Oh Sweetheart...
 

Awww sweetheart!!! Your post just brought tears of sadness to my eyes! I feel so sorry for you honey :( I was in a similar situation in January when I lost my Cocker Spaniel that I had for over 11 years. She too had a tumor, except that it was on her stomach. When we took her in to have it looked at, the vet ran tests and confirmed that it was cancerous. We immediately scheduled the surgery for her to have it removed. Before the surgery however (we had it scheduled for 2 days later because thats as soon as the vet could get her in to have it done) the vet had prescribed her some medication (2 different ones) that she was supposed to take twice daily. I started giving her the medication that same night that it was prescribed to her, as instructed by my vet, and the next day she started having heart little attacks. I didn't even know what they were at first. While she would be laying down as normal, she would suddenly roll over on her side, stick all 4 of her legs out and get very, very stiff, being perfectly still and just start howling. In the over 11 years that I had her I had NEVER heard her howl like this (she literally sounded like a wolf) so I knew that something HAD to be wrong. She had one early in the evening and then she was fine...until late that night. The last one she had is what did it for me because this time when she fell to her side, her tumor busted open and it started bleeding. I felt soooo bad because I was walking down the hall to go into the kitchen and grab something and she got up and tried to follow me (she always wanted to be RIGHT with me) and that is when the bad one happened. She kept having them back to back and finally I ended up calling the vet at his house in the middle of the night at 1:30 a.m. and waking him up. I was crying hysterically and couldn't even speak anymore. I threw the phone on the bed to my husband and said "TALK TO HIM!" and I immediately ran over to my sweet baby girl and just hugged her and told her to please, please be strong and hang on there. I told her how much I loved her and that everything was going to be ok. And I told her that I was right there with her and I just rubbed her and kissed her and layed my head on hers. I couldn't stop crying. I was shaking so bad I was scared to death. We rushed her in late that night, the vet met us up there. He was obviously very worried because he was even there before we were and he lives WAY out in the country...I am literally only 5-10 minutes tops from my vet. By then she wasn't having the heart attacks anymore, but we still knew that something was wrong. We went ahead and did a chest xray and he confirmed that she also had an enlarged heart, and lung cancer. I of course broke down again and had to walk out of the room and step outside to get some fresh air. I just couldn't believe all of this was hitting me in one shot. I was completely and totally devastated. I felt soooooo incredibly bad, I mean I can't even describe HOW bad I felt, for not having him do an xray BEFORE he put her on those medications. We had no idea she even had lung cancer, or an enlarged heart. He had mentioned doing blood work on her the first time we brought her in to have the tumor looked at, but he said that other that the tumor on her stomach that needed to be removed, he really didn't see a need for the blood work to be done that day. You don't know how much I am kicking myself for not having blood work and an xray done. I kept telling myself it was my fault, and if it weren't for me, she'd still be here. But in all honesty, I don't even know if the medications are what caused her to start having the heart attacks in the first place. I am just wondering being that she had lung cancer and an enlarged heart, if giving the medications didn't interfere and cause major problems, such as the heart attacks which eventually took my sweet darling baby's life. She did have the tumor removable surgery the next day (after the emergency rush to the vets that night) but about an hour and 1/2 after they removed the tumor, she had another heat attack and she passed away. They tried to revive her, but unfortunately she did not make it through. I was crushed. Absolutely CRUSHED. I still am. I am crying as I write this because I miss her so bad and I always will. My husband was crying as well. He left work and came home and we just cried. We just loved her so much. Still do.

Anyway I am sorry that this was sooo long, but I just wanted to tell you that I too blamed myself for the longest time. And I won't lie, I still question it everyday. "What if I would have done this? What if I would have done that?". But the point is, God needed another doggy angel in heaven and unfortunately it was just her time to go. I can tell you that the thing that comforted me THE MOST was sleeping with her favorite toy that she had ever since she was a puppy right by my heart at night. I still do that till this very day. I just feel like she is with me and right next to me. I keep telling myself that even though I can't see her in person, I KNOW that she is in my heart and I know that she is still with me and I WILL see her again one day. I know that she knew I loved her, and I know that she loved me...and still does. She is still with me, and your baby is still with you. No matter if they are physically taken from us, they are ALWAYS with us in our hearts, and NO ONE can take that away. We have that for all eternity.

