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05-03-2008, 12:51 PM | #1 |
YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Virginia
Posts: 647
| Dear Dogs and Cats To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height. Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, and try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required. The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough! To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door: To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets: 1 They live here. You don't. 2. If you don' t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it 'fur'nature.) 3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. 4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they: 1. Eat less 2. Don't ask for money all the time 3. Are easier to train 4. Normally come when called 5. Never ask to drive the car 6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends 7. Don't smoke or drink 8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions 9. Don't want to wear your clothes 10. Don't need a 'gazillion' dollars for college. And finally, 11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
__________________ Proud Mommy of Toto and Prissy |
Welcome Guest! | |
05-03-2008, 01:13 PM | #2 |
No Longer a Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: tuscaloosa
Posts: 779
| OMG ROTFL!!!! I literally had to stop and go pee before I could finish the whole thing I was laughing so hard! |
05-03-2008, 01:23 PM | #3 |
YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Virginia
Posts: 647
| Have you posted this on your refrig. door? Funny thing is, so much of it is true.....
__________________ Proud Mommy of Toto and Prissy |
05-03-2008, 02:32 PM | #4 |
Yorkie Kisses are the Best! Donating Member | I've seen this a long time ago but it's always fun to read again ...can't forget the YORKIE PROPERTY LAWS either...my FAV is #7 of the Yorkie pledge Yorkie Property Laws If I like it, it is mine. If it is in my mouth, it is mine If I can take it from you, it is mine. If I had it a little while ago, It is mine. If it is mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way. If I'm chewing something up, all of the pieces are mine. If it just looks like mine, it is mine. If I saw it first, it is mine. If you are playing with something and put it down, it automatically becomes mine. If it is broken, it is yours Yorkie House Rules The dog is not allowed in the house. OK, the dog is allowed in the house but only in certain rooms. The dog is allowed in all rooms, but must stay off the furniture. The dog can get on old furniture only. Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture but is not allowed to sleep in the bed with the humans. OK, the dog is allowed on the bed, but by invitation only. The dog can sleep on the bed anytime it wants, but not under the covers. The dog can sleep under the covers, but by invitation only. The dog can sleep under the covers every night. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog. Yorkie Pledge 1. I will not play tug of war with Mommie's panties when she is on the toilet. 2. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff 3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge. 4. "Kitty Litter Crunchies" are not food. 5. I will not eat other dogs poop. 6. I will not lick human faces after failing pledge #4 or 5. 7. I will not eat the disposable diapers. 7. I will not chew on crayons, especially red ones or Mommie will think I'm hemorraging. 8. We do not have a doorbell and I will not bark everytime I hear one on TV. 9. I will not bite the officers hand when he reaches for Mommie's driver's license |
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