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06-10-2008, 03:31 PM | #1 |
Spoilin' Tilly & Jack Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Indiana
Posts: 2,227
| How would you handle this? I'm going to try to make a long story short..... Last month hubby and I needed some extra money and didn't have it at the time. My parents couldn't loan it to us so we called hubby's parents. They told us they didn't have it at the time but hubby's grandpa would loan it to us then his parents would pay him back for hubby's graduation gift. Well it's now June and hubby's grandpa sent us a snotty e-mail and called us demanding his money. Hubby called his mom and she said we don't have any money and can't pay him. GREAT! Hubby argues with her then I hang up the phone, it wasn't worth it. Well his dad called us, not knowing what all his mom just said, and they are planning to take TWO trips this year. How can you go on trips with no money? Mind you his parents ALWAYS brag at how much money they have but when it always comes down to it they are so in debt they can't see straight. Ugh! I guess we are just going to pay his grandpa back just to shut him up. We have part of the money, yeah, but it's just the thought. I really don't like his side anyways. Never have, probably never will. I keep trying but I go okay for a few months then they do stuff like this, always. Hubby doesn't see this as a problem, but they always do it. We've went without much food and gas before while they took a busload of their church "friends" out to eat. They are just like that. Also, they said they were going to help hubby pay for college, they helped his freshman year then bailed on him. That is also not a problem for him. I just don't get why he can't express how he feels to them. He pours it on me then is super nice to them and I explode, it's just not fair and I get so confused. Can someone please help me understand men?!?!?! LOL Am I wrong for telling him he needs to express his feelings? I admit talking to them will be like talking to a brick wall.....ugh! It just puts a lot on me when he complains how bad it is then sweet talks them. I'm getting sick of it.
__________________ Momma Tilly Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail. |
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06-10-2008, 04:21 PM | #2 |
Donating Yorkie Yakker Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Connecticut
Posts: 1,511
| Most men do not like confrontation. Plus, it is his family. You overlook most flaws in your family. It's really sad that they do for friends and strangers and not their own family. Everything will work out.
__________________ Conner - my best buddy |
06-10-2008, 04:38 PM | #3 |
Yorkie Yakker Join Date: May 2008 Location: gainesville
Posts: 39
| it stinks that they would promise something like that and not go through with it...if I were you I'd just stay out of it and let your husband take care of his family... |
06-10-2008, 05:14 PM | #4 |
Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: KS
Posts: 3,289
| I know that in-laws can be the pits. My dh has put up with a lot from my family but despite all of it he has always been very respectful. My entire family is from a very conservative religious sect. When we visit they impose some of their beliefs on us. My dh has always kept his mouth shut. I haven't made too much of a fuss because I am always worried that it will be the last time I will see them. Besides, my fussing isn't going to change a thing. My children have rebelled against what they saw and basically refuse to see my family. It makes me very sad. I am part of my family. They have had a great influence on who I am even though I am not of their religion. My dh's mother was somewhat unstable. My dh was known to say that his mom should really be committed. She talked to herself, told stories over and over, threw pots and pans, smelled terrible, fed us horrible food (dh tried to never go there for meals). His father was a Sunday Christian who cursed and swore on week days. When his father died dh's brother basically inherited everything---farm, equipment, cattle, house, land. It hurt my dh but still was respectful to him mom and never said a word. I boiled inside but because of respect for my dh I kept my mouth shut. I'm sure that there are many stories similar to mine. Hugs to you. I know it is sooooo hard.
__________________ Joanne Eli ChipperEva Snowboy Rosie(R.I.P. 1996-July 29, 2013) Cocoa(R.I.P 1998-April 26, 2012): |
06-10-2008, 09:00 PM | #5 |
I ♥ Joey & Ralphie! Donating Member | Your question was "How, would you handle this?" Right? So everyone don't get mad at me, I'm expressing my opinion. The best way is just not to expect any money ever from family. If they give money they may expect to tell you how to use it. It's really great when you don't have to answer to parents and are completely independent of them. Men want to be providers, and he might feel like he's failing you, if he can't provide enough. I think they should be able to take trips and people out to dinner, they deserve to spend their money any way they see fit. Probably not you want to hear, but sometimes even if you can easily afford to give your children more money, it is not the best thing for them; it's really better for them to do it on their own.
__________________ NancyJoey Proud members of the CrAzYcLuB and YAP! ** Just Say No to Puppymills – Join YAP! Yorkshire Terrier Club of America – Breeder Referrals |
06-11-2008, 05:00 AM | #6 |
YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Middleville
Posts: 933
| Yep, it's never a good idea to "borrow" money from family. Even though you were told it would be a gift eventually, it's not a good idea(which you probably knew when you borrowed it) We use Check n Go if it's an emergency-even though we have people we could borrow from. Yes, you have to a pay a fairly large fee but you do what you have to do in a time of crisis and learn that mixing family and money is like oil and water....just say NO.
__________________ http://www.dogster.com/pet_page.php?j=t&i=369717 |
06-11-2008, 05:18 AM | #7 |
Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 10,534
| I agree with the others.... try to make this the last time you borrow from his family. Its just not worth the hassle. Things may get tight, but Im sure your husband and you can handle anything until it smoothes out again!
__________________ “Petting, scratching, and cuddling a dog could be as soothing to the mind and heart as deep meditation and almost as good for the soul as prayer.” ― Dean Koontz |
06-11-2008, 05:19 AM | #8 |
YT Addict Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Missouri Ozarks
Posts: 452
| What Would Dave Ramsey Do?? I would go to Real Debt Help - Get out of debt with Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover Plan. and order his Total Money Makeover book. I did this and it has helped me completely change the way I look at money, especially where family is concerned. After 10 months we're almost debt free (except for the house) and have an emergency fund set aside. While we are paying tuition for our daughter in college. The sweetest revenge.....is Success. |
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