Is It Normal To Hurt THIS Much?
 

As expected, by the area of placement of this thread, it is not a happy one! We have (had) 3 dogs...Lexy (black lab), Harley (yorkie-poo) and Drake (yorkie)! Sunday evening Lexy was out of her pen and my son was outside with her and decided to come in but left her out! She normally stays in the yard and has always minded really well! To make a long story short, she was hit and killed by a car, and I was horrified! I couldn't believe it! I haven't felt pain like this since my mother suddenly passed away almost 2 years ago! I never thought losing a pet could hurt so much! We got Lexy when she was a puppy and she was a trained hunting dog, with the work of my hubby and son! She adored them because of all the rewards she was given! She adored me because she knew "mom" would always let her have her way! Now that she's gone and with the way she was killed, I doubt myself as to whether I am worthy of having Harley & Drake! I told my son he should have put her up and he said he would and went in the other room! I feel it's MY fault because although he's 14 and should be doing what he's told, me, being the parent, should have enforced it and if I had, she would still be here!

My husband buried her in a grave that took him 2 1/2 hours to dig by hand! I have put a standing heart-shaped flower arrangement with a guardian angel in the middle on the grave, trying to make myself feel better about all this but nothing seems to be working!

I have done nothing but cry since it happened! I know that it was just a freak accident, but it was one that could have been prevented, and I hate myself for it!

I guess what I'm getting at is.....is this normal??? I've had Harley & Drake both since they were puppies and it literally scares me to death to think of something happening to them now! My first thought was I need to give them away to a good home before I cause their lives to end too early also! Since the incident, I've definitely showed them even more love and attention but yet it seems all that is doing is making me feel even more guilty that Lexy's not here for me to do the same thing with!

I don't know....it's tearing me up inside, and I sure hope this gets easier in a fast pace kind of way because I don't know how much longer I can handle feeling like this!

I'm sorry this is so long, but as I sit here and type, the tears are still flowing and my heart just keeps pouring! Thank you so much for listening!

Im so sorry! I feel your pain in your writing,, and I hear you blaming yourself SO much! It was an accident!! A horribly sad accident, but Its not your fault! DOnt even think of giving up your other dogs, believe me they will help with your guilt and grief.. And Im sure with this accident YOu will be an Even better mom than before,, and you will take every precaution to make sure this never happens again.

Im sorry for your pain,, and I can tell you are at the MAD stage of grief right now,,but it will pass , and you'll need those 2 babies!
You're are in my thoughts and prayers today.

oh gosh .. im so sorry! I believe that everything is relative.. and your loss and pain is very valid. I can believe that it could hurt that much.. your doggies are like your children and you grieve and mourn them as you would a human. Ive lost pets: hamster, birds, and fish.. never a doggie .. Chicle is my first furbaby and i dont even want to think of loosing him.. ill go crazy...
I was deeply hurt when i lost my hamster.. didnt feel much for the birds or the fish.. lol but Ive also lost a family member and that HURT LIKE HELL.. still does ... time heals... it will still hurt but you have to keep going... Prayer helps too ... it helps to cope...
you will feel better in time ... tons of hugs your way!

I am terribly sorry for your loss. I won't insult you by telling you I know how your feel, I can only tell you how I felt when we lost our 13 yr. old Nicole! I was like a zombie at first ... then couldn't move from bed for days. I blamed myself for not making different decisions for her. I thought I would die ... heck, I wanted to die, anything to stop that awful pain in my heart. That's been about 6-7 years ago and even now, right this minute, I feel that stabbing pain just thinking about her. It did get easier, but I will never get over it. It took me a lot of years to even allow the "suggestion" of another pet. When we bought Toto almost two years ago, I just lost my heart within minutes!! And, here I am again, so committed to another pet that I know will not live forever! That's what we do ... we go on. For now, just know that we are all here for you and want to help in any way we can, even just having someone to listen will help. We will remember you & your family in our prayers.l

This is completely normal. We lost a yorkie almost 10 years ago to this same type of accident his name was Bailey. I know there are a few Biley's on this site and it breaks my heart all over again when I hear or see that name. To make matters worse I was pregnant at the time. So, those hormones just got me good. I cried for days, we were at my grandparents when it happen it was on Thanksgiving and it hit me(us my husband was as bad if not worse than me) hard again. Thank goodness we still had Precious our now 14 year old Shih Tzu.

I'm so sorry I know this is one of the hardest things to go through. They are just like our children.

Please try not to blame yourself. It will get easier and you will begin to cherish all of your memories with her.

I am so sorry to hear about your little one .

Yes , it is normal to hurt when a little one goes to rainbow bridge . I will be thinking of you .

I am so sorry for your loss. Yes, it's completely normal to be this sad. My family had a dog that was with us for 10 years. When he passed, it was such a devastating time for the whole family. He passed away 2 years ago and I STILL can't talk about him without crying.... :(

First I am so sorry for your loss. Yes it is completely normal to feel this way. I had a doberman named Archie who also died the same way. Please don't blame yourself it was a horrible accident. The pain lessens over time but you will always have the wonderful memories forever. You and your family will be in my prayers :cry:

Your feelings are very normal. You are in the healing process and blaming yourself is part of that process. Please know this is not your fault though. I am so very sorry for your loss, this is never easy.

Everybody is different in how they suffer. Your pain should take as long as you feel it need to, your healing process is very important and know that you are not alone.

I have never fully gotten passed losing my Half-Pint. I am in a different stage of the healing process then you, but it's been over a year now. So, take your time to heal, this is important.

Schatzie and I send hugs to you, your family and sincerley am sorry for your loss of Lexy.

I am so sorry for your loss!! I think what might make you feel better is to console your
son and let him know that accidents can happen. A boy and a dog is a very
special bonding and for a child it is so much harder than an adult and when
you feel it is because of something you failed to do, it has to be unbearable for
him. They say something good comes from everything we consider a tragedy and
this might even bring you closer than you ever thought possible and with the
teen years ahead that might be your blessing in disguise. God Love You All - you
will be in my prayers.

Yes, its perfectly normal to hurt that much. Don't let anyone tell you it isn't! Try not to blame yourself or your son.....it was an accident and blame is very counter-productive. Your son doesn't need to think it is his fault either. Keep praying and write to her. It helps.

I'm so sorry for your loss. And i do believe it is normal to hurt that much. Our pets are part of our families and losing one is very difficult. You will be in my thoughts. And please try not to blame yourself.

so sorry
 

If you did not feel like you do,you would not have been a good mommy! They are our children not our dogs! We all feel for your loss. Time,prayer (and a new baby in the house) WILL HELP! I F YOU CANNOT GET A NEW BABY-VOLUNTEER TO HELP A YORKIE! I still look for my girls,and hurt when i look at their pics. I ONLY REMEMBER ALL THE GOOD TIMES! i wish i would have listened to others and bred princess. I was too scared to lose her. Our new arrival is sammy! TAKE CARE!

That is so sad and my condolences for your Lexy. Please remember accidents happen and though we try very hard all the time to be always alert to them - they can happen in a blink of an eye.

I'm very very sorry for your loss and I know I'd feel the same way as you do -... you have 2 more to love and your Lexy would want you to give them all you have. She knows it was an accident and try not to find fault or beat yourself up....I really feel your pain and I promise - it will get better in time...you'll always feel bad but you will start smiling about your good times too -

Dedicated to Lexy

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge

There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again.

The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
Author unknown...

Im crying reading your story. :cry: Im so sorry this happend to you! Please try not to blame yourself or your son...things happen and there's nothing we can do. I hope you feel better and come to peace with what's happend...thanks for sharing your story and remember were always here for you! :)

I feel so bad for you. Now I can't stop crying. I know how it feels to blame yourself. When Gus was attacked, it was my son who was watching him and although there was nothing anyone really could have done about it. I keep thinking to myself what if,,,,,,, I still cry when I think about it. It is not your fault! I think the other 2 furbabies are very lucky to have you. They are in the best place and only place they know and love. They love you and you will find that they will comfort you in this time of morning. A pets love is unconditional and I know you must feel unworthy but I trully feel that in the long run you will find that they are what helped you deal with Lexy's death. My thought and prayers are with you!

so sorry
 

I am so sorry words just are not enough to comfort you but you are in our thoughts,(dianne and prudence)

i'm so so so so so sorry!! that is just awful!! :cry8: they are such a big part of our family, and loosing them is awful!! especially to lose them in such a tragic accident. :fallen: i'm so sorry, i will be thinking of you, your family, and the sweet RB angel. Rest In Peace :littleang

oh- and please try not to blame yourself. it isn't your fault! i know its hard to not think something like that now, but its not your fault. i know you will be with her again...someday

please please dont blame yourself it was a sad accident, you will feel pain and sadness coz to you she was a family member, and although you will always think of her, as time goes on you will remember her with smiles instead of tears


wendy and rosie :rose:



:yorkiesar

Wow!!!
 

You ALL are SO very nice and thoughtful, and I can't begin to tell you how much it has helped, reading all of your replies! It feels so good to be able to "talk" to people that actually understand! My husband and my son understand my pain and are very supportive and the rest of my family is, too, for the most part, but they don't understand completely....only people like my friends here can understand....people that are dedicated enough to belong to a site like this for mere conversation and chit chat about our "babies"!

I would like to say that I have in no way even implied to my son that it was his fault! I have said over and over again that it's mine....I'm the parent!! But, he told me last night when we talked that he wishes he had done things differently....not just about THAT night but a lot of things! He said he'd like to get a new lab puppy and start all over again....training, etc. but I told him I can't handle it....not this soon! He totally understands, which makes me feel better! The thought of getting another one makes me feel guilty, like I'm betraying Lexy, and I cannot even begin to think of feeling that!

It has definitely made me take on a whole new relationship with Harley & Drake....that's for sure! Like many of you said, everything happens for a reason, and I believe that as well!

I would like to thank each and every one of you for kind thoughts, words, prayers, etc.! You have NO idea how much they have all meant to me! Most of all, I'd like to thank you for understanding! May God bless you all and your "babies", too!

Karla

loss
 

Bless your heart..I am happy to hear you are feeling better.

Sometimes when we lose something we love like a dog, the grief is not just for that one dog. We are grieving over other losses in our life. It is not unusal for us to store up emotions and then when something like this happens we cry for all the past hurts as well.
When I lost my first Yorkie from a c-section I cried for a week. I thought I would never stop...I would burst into tears anywhere. My doctor told me those were tears for the loss of my mother, tears of guilt for breeding her, tears for every pain I had the last few years...it is healthy to grieve and let it all out.
Best wishes

Pat, I definitely think you are right when you say we are grieving over other losses! My mother (my best friend for 37 years; the person I never went one day without seeing; the person that was there for me no matter what the situation, etc.) passed away almost 2 years ago....October 28, to be exact! That was the most devastating thing that had ever happened to me because it was SO unexpected....it was a sudden heart attack, and I felt like my life had just ended, as well! When I first saw that Lexy was gone, the first thing that came to my mind is "Why??? Why do the things I love have to die?? Why is God doing this to me??", etc. I have even told people that I haven't felt this kind of pain since my mom's passing and that it's like it's all rehashed again, which makes it even worse!

Thank you for bringing this to my attention!

I will say that today has definitely been a better day! I live in a small town where everyone knows everyone else, and I am going to find out who hit her and didn't stop if it's the last thing I do! I want to face them....not to be mean because I'm pretty sure I'm over the angry stage....I just want to let them to know if they ever do it again to PLEASE stop and tell the owners....just so they will know! That was a major issue that tore me up inside, and I don't want anyone else to have to feel that if I can help it!

Lexy was a hunting/sporting dog, too, and I have LOTS of pictures of her! I will cherish every single one of them!

I'm sorry for anyone else reading this that has lost a pet, but let me tell you....I'm even more sorry now because you have NO idea what it feels like until it's happened to you personally! My heart goes out to each and every one of you!

God Bless You All!!!!!

Pat, I thought I was the only one that felt that way. We had a terrible tragedy in
our lives and since I had a mother with us with cancer and a bother sick and the
kids emotions to take care of; I didn't have time for myself. When my Molly died
I cried for weeks( and I don't cry easily) People would say hello and I would cry
but I did tell them that I missed Molly so much but I think I 'm also crying for
everything I hadn't in my life.

The grieving is normal. I never knew it would hurt this much when Lacey died. I knew it was going to hurt, but I feel like a huge part of my life is missing. 4 months later and I still find myself crying everytime I look at her photos. I really want another yorkie pup, but no other pup will replace my Lacey. She was one of a kind!

I'm so sorry for your loss. I too was devastated when my 15 year old toy poodle had to be put down a couple years ago. I know my situation is different in that it was to be expected at that age but the grief just hit me like a ton of bricks. It was like I was looking at myself wondering who that person was. I now understand the feelings I've always heard about when losing a loved pet and I hope you can heal soon. It does take time... just reading your post brings me to tears with the memories but we have Tatum now to fill our hearts although no dog can ever replace our first babe. Be strong and know that you're in our thoughts.

AWWW Im so sorry I know how you feel. I was watching My sons dog and He was even in a kennell and he got out and got hit. I watched my son carry his dog with tears running down his face I felt so sorry for him . It was his first dog and I feel so bad about the dog. my son also had to dig by hand and it took him many hours . I still feel so bad.

I am so sorry to hear about your baby! May God give you the serenity to continue. How very sad! My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Believe that she is in Rainbow Bridge!

What else can I say that hasn't been already said so eloquently. But I did want you to know how sorry I am for your loss. Be comforted by knowing that you gave your baby a good life and that she was so loved, so many pets don't know what that is. She will always live on in your heart. You are in my prayers.

Oh I am so sorry for the loss of your loved pet. It is grief as a family member. You are totally normal to feel as you do and it is good that you have honored her so.

I am sooo sorry..
 

I am so sorry for your loss of Lexy. We too had a black lab named Midnight. She was a stray when we found her as a puppy and fell in love w/ her instantly. We had her for about 2 years and I've still never found another dog w/ more soul and more heart than she did. She never used to stray from our house (probably bc she had seen the pains of what it was like to be out on her own w/ nothing and then coming to such a great home and being loved) but one night she just didn't come home to our calls. (she was a strictly outdoor dog. We live far from the road and have plenty of woods and fields for running etc) My brothers, sister, mom and dad and I were hysterical and went out looking for hours. My dad finally made us go on to bed. We all went to bed but didn't sleep.(atleast I couldn't) The next morning I raced down to look in her dog house expecting to see her snoozing there like many, many days before. But she wasn't there. We went on to school only to come home to find that our Midnight's dog house had been taken off our patio and was no where to be found. A note was inside from my mom asking me to call her. So I did and she told me that dad had found her this morning on the road and rushed her to the vet. She died just barely before she made it there. The vet still looked her over and told us that she had bled to death and that if whomever had hit her had only had the heart to stop and let us know they hit her she would have survived. I've never gotten over it. Ever. I blame myself, just like you. What if I had gone on and kept looking and found her?? She could have lived.. Life's not fair and sometimes doesn't make sense to us.. Since then I think about her all the time and sometimes wonder whether I should be allowed to have the animals I have in my life.. I mean, what if I put them at risk too? You can't blame yourself. It's totally human to grieve and love your Lexy as much as you do. She isn't upset w/ you and is probably playing around w/ my midnight as we speak. :littleang God will heal your wounds. As far as me, the only way I've been able to deal with it is that I pick up and place stray dogs as often as I can. I've picked up over a dozen different dogs and either tracked their owners down and returned them or found them new homes all together. Sometimes things happen in our lives that open our eyes to bigger things we have to do. You have every right to have and love your other two babies. We may not even know it but sometimes God puts obsticles in our way just so we can push on through and appriciate even more the things we've had along. He's always got a plan for us. And for your Lexy. You'll be in my prayers. Take care. :lovewings