Nephew slapped my Yorkie...now, slapping myself!
 

Yesterday, my DH and I had planned on going to our family's houses separately and my mom wanted to see Max so I brought him along. To make a long story short, I ended up at my in-laws with Max. I knew my niece and nephew would be there but I thought I could either hold Max or take him in another area away from the kids (2 and 4 years old).

I decided to take little Max out back and away from the kids while my DH spent time with his family INSIDE. My nephew ran outside to see Max and I immediately scooped Max up. I told my nephew to pet him nicely and he did. Then, my nephew slapped him and ran away. I told my nephew that I would put him in time out if he did that again. My sister in-law said "sorry!" We left after that and I will never allow my baby around them again under any circumstance. I couldn't help wonder your opinion on

1) Do you provide consequences to your non-immediate family members (nieces and nephews) ?
2) Would you tell your dear, loving sister-in-law (from DH's side) that her kids are out of control and she must get a grip? They are aggressive and behaviorally a major problem!!

Thanks!

Just thought about it and should've posted in "off topic" whoops! Sorry!

No, I would not - not if the parents' are there. It's their job to discipline their children - not yours no matter how angry you are. I understand your anger - but a 2 year old (or a 4 year old that's never been around animals) can't be trusted with a dog.

I definitely would tell his parents' because they need to teach him how to act around animals.

Bottom line - their behavior probably beyond your control - unless you are babysitting or something.

I definitely would keep my yorkie away from their hot little hands.

Oh my gosh...what a tough one...I bet you were so upset on the inside and had to hold a lot back.

For me, I would rarely ever reprimand someone's kids or my relatives etcetera. BUT, the one absolute exception is if they mistreated an animal. I would address it immediately w/ the child, in that moment, and later talk to the parents.

I had to do something similar w/ one of my neices when she was about 3 or 4. She handled Wylie incorrectly..in a way that could've really hurt him...so, I stopped her, took Wylie gently away, and gently tried to explain my concerns...and then I showed her how to properly handle him. Of course, she BURST into tears and I felt like a jerk...but, it was still the right thing to do. Even when uber gentle, the little kidlets can just explode into tears bc they feel so bad about doing something "wrong"...and like they're in trouble.

She recovered in about 15 seconds (as 3-4 yrs olds sometimes do), and then she was totally fine...and handled Wylie better, and she felt proud that she was doing it the "right" way....so then, she kept picking him up over and over using the new method bc she was so proud :love:.

All's well that ends well. :)

I agree with gently explaining your concerns - but I wasn't sure what the OP meant by 'consequences'. My mind went directly to time out or some such.

Yes, I definitely would explain why we can't do that. But - I would go no further unless it was my child.

Sounds like Mom and Dad need to get on the ball!

Thanks!! Yes...beyond my control and I wouldn't really follow through although I have some knowledge on behavior modification strategies (ESE teacher for 9 years). They are super cute and I love them very much but I cannot tolerate their destructive behavior. I just don't want to be around them at all because they have spit in my face and will not listen to ANYTHING an adult tells them. Hitting my dog crossed the lines for me and when I told her, I was pretty angry there was no follow through from her end.

Thanks!!;)

Awweee. You sound like such a nice person. I definitely could have handled the situation better. I think I am just tired of seeing how my niece and nephew have such a lack of respect for adults, animals, toys, furniture, EVERYTHING!!! I am a teacher for children with autism and my students are more well behaved than her "typical" children!!! Maybe its the teacher in me that wants to correct the behavior. :)

Thanks love!

My extended family is very close...all us cousins grew up together and all the anunts and uncles were always around with their kids...it was understood, if one did something inappropriate or STUPID, and he did it to another cousin or around anyone of the aunts, we knew we would get swatted....or at the VERY least, have your a$$ chewed out!!! It all depends on YOUR family dynamics if that is acceptable in your family....you dont want to start a Hatfield/McCoy situation over some slap a 4 year old brat gave your baby.....or maybe you would!! I am not fond of small children, and I like them even less around animals for this very reason....I am very confrontational, and if it was ME, I would have gone to the kid, (where did he hit your baby?)told him what he did was very ugle and uncalled for, and how do YOU like it????and with THAT, I would have popped him, right where he hit my baby! OMG!!! I CAN HEAR THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE HITTING THE FLOOR, GASPING IN STUNNED AMAZEMENT AND HORRIFIED EXPRESSIONS ON THEIR FACES!!! Sorry! Kids need to be corrected!

Bahahaha!!! I wish I was from your family!!! