depressed/frustrated/lonely
 

i just really need to vent. i had a doc. appt yesterday where i found out i have a lump in my breast. i have had 2 lumps previously removed that were benign, but i worry as my mom and aunt both died of breast cancer. i don't have anyone to talk to tonight (friends/family busy/out of town) and i am not able to relax to sleep. I didn't want to go to this appt anyway as it was a yearly physical, and women we all know what that means. :eek: yes, the dreaded pap smear! :(
so i was all worried about that, and then i get the result of my breast exam with the darn lump! :eek: i hate this waiting until i get the mammogram and ultrasound done. i am always a wreck until i get the lump removed, no matter what it is. i just fear that even if it is benign, it could turn into cancer if not removed. i hate freaking out and being even more depressed than i already am, i live in northern Michigan, and it has been one helluva winter! :snow: my tests are on thursday, so if you are the type to pray or send good vibes my way, it would be greatly appreciated. now if i can just turn off my thoughts i will be ok...i just feel so tired and sick of it all. i also have diabetes and a couple other health issues that i have to deal with every day, and right now it all feels so HUGE! :cry8: i have good freinds and family, but my parents are deceased and my brother MIA somewhere probably drinking himself to death. my family (close cousins) live 500 miles away, i don't know what i'll do if it is cancer. whether to go 'home' or not. this feels like home to me now, but if i am seriously ill i don't know what i will do. i live alone, just me and my boy William (Yorkie who is cuddling on my chest right now, he is so sweet!) and my 2 cats. where would i recuperate and who would help me??? so many questions in my head and everything going round and round. :dizzy: and to top it all off, my doc also wants me to have another stress test too. :eek: i need to get away!!! :3plane: :island2: no more worries...wouldn't that be lovely? i hope i get some sleep between now and thursday. :bed_time: well, i guess i will try again to fall asleep.......
Melody

Sending tons of prayers and good vibes your way.

I have been sick with Hypothyroidism lately and they had found some enlarged lymphnodes near my left breast...I was scared spitless. I can only imagine how your feeling now.

I know it's best to tell you not to worry but I know that is not doable. Maybe it would be best to move closer to family in case you do need help recuperating. Do you have any very close friends nearby?

Omg, I feel for you.. how stressful.. I will keep you in my thoughts and pray everthing will be ok. the power of prayer is amazing. Love your baby and I am sure many Yter will keep you in there thoughts..
I know the feeling at times, of feeling alone family wise.. but I have a good hubby, so that sure helps..
Sending you big hugs and lots of puppy kisses from my 4 furbutts...

Melody I am so sorry for all you are going though... I really hope you can sleep I will keep you in my prayers.....

I am sorry you are going through this!Try and not worry to much, until the test is done! Easier said than done! My BF's Xwife has had 2 rounds of breast cancer- and just had a scare last week- another lump! but went in a few days ago- and it was nothing! Scar tissue! Everyone was so upset for a week- and it is ok! So sometimes we all tend to worry when we should wait and know if we have anything to really worry about! Like I said that is easier said than done
I hope you get some sleep w/ your baby at your side!!!
You will be in my prayers! and keep us informed on YT, please!!!

i'm definitely sending lots of love :luvu:, prayers, and good vibes to you! i hope all of your test come out good and hopefully you will be able to feel less stressed until this whole thing is put behind you :)

:heart to Destiny & Odie

You will DEFINETLY be in my thoughts and goooooood vibes are coming your way girl..I hope everything turns out wonderfully for you!! Vent away!!

Dawn

My heart goes out to you. I feel that I am in the same situation.
My daughter has her own life and I am alone here with 2 doggies.
So far I am healthy and self sufficient but I do worry about the future.

I recently had that dreaded flu and was so knocked out,
it was an effort to feed the babies.

I wish I lived closer to you so I could ease your mind and help out.
I wish you the best!
Hugs for you {{{{{{{Melody}}}}}}}:love:

Oh, Melody. Your post really touched me. I wish you weren't so alone right now. My heart really goes out to you and I'm sending lots of good thoughts your way, hoping for all the best. You deserve it. Please update us as you can. :) Hugs.

Melody, I am so sorry to hear this. I can't imagine what you are going through. You will be in my prayers every night. Please let us know how everything turns out. If you ever just want to talk, feel free to pm me.

I'm SO SORRY !!! I so know what you mean about 'turning off' your thoughts - I can't turn mine off either and it's been months since losing my husband -

I hope this is a non cancerous cyst - your odds are good even with your mom & aunt having the same thing (I'm so sorry for your losses) :(

my prayers are with you .... and ps - I live alone now too :( and if you ever need to talk just shoot me a pm -

Huggs and prayers headed your way. Theres alot of support here for you, so your not alone!

im so sorry you have to go through this.sending hugs and prayers your way:)

I am so sorry about your husband. I can not even imagine such a loss. Losing parents, aunts and uncles is not the same I think. It is a much deeper loss to lose your life's partner. Thanks for the prayers and invitation to talk. I really appreciate it.
~Melody

Aww Hun, iam so sorry you have to go thru all this:( Please know you are in our thoughts and prayers..Iam in mich to, and this winter has been the worse,
It hard enough to be sick, then add this crapy weather, please keep us updated on your test..BIG HUGS TO YOU:hug:

yes, the idea even of cancer is is scary...i hope you are doing better now.
i am not able financially to move anywhere. and my family that i am close to are not well off financially either. i think though if it were to be cancer and i wanted to move home they would pool together to help me do that. i do have some very close friends here. wonderful people. but i would not feel comfortable imposing on anyone. even asking family for help would be very hard for me.
thanks for the prayers and your thoughtful email. i appreciate everyone's good wishes thoughts! thank you.

When I signed on this morning, it was this thread that I opened first... before all others. I am experiencing similar health issues at this time and although I have family close by I do sometimes worry incessantly about it. How can one not ???? I noticed that we are close in age (I am 52 ) and I would love to help in any way I can.
Hugs to you :heart to ... Janie

thanks Janie, you are right, one cannot not worry, no matter if they have family or not. really we are each alone in our illnesses. no one else can really understand unless they have been there, or even sometimes if they have. we each react differently and feel things in our own unique ways. but it does help to ease the burden, if not the worries when we have loving friends and family.
your offer to help is greatly appreciated. i will keep that in mind. blessings.
Melody

Good morning Melody,
It was heart wrenching to read your story. What you are experiencing
is what lot's of us fear sometime in life. Your not alone. You have come
to the right place for support and comfort. I am sorry about your mother
and aunt. It's hard to be alone when you are sick but don't jump to
conclussions. The past has been postivie and hopefully this time will
be no different. I am sorry your going through this waiting alone but
you can also pm me if you feel the need to talk. I am a widow and live
alone as well. My children are not far but lead their own lives and being
a very independent person I rarely ask for anything, just do for myself.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayer's and hope Thursday comes
fast and everthing is fine once again for you. Try and think postivie
thoughts and get some sleep. Being sleep deprived will just make you
more stressed. Take care and know YT prayer's are very strong.:hands:

Wow, I know what you are going through. I just realized this morning that it has now been nine years since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Those words strike fear into the heart. The good thing is that there are so many new treatments, and it is curable. That really does not make it easier. Hang in there, and I will say a little prayer for you. I hope that this is another one of those other kinda lumps.

Thanks Carol, I know everything is in G-d's hands, but fear is such a real thing anyway. I have been fearful my whole life. But have met and conquered many challange's too. It is times like this that I wish I had children to turn to. Never having had skin children sometimes makes me sad. But like you, I am very independant and probably would not ask for a lot from them either.
I did get some sleep, but still feel so weary. Fear is so draining. I will keep all you YTers in mind when I need someone to talk to. ;)
I have felt a lot of love and caring coming my way from all of you!
~Melody

The waiting is what makes everyday living difficult. It's like you can't even think in complete sentences. Your brain is in shock. So glad you have William. My furbabies have been my sanity several times in the last few years. Prayers, love, and hugs. On the plus side, the past lumps have been benign, and you go in for physicals, so if it's bad news then you caught it early. Prayers in the meantime.:hands:

I'm so sorry you're going through this. My prayers are with you. :love:

My friend had a scare last year also and it was only scar tissue. let your doc know how you are feeling maybe he can prescribe a mild something for you and/or put you in touch with a support group or someone that you can talk to.

Keep us posted.

Melody, My heart is breaking that you are so alone. At least you have sweet William. I pray that your lump is benign and that you will heal quickly. I am praying that God holds you tight in his arms and comforts you. Please know that I will be here if you ever want to just chat or vent and just be comforted.

ooohhh sending thoughts and prayers your way! Everything will be fine... Im sure its benign and its really great that you are on top of it so closely! (((HUGS)))

Melody,

I am sending you lots of love and hugs, and I will definitely be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. As so many people have already offered to you, if you ever need someone to vent to, I am just a PM away!

:ghug: :ghug: :ghug: :ghug: :ghug:

thank you
 

hi everyone,
i just wanted to thank all of you for all the love and support that has come flowing my way. i wasn't sure if i should post that here or not. i am very glad i did! i am doing better today, waiting for Thurs. to come and hopefully know more then. i definitely don't feel as alone as i did. yes, having William here helps me tremendously! he makes me laugh with his antics and he is such a good cuddler! he is again lying on my chest sleeping. :aimeeyork
i will keep you all updated as i know more. hopefully this will be all resolved in a couple of weeks, or sooner i hope. again, thank you all!
Melody