I need some advice
 

Ok so this Will be my first post that is Remotly personal so i want to post here instead of the open forum
so here it goes
PLEASE no negative comments

(deep breath) My oldest son Cody is failing Kindegarden and when i say failing im mean eveything BUT socail skills and this for some reason is minamal at best i dont get it altou Cody can be rambucious he is caring and seeks friends he seems to lack the self cofidence to be a leader with his peers and puppy dog follows kids and this seems to make hime left out alot.

Academically he is a complete Mess he cant sit still while learning and gets frustrated Quickly so we went to the doctors who said he may have adhd we filled out the questionaires and got the lowest dose meds we could. Things got a lil better but then he flatlined again and it seemed to worsen his self esteem so the doctor and i agreed to take him off back at sqaure one !!

heres what weve done so far we work with him everynight roatating what we do each night to completely go over what he should know at this point
in Kindergarden .... every night we have a blowout crying child with such low self esteem i end up crying its a total mess i dont know where he gets this we praise him all the time
heres what the school had done NOTHING we have fought and fought with them and the best they've done is some counseling he has gone 5 times over this las year and they where all in the begging of the year... I have sense pulled him from this and a reading recovery program which is a half hour 3 times a week they basically just go over ABCs and sight words

they have told us 1 we dont qualify (finicailly) for help like tutoring and 2 if they test him for special needs and he doesnt qualify he wont be able to get tested for 2 more yrs


OK so heres my questions
should i try another med for adhd ( i just hate to think im comotosing him)
does anyone have a child with adhd that doesnt have typical syndromes
has anyone gone tru this
what do i do about his school , they seem to fight me every which way
am i failing him ?

i need help and i just dont know where to turn

you know I love you Julie...

I can give some insight into why he exhibits those behaviors but you have to be ready to hear it:(

at this point ive beat my self up for just about everything possible so nothing you could say will shock or upset me so pm

I'm sorry your having to go through this. I don't have any children myself, but I do have nieces and nephews that have adhd. It's a hard and long road of what ifs. Bless your heart! No, your not failing him.

Sorry I don't have any advice for you, but I will definitely keep you and your son in my prayers.

i think my nephew who is in kindergarten too, may be add. hes really smart one minute but then the next he's like a completely different kid. always getting in trouble in school, and coming home with bad reports.

i cant do much since he's not my son, but me and his teacher DO NOT get along! i basically told her she was a stupid B**** and that she wasnt working with my nephew enough but rather just punishing him! she didnt like that too much, but things did seem to get a little better.

im not by any means telling u to get in ur sons teachers face like i did, but she had it coming. she went to school with my sister and bro-in-law and i think she has resentment towards them for some reason and she is taking it out on my nephew, but i put her in her place! =]

i'll keep yall in my prayers. and please keep us updated!

or call me when you can

I have had a various convos with his teacher about singling him out he has never got a report where he acted out in a way that was angry or volitale he just breaks down and she sends notes saying how bad he was for that
but our words where when she loudly said he has problems in front of other parents and students ( kinda a long story ) and when i spoke to the principal she did nothing but defend her next year he will attend another school so hopefully her negative behaviour towards him will not follow him

Thank you but its so hard not to think that ive done something wrong

It seems more and more children are getting ADHD. I wonder what is causing all these kids to get it. Maybe you should look up more natural ways to treat it such as organic foods, organic meat-just a total change of diet. Maybe try to find a message board which supports mothers of children with ADHD because I am sure they would have some great advice! Good luck!

Im reading a book where it has a various view points about adhd and meds
anyway theres a point in it that says how parents often go ahead and medicate because it seems to apease schools and teachers and that when a child is taken off meds seems to rebound not only because of adhd but because now the child has a complex to go along with it becuase theve been told your taking this med becuase " there is something worng with you " not to say that is the case with your brother just a point hat the book talks about but it really makes alot sense because i mean the stigmatism with adhd is not a good one and childern even if not told that will sense it

I can tell you this no matter what anyone says i know dang well that teachers do black label students My aunt is a teacher and just retired after many many years and will blankly tell you yes teachers do this,, not all mind you but they do and most have at one point or another she says they even gossip about kids to each other
shes not helpful very much to me as she is older and has many many mood swings lol but i love her with all my heart

its a great book its called "The Gift of ADHD" by Lara Honos-Webb its like a work book to help parents and childern work tru the stigmatism and all sorts of things great great activities in it

I for one really hate it that anytime that a child acts out immediately they say it is add or adhd and right away it is onto medication. As a teachers aid for the past 5 years I cannot tell you how often these enegetic kids are medicated just to appease the teachers and sadly the parents to get these kids to calm down. I for one would never accept a diagnoses of add or adhd until every possiblity is explored...a complete physicial....including hearing, eye exam and complete blood work up. Has he been checked for dyslexia??? color blindness????

