I am so upset....crushed
 

I've been waiting for Nala to whelp.So I've been online posting lots today
All these porn popups kept coming up
I thought oh no not again :(
My husband and I have only been married 4 years.
We are both 50.I was married before for 22 years. He had not,
Right before we got married this happened.
My brother who is a computer geek came to fix our computer after porn popups and
when going thru found so many porn sites it made me sick....
Picture after picture of women who were large...
PLEASE dont take offense anyone I beg you.
But they were called "plumper" sites?
After all the popups today, I called my brother and ask him to walk me thru how to get rid of it again.
And the same thing over and over.
I am so hurt...this is not me. I am 5'7" and 124 lbs.
Please dont think its the larger woman thing.
I know larger women are beautiful too
My son is 6'2 and over 300 lbs.
But its not me
And it showed the times...It was always right before he came to bed to be with me.
Like he had to look at this to be with me?
It hurts so bad
Am I making sense? I know I'm rambling

I understand
 

You need to have a conversation with him.....I would be mad too.......he is the one with the issue...not you.......he could use a little counseling....JMHO

Thank you for understanding (hugs)
I am just crushed. I wish I had never seen this.
We went to counseling together the first time this happened and they told him if you want a marriage you will never do this again. It not just that its porn , but what you look at.
Its hurts Debbi...but he still does it and I never wanted to look or check again until all these popups today :(

:hug: I'm sorry....

I do agree with the OP.

Thanks hun


I just dont think men realize how much harm this can do to a marriage or a family , relationships even just looking at what I call Barbie doll porn.
My friend said tonight..well at least he's not looking at men or children....
Like that makes me feel better?

Aw hon it's not you. My girlfriend just kicked her man out. Same problem and he couldn't function with her without watching it before or sometimes during. It was not the least satisfying for him and the problem got worse and worse. She confronted him why their cable bill was so riddled with it, why his history was also riddled with it. He was sneaking home from work to watch the stuff and also watching it on the computer at his job.

It's a sickness..honestly. See if he wants to get some help before it destroys all that you have. It did to my friend..they had just purchased a house and gotten engaged. Very sad...it was 5 years down the drain.

SO sorry youre having to deal with this. Men are visual people where women are feeling people. Fantasy is not always bad. I am not in your shoes and am not in any way discounting your feeling. Men have totally different thoughts, feelings and needs than women. I would much rather him look at pictures occassionally than go out and meet women. If you talked to him I bet he would tell you that he loves your very much just the way your are!!!
I bet he would also tell you he doesnt "need" to see those pics before turning in either!! You are so much more to him than a lover!! No one can fill your shoes!;)

awwwww:( . Totally nausiating and crushing. It takes so long to build trust up and a second to tear it down. AND HE KNEW BETTER!!!! Still, I know it sickens your very heart. And to have found it again when you are already stressed over your girl whelping:( . I dread BIG decisions like the many that must be going through your head. Even the intial confrontation. Oh, I know I'm not helping a bit....but I am understanding and totally feeling for you. Without trust....IT SUCKS:mad: !!!! I have a feeling that the understanding and support you are going to get here is going to help you through this...whatever your decision is. I know this is long...and trust me, I'm holding back. Feel free to PM me if you don't want to post something. I will be here for you.

Thank you so much...I know its late
You're a sweetie
I read online...looking for help tonight about porn addiction,
And it says they actually get desensitized to sex.
Even men in their 20's .. when they supposedly are in there prime, are having ED because of online porn.
All I know is this hurts so bad.
We have many more problems in our marriage.
and If I hadnt bought this house , I too would just take my furbabies and leave.
I cant go into it tonight...But maybe I will tomorrow.
I feel so sick...Going to bed soon:(
Theres so many here on YT that maybe someone can help me on what to do...legally I mean.
I know how your friend feels...5 years of my life down the drain and wayyy to much hurt for my family with this man.

You are so right in that men ARE visual and women ARE feeling.

Oh, I am sooo sorry that you are having to deal with this. I can understand why you are so upset. And we had such a good time on line today. Awww, I'm so sorry!

I agree that you need to talk to him, and maybe counseling if it is truly that big a part of his life.

The only other thing I can add is that men of a certain age sometimes have trouble doing the things they want to do (or used to do). I think they feel very inadequate and even if you say it doesn't matter, it matters to them. If that is what it is, I personally would feel better, and I'd go a different route with my discussion with him.

Whatever happens, we are all here for you. We'll be thinking of you and hoping for the best....

Go on to bed.....
 

Try to get some rest.....are your children grown??

We will be here for you in the morning:thumbup:

You should talk to "carlibllonde" she just went through this and is going through this.

Im sorry :( I don't have any advice for you:(

Yes I know....men are visual and so different then women.
But no....he needs those pics big time.
Hes looked at 100's
And sometimes it still dont work.!!!!!!!!!!!:confused:
He doesnt like my body type it seems.
And thats ok....but why marry me this way if thats not what he prefers.
Oh...he may want me on his arm
But he dont want me in the bed :(

Oh, I just saw your last post. I'm a retired lawyer in California and although I don't know anything about Ohio law, if there is anything I can help with, let me know. :(

I am so sorry! How heartbreaking. I will pray for you. May the Lord give you strength to deal with this and may you have a clear vision on how to proceed. Hugs to you.

