Silly but I feel unloved :( - YorkieTalk.com Forums

mrsimbo · 02-02-2015, 09:53 AM

Hi guys. I feel embarrassed even writing about this but I am sort of jealous of my husband's love affair with our 10-year-old Yorkie, Mr. Simbo.

My husband and I share the responsibilities of feeding, bathing, training, taking Simbo out for walks, etc. but Simbo is utterly in love with Andy (husband) and I feel like the third wheel! Simbo likes me well enough, we have a good time when Andy is not around, but when Andy is home ... forget it, I'm totally ignored unless I'm holding a big piece of beef in my hand. He cuddles with Andy, sleeps with Andy, is beside himself with grief when Andy leaves and waits by the door until he gets back.

We rescued Simbo when he was 9 after his previous owners decided to get rid of him (don't even get me started.) For the first month I was his entire world. Then we neutered him (many reasons, least of which was that he wasn't housebroken and he treated our apartment like one big bathroom.) Since the neutering, he has been obsessed with Andy.

The only reason I can think of to explain Simbo's preference is that Andy plays with him more than I do.

Is there anything I can do to make my dog love me more?! (Sheesh! I feel so silly.)

Thanks in advance.

diva_vida · 02-02-2015, 10:33 AM

This makes me laugh..only because this is how my puppy treats my bf. When he comes over, my puppy Reese literally flips out with excitement. My bf can't even walk without following him tripping him up. I know it's because he plays with him more. I'm the enforcer saying no!, stop that!, leave it! and when he stops by all they do is play play play. He also lets him run around his apartment like a maniac while I scramble to pry every item he picks up out of his mouth. Then he gives him treats behind my back that I would never give him. I say when my bf comes over or I bring Reese over there, I no longer exist. He sits on his shoulders and licks his face. Last night he actually did an excitement pee pee on the floor. I try to tell myself that I'm lucky that Reese loves him just as much as I do because otherwise I wouldn't know how things would work out. Maybe if you start playing with him more one on one or even working on training where he gets lots of treats he will also see you the same way. I think I've seen other posts on here where people have had the same problem so you should get great advice

yorkietalkjilly · 02-02-2015, 10:56 AM

Often with dogs like this are showered with too much affection and not enough life-enriching activities and that's just boring to some dogs. They often become leery of someone who is trying to lure them back by loving on them a little too much - acting just a little desperate to get them "back". I don't know if that's what's happening here but it happens all too frequently as one fears they are losing their dog's best affection to another family member.

Dogs usually pick the pack leader to hang with, given a choice, but if your husband is not around as much as you, he likely sees his spending time with him at night as fair time-sharing. But even if you both work, dogs usually choose to spend the most time with the person they feel most comfortable around. If your dog is insecure or anxious, it's natural for him to want to be near or around the one he feels most secure and protected around. Dogs love to seek out those who are natural leaders - it's in their genes. Many dogs see Daddy as the strong leader of the pack and gravitate to him, especially if he plays and makes time for fun with them.

Begin to do fun, upbeat very short obedience training sessions two or three times a day with Simbo, teaching him some fun tricks to do for a favorite treat reward and happy praise and he'll begin to feel good about his accomplishments and connect that good feeling to you. Dogs love to train and show how smart they are - love the positive reinforcement they get from showing off and all the positive attention they get. And dogs love their trainer who keeps the sessions short, fun, upbeat and non-militant in tone.

Sit down and place his favorite treats all around on your lap, your legs, in an open hand, beside you on the couch, etc., from time-to-time and at first, just ignore him as he comes around seeking them out. Act aloof as he scarfs them up and even if he goes away. Repeat as often as once a day in order to begin to have your dog associate you with his favorite treats and see you as valuable to him.

Make yourself interesting to him but keep aloof in the process. Play with his toys while you ignore him. Just get one and toss it up in the air over and over, coo over it, toss it across the floor and run over and get it. Grab up another one and do the same things. Pretend you are chewing on his chewies - yum it up as you play like you are comping away and ignore him if he tries to join in and get it. Then toss it across the room, go get it and resume the play-chewing. Toss a ball and run and get it a few times. Should he join in, just keep playing on your own for a while and eventually, after a few days, begin to acknowledge his presence a little bit but not that much for the next few weeks - not until he begins to come to you on his own while hubby is around. After that, when he initiates contact with you on his own, begin to play with a toy and have some wild fun with him so that he sees you as lots of fun.

The trick is to make yourself more of a confident, interesting, enjoyable but calm leader type to him by engaging in some fun training exercises with him where you two can achieve something together, make him more self-assured about himself and he can feel a real bond with you; but otherwise, you are going to be playing hard to get for a while as you do odd or interesting, entertaining things until he begins to see you with "new" eyes, approach you and place his muzzle under your hand or paw at your arm for attention, wanting to get some of what you now have for himself. I wouldn't shower him with affection right then but rather engage the other aspects of your relationship with him until he begins to choose to spend time with you on a regular basis when your husband is around and then you can begin to show affection. Try it for a while and see what happens.

Magnus · 02-02-2015, 10:56 AM

My two are bit like that. I'm #1 on their list, then it's my dad, and last comes my mom. Even though my mom gives them a lot of snacks and such, they're more drawn to me and I think it's b/c I play with them the most.

If you think play time is the key, playing with him more would be the most simple answer? When I'm tired, I find ways to "entertain" them without having myself to get involved too much. For example, I get a squeaky toy or a ball with treats inside and wrap it around a small cheap baby blanket and tie it into a knot. My Magnus will roll it around, tug at it, etc to untie it and get the prize in the middle! Here's a video if you want to see.

Magnus (16 lbs)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kgp66S3oaYc

Zoey (5.5 lbs)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qVJ2Ax0QbI

gemy · 02-02-2015, 10:58 AM

You sound like a loving Momma, that wants her dog to adore her. Now I am going to say something right off the bat, that might sound disappointing to you, but dogs and cats for that matter will often times pick a human to bond with the most. And we humans are left feeling; Hey whats' wrong with me?

The answer in many cases is nothing. I think to overcome that natural tendency of the dog in question, a whole lot of quality time needs to be spent together just you and your pup. You can take your pup to training, to performance sports, long walks, car rides, trick training, etc. What excites you? What is he interested in doing?

My hubby and I finally got a gal, that has bonded more with hubby than me (I think). But up till then, no dice all the dogs n cats we have owned have bonded deeply with myself.

The most important thing is that your dog is well loved and adored by you both.

You have a special place in my heart for adopting a senior dog!

mrsimbo · 02-02-2015, 01:32 PM

Thanks so much for the input and advice _ I will give all of these a try in due time. Anyone else with ideas / similar stories, give me a holler _ it's always good to know there's someone else out there

In the meantime, Simbo and I are having a quiet tete-a-tete at home right now _ husband is out with friends so I get to spend quality time with my our senior citizen. We had a short, fun and gratifying training session. He's learning how to loop through my legs like a champ. Who said you couldn't teach old dogs new tricks?!

yorkietalkjilly · 02-03-2015, 08:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrsimbo

Thanks so much for the input and advice _ I will give all of these a try in due time. Anyone else with ideas / similar stories, give me a holler _ it's always good to know there's someone else out there

In the meantime, Simbo and I are having a quiet tete-a-tete at home right now _ husband is out with friends so I get to spend quality time with my our senior citizen. We had a short, fun and gratifying training session. He's learning how to loop through my legs like a champ. Who said you couldn't teach old dogs new tricks?!

I don't know whoever said that but always thought it was likely a woman speaking idiomatically about her husband - hehe! Hopefully, you two will form a new bond one day soon as he begins to see you are just as valuable to him as Daddy is and want to spend some quality time with you, too.

Potter · 02-03-2015, 04:03 PM

I think it is just the fun that attracts him. Mine prefers to play with my husband. He'll grab a ball and run past me to my husband who is busy working while I'm seated on the floor ready to play with him

. But I'm his main caretaker. I feed him 80% of the time, bath him, brings him out and when he's not feeling well or is afraid of something, he runs to me

.

KazzyK810 · 02-03-2015, 04:30 PM

Don't feel silly! I can so relate!

My son moved back home for a few weeks, after his graduation from college, while he was interviewing for jobs, on my side of the state. ZoE has never "lived" with him, as I got her halfway through his freshman year. But during those 3-4 weeks he was at home, ZoE followed him everywhere, sat on him or next to him, cried when he left the house for anything, laid on the chaise looking out the window at the driveway waiting for his return, and slept with him every single night he was home. I was..like..what the hell???

I have had ZoE since she was 6 weeks old. I'm the only one that takes care of her. she's slept in my bed every night...then he comes home and it's like I don't exist!

My son moved out two weeks ago and started his new job. ZoE moped around for two days...now she's back to normal, And I'm her world again

. Maybe move the hubby out?

. lol

02-02-2015, 10:56 AM	#3
yorkietalkjilly ♥ Love My Tibbe! ♥ Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: D/FW, Texas Posts: 22,140	Often with dogs like this are showered with too much affection and not enough life-enriching activities and that's just boring to some dogs. They often become leery of someone who is trying to lure them back by loving on them a little too much - acting just a little desperate to get them "back". I don't know if that's what's happening here but it happens all too frequently as one fears they are losing their dog's best affection to another family member. Dogs usually pick the pack leader to hang with, given a choice, but if your husband is not around as much as you, he likely sees his spending time with him at night as fair time-sharing. But even if you both work, dogs usually choose to spend the most time with the person they feel most comfortable around. If your dog is insecure or anxious, it's natural for him to want to be near or around the one he feels most secure and protected around. Dogs love to seek out those who are natural leaders - it's in their genes. Many dogs see Daddy as the strong leader of the pack and gravitate to him, especially if he plays and makes time for fun with them. Begin to do fun, upbeat very short obedience training sessions two or three times a day with Simbo, teaching him some fun tricks to do for a favorite treat reward and happy praise and he'll begin to feel good about his accomplishments and connect that good feeling to you. Dogs love to train and show how smart they are - love the positive reinforcement they get from showing off and all the positive attention they get. And dogs love their trainer who keeps the sessions short, fun, upbeat and non-militant in tone. Sit down and place his favorite treats all around on your lap, your legs, in an open hand, beside you on the couch, etc., from time-to-time and at first, just ignore him as he comes around seeking them out. Act aloof as he scarfs them up and even if he goes away. Repeat as often as once a day in order to begin to have your dog associate you with his favorite treats and see you as valuable to him. Make yourself interesting to him but keep aloof in the process. Play with his toys while you ignore him. Just get one and toss it up in the air over and over, coo over it, toss it across the floor and run over and get it. Grab up another one and do the same things. Pretend you are chewing on his chewies - yum it up as you play like you are comping away and ignore him if he tries to join in and get it. Then toss it across the room, go get it and resume the play-chewing. Toss a ball and run and get it a few times. Should he join in, just keep playing on your own for a while and eventually, after a few days, begin to acknowledge his presence a little bit but not that much for the next few weeks - not until he begins to come to you on his own while hubby is around. After that, when he initiates contact with you on his own, begin to play with a toy and have some wild fun with him so that he sees you as lots of fun. The trick is to make yourself more of a confident, interesting, enjoyable but calm leader type to him by engaging in some fun training exercises with him where you two can achieve something together, make him more self-assured about himself and he can feel a real bond with you; but otherwise, you are going to be playing hard to get for a while as you do odd or interesting, entertaining things until he begins to see you with "new" eyes, approach you and place his muzzle under your hand or paw at your arm for attention, wanting to get some of what you now have for himself. I wouldn't shower him with affection right then but rather engage the other aspects of your relationship with him until he begins to choose to spend time with you on a regular basis when your husband is around and then you can begin to show affection. Try it for a while and see what happens. __________________ Jeanie and Tibbe One must do the best one can. You may get some marks for a very imperfect answer: you will certainly get none for leaving the question alone. C. S. Lewis Last edited by yorkietalkjilly; 02-02-2015 at 10:59 AM.

02-02-2015, 10:56 AM	#4
Magnus Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Northern VA Posts: 3,192	My two are bit like that. I'm #1 on their list, then it's my dad, and last comes my mom. Even though my mom gives them a lot of snacks and such, they're more drawn to me and I think it's b/c I play with them the most. If you think play time is the key, playing with him more would be the most simple answer? When I'm tired, I find ways to "entertain" them without having myself to get involved too much. For example, I get a squeaky toy or a ball with treats inside and wrap it around a small cheap baby blanket and tie it into a knot. My Magnus will roll it around, tug at it, etc to untie it and get the prize in the middle! Here's a video if you want to see. Magnus (16 lbs) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kgp66S3oaYc Zoey (5.5 lbs) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qVJ2Ax0QbI Last edited by Magnus; 02-02-2015 at 10:58 AM.

02-02-2015, 10:58 AM	#5
gemy YT 2000 Club Donating Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Huntsville,Ont,Canaada Posts: 12,335 Blog Entries: 2	Awh you don't sound silly! You sound like a loving Momma, that wants her dog to adore her. Now I am going to say something right off the bat, that might sound disappointing to you, but dogs and cats for that matter will often times pick a human to bond with the most. And we humans are left feeling; Hey whats' wrong with me? The answer in many cases is nothing. I think to overcome that natural tendency of the dog in question, a whole lot of quality time needs to be spent together just you and your pup. You can take your pup to training, to performance sports, long walks, car rides, trick training, etc. What excites you? What is he interested in doing? My hubby and I finally got a gal, that has bonded more with hubby than me (I think). But up till then, no dice all the dogs n cats we have owned have bonded deeply with myself. The most important thing is that your dog is well loved and adored by you both. You have a special place in my heart for adopting a senior dog! __________________ Razzle and Dara. Our clan. RIP Karma Dec 24th 2004-July 14 2013 RIP Zoey Jun9 th 2008-May 12 2012. RIP Magic,Mar 26 2006July 1st 2018