God Bless you in your time of grief. I am saying a prayer for you and your sweet baby. I know it seems completely impossible now, but I PROMISE YOU, TIME WILL HEAL YOUR PAIN. Please feel free to PM me if you EVER need, or want to talk. God Bless you sweetie....

I'm so sorry that this has happened to Lily. Please don't make it worse by beating yourself up. You only wanted the best for Lily and tried to give her a better quality of life. Sometimes there's no answer to why? All you can do is go on. Lily knows that you loved her very much and I know she wouldn't want you to be so sad.

My heart is breaking for you. I am so sorry for your loss. I know that pain all too well. I had the same questions that you have. I'll never understand why it was my Bentley's time when he was only 4 months old....he was just beginning to live. I had to fight back the tears while reading your post. I wanted to just reach through the screen and give you hugs hugs and more hugs. You are an awesome mommy....you did everything you could...she was in great hands. There is nothing that you could have done differently that would have changed the outcome. I just wish I could ease your pain....it is a pain that's so deep and only someone who has lost a precious furbaby can really understand. I will pray for you....may God give you strength & peace. Just know that your baby is at rainbow bridge...happy and healthy. She doesn't want you to be sad. She's waiting for you...until you meet again.

You are a very loving Mommy. You had a decision to make and you did the best you could. I probably would have made the same one. When God decides it's time, it's time. Lily isn't suffering, she is free to fly with all the other little angels. I'm so sorry you are in such pain and I wish I could hug you right now. Please take of yourself and may God's peace be with you.:cry8:

I am so sorry for your loss. We love our Yorkies so much, that when something happens we hurt so much. I don't know about you, but every day I had with Lacy was worth the pain of losing her and I know I will see her again one day. I hope you find another Yorkie to love and bring joy into your life.

I can't begin to imagine what all your going through right now. We love them so much when they are with us.

No, your not a bad mommy! I'd have done the exact same thing, in hopes of keeping mine around longer.

Prayers and a cande going for you.

oh dear I still cant go at the hospital to say goodbye to her.....I just cant say good bye.....I dont know what to say.....I cant even think right now ....thank you for the kind words but Im just so heart broken she like my child ......when I had a miscarriage it was she was sent by God to ease my pain she always there to comfort me and now its like all over again i lost my child again......I dont know....and I just cant figure out what went wrong and I dont even have the strenght to go there and say goodbye..............

Oh I'm so sorry about losing your baby. This is so terrible, but what a great mommy you are to try for the best for her. God bless.

I wish I lived close so I could come and be with you to say "goodbye". It's really not goodbye just "rest in peace until we meet again little angel". Her soul has left her body and is with you right now - she's not at the hospital anymore and she's not in any pain. You would only be saying goodbye to the housing of her soul. I don't know if I would want to see her, I think I would rather remember her alive, but I would have her cremated and put the ashes in a little memorial box or scatter the ashes in a place special to you.

Oh no Darlene! Not Queen Lily! I'm so sorry for you and my heart aches for you and the grief you are going through. I didn't even know she was having surgery. You did the only thing you could do...to get her the surgery in hopes that she could have a normal and pain free life. I'm so sorry and send my heartfelt sympathy to you. I wish I could give you a big hug. I feel so bad.

I am very sorry for your loss. just know we are all here for you

You are the greatest mommy you could have been for her! I am so terribly sorry.........honest to God that I am feeling so sad. She is in doggy heaven now and it was her time to go. We are never ready for these events, but please know that you were the best mommy you could have been and she is watching over you :angelyork

I am just so sorry for your loss and pain. You did all the right things for Lily, so don't second guess yourself. It will be hard for awhile, but don't be afraid of what you're feeling. :)

I am so sorry for your loss, I dont even know what to say.

Nooooooo :( :( OMG !!! Oh sweetie.... I too thought she was getting better :( :( :( :( I'm SO SO SORRY !! Bless her heart - I've got tears in my eyes as I type this.....she gave you so much in such a short time and she knows how much she is loved....If you cannot bear to see her she'll understand that you want to remember her full of life and love.....

You did your very best by her......but I know it doesn't make the wrenching sadness any easier....Sending you hugs and my prayers for your little Angel.....(I know this poem won't take away your pain...but it so beautiful)

Dedicated to Queen Lily......

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there, i do not sleep;
I am a thousand winds that blow;
I am the diamond glints on snow;
I am the sunlight on ripened grain;
I am the gentle autumn's rain;
When you awake in the morning's hush;
I am the swift uplifting rush; of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft star that shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there; I did not die.

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