just a thought...
 

I read a comment today that made me remember something about YT from when I first discovered it. See, I haven’t been here to YT that long, I only found out about it a couple of months ago. As some would say, I “lurked” around here for a few weeks prior to signing up. It looked like a fascinating website to become part of, with all its educational information and various experiences with people and their yorkies. Even as intriguing as it was to me, I was hesitant to sign up and become a member. Of course eventually I did because I couldn’t help it, I fell madly in love with yorkies and anything to do with them.

But why was I hesitant at first? As many have probably pointed out already, because - this is a public forum. You allow yourself to be exposed and let your thoughts be interpreted as whoever reads them wants to. Here, you allow yourself to be criticized for your beliefs or desires. There have been quite a few times when I have felt the need to tread around here with a certain cautiousness. Every comment susceptible to being persecuted in unfriendly manner because someone who read it, did not like your opinions. It’s not that I’m afraid of opposition because I do like to discuss my views and listen to other’s views. It’s just the way people express their views that at times, makes me feel this way.

I have seen people be negative and say things that to me seem a bit hurtful. Sometimes someone just asks a simple question or advice and many jump in and reproach the person for not doing things “the right way.” It only makes me wonder, who really does know “the right way” to do things? And it makes me think how might that person be feeling now, have they left forever or will they stay just never comment anymore? Maybe the comment was meant to be helpful but it just came across as an insult? Who knows...

People become afraid of being judged for their actions, so they hesitate to speak about a certain topic because of the type of response they are going to receive. It’s like a type of censorship or oppression for those who don’t think alike. The comment I read was about someone who recently received the great happiness of having a yorkie. But whenever she was asked about the weight of the yorkie she wouldn’t reply. It’s like she was afraid to answer because of what people would say. And it really shouldn’t have to be this way. Maybe I just need to grow a tougher skin and accept the good with the bad. But am I the only one who feels this way? Or does everyone feel such at ease that they’re comfortable talking about any topic?

Honey, let me tell you that I can't remember how many times I've posted a similar thing. ;) You are absolutely right. I think we take for granted that newcomers know everything that we do...or they should know everything. When I came onto this forum I knew nada about Yorkies. I've learned so much here, and I'm thankful for it.

Yes, some people jump down people's throats, but I really feel that most people aren't trying to be malicious on purpose. They are soooo set and feel so strongly about what they believe that sometimes it comes across the wrong way. It's very hard to interpret someone via words. Right? :p

Honest to God, I try sooooo hard to keep the peace. Have I defended myself and been a bitch? Yes! But I make it a point not to purposely attack or make somebody feel like crap first...or at least I try. Cuz Lord knows when I start, it's hard to shut me up (okay ladies, no comments from the peanut gallery)! :lol tears I haven't been here as long as a lot of people, but those who have, I feel a strong connection with a lot of them, and I can truly call them my friends (I'm not gonna list names cuz I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but you know who you are, ;) )

I think that when you put a bunch of women (men aren't that catty) together, their thoughts and opinions go flying around. Each person wants to be right! But, you're correct...what is the right thing to do? That's why when someone asks a question that I may think is idiotic, I give my opinions in a nice way, and wish that person the best on their decision.

I'm gonna get off my high horse now, but I want to say one last thing. I like you already, b/c you seem like a peacemaker like me! ;) Glad to have you hear on YT! :thumbup:

I lurk a lot as well for the same reason. Many forums of all topics (probably most of them out there) have similar problems. I think (just my opinion) that it happens for a few reasons:

-people read their own emotion into the words
-people tend to feel more brave when they are not face to
face and feel somewhat anonymous
-it can be frustrating when people ask the same questions without trying
the search function first and people continually take info from the loyal site users and then disappear
-there are many schools of thought on every topic and when people are passionate about something and have been doing something the same way for years that works for them they are often not open to new ideas or ways of doing things.