02-03-2015, 04:03 PM	#8
Potter YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Canada Posts: 2,583	I think it is just the fun that attracts him. Mine prefers to play with my husband. He'll grab a ball and run past me to my husband who is busy working while I'm seated on the floor ready to play with him. But I'm his main caretaker. I feed him 80% of the time, bath him, brings him out and when he's not feeling well or is afraid of something, he runs to me. __________________ http://www.dogster.com/pet_page.php?j=t&i=410379 "No matter how little money and how few possesions you own, having a dog makes you rich."

02-03-2015, 04:30 PM	#9
KazzyK810 Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Michigan USA & Sheffield UK Posts: 4,119	Don't feel silly! I can so relate! My son moved back home for a few weeks, after his graduation from college, while he was interviewing for jobs, on my side of the state. ZoE has never "lived" with him, as I got her halfway through his freshman year. But during those 3-4 weeks he was at home, ZoE followed him everywhere, sat on him or next to him, cried when he left the house for anything, laid on the chaise looking out the window at the driveway waiting for his return, and slept with him every single night he was home. I was..like..what the hell??? I have had ZoE since she was 6 weeks old. I'm the only one that takes care of her. she's slept in my bed every night...then he comes home and it's like I don't exist! My son moved out two weeks ago and started his new job. ZoE moped around for two days...now she's back to normal, And I'm her world again . Maybe move the hubby out? . lol __________________ Karan & ZoE (Chelsea )

02-02-2015, 09:53 AM	#1
mrsimbo Yorkie Talker Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: Europe Posts: 13	Silly but I feel unloved :( Hi guys. I feel embarrassed even writing about this but I am sort of jealous of my husband's love affair with our 10-year-old Yorkie, Mr. Simbo. My husband and I share the responsibilities of feeding, bathing, training, taking Simbo out for walks, etc. but Simbo is utterly in love with Andy (husband) and I feel like the third wheel! Simbo likes me well enough, we have a good time when Andy is not around, but when Andy is home ... forget it, I'm totally ignored unless I'm holding a big piece of beef in my hand. He cuddles with Andy, sleeps with Andy, is beside himself with grief when Andy leaves and waits by the door until he gets back. We rescued Simbo when he was 9 after his previous owners decided to get rid of him (don't even get me started.) For the first month I was his entire world. Then we neutered him (many reasons, least of which was that he wasn't housebroken and he treated our apartment like one big bathroom.) Since the neutering, he has been obsessed with Andy. The only reason I can think of to explain Simbo's preference is that Andy plays with him more than I do. Is there anything I can do to make my dog love me more?! (Sheesh! I feel so silly.) Thanks in advance.

02-02-2015, 10:33 AM	#2
diva_vida Yorkie Yakker Join Date: Nov 2014 Location: Elkridge, MD, USA Posts: 41	This makes me laugh..only because this is how my puppy treats my bf. When he comes over, my puppy Reese literally flips out with excitement. My bf can't even walk without following him tripping him up. I know it's because he plays with him more. I'm the enforcer saying no!, stop that!, leave it! and when he stops by all they do is play play play. He also lets him run around his apartment like a maniac while I scramble to pry every item he picks up out of his mouth. Then he gives him treats behind my back that I would never give him. I say when my bf comes over or I bring Reese over there, I no longer exist. He sits on his shoulders and licks his face. Last night he actually did an excitement pee pee on the floor. I try to tell myself that I'm lucky that Reese loves him just as much as I do because otherwise I wouldn't know how things would work out. Maybe if you start playing with him more one on one or even working on training where he gets lots of treats he will also see you the same way. I think I've seen other posts on here where people have had the same problem so you should get great advice

02-02-2015, 01:32 PM	#6
mrsimbo Yorkie Talker Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: Europe Posts: 13	Thanks so much for the input and advice _ I will give all of these a try in due time. Anyone else with ideas / similar stories, give me a holler _ it's always good to know there's someone else out there In the meantime, Simbo and I are having a quiet tete-a-tete at home right now _ husband is out with friends so I get to spend quality time with my our senior citizen. We had a short, fun and gratifying training session. He's learning how to loop through my legs like a champ. Who said you couldn't teach old dogs new tricks?!