I Am So Over This!!!
 

So. One of my friends came by so we could plan a ladies night and one of my neighbors came outside to get her son from the bus. The bus came her son (11 year old) got off ,said hello, and asked me could he come into my home and play with my son. I told him fine that my son was getting ready for kung fu but they could play until my husband said it was time to go. I told my husband to put our dogs up Roxie(non aggressive 2 year old English bulldog) and Rasta( 1 year old aggressive yorkie). The little boy and his mother told me he's scared of dogs. My husband put Roxie in her crate in the living room and put Rasta in our bedroom. ClOSED the door. After kung fu my husband tells me the little boy went in our room and was aggravating Rasta by yelling and clapping at him. Luckily my husband put Rasta in his upstairs crate so he couldn't bite the kid, but seriously! This kid has seen my dogs enough to know Rasta isn't the nicest to ppl not in his family. Who goes just opening pplz bedroom doors after they've been closed? If he's so afraid of dogs wouldn't he have stayed away from both dogs in the first place? I want to be on good terms with my neighbors and let my kid have friends over but if I put my furry family members away so your child to come in my home please teach your child to respect my home and pets! I know kids get overexcited at times and forget their manners but the rudeness and lack of respect seems to be continuous with this particular neighbor(and her kid). Unfortunately our kids get along great. Ugh. Ok rant over

If this happened to me, I would sit down with this kid and his mother, (and also have my husband there since he saw the kid in your room), and tell them both that either he respects your whole family(incl your pups) or he is not welcome in your house. I would keep a close watch on him whenever he's in your house.
If you don't stand up for your family members, nobody will.

On second thought-
I've been thinking about this situation and I might be really tempted to just say that from now on he's not allowed at your house. If this is the kind of kid that sneaks into private areas of your home to antagonize family members (furry or not!), he might not be the kind of kid you want your son hanging out with.
Good luck!

If your son and your neighbor's son really are good friends then have your son go to their house. Then again, do you really want your son to be such good friends with a kid like this? He obviously is not scared of dogs. Maybe he's scared of them when they bite him after he's been a jerk to the dogs?

Did your husband say anything to him while he was doing it?

When I've tried to address this with the mother (the father is currently deployed). She JUST says "Oh he just sees y'all as family" (because we're the only other mixed race couple on our street :rolleyes:.). I'm trying to be nice but I'm a pretty blunt person and I know most parents are extra defensive when it comes to their kids even when they're in the wrong. I told the hubs that they can play outside in our backyard since we have a trampoline and slip and slide but upstairs and kitchen are off limits.

* on a side note it seems I'm not the only one with an issue. I was at another neighbors home for a bba Easter wknd. Just to say hello and drop off a dish since I had other plans. The same neighbor's son walked into this particular family's home without ringing the doorbell or knocking and didn't even say hello!!!! He just came in asking to be fed. Are manners a thing of the past? DANG!!!

I would let my son go to her home but not unsupervised. The mother is a daily drinker and I'm not talking one glass to calm nerves. I told my husband not to put Rasta up anymore so if the kid kept annoying him he might learn his lesson. Then I figured I don't want to hear his mother's mouth if he goes home crying that "the mean dog bit him for no reason":rolleyes:. My husband asked him what he was doing, told him to get out of our room, leave the dog alone, not to open our doors, and go play.

Teasing an animal when it's helpless and harmless (in a cage) is not a good sign! I would not let that child within an inch of my animals, in my house or outside. I'd have a serious talk with my child, too, to see how this boy treats other kids.

This was what my husband was saying, but I was like "Maybe he's just being a little boy". Then I realized MY little boy has never done anything like that. I know I shouldn't judge all children based on my kid but I feel so crappy that I wasn't there to protect Rasta while this kid who's supposedly scared of dogs was teasing him.

So far from what you've told us about this kid, I would not allow him to be around my kid (if I had one). I'm sure your kid is cool and good, but enough time with this kid and he could very well be on his way to be a bad kid. Esp when he starts to get in his teens stage. I know bc that is what happened to me!!! Hanging with the wrong crowd. Wish my parents were there to tell me not to hang around people like that!

Yeah my kid is super sweet his teachers and other parents always say so :p. But since we've moved and he started playing with this kid he's been pushing boundaries. I thought maybe because he's getting older then realized the same smarta** remarks he was making to me/his dad the other kid says to his mother. We have 0 tolerance for disrespect to adults so we nipped that in the bud pretty quick. But yeah I think we'll be distancing ourselves from them.

Wow, after reading your other posts, I'd have real, serious concerns about your child's associating with a boy who has no respect for others' privacy, rules, boundaries, language, pets, etc., and I'd never let him visit at a home where the mother drinks and is irresponsible in raising a child without basic manners and respect.

Me and the hubs just talked about it a bit more and he said he doesn't want him back over here. Respect for ppl, their things, and animals is a big deal for us. Hopefully Cole (our son) can make friends he likes just as much as the neighbor in the summer activities he's signed up for.

I think her mom is lying about him being scared of dogs to avoid letting out that she doesn't like pets, or doesn't allow him to have one for whatever reason. I'm not surprised the kid acts that way since he might truly feel more at home when he's visiting neighbors.

I'm sure that he will try to change his attitude if you talk with him, since chances are that he might think higher of you and your husband than he does of his actual parents.

I would talk to the kid myself about what the expectations are in my home and let him know what you expect of your child is what you expect of him. And if needed have your husband there as well because that fatherly influence might help. I have always been a firm believer in it takes a village to raise a child and because his mom is turning a blind eye, that's where I think it would be okay for you to chime in. The kids get along and we would hate to see this kid end up down the wrong path. Afterwards, I would tell the mother, but not before I talked to him. In this instance it's better to ask forgiveness than permission.

I've had to say something to some of my daughter's friends and they know that I don't play with disrespectful children.

I would just let the kids know when they are in the house if a door is closed they are not allowed in that room. And that he needs to ask permission if he wants anything

I dont think she's being quite honest myself when it comes to the whole "scared of dogs" thing. She does like pets or at least mine since she's asked repeatedly that I breed one of them and that she get a puppy at a "military discount" ummmm no. He just won't be coming over any longer. I called his and told her about the situation and asked that she say something to him about it. The hubs already said he didn't want the child coming over at all anymore but I was trying to be more lenient if the mother was understanding. I told her next time I would have to say something to him since we don't allow that type of behavior. Her answer was "I don't allow anyone to tell my child what to do". My response "If you want your child to come into my home and I catch him doing something wrong I'm going to say something. So I guess he won't be coming over again."

This would have rubbed me the wrong way. I'm sorry that she wasn't more understanding because your kids enjoy each other.

I think the family as a whole has boundary issues. She showed up at my home last weekend drunk with her son in tow. I put Rasta up but she kept putting her face in his playpen. After he growled repeatedly and I told her he wasn't friendly he bit her nose. Then she left him alone. Honestly, I can deal with the kid. It's the mother that grinds my gears. Adults that allow their children to disrespect and drink to get drunk regularly just hit a nerve with me.

Being a good parent is the hardest job in the world! You both are obviously very loving and responsible. As a retired teacher who has seen all kinds of kids and families, I salute your hard but rewarding job, and wish you good luck with this situation. Cole is a lucky boy!

Unless these individuals are somehow worth sustaining a relationship with, I think I would steer clear of them, keep my doors closed to them and their children, as apparently none of them understand how to behave or respect a vulnerable, pet dog who's obviously scared of or very uncomfortable with them around. Your baby likely feels like a trapped, sitting duck in his pen with no where to run when they are around.

What? OMG tacky!
And good for you for standing up to her! She seems like a horrible person!

OMG! I like to drink, but I would NEVER get drunk in front of a child.

Agree. I don't think these people are in any way shape or form good for you or your son. Nip it in the bud!

I just realized there is a big age difference, your son being only 5 and this kid being 11. The age difference plus the kid's behavior would concern me a whole bunch! If you want to let your son continue this friendship, I would say they need very strict supervision at all times they are together, mainly for your son's safety!

That was another thing I was worried about. I have cousins who are around that age that my son interacts with regularly and I'm fine with it but with someone else's kid and I don't like their parenting style already....I haven't let my son around him since Thursday so hopefully slowly but surely they'll get the hint. We have a few kids in the neighborhood who are closer to his age so he can play with them. I don't expect to like all my neighbors but I try to have respect for them and I honestly have to try very hard not to let my mouth get the best of me with her and what she considers normal. I'd rather just not deal with it at all.

Omg, I agree about the age difference issue! Not appropriate under the circumstances.

Oh I didn't even realize the age difference! Def NO! Imagine what will happen when the neighbor kid turns 13 or 14 and your son is only 7 or 8!

One of my best friends has 4 kids that I love dearly but the 5 year old is constantly pivking at my dogs. This is their home. I'm not putting them up but the last straw was when he kicked my 4 pound baby Piper. His parents weren't here so I put him in time out. He did it again. He is now not allowed to come over unless his parents are here and watch him. If it happens again he will be banned. His parents know this. My house, my rules. You don't have to put up with another persons child. It sounds like his home life isn't safe. Mom frequently drunk and a child who wanders the neighborhood unsupervised.Maybe CPS needs to have a look at the home situation.

You are DEFINITELY doing the right thing!

I would not have been happy

Wow.just reading this. I am so sorry you hVe to deal with this family as a neighbor.

My advice to to just "nip it in the bud". This mother does not have good values and they are being passed onto her son. She is no ya role model you want for your son. She doesn't sound like someone you would want as a friend.

My dought had a friend like that.. She would just walk into our house. I found her in our kitchen making herself lunch one time! I was horrified! She is grown up now and she is a horrid person.

Good luck