Just my two cents ;)

i agree with you, that kind of stuff happens all the time on public forums. I try not to let it get to me anymore. Its hard not to place your own emotions and tone into what others say and alot of time people misinterpret what others are saying. But there's too much good information on a forum like this to let the other stuff bother you. I post what i want, when i want, and if someone disagrees then so be it. I'm not gonna let my opinion not be heard or read anymore, because i've learned that its just as important as anybody elses, no matter what some may think. :) Post more, let your thoughts be known and more then likely not, your opinions will be welcome here. Most people are very open and accepting, and i hate to have someone feel they can't post what they want.

I know the person you are talking about and i know how they feel, but they shouldn't have to feel that way or hide anything about their gorgeous yorkie no matter what size she is. Most of the time its not the owners fault, but people jump to conclusions and think what they want before they get the whole story. that's just human nature.

people won't always agree on everything here, just like in real life. but you should take it with a grain of salt if you don't like it . life's to short to fret over what people say or post .

I have been flamed before but its not a reason not to post. There are many opinions and this is a public forum. There is also alot of good advice and sharing that goes on. Plus I think the written word comes accross harsher. I have seen many posts that I didnt think were attacking that the original poster did take as attacking. I really think most people just want to be helpful when they post

I think for the most part everyone here tries to be helpful but there are several times when i've seen the same thing happen Ex.. the cattle puppies but there are going to be those heated topics that everyone has strong opinons on but you are right we all need to show understanding and compasion to help eachother instead of scaring everyone away who doesn't have the same opinon. Variety is the spice of life!!!:thumbup:

Opinions are opinions, and everyone has one and is entitled to it. People are as diverse as snowflakes coming from different backgrounds with various complex perspectives born of unique experiences. We are all not going to agree on anything, though being respectful of others opinions is not always obvious, since disagreement in itself, no matter how nicely stated, for some can be hurtful and incomprehensibly cruel.

This is life, I personally don’t sweat the small stuff. I have never cared what people think of me as I have always known it is more important, what I think of myself. In my opinion, it is not that you need a thicker skin as much as you need to understand that we are individuals, entitled by our very nature to think, feel, and behave in manners ruled and measured by our own individual experiences, genetics, maturity, intellect, and probably a whole host of other abilities or lack there of.

I think the worst mistake to make in this life is to not be one’s self, unabashedly! Just my opinion.
:)

I agree. I feel the same way. :thumbup:

Wow!!
 

Lilygurl and SShaw, I just love the way you both write!!:thumbup: You are considerate, obviously well educated, and have a very succinct way of expressing yourselves. Bravo!

This is a popular topic that pops up now and again (as Nicole said). It is so difficult sometimes for people to accept the fact that not everyone agrees with them, and the fact that others may have a completely different point of view seems to come as a bitter surprise. I see people post and I sit back and say "OH MAN it is going to HIT THE FAN now"!!! And I am usually correct. I have just gotten to know where the hot buttons are and why, but new people aren't always so lucky.

One thing I have repeated over and over is that these things you are looking at are just WORDS. They aren't weapons or sharp objects of any kind. They cannot cause any lasting physical damage whatsoever. They can, however, wound in other ways IF and ONLY IF you let them. Put on your "word armor" if you are posting to any public forum. You will ALWAYS eventually need it!:p

Most people are truly trying to help. But there will always be the flamers in the crowd. They are the instigators, the antagonizers, and the bearers of new ideas! Even if you are angered by them, they will STILL make you think. And that is what separates us from our pups and all the other animals. Our inate ability to reason.

Let's all be as reasonable as we possibly can. Live and let live. Bygones.
Man I love this forum!!:p

LOLOLOL!!!!!!!!! I think you hit the nail on the head!:D

In all seriousness, I have also been afraid to post certain things for fear of getting my head ripped off, but I'm past that now.

After you've been here a while, you'll see things come and see things go. One thing you'll notice is that sometimes (with YT being a public forum), you'll get trolls that come in and start wild and crazy threads.