Wonderful people responding
You too..thank you so much
Yes...It is about trust..and I trusted him for the last 4 years after counseling and he cried and said he'd never do it again right to the therapist and me.
It does sicken me...after all the other things he's put me thru :(
I just may take u up on that PM tomorrow.
I am so tired...and now Allie ( I think I put Nala )
anyways now she acting like shes going to whelp tonight...
No temp drop...but shes breathing hard and digging in her box.
I soooo need some sleep tonight...but it may be a long night

Yes we all did...I love the April babies thread we have going.
Thank you sweetie
But the thing is he STILL has trouble...He has heart problems.
So no viagra for him.
Stents put in ...I've been here for him when I should have left long ago.
I can never trust him again...never
What a day....My eyes are going to be swollen shut in the morning :(

Yes my children are 30,27.23 and he has put them thru the mill
They have wanted me to leave for over 2 years.

Yep they do become desensitized. He got to a point where if he did get it up without the porn he couldn't finish the job...unless he went back and selfserviced to the porn. I felt so bad when she finally told me why they were seperating. She looks like a porn star and is beautiful..so for a man to not be interested in that was something to ponder.

Were here if you need to vent. If you purchased the house before you married then you should be fine. If it was during and a half and half on the purchase then you have the option of buying one or the other out....maybe he will be a good person and just leave and let you have the house since it's his fault things are breaking up.

I read her posts a couple weeks ago.
I felt so bad for her.
It went thru my mind on her first post..
I wonder if..................
sad ..she has little kids

You just wrote the one word going through my mind-

TRUST

big, big big hugs to you!

I'm so sorry Debbi. I don't know you that well, but I really enjoy your posts and I know that you're a good person. I can't imagine how hard this is for you. I'm sending you thoughts & prayers & hugs.

Debi. I don't know your whole situation and I understand how hurt you are. Believe me I do understand. I'm married 23 years and it was not always an easy road. I would just like to make one point and I'm not by any means making excuses for him but you mentioned that he had heart trouble and in one of your ealier posts you mentioned that it doesn't always work. Sometimes the medications taken can effect not only their performance but also their sex drive. It may not be that he's not attracted to you, it simply may be that he can't or does not have the desire due to the meds. Porn may be his way of trying to get aroused first rather then disappoint you if he can't? This may not be the case, but I thought I'd throw it out there. Elaine

And katelin

Ok...this is long..

Thinking how I can put a very long story into a short one...
After a 22 year marriage my husband and I divorced.
I call it midlife crisis. New woman and new motorcycle...
We are still good friends.
I received a 100.000 settlement for my part of our home which was paid off.

A year after I met and married my new husband.
I did get a prenup before marriage, even thou this was the sweetest man I'd ever met.
Little did I know that soon...verbal, mental and physical abuse would start.
He was diagnosed as being bipolar with personality disorders,after first going thru chronic depression after both his parents died shortly after we married.
I stayed with this man thru all the abuse because he was seeking help and meds to get better.
He has worked little during the 4 years we have been married, just enough to keep his medical ins in effect thru his company. 3 years ago he almost had a heart attack and ended up with 3 stents placed in his chest and different medications.
He no longer has no ins. and is laid off of another "new job"

I have wanted a divorce for years having given up on him getting stable with his mental issues.
I cant take the abuse anymore.
This wasn't new to him ,he has known for this I am done and was preparing to sell the house. Which WE bought right before we were married with ME putting my 100,000 down on the house. He put nothing.But the prepup states that if we divorced before 5 years this money would come back to me in the sell of the house.

Since I have told him, I am filing for divorce this spring AND he found out he has no medical ins. he stated to me "fine...file for divorce..the day I get served I will immediately go to the ER.Tell them I am having chest pains and all the equity that is in this house will be gone " We already know when they did the stents there were more that needed done, but they chose not to do them at that time....
I thought he cant do this and ask my ins agent where I get my medical ins, Would they take my home over medical bills. And he said sadly they can. AND I couldn't file for bankruptcy because there is so much equity in the house.
He is uninsurable...I've been denied by everywhere I applied ...Help...
I feel so used....blackmailed by someone I loved and did everything to try to help and work thru everything else. Does anyone know...Is there anyway I can prevent this.After today...I just want out :(

Hi hun..thank you so much for being here ((hugs))
My first marriage was 22 years.
I've only been married to this man for 4 the end of this month.
He is just evil....I cant stand him anymore
He's done nothing but torture me.
And I dont want sex with him
H just makes me sick right now

two things
1. I would get him on tape stating this.
2. I would get a very good attorney - this man is a con artist too

UGG what a freaking bastard. There has to be some way around him. We need someone to do the research for your state. Maybe talk to cariblonde seenig as she is a paralegal....she might be able to find some stuff fast for you on nexis to help out.

Hugs are always good....prayers are even better
Pray that somehow I can get out of this mess

Yep getting it on tape will be good when you hit the courts. Your probably best off getting to a lawyer fast to try to counter him before he does anything stupid.