you are right and I'm sorry you had to deal with that:(

just seeing how you are doing today, i hope you're doing a little better... and thank you for keeping us updated on how you are... we do worry... positive thoughts for you!!

{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}

Oh yes--my ex tried to make me believe it was my problem for not understanding.

I understood all right. I understood it made me feel less than and tore away at my self esteem.

Not all men do though. I am married to one now who does NOT. The only time he's been in a strip club was when the feature he was working on was filming in one.

Of course, he's from Europe and I sometimes wonder about how Europeans having a much healthier and open view and speaking about sex makes the difference?

My 19 yr old DS recently said he sees no reason to ever go to a club.

I hope he holds that thought.

I never understood it. It would be like me as woman going to a chocolate factory and not being able to taste any.
:confused:

Exactly. Because the more chocolate you would see, the more you would crave it, and eventually want to taste it, or stuff yourself silly with it!

Bless your heart. I'm so sorry :hug:

I'm right there with you.

I explained to my son way back in JrHigh that it was addictive, like crack and heroin and nicotine.

You just need to never give it a go. Full stop.

*sigh*

Keep your chin up! :hug:

I am sorry your going thru this! :mad:

But I do think you really need to have both of you sit down with a marriage counselor and talk. Before you do anything out of anger/hurt/betrayal.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Please know we are all here for you.

I'm sorry you have been going through all of this! I will keep you in my prayers!

you can download a keylogger on your computer and when he uses it it will keep a record of every keystroke and website visited. Good luck girl i have been there,and i know what your going through.

sorry guys I havnt been on in a few days, My friends threw a party for me sat for my birthday, which is Tomorrow BTW, :( I did get some lunesta to help me sleep and that helps... thanks for being so concerned and for being so kind it does help...I feel like Im on a rollercoaster one minute I'm optimistic and feel like i am making the right decision and other times I just feel like a part of me died and I'm never going to get over this just the thought of him being in love and marrying someone else kills me, and I know i should wish him all the happiness and love in the world but I dont want him to ever love anyone else :cry8: I know that is so selfish and i dont want to feel this way oh gosh when am I going to stop feeling this way

If you feel that way, then I would suggest maybe seeing a marriage counselor first...he's still young..I always told my hubby, I don't care if you look, as long as you don't touch..Heck, back when we were married for 5 years, he went to a strip club, I didn't have a problem with that, and a few years later, I got together with a bunch of women, and we went to a male strip club..didn't do anything for me, but, we had a great time..

I think what you're feeling is natural...and it's way to early IMO for you to be able to wish him happiness. Good Lord, look what you've been through. Time and distance will help, and one day, you may actually be able to wish him love and happiness and really mean it. Just too soon right now. Hugs!

well :bigbdaypa tomorrow,, mine is Thursday!! but ,, i'll be OLD,,lol, 55!!
I'm glad to see you here,, hope you had a good time with your friends and the party ,,
and you'll know what you have to do as you go along,,
you take care of yourself,, and let us hear how it goes for ya,,, vent anytime,, lots of shoulders here for ya!
remember,, Breath in,, Breath out,, :angel2:

Sweet girl, first of all, have a happy birthday tomorrow - I know you are sad, I hope that knowing we all care for you, puts a smile on your face.
Don't rush in to anything, take your time, and give it plenty of thought.
I'm sure in the end, things will work out in a way thats best for you.

My thoughts are with you always.

Hugs,
Sheilagh

I just came across this! I am so sorry!
Time will heal all heartaches.
A few years ago my daughter was babysitting at some friends of ours.
She was on their computer and found several pictures of the husband and his girlfriend.:( They are now divorced and both are remarried.
She is so happy and has another baby on the way! She says she has found her soulmate and is so over the top happy!
Things happen for a reason....you will be ok! You are a strong capable woman! (((Hugs))) to you!