And YES teachers do black list students..if a parent complains or disagrees with a teacher that child will suffer. If a student has been marked as a problem child that stigma will follow him right through. Please don't give up on this boy...he is very young. Please exhaust all resources befor you decide to accept the diagnose of adhd. There is alot of help out there for learning oportunites you just have to look....Please check online for help if the schools are not willing to help. Good luck with everything.

I have ADHD and I wasn't diagnosed until I was a Freshmen in College. No one knew that I was suffering from this, because I did okay in school. They just thought my mediocre grades were a result of a lack of motivation and a procrastination problem. I was put on medication after i found out and was able to excel in college, I graduated with a 3.55 gpa overall and a 3.9 gpa in my major.

Since your son is in Kindergarden, I think it's best that you not put him on medication. I hate the medication and I'm an adult, since beginning the meds, i developed social anxiety disorder and have been put on a low dose of prozac, before the medication I was outgoing and fun loving.

If I were you I would try to seek out a program outside of the school system. Maybe something like a Sylvan learning center, that can help your son overcome his ADHD and learn to live with it without using medication. I really think a lot of times young children, especially young boys, are put on this medication to curb normal rambancious boy behavior.

I'm the mother of three boys, as we all know each & everyone of them is different so all rules do not apply to all children. One friend has had a child (he's 16) on adhd med & he has always done fine, another cousin was treating her son for adhd & after going to the uptenth school he was finally appropriately diag. w/autism. The reason I am posting is b/c I am against the medicine, another friend has a child that was on it & as long as he was he constantly told her she didn't love him etc as much as his brother, then the big one happened they called her from school & he was having a melt down (he's 11) b/f her & the teacher new it they had brisked him off to a "private" hospital, the teacher was angry didn't think he needed it but the docs convinced mom to let him stay a week. Very long story short they took him off every single medicine & he's doing a lot better, plus she needed to get a little stronger hand disicpline wise anyway (dad works off) but he's a lot happier little boy. I do thinks some of these medicines make these children comotose, unresponsive & maybe even suicidal. I think Sylvan & private tutoring goes a very long way, please don't be upset with yourself, a guidance counseler told me a long time ago-your child only has you, the only ones that are going to take up & fight for him is you. I hope everything works out & as you know we are all here for you.

This is a quick fix!!! Dr. diagnose kids with ADHD because their parents no not want to accept the fact that they have behavioral issues.

That is exactly why parents think their childs ADHD medication "stops" working... It didn't stop working, The child NEVER had ADHD in the first place!!!!!:mad:

This country has OVER diagnosed ADHD... when a child does actually have ADHD they are NOT taken seriously and they suffer:thumbdown


P.S. Julie this is in general this is not directed at you or anyone else. You know how many years I have been studying ADHD:(

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: Great Post!
I've seen Sylvan Learning to be of great help! Good Luck......you sound like a wonderful caring Mom!!

I think you should keep him off of ALL medications. Have him evaluated and then home school him. He isn't ready for public school and putting him in a special needs class with only further harm him mentally.

Hi, I applaud this comment from lilfoot. I have been in your boat since K, my son's teacher was a NIGHTMARE, I did not know it at the time but she was on an assoc. for ADHD, she had ALL 3 of her kids on meds, 2 girls and one boy. SHe would tell the kids to look at how nice the girls behaved, she would tell the boys to be like the girls. My son would come home frustrated because he did not behave and would say things like - I wish I were a girl. When I asked him why he said this, I discovered the teacher was behind this. All of the boys in the class were getting notes, pushing the parents to get their kids "evaluated" one parent told the school you put my sons name & the word adhd together again I will sue you!! Sadly the teacher is still there. After reading books on ADHD, the war against boys, I do NOT have my son on meds, however, he does take vitamins a mineral supplement which helps him, (I will get you the name later) the other ingredients are or can be, improving his diet, have a routine, schedule, behavior therapy & yes repeat what the rules are in class daily. My son still has some issues with impulse behavior, we are addressing that, the road is not easy but it has gotten better, he is in 4th grade now. The thought of medicating sounds tempting, however I picked up a book, I think it was called, what the docs are NOT telling you about Ritalin, Aderol, etc. the long term side effects to these meds are unbelievable, from damage to the heart, growth, etc. I HAD to find another way. Don't give up, I understand your tears, I've cried them too. Aside from school, my son is sweet, smart, good grades, humorous, creative, sometimes he seems to be a 30 something yr old in a small body, go figure.
Wishing you the best. Write me if you need to.

Wanted to share this....
 

I read this somewhere, the summary at the end is my favorite part ; ).

