bad manners that boy had!! the list just went on and on with him!! so go ahead and vent!! we are hear to listen and share as well!! hugs!

THANK YOU ALL of you for letting me vent and making me feel better... to all of you who are in the SAME situation as me... IM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO SORRY!!! lol HUGS to you guys!!!! I just keep thinking ... his parents are going to be home in a year...:rolleyes: hopefully it will go A LOT FASTER then it seems...:rolleyes:

That's a long time to put up with that stuff....so his own room is nice and neat and he leaves a mess out where you have to see it and deal with it?
Hmmm. I have a good idea....take all his crap and put it on (or better yet...IN) his bed.....so you don't have to see it anymore and you don't have to clean it up....just take it to his nice clean tidy room and put it under his covers. It will be like a big surprise for him when he comes home. And I'd do it EVERY SINGLE time he leaves a mess. It's a lack of respect and responsibility....even dogs GET IT:rolleyes:.

And just tell him you like to be able to sit/live/look at a nice neat home and you work to keep it that way, so you just tidied up....so now his room is like the way he must feel comfy b/c that's how he left the rest of the house

Sorry your BIL is being a slob. He doesn't sound like a 30 yr old though. He sounds like a 20 yr old college kid. I can't believe he has you and your dh buying and cooking food. what a moocher. His idea of doing the dishes sounds like my old roommate. I use to get so frustrated. I hope it gets better soon. i'd have to say something though. I've never been good with keeping my mouth shut. :rolleyes:

This is a hard thing to deal with, but it's very workable.
 

I went through something similar once, many years ago. Never again. I've had many friends who have gone through it, and I have one who is going through it right now and is really on the verge of a divorce. Really, she's on the verge of a divorce. She asked just earlier today if she could come stay with is for a few weeks.

If you've already tried to explain to the brother-in-law, and especially to the husband, what your concerns are, and that isn't working, distance yourself by pretending neither he nor his mess is there. This will be REALLY hard if you're a fastidious person, and will make your husband think you've lost your mind.

When you cook, cook enough only for two people. One of those would be you, the other would be your husband, or the BIL if he chooses to give his breakfast, lunch, or dinner to the BIL. That's his choice.

When you clean, clean up only your own messes. If you spill something on the counter, wipe it up. If the BIL does it, just leave it. If he leaves empty cans setting around the house, just leave them. If he decides to cook since you won't cook for him, and he leaves a mess, don't clean it up. After it becomes bad enough, explain to your husband that you can't cook until the stove/oven is cleaned because it's a fire hazard. See how the hubby likes either ordering pizza or cleaning the kitchen after his brother ever night.

There are a lot of other things I could say, but you get the idea. Unless slavery has been reinstated and I haven't heard about it, there's no reason for you to live like this. You can simply stop cleaning up after other people, but for a while you're going to have to grin and take all the cans around the house. I'd be willing to bet your hubby will put a stop to it once you just stop doing it. That's going to mean either he has to start doing it or get the BIL to start acting like an adult.

It would be unusual for your hubby to be willing to do this himself. Most adults aren't willing to clean up after other adults. The problem is that you're the one doing it right now and the hubby isn't feeling any pain from it. As long as you keep your own standards, you're good to go. If the hubby says, "Hey, why isn't this mess cleaned up?" and you just smile and say, "I'm not sure. I didn't make it," he'll eventually get the picture ;)

my Hubby FINALLY talked to his brother... :D but... the STUPID thing ... when my hubby told him that he needed to help clean... he said "I do" ROFL!!! than hubby said NO you dont! lol then he agreed that he would help... so heres hoping...:hands::goodluck: