Strange situation, looking for advice (long) - YorkieTalk.com Forums

nvnvgirl · 09-24-2007, 04:19 PM

I am in the middle of a sort of weird predicament. It's really not my predicament, but my best friend's and I am struggling with the wisest advice to give her regarding a certain Yorkie she is in love with. The Yorkie in question is my Max's sister, who is owned by my friend's previous employer. Max's sister is EXTREMELY timid and shy and absolutely ADORES my friend. She always has. Now, for some of the other facts. Her owner is a very socially prominent and wealthy woman and has 4 other dogs alone. The dogs are all very well taken care of (she's got staff to notice if anything's wrong with them if she doesn't notice it herself) as far as grooming, vet care etc, and they sleep with her at night. I know she cares about her dogs; that's not really the issue. She also has a gigantic array of large birds and a big pond with koi, and everything is kept very clean and taken care of. But.....she has many many very large parties, charity events and family things going on there, and the little dog is I think scared witless most of the time. I think I can say honestly that the dogs (and other pets) get less attention from their owner than they really need. It's not like she's neglecting them, at all. But some dogs need more one on one interaction and attention. I guess that's part of my point. The other thing is, the dog is about half the size of Max (or was...), just in stature alone. My friend saw her the other day and says that she now must weigh more than Max (which would make her pretty chubby if she's half his size to begin with), and I imagine that's b/c her owner is going thru a huge remodeling project and the dog isn't able to get the exercise she normally is used to? And, all of the dogs pee in the house (I know all the rest of them always did and I know that Max's sister was difficult to housebreak to begin with, but my friend tells me that she is the WORST offender and she even pooped right on the sofa!
OK...this is the problem: My friend LOVES the dog, the dog LOVES my friend: when my friend quit working for this lady, apparently the dog went into a huge depression and when my friend went to see her, the dog zoomed and jumped over planters to get to her

. My friend WANTS the dog. She wants to buy the dog or whatever she can do to have THAT dog (short of stealing her of course). I don't think the lady would be willing to either give the dog to my friend or sell her, even though she knows how much the dog loves my friend and how much better she is when my friend is there (she just sits in her arms with her head tucked under her chin on her chest, which she would never do with ANYBODY else). In addition, she's got huge professional framed photos of this dog in her office, so there's another investment she's made in the dog.
I've tried to talk to my friend and tell her that she needs to get her OWN Yorkie that she can love, b/c even though we think it would be in the dog's best interest for her to own the dog, it's not her dog; it's someone else's.

I don't think there's a huge bond between the owner and the dog, but it's HERS....

What do you think is rational for me to tell my friend? She's thinking of going back to work for the woman just so she can be with the dog again! Or buying another really cute dog and "trading" it for Max's sister. OR, offering to buy the dog for much more than she paid for her (up to a pretty high amount

). I just don't know what to advise b/c I'm tied to both the people, and the dog and I really don't want to encourage my friend in something that is only going to cause more pain. I know this sounds so convoluted; one of those things that you had to kind of live thru to get what's going on, but I think there's a lot of very wise people here who can see thru all the fluff and get to the core of the realities and suggest something that makes sense and doesnt' cause anymore drama than what's already going on!

Sorry this is so long, but it's really causing me a lot of stress b/c it involves my friend moving back here (which I know she Hates it here which is why she moved), and just the whole dog thing. Has anyone else had something like this happen? I am truly grateful for any rational thoughts here!

grayxie · 09-24-2007, 04:27 PM

Is her former employer a sympathetic and reasonable person? Other wise going back to a job which she left just to see a dog should not be the main reason. I mean she did leave the job for some reason in the first place, besides dealing with the dogs. Anyway if her former employer is a reasonable woman, give it a shot. It wouldn't hurt to ask/make and offer if she doesn't work for her anymore.

LuvtheCooper · 09-24-2007, 04:53 PM

I, too, think she should talk to this woman and lay out for her how much she loves this dog and why she thinks maybe she might be a better place for her (the huge parties and the york's shyness) not anything negative, but just positive things on why she would be a good home for her, offer her a fair price and then all she can do is go with what the lady says, because it IS after all her dog. If the lady says "no" and I am betting she will, then all your friend can do is move on and get herself another furbaby. I can understand her pain and her wanting this particular dog and my heart goes out to her, but I know I would never,ever give up either of my dogs even if someone thought they would be a better owner. I do wish her allllll the best, bless her heart!!

nvnvgirl · 09-24-2007, 08:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by grayxie

Is her former employer a sympathetic and reasonable person? Other wise going back to a job which she left just to see a dog should not be the main reason. I mean she did leave the job for some reason in the first place, besides dealing with the dogs. Anyway if her former employer is a reasonable woman, give it a shot. It wouldn't hurt to ask/make and offer if she doesn't work for her anymore.

Thank you! No, the woman is not a very sympathetic person (unless it's to serve her own needs in some way. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just calling 'em like I see them...I know her pretty well. And my friend was miserable when she worked for her b/c she treated her like dog doo to put it mildly. She seems to have forgotten a lot of that stuff along with being available at all times. In fact, at one function, she informed my friend that she was not to make independent decisions; that she was to either do what she'd been ordered to do, find her to ask her if she could do it another way (unfortunately, the woman never answers her cell phone), or DIE TRYING

. So that sort of sums up her attitude toward her employees. But I suppose making an offer isn't a bad idea, since all she can do is say "no" or yes....and if she says "no", then my friend will know that she needs to move on (I hope she'll decide that anyway

).

nvnvgirl · 09-24-2007, 08:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LuvtheCooper

I, too, think she should talk to this woman and lay out for her how much she loves this dog and why she thinks maybe she might be a better place for her (the huge parties and the york's shyness) not anything negative, but just positive things on why she would be a good home for her, offer her a fair price and then all she can do is go with what the lady says, because it IS after all her dog. If the lady says "no" and I am betting she will, then all your friend can do is move on and get herself another furbaby. I can understand her pain and her wanting this particular dog and my heart goes out to her, but I know I would never,ever give up either of my dogs even if someone thought they would be a better owner. I do wish her allllll the best, bless her heart!!

Thank you so much! I think you're right. I'm going to tell my friend what you said and see if she'll do it. I too, don't think the woman will give up her Yorkie, but you never know. I know her dh is not fond of ANY of her animals, but he's not here most of the year...but still, with the training issues I'm sure it causes some friction and you just never know. If it was a person who was either a stay at home mom or someone who had a regular job and only had a few dogs, I would totally agree with you about giving up one of their animals, and I would NEVER give up mine either; but she's got so many social commitments and committees and functions and this and that, along with a very active golf club, that she really has way more than she can honestly care for. I love animals just as much and I've had many many birds like she does and I finally realized even if I had someone else helping me, I had too much to really care for the way they should be cared for. Lots of animals need a LOT of attention and need someone to care if they're suffering b/c they're stressed out with too much stimulus. That's what makes me the saddest I guess. But like you say, it's HER dog and she's not much different than the Paris Hiltons and whoever (although she's much much older) who have the money to hire people to take care of their animals even if they dont' have time to really pay attention to them all (and I have a feeling that she would say the exact same thing if it was pointed out to her; she's got the money to buy them and to give them all the grooming, vet care and all the physical things they need, so it's nobody's business but her own). But thank you for understanding how my friend feels. I know she's really torn about this.

rachelsyorkie · 09-24-2007, 10:25 PM

Next time she visits I would just tell the woman that she misses the dog badly & has thought of getting her own but just feels this certain yorkie is the one for her, maybe crack a joke about cloaning her, try to keep it on the light side. Maybe point out the behavior problems- her not fitting in w/the life style, pooping on the sofa, the bed etc. Maybe the woman will agree that if it was a good home to the right person she would let her go & agree that the friend is a good choice. Kinda try to feel her out, then if she cant take the hint tell her that she wants a yorkie so let her know if she would decide to give her up because she would love to have her. Thats a tough one. I was in this same situation myself with me & a friend who didnt have time & kept trying to breed her yorkie. she had gotten the yorkie from a breeder that gave it away because it never became pregnant... Anyways I just wanted to take her home & spoil her. I felt she should be spayed because there was prob a medical condition causing her not to have puppies. I am pretty cleavor & tried ever route including offering to sit for the dog while she was at work or let it out to avoid accidents. Then I figured I would take it to my house & let her come home to her quiet home with no pee or dodo on the floor, then give her a few days of deal w/your dog

But I never pushed to much & just got my own. I ask what she would take, she didnt know, I may have made a offer & then I just said if you decide to let her go let me know. I wonder if she still has her? It wasnt a horrible situation but I felt my house was more pet friendly & that half the time she wasnt sure if she wanted the dog either. Anyways I hope it works out. I think she should try, you dont know if you dont try.

Yorkiekids · 09-25-2007, 05:32 AM

I think she should play up all the positive things she could do for the dog, and stay away from any negative comments. All she can do is ask. She has a 50/50 chance of getting it.

nvnvgirl · 09-25-2007, 12:32 PM

Thank you Rachael and Yorkiekids. I really appreciate your input. Unfortunately, things may be changing in some ways. The woman in question's granddaughter (who was living with her while she was trying to lose weight and get into a better educational frame of mind) was killed in a car accident yesterday and we're all pretty devastated. I was the girl's personal trainer and was so very proud of her fitness accomplishments....along with her just being a darling sweet and fun-loving kid. I can't even imagine what her family is going through right now, especially her grandma who was in charge of her. I wouldn't wish this on anyone ever. The doggie issue will have to wait. Thank you all for your sage advice!

nvnvgirl · 09-26-2007, 09:17 AM

Just a quick update. My friend did offer to buy, or replace, or both, the dog! And the owner was very kind and generous about it, saying that at this point, she can't part with the dog, but if there comes a time that she feels like she'd be better off somewhere else, that place would be with my friend! AND she said that she would put it in her will that my friend gets the dog if anything (God forbid!) should happen to her. I thought that was a very nice and thoughtful thing to do/say. And this was before the tragic news of the accident. My atttitude toward her has just risen immensely. Thank you again for your help! At least my friend doesn't have any questions about where she stands as far as that sweet doggie is concerned!

09-24-2007, 04:19 PM	#1
nvnvgirl Lovin' to the MAX!! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Yorkieville Posts: 2,774	Strange situation, looking for advice (long) I am in the middle of a sort of weird predicament. It's really not my predicament, but my best friend's and I am struggling with the wisest advice to give her regarding a certain Yorkie she is in love with. The Yorkie in question is my Max's sister, who is owned by my friend's previous employer. Max's sister is EXTREMELY timid and shy and absolutely ADORES my friend. She always has. Now, for some of the other facts. Her owner is a very socially prominent and wealthy woman and has 4 other dogs alone. The dogs are all very well taken care of (she's got staff to notice if anything's wrong with them if she doesn't notice it herself) as far as grooming, vet care etc, and they sleep with her at night. I know she cares about her dogs; that's not really the issue. She also has a gigantic array of large birds and a big pond with koi, and everything is kept very clean and taken care of. But.....she has many many very large parties, charity events and family things going on there, and the little dog is I think scared witless most of the time. I think I can say honestly that the dogs (and other pets) get less attention from their owner than they really need. It's not like she's neglecting them, at all. But some dogs need more one on one interaction and attention. I guess that's part of my point. The other thing is, the dog is about half the size of Max (or was...), just in stature alone. My friend saw her the other day and says that she now must weigh more than Max (which would make her pretty chubby if she's half his size to begin with), and I imagine that's b/c her owner is going thru a huge remodeling project and the dog isn't able to get the exercise she normally is used to? And, all of the dogs pee in the house (I know all the rest of them always did and I know that Max's sister was difficult to housebreak to begin with, but my friend tells me that she is the WORST offender and she even pooped right on the sofa! OK...this is the problem: My friend LOVES the dog, the dog LOVES my friend: when my friend quit working for this lady, apparently the dog went into a huge depression and when my friend went to see her, the dog zoomed and jumped over planters to get to her . My friend WANTS the dog. She wants to buy the dog or whatever she can do to have THAT dog (short of stealing her of course). I don't think the lady would be willing to either give the dog to my friend or sell her, even though she knows how much the dog loves my friend and how much better she is when my friend is there (she just sits in her arms with her head tucked under her chin on her chest, which she would never do with ANYBODY else). In addition, she's got huge professional framed photos of this dog in her office, so there's another investment she's made in the dog. I've tried to talk to my friend and tell her that she needs to get her OWN Yorkie that she can love, b/c even though we think it would be in the dog's best interest for her to own the dog, it's not her dog; it's someone else's. I don't think there's a huge bond between the owner and the dog, but it's HERS.... What do you think is rational for me to tell my friend? She's thinking of going back to work for the woman just so she can be with the dog again! Or buying another really cute dog and "trading" it for Max's sister. OR, offering to buy the dog for much more than she paid for her (up to a pretty high amount ). I just don't know what to advise b/c I'm tied to both the people, and the dog and I really don't want to encourage my friend in something that is only going to cause more pain. I know this sounds so convoluted; one of those things that you had to kind of live thru to get what's going on, but I think there's a lot of very wise people here who can see thru all the fluff and get to the core of the realities and suggest something that makes sense and doesnt' cause anymore drama than what's already going on! Sorry this is so long, but it's really causing me a lot of stress b/c it involves my friend moving back here (which I know she Hates it here which is why she moved), and just the whole dog thing. Has anyone else had something like this happen? I am truly grateful for any rational thoughts here! __________________ Seana and Max and Madison too! Come visit me at: celebritydogwatcher.com

09-24-2007, 04:53 PM	#3
LuvtheCooper & LuvtheCarley too! Donating Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Wa State/Texas Posts: 1,625	I, too, think she should talk to this woman and lay out for her how much she loves this dog and why she thinks maybe she might be a better place for her (the huge parties and the york's shyness) not anything negative, but just positive things on why she would be a good home for her, offer her a fair price and then all she can do is go with what the lady says, because it IS after all her dog. If the lady says "no" and I am betting she will, then all your friend can do is move on and get herself another furbaby. I can understand her pain and her wanting this particular dog and my heart goes out to her, but I know I would never,ever give up either of my dogs even if someone thought they would be a better owner. I do wish her allllll the best, bless her heart!! __________________ Delaina Cooper & Carley

09-25-2007, 05:32 AM	#7
Yorkiekids Piper & Sebastian Donating Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: florida Posts: 14,495	I think she should play up all the positive things she could do for the dog, and stay away from any negative comments. All she can do is ask. She has a 50/50 chance of getting it. __________________ Susan, Piper ,Harley & Suiki

09-25-2007, 12:32 PM	#8
nvnvgirl Lovin' to the MAX!! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Yorkieville Posts: 2,774	Thank you Rachael and Yorkiekids. I really appreciate your input. Unfortunately, things may be changing in some ways. The woman in question's granddaughter (who was living with her while she was trying to lose weight and get into a better educational frame of mind) was killed in a car accident yesterday and we're all pretty devastated. I was the girl's personal trainer and was so very proud of her fitness accomplishments....along with her just being a darling sweet and fun-loving kid. I can't even imagine what her family is going through right now, especially her grandma who was in charge of her. I wouldn't wish this on anyone ever. The doggie issue will have to wait. Thank you all for your sage advice! __________________ Seana and Max and Madison too! Come visit me at: celebritydogwatcher.com

09-26-2007, 09:17 AM	#9
nvnvgirl Lovin' to the MAX!! Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Yorkieville Posts: 2,774	Just a quick update. My friend did offer to buy, or replace, or both, the dog! And the owner was very kind and generous about it, saying that at this point, she can't part with the dog, but if there comes a time that she feels like she'd be better off somewhere else, that place would be with my friend! AND she said that she would put it in her will that my friend gets the dog if anything (God forbid!) should happen to her. I thought that was a very nice and thoughtful thing to do/say. And this was before the tragic news of the accident. My atttitude toward her has just risen immensely. Thank you again for your help! At least my friend doesn't have any questions about where she stands as far as that sweet doggie is concerned! __________________ Seana and Max and Madison too! Come visit me at: celebritydogwatcher.com

09-24-2007, 04:27 PM	#2
grayxie Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Dresher, PA Posts: 2,779	Is her former employer a sympathetic and reasonable person? Other wise going back to a job which she left just to see a dog should not be the main reason. I mean she did leave the job for some reason in the first place, besides dealing with the dogs. Anyway if her former employer is a reasonable woman, give it a shot. It wouldn't hurt to ask/make and offer if she doesn't work for her anymore.

09-24-2007, 10:25 PM	#6
rachelsyorkie Rachel & Tilula Belle Donating Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Southern Ohio Posts: 1,162	Next time she visits I would just tell the woman that she misses the dog badly & has thought of getting her own but just feels this certain yorkie is the one for her, maybe crack a joke about cloaning her, try to keep it on the light side. Maybe point out the behavior problems- her not fitting in w/the life style, pooping on the sofa, the bed etc. Maybe the woman will agree that if it was a good home to the right person she would let her go & agree that the friend is a good choice. Kinda try to feel her out, then if she cant take the hint tell her that she wants a yorkie so let her know if she would decide to give her up because she would love to have her. Thats a tough one. I was in this same situation myself with me & a friend who didnt have time & kept trying to breed her yorkie. she had gotten the yorkie from a breeder that gave it away because it never became pregnant... Anyways I just wanted to take her home & spoil her. I felt she should be spayed because there was prob a medical condition causing her not to have puppies. I am pretty cleavor & tried ever route including offering to sit for the dog while she was at work or let it out to avoid accidents. Then I figured I would take it to my house & let her come home to her quiet home with no pee or dodo on the floor, then give her a few days of deal w/your dog But I never pushed to much & just got my own. I ask what she would take, she didnt know, I may have made a offer & then I just said if you decide to let her go let me know. I wonder if she still has her? It wasnt a horrible situation but I felt my house was more pet friendly & that half the time she wasnt sure if she wanted the dog either. Anyways I hope it works out. I think she should try, you dont know if you dont try.