It's not just YT...there are so many different types of trolls that go after different types of forums. I am a member of other non-dog-related forums and you should see the trolls that come on there!:eek:

Anyway, we don't have a whole lot of that anymore but they do come. Just hang in there!;)

As sshaw said, and everyone else implied, "don't sweat the small stuff." And no matter how much we might feel differently at times, pretty much everything said on YT is small stuff. It may be helpful (or not), we may like it (or not), we may feel comforted (or NOT) - but in the greater scheme of things, it's all small stuff.

In every thread that I've read that I felt went off in a wrong direction, there were always some posts that would have been helpful, enjoyable or comforting. In fact, I'd say that even in the worst cases, there are more positive posts than negative. Take what's positive and informative and use it. Ignore the rest.

There ARE right answers and wrong answers, but it often happens that one of us might be wrong but deeply and sincerely believe that we're right. You'll just have to sort it out as best you can.

No matter how hard we might try to be otherwise, most of us will occasionally write something that comes across negative - even when our intentions are very positive.

Stick around. You WILL get a lot out of this forum.

Hmmm, I sorta disagree on one part. Sometimes there always isn't a definite right or wrong answer. A lot depends on your beliefs. ;) :D

OMGosh are you right about that...I used to post on a COPD site for my husband and I couldn't believe the things that would sneak onto that site... The comment about women being catty is kind of true - BUT...I've been to some tech sites trying to get computer help... and MEN were TERRIBLE LOL - they go straight for the throat :eek: :eek: ...

I think we'll always have all sorts of posts here - but we have ALL sorts of people - it keeps it interesting. Imagine a forum where people ALL agree ALL the time ? That would get kind of boring ....

I do think we need to tread lightly especially with new people - there certainly have been posts that make people sit up and think "IS THIS FOR REAL ?" - but in some cases - yes - they are real and these are the people we should be really trying to help.

oh and Lilygirl - People normally are GREAT here about larger sized yorkies -we love them in all sizes - unless it was a breeding discussion - then they tend to be more concerned with weight and staying within the Standard....

I totally agree with you. I also think that sometimes people start a thread that is filled with emotions that they have, and people reply and the person gets even more upset, and the people that have posted meant no harm at all (sorry very long run-on sentence). I understand people's threads can be construed as negative, but I feel the same sshaw does I really don't get bothered by it. I think if someone posts a question/concern on here they should be open to constructive criticism. Me personally I would want someone to tell me how they feel as opposed to sugar coating it, but I grew up with 3 older brothers so I had no choice;)

I totally agree with you on that!!

well here is what I do. I look at all the opinions and advice. Any advice I want to use I will, any I dont want to use, to me can be thrown in the garbage as I want anyone to do to mine altho I dont give advice usually because I'm new to yorkies myself. Sometimes I do tell what I've tried to see if it worked but if you notice I dont advise anyone else to do it. Besides, to me I am my own person, I make my own decisions no matter what advice is given as most everyone else does. But I rarely if ever have ask for anyones advice on Kizzys health issues as that is what I pay a vet for. He is the doctor, nobody on here is a doctor that I've heard of so far, but correct me if I'm wrong. If I had a serious problem, I might tell about it after its over and tell the results. But first and foremost my vet will tell me what to do in any illnesses concerning Kizzy. But i've learned a lot of things people believe in on here. Some I agree with , some I don't. But to me, my decisions about what I do or dont do or buy or dont buy are mine to make and I am the one who makes them. I have ask questions about size, color, coats and maybe talked about potty training, but I dont recall asking for anyones advice on what to do about potty training her and I wont. I have done pretty good with her on my own and I feel that any normal human being that has a puppy and has ever had one or not should have a vet to ask health questions about their pet or if its a big health issue, take it to your vet and not people on a forum. Some advice is helpful and some I just take with a grain of salt, but in the end, I'll always do what I think is best for my puppy. I always wanted a small little lap dog and now I have one even tho she has grown a bit bigger than what i thought i was getting and I have ask questions about sizes here. But I will tell you this. People on here will give their honest opinions I think whether you agree or not. If you dont want opinions, then dont ask. So I dont ask any personal health opinions because I dont want peoples opinions from here on that. I only want a certified Vet. As I would do with my own health, I wouldnt consult a forum on the computer if I thought I had a health issue I didnt understand or know what to do about. I would consult my doctor, tho I might discuss it with a personal friend or family member, it would be someone I know personally but in the end even then it wouldnt be for their opinions. Opinions are like AH's. Everybody has one. So if people dont want to hear bad opinions or ones that says what they dont want to hear, then dont post it here. and Yep, I'm one of those that wanted a 3 or 4 lb little dog and still would love to have one but to me, that is my business what I buy. Its my money and nobody on this forum is gonna buy it for me. If I want to buy a puppy from a backyard breeder I also will do that as I know for a fact that some people that raise some puppies do look out for their health altho I know some dont. I would just have to see the environment they are in. I would never, no way, no how ever buy a puppy thru the internet. I want to see exactly what i'm getting (in person) before I buy it, not a picture of it.
So I'll close my fingers now and if anyone wants to criticize what I think, then so be it.