ADHD in many cases has been linked to diet, which includes food allergies and nutritional deficiencies…simply eliminating certain foods or adding others may reduce symptoms or eliminate them altogether. Hyperactive children are especially vulnerable as they are ‘hyper' sensitive to sugar and other stimulants. Have you ever noticed how your child's behavior changes very shortly after he or she consumes a soft drink, sugary cereals or chocolate? We believe it is worth attempting to address the ‘root' of the problem first, if it is indeed nutritional, before ingesting the potentially toxin pharmaceutical alternatives that merely mask the symptoms. Making healthy food choices for you and your child is NOT difficult. There is NO downside to adopting a healthy eating program and huge benefits for everyone, whether dealing with a current health issue or preventing future ones.
Another suggestion for a healthy diet may be to consider buying certified organic products…these are foods which are grown without the use of potentially harmful long-lasting pesticides, herbicides and fungicides. Since organic foods are also grown without genetically modified seeds, sewage sludge or irradiation, some people feel that this is a more wholesome choice. If you choose to adopt the strategy to “cleanse” the body first to reduce symptoms of ADD, this may be an option you would like to consider. Imagine if we put dirty fuel in our cars and never changed the oil…how efficiently do you think they would run?
Below is a copy of an AHDD diet eating program for ADHD kids and adults. It is not a very strict program unless you are a regular at fast food restaurants. This is a “back to the basics” program and is recommended for every member of the family…not just someone with ADHD.
First, what NOT to eat for TWO WEEKS:
1) NO DAIRY PRODUCTS, especially cow's milk. This is the single most important restriction. Instead try Almond milk, Rice milk, or Better Than Milk. Drink water instead of milk. In fact, drink lots of water. The brain is about 80% water, and increasing your water intake to 7 to 10 glasses per day might be helpful all by itself. Sodas, Gatorade, teas, icees, etc., do not count as water. Water counts as water.
2) NO YELLOW FOODS. Especially Corn or Squash. Bananas are white. Don't eat the peel.
3) NO JUNK FOODS. If it comes in a cellophane wrapper, don't eat it.
4) NO FRUIT JUICES. Too much sugar content. One small glass of apple juice has the sugar content of eight apples. Later on you can have juice, but dilute it with water 50/50.
5) CUT SUGAR INTAKE BY 90%. If you can, cut it down to zero. Sugar is in just about everything, but give it a try. Do your best without going crazy.
6) CUT CHOCOLATE BY 90%. No more than a single piece, once a week.
7) NO NUTRASWEET. None. Period.
8) NO PROCESSED MEATS and NO MSG. Only get meats with labels that say, “Turkey and Water,” etc. If the meat has chemicals listed that you can't pronounce, don't buy it.
9) CUT FRIED FOODS BY 90%.
10) AVOID FOOD COLORINGS WHENEVER POSSIBLE. See if your child is sensitive to any particular colors, such as Reds, Yellows, etc. For now, though, avoid all if possible.
SUMMARY: Just eat foods that God made for a while. Eat like people did in the 1940's. Go to a used book store and get a Betty Crocker's Cook Book for recipe ideas. There really are about 10,000 meals that you CAN eat. Just not much in the way of “fast foods” or “convenience” foods.

i can say this are dignosias with ADHD can from the fact that he has such a hard time concentrating he truely wants to do it , And Not from "behavriol issuse" other then the lack of self cofidence which leads to some very drawn out emtional sobbing when he feels like in his words "Im a failure"( yes i know why would any 6yr say this) he acts like any typical 6 yr old boy im not saying that he cant have fits or get unruly now and then but what child hasn't

So here lies the another Question why does he lack self esteem its almost like he has anixety attacks over the preassure of things amd melts down ?

I just feel im blocked at every turn

Oh i know hun you know i take it all in and process im not sure if adhd is what cody has i followed your advice many time about this

failing
 

Children do not fail kindergarten...the school has failed. I would do all I could to afford a school where they understand the childs needs. Almost all children will adjust and thrive in the right situation.

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. :( I was on the opposite end whenever I was in kindergarten. I was very very shy and didn't participate much in class. They called in my parents to tell them I needed medication and needed to be in special classes. I'm so glad that my parents just didn't make me even try the medication because I didn't need the special classes nor did I need the medicine. I simply outgrew it, as most children do. I was placed in a private school, with advanced learning, and I excelled all the way through. Now my brother on the other hand he needed the special help and never got it. All he heard from his teachers was he needed extra help so he had to sit in on his play time to get "help". He felt like an outsider his whole life and eventually just dropped out of school. The schools in my area are terrible. We vowed that if we couldn't afford private schooling that our children would with no doubt be homeschooled. My mom worked years and years as a teachers aide and I've heard horrid things teachers say about the students just because they don't want to mess with them. I would check out all my options before I would put him on the medicine again.

This is Cody too at school there problem is that she says are "behaveriol"
is him getting upset. He on occasion has silly outburst like Look at me i can tip my chair backword but kids are silly. He rarely comes home with a bad day they get a sticker on there shirt everyday which tells us how they did it goes from great all the way rough ( i have mixed feeling with this because altou i helps me it also can be a badge of dishonor for him ) but he mostly has great or good days

Affirmations are wonderful, someone told me for every negative comment the child gets in school, turn it around to a positive. REmind him he is not a failure, isn't it you that can do this? this? and that? Everyone is good at different things, etc.
Just trying to help.