She has finally done it
 

My MIL makes me crazy. I try my best to not allow her to affect me the way she does. I try to ignore her, to brush it off, let it go, and all that good stuff.

This time its about the kids. I have a son who is ADHD and mildly autistic. I have been reading (and reading and reading and reading) about how certain chemicals/hormones/dyes/presertives in foods can affect it. So I have decided it would be best for myself and ALL of my children (not just my son) to remove those things from our diet.

She acts like I am killing Olivia. (let it be noted here that Olivia is the only one she really cares anything about because she is "blood" where Lauren and Michel are just "step") It isn't fair to make Olivia "suffer" and to "punish" her just because of Michel.

I don't see where I'm making her suffer. I am trying to do the best I can as a parent. I want my kids to be healthy. I don't want them filling their bodies with crap.

I know the simple thing to do is to just keep Olivia at home, but unfortunately it ISN'T that simple. She will call Mike or my SIL crying and saying I won't let her see the baby, etc.

She has called me FIVE times today (and mind you it is only 10:45am). Do I have the kids clothes ironed? What did they eat for breakfast? What is Olivia doing? Make sure I get her back pack washed. I shouldn't use the steam cleaner because I may burn her. :rolleyes: I HAVE to answer when she calls otherwise she will drive down here because she only lives 1/2 mile from us.

SO - at 10:45 am I did it. I poured myself a glass of coke and I added a shot of some cheap cherry flavored vodka we had left over from a party a while back. My MIL has finally driven me to drink.

She really needs to leave you alone. Pour a drink for me.
My youngest sister has raised her 2 kids holistically. No artificial anything while they were little. Organic's and natural. Her kids are teens now and they are healthy, smart, outgoing, loving kids. They grew up asking for water and veggies instead of pop and chips.
#1-You're the mother
#2-You're on the right track...just remember that when she calls......

That sucks! Sounds like your husband needs to step in and talk to her, not that it will do much good. Try and not let her get to you!!! Hugs

Mike HAS stepped in and talked to her - numerous times. It doesn't do any good at all.

I'm not trying to be mean to her. I'm not trying to keep anyone away from her. I just want to be respected as their mother and free to parent them MY WAY. Lauren was 5 and Michel was 2 when Mike and I met and I managed to raise them just fine all that time without her input.

I know that its hard but its what you got into when you married him. His mother is not going to change so you will have to learn how to deal with it:( just know that the changes you are making in your childrens diet is beneficial to them regardless of what anyone says...you are doing a good thing. as far as her showing your other children less love, I dont know how you deal with that because I wouldnt stand for it. remember that children sense things like that and it does affect them. That I would talk to her about asap. If you have to bring your husband into I would do that as well. good luck and Im sorry you are feeling this way.

WOW! Thats terrible. I hope my MIL never does that to me!! I'll go crazy too!! She seems like the mother from that show "Everybody Loves Raymond"

She wasn't THIS bad in the beginning. She has gotten worse over the years and the last two years she has been REALLY bad.

I know all ya'll hear is the negative and me complaining, but I really do try to be sympathetic and understanding. I know she gets bored and lonely and that she is older and forgets things and doesn't understand other things.

I just need a little room to breathe sometimes and I do wish she would just lay off when it comes to the kids.

It isn't going to do me any good to change their diet at home if she is just going to pump them full of junk (she thinks kids NEED kool-aid and little debbie cakes :rolleyes: ).

Bless your heart. Thank goodness my kids are grown but when they were smaller it was MY mother not my MIL. I still get it on a daily basis no matter what I do,it isn't right. She has driven me to drink on occasions but mostly I just take a xanax when I am going to be with her. I still get the calls and emails EVERY day though. You would think that since I am 60 years old and have raised 3 children and 4 grandchildren that she would lay off. OK I won't even get started, but I FEEL YOUR PAIN.

Oh In-laws!!!! They can really make life suck sometimes. :rolleyes: I get along with mine just for the sake of hubby. I know it stresses him out when we all fight. Right around Thanksgiving my MIL called me and asked me what my son wanted for Christmas. He really doesn't want anything due to his age but he does like things. He LOVES Mickey Mouse and Barney tapes and sing a longs, anything with music. She was like oh okay. I then stated he had a lot of Mickey but not very much Barney. She said I will let you know what I buy so you can tell your mom and she won't get him the same things. I agreed that was a good idea and proceeded to tell her what we got Chase. Well about two weeks before Christmas she calls and we get talking about Christmas, well it was her and hubby I was just hearing it from the background. She likes to brag on all she buys Chase, (mind you she never comes over) and so hubby was interested in all she bought him and said what all did ya get. She replied I got him a TON of movies. Hubby asked which ones. She rattled them off and said there was a few that she couldn't remember because they were wrapped. Ok that's fine. Hubby was trying to think of all she put on that list and asked, did you get any Barney? She stated, "No Barney. Your dad said no Barney. He doesn't like Barney." She made it like MY son didn't need Barney. Well they got my son double of one thing, (after I told her we were buying it for him) and my hubby in a nice tone said well maybe you can take that back and get Barney. My son would honestly get more use out of the Barney sing a long than a pirate ship. I don't think the issue was that they didn't get him Barney, but that they said that stupid rude comment. Why even say anything? I wouldn't of thought a darn thing about no video. They just tend to speak without thinking sometimes. There is my most recent in-law vent. LOL

Oh mine ALWAYS speaks without thinking. LOL She has absolutely no tact whatsoever.

I think you have the answer right here. As hard as it is, focus on the positives, be sympathetic and understanding and try to let the negatives go in one ear and out the other. If you a really doing the best for your family than you have to let other's have their own opinions but you don't have to agree. I have to say, I don't have a mother in law or a mom to spoil my kids so in some ways, I wish I had your problems. Not that I can't sympathize.....

Thank you----Respecting our elders is one thing, but when family steps over lines we wouldn't allow others to do---- why shouldn't we be allowed to set the same boundaries for them.

I was always taught to respect my elders, but not at the cost of my children's emotional well being. It is not a fun thing to do to think you might hurt someone's feelings, but, sometimes it cannot be helped. She may get her feelings hurt, but if your husband and you don't stand up to her, it will wear on you emotionally, put a strain on your marriage and possibly even destroy your marriage. You will get to a point, and it sounds like you are close, that you will resent your MIL. Don't let it get to that point.

Sorry about your MIL. That has to be hard to handle!

As for the diet, I had all three of my kids (#4 wasn't born yet) on the Feingold Diet when they were home even though only one of them needed it. I think we are all better off without all the additives in our foods. I am sure they affect all of us in ways that we don't even realize. Kudos to you for trying to do something good like that for your children. It is hard enough without getting opposition from your MIL.

I raised a son who was diagnosed ADHD and MMH. I went thru hell with diets, additives and preservatives - well, you know the drill.

My side of the family was very supportive, my ex's wasn't. He thought I was exagerrating and refused to give him his meds when he visited, which meant I had to deal with the fallout everytime he came home.

These are YOUR children. She has already raised hers. I understand that your husband has talked to her and that you have, too.

I found that sometimes you have to hurt feelings in order to do what's right for your children. I did, and feel no remorse at all for it.

If you don't want to answer the phone - don't. If she comes over and you don't want to answer the door - don't. Keep your doors locked and if she causes a scene - tell her you're calling your husband, and DO it. Then he'll have to deal with that part of it - LET HIM.

If she whines to everyone else in the family - let her. You can't change that, but YOU will have charge over your children and that's what counts.

I guess what I'm trying to say is do what you have to do and let the chips fall where they may. You're trying to do the right thing and I believe you will succeed.


Good luck.

I have a soon-to-be MIL just like that but with the yorkies and kitty (bf and I have been together for 5 years)...

My cat constantly acts like he's starving and she screams at me that I don't feed him enough (now mind you, he's 7 months old and close to 12lbs!!!) and she jumps on the opportunity to TAKE CONTROL.

The girls, she does everything she can to make me jealous when she's holding them. If I'm near her she'll do the, "Oh they love me!" thing and blah blah blah.. and again, always tries to be the one to feed them, etc, etc... And then I don't take care of them well enough (and again, I have to remind them that their bowl of food for their dogs is low).... And everytime I go somewhere, if they have a pet department, the girls get "gifts" when I get back. That way me leaving, they know they get toys and treats!

This proves that should I have children, I'll live on the other end of the continent. I try to not let her get to me, but when it goes in one ear and out the other, she starts telling everyone I'm a wh*re and I'm sleeping around... if she starts with her stuff again (she hasn't done that for a few months) it I doubt i'll see her face again... ;)

I guess I just get frustrated because I feel like I have no say so in how my kids are raised.

It isn't that she disagrees with the type of diet I would like to feed them, its that I know that she will flat out go against it.

She doesn't have to (and I certainly don't expect her to) AGREE with my parenting style, but she absolutely 100% has to RESPECT it. They are MY children. But she doesn't respect it. She doesn't respect ME.

I am just really tired of it all. It is like everyday it is something else. Everything is a battle and I am TIRED.

I don't feed them the right kind of food. I don't put the right kind of clothes on them. I don't fix their hair the right way. They don't wear the right jacket on the right kind of day. I don't iron their clothes - or if I do then I do it wrong.

I mean honestly, all of this sounds like little things I should be able to just ignore and let go, but I hear it all EVERY SINGLE DAY, and more than once a day.

MOST of the time Mike defends me, but there are times when he just hands me a load of excuses. "She did the same thing with Timmy." Then when I tell him I hope she enjoyed doing it with Timmy because she is done doing it with Olivia, I have to hear that she is old and I just have to overlook her yadda yadda.

I guess I'm just throwing an Aerrica pity party today. I'm just frustrated with everything.

Why don't you just tell her in no uncertain terms - you respect me and my parenting, stop harrassing me or you cant be a part of our lives?
Sounds mean, but there is no way I could, or would, live that way!

I am not trying to hijack your thread.

Oh I know you aren't!

The age thing kind of makes me angry as well. She is 68. She is the exact same age as my grandmother. My grandmother still lives her life. She still works, she is intelligent, she has a boyfriend, she goes out dancing, she LIVES.

Carol (MIL), on the other hand, sits and mopes and acts like her life is over.
I try to get her to go out and do things. She isn't sociable. She has no friends. She won't do anything by herself. She just sits there and drives me (and everyone else) crazy.

I thought your post was funny at first - a 12 pound yorkie starving; but then calling you a whore - sounds like a nut.

I thought my family was hard to deal with sometimes, now I am feeling very lucky.

Sorry.

I am a grandma and I cannot even imagine being a bad one. I have a son in law that I do not like, but he works everyday, supports my daughter and grandkids. I tolerate him because he is her choice. He had two daughters from a previous marriage and I cannot imagine life without them. To me, they are just as much my grandkids as the "blood" ones. I do not do for one and not the other.

It is too bad that there isn't something that she could get involved in. Volunteer work, part-time job, craft classes, something. Community colleges offer non-credit classes, maybe try and get her interested in something like that.

And bf does what? You are getting a good eye-opener to what she will be like when you have kids. Unless you put a stop to it right now. I wish you luck. I hope that things with boyfriends mom before you get married. Marriage is hard enough without the added stress of a MIL.

There is plenty that she COULD do, she just WON'T.

I agree. If you think she is bad with the animals just wait until there is a child involved. That's when mine went from bad to worse and has continued to get worse.

ah a post near and dear to my heart! It has taken 14 years for my MIL to get over herself. I have learned to now be sweetly sarcastic. When we first were married and had our son, She was babysitting him for an hour for us, I had reluctantly let her since she came up to see him from Florida. Anyway we got back early and caught her packing all of his stuff into her van! She was stealing my son! Yup BIG mistake there! I won't ballistic, I told her I was calling the cops and that she could rot her A** in jail. My hubby was not happy and told that if she forced a choice she would lose. Anyway, it always was, "Jennifer is a city bitch whose a slut and sleeping around", "Jennifer is not taking care of her son and grandson". Whatever. I finally had enough, I told hubby's grandmother (whose was just as bad) to leave my house. I finally started to be sweetly sarcastic with them. They would ALWAYS say, aren't you feeding your son he looks skinny! So I just told them "no it's too expensive to feed him I'll just send him to your house" And the line of me being a city bitch and slut, well I started a riot when a close friend of ours (whose a truck driver and a man) slept on the couch waiting for my hubby to get home from work (who knew he was there) Oh I had a BLAST w/ that one! But I guess I've finally gotten the tough skin and I am ALWAYS on my guard.

Oh yes! Mike has a friend (male) who comes by and cuts our grass for me during the summer because Mike works a lot and I wouldn't know how to so much as turn a lawn mower on lol!

She made a comment about it one day and I VERY sarcastically said, "Oh yeah, let me tell you, S and I are one hell of a hot item!" I kid you not she looked at me and very quietly said, "Oh. Well I didn't know there was something going on." I came inside, picked up the phone and called Mike to warn him that his mother would be calling him with the news that I was having an affair and would you believe that old bat made it to her house and on the phone to him before I did?! And she was in MY DRIVEWAY when we had the conversation! :rolleyes:

Oh and I'm not a "city bitch" I am just "foreign" because my family was military and "god only knows where I come from". LOL

i don't see how you can stand that type of treatment....i would find a way to set limits to how invasive she is allowed to be...even to the point of how many phone calls per week you will accept from her. you and you family need your own life too.

tina:(

I would also like to add here that there is absolutely NOTHING going on (nor has there EVER been) between S and I. That would be just gross. It would be like kissing my brother.