You know what else I just realized about people's responses? A lot of people don't read the entire thread before posting. I know I'm guily of that too! I try to read all the posts, but sometimes they are so long. :p The original poster might say something, and recant or explain differently in a later post. But if a YTer didn't read the whole thread, confusion and arguments start to occur. Then the original poster gets defensive (I'm guilty of that too), and there you go. A YT Brall! LOL :animal36

:bravo: :bravo:

Just forgot to say, If I wanted to breed one I would, if I didnt want to I would have the spade and neuter done as I will be having Kizzy spade next month. I know nothing about breeding and I do feel that one should have a knowledge of it or have someone with them that does to help them or get the knowledge before trying it. But everybody had to start somewhere and find out for themselves if they are into breeding or not. But I feel they need to study up on it and make sure they understand it before they start and know what their getting themselves into as well as the puppy.

Like in all groups of people you will come across every type of personality.
I take the good and leave the rest. So far in my experience it has been 99 percent good :)

Okay, but you didn't say what I said. I didn't say that there is always a right answer or a wrong answer. I said that there are right answers and wrong answers, and went on to say that one has to sort things out as best they can.

Some things are a matter of taste. I may not like your taste in some area, but that certainly doesn't make me right and you wrong. Or vice versa. Other things are a matter of fact. No matter how strongly I believe 2+2=3, I'm still wrong. In the area of raising and training dogs (as reluctant as I am to concede that a Yorkie is a dog), there are things that are a matter of taste, there are things that vary from one Yorkie to another because of the differences in the individual's personality or physiology, and there are things that are facts.

As I said initially, you'll just have to sort it out the best you can. People are going to disagree. Be discerning. Listen to all the input. Ultimately, the person who brought the problem to the forum will have to make up their own mind and live with the consequences. The rest of us don't have to live with the decision - which may, in fact, be right or may be wrong. It happens. People make mistakes. I've made mistakes. Anyone who admits to making a mistake acknowledges that there was a right answer and I didn't take it. I took the wrong answer.

Okay...whatever. Different choice of words. But I still disagree, and that is my choice. Give me an example where where there IS a right choice, and I bet someone will disagree, but they might not be "brave" enough to say it. It happens all the time. Sorry...it's human nature.

I don't mind people disagreeing with me. And - at times - thoughtful responses have caused me to change mind about different things.

I'd rather people come aboard and say what they think - (and be willing to listen and consider other options) - than reply with something like -- "I know I may just be thin skinned, but I feel that you are all mean and picking on me, and I'm going to quit this forum and never never post here again!!!"

Sometimes - posts do get "jumped on a little" and a lot of people do disagree with some things. But - what the heck! In this instance, instead of feeling sorry for yourself, I think people should just gracefully bow out and go onto a new topic and enjoy themselves. This is not a "life or death" forum. It's just a bunch of people who have and love their Yorkies and like to ask questions and share information.

I think there is very little contention and few arguments considering the number of people who visit here.

**** I appreciate people identifying themselves as being a new poster. And - I wish that young people would let us know that they are very young also. I would certainly respond to a child differently than I would to an old bat Yorkie owner like myself who has owned dogs for a hundred years. Wouldn't you?


We should say what we think - be respectful of other people's ideas - and not get upset when people disagree with us.

Carol Jean

First of all I may not agree with every one on this sight, but I do respect all opinions and right to them. Bottom Line.... We are all here for the love and well being of our yorkies... We are here to help one another and we shouldn't lose sight of that.

Guess what?
 

I have to jump into this posting.....due to the fact that.....I am the only female in my house of 4 guys......I do not get a lot of "female" persuasion and communication......so I come here. Plus, I have been looking and learning for several months.

I have found that just like in face to face communications, my lips move faster than my brain....but, I make a conscientious effort to reread every post that I put on. To make sure that it "sounds" right and not to "direct" as I have been told that I was.....something about being raised in the "Midwest" makes me "direct" I find that a wonderful attibute. Some people don't.....so what.

But, I do like to talk, being in sales as long as I have....you have to talk and LISTEN, same way here.....no different. Has anyone offended me, or snapped at one of my responses??? Nope, not yet, so I must be being awfully careful to be considerate. But, as I have stated in the past, I love women that have an opinion. Ok. I could get into the equal rights thing too....lol.

I do not want everyone to think like me, or act like me....or whatever. I just want to have other women, to listen and think I have some wise things to say. It just so happens that I use YT as my stress reliever too.

So, OP, don't dispair. Jump right in, have an opinion, take some of it with a grain of salt, if you know what I mean! And realize we were all young, new and inexperienced with many things in life....this is not the first time that moving into "new territory" will make you a little nervous.....but, DO NOT let it temper your responses.

The best word I can think of is "tact". I try to use it, so as to say what I want and not hurt anyone in the process....


See, I told you.....I love to talk!!!!:grin2: :grin2:

[QUOTE=Bailey's Peeps]Okay, but you didn't say what I said. I didn't say that there is always a right answer or a wrong answer. I said that there are right answers and wrong answers, and went on to say that one has to sort things out as best they can.

This is a perfect example of how one can read something into what another person said, that was not intended.

Did the party of the first part actually mean what the party of the second part thought she meant, but then recanted when she came under attack? Or was the party of the second part wrong in assumning that the party of the first part meant something that she didn't say. Did she put words into her thought that were not even there.

Thank you ladies for giving us that example. LOL

I appreciate all these posts and examples. I agree that sometimes it can be scary to post because you never know what you'll get in response, but I value opinions here or I wouldn't ask questions. I have learned so much from this forum, even in posts that I perceive as rude. I try not to take it personally when it happens to me, and I do try my best to always reply in a respectful and nice way to people.

I hope that you newbies just jump right in. Please don't be afraid or you might be missing out on some great friendships. I enjoy the ones I have made here very much!!

I have been attacked several times, it has caused me to choose my words more carefully, but I don't think we should hve to put disclaimers on every post, and we wouldn't have to if everyone tried to give the poster the benefit of the doubt.

If something can be taken two ways then assume that it is the kinder of the two, or ask for clarification.

There are those who have been maliciously vicious, but I've noticed they don't seem to hang around too long.

I have also gotten a tougher skin, and I have learned to defend myself if someone insists on accusing me of something that I didn't mean and I have tried to explain or clarify what I said.

There are a couple of things that I will not post about due to the fact that I know what the popular opinion is and I'd rather not go there. So on those issues I will contact people whom I know won't judge me or are or those that are on my same thought pattern on those issues.

I've also noticed that those people who have very strong opinions and do not mind sharing them don't necessarily have a very big following.