Happy (early) Birthday!:bigbdaypa

OH geezzz sweetie! You should NOT feel the need to wish him the best and move on right now. Im almost 3 years out of a 10 year relationship and I still HOPE hes MISERABLE with his life! :D I guess I do not forgive that easily. He hurt you, broke your trust, betrayed you and lied to you. You are ALLOWED to be angry at him towards him.... whatever it takes to get through this rough time. And believe me the anger will not last forever I promise, but in the meantime if you gather that anger and put it towards something positive then you can use that anger in a good productive way. You WILL get through this... Look how far YOU alone have come! Graduating school and college and becoming a paralegal and buying a mercedes! Girl, thats ALL you!! You are a strong, educated, compassionate woman and mother! Hang onto that thought as you go through this. You will be tested and tried again and again, but as long as you believe in yourself you will get through anything life throws at you! (((HUGS))) to you!!!

Here is a poem I LOVE and read and re-read over and over again! I hope you like it!
After A While
by Veronica A. Shoffstall
After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...

Good post! I just wanted to come on here and say the same thing. It is totally normal to be angry and wish him to be miserable for the rest of his life. You'd be crazy if you didn't feel that way. And this is going to be an emotional time for you. So many changes going on and I'm sure it's all terribly scary but as the saying goes, this too shall pass. If you can allow yourself to work thru the pain it will lead you to a better tomorrow. I am certain of this. Do only good things for yourself, take delight in the simple pleasure and take a deep breathe and know you are loved. :)

:thumbup: Great posting! I have always loved the poem and use to keep a newspaper clipping of it on my fridge.

Hugs...
 

First off I want to wish you a happy birthday.

I have to tell you after reading some more of your history I have to say your a strong woman. It take a very strong woman to be pregnant and married from the age of 15. You made it and kept your head up and made something good of your life SO you stand back and pat yourself on the back. His addiction is his down fall and he stupidly let it cost him the most precious things in his life...his wife, partner and his family.

Porn addiction is a very serious thing. My girlfriend just threw out her boyfriend of 4 years that she recently bought a $530k house with. His addiction took over his life and killed any intimate life they could have. He too was spending on the chats and sites.

No one could blame you if you wished the worst plague on him. For now you need that anger to help you protect your heart. Eventually you will need to let it go because it will be hurting you more than it will help.

Your young and life will only get better for you as a bit of time passes. One day you will meet your Mr. Right.

Hugs and prayers your way.

I've not been on YT much in the last week or so, so I'm just seeing this. I will be praying for you. I pray that you have a strong, support group around you and that you can find a professional to share all that you are dealing with.

As others have suggested, I would also recommend finding a church. Most churches have dealt with this - from both sides. Sadly, this behavior is ripping thru every part of our society.

But one thing I know about you from your posts, you are a strong, capable woman. You have surpassed the expectations of most people of what a 15 yr old entering a marriage would accomplish in 10 yrs time. Also, your quote in your siggy speaks volumes about you. I always smile when I read it - actually I didn't know Lincoln was the one who originally said it.

You need to take those words - "and in the end, its not the years in your life that count but the life in your years...." Abraham Lincoln -- and apply them each day, as you continue to move forward & figure out how you will find new success. You do have a full, happy life ahead - it's hard to see I know right now, but you will find peace.

I always say I wouldn't wish a divorce on anyone, it's not easy. Being hurt & betrayed is not easy - but you will survive it all & be better for it. May God's grace be with you.

Happy Birthday Hon! You are surrounded by people who love & care about you & you are in our thoughts & prayers

We all really care about you and want to help in anyway we can!! I agree with some of the others....finding support in your church is the best place to start in your healing!! I promise if you turn all this over to God he will pick you up and carry you through this terrible ordeal if you put your complete trust in him!! I think you will be shocked how much your life is going to change for the better once you get through all this heartache!!! You have suffered so much by someone that should of never hurt you!!! I will keep praying for you!!!

Just wanted to wish you a happy Birthday!! Hope you have a great day!:bigbdaypa

Happy Birthday

Thanks everyone for the Birthday wishes! I have had a great b-day so far My boss gave me a 50.00 gift card to a great restaurant in town, Circa 1922 The other paralegal gave me a lovely pic of a daisy field that she took herself! Plus I got a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a balloon I am truly surrounded by great people:)

:Birthday3 :giftbox: :Birthday3 :cake4::bigbdaypa :happyboun :bigbdaypa :happyboun :bigbdaypa

happy birthday :)

big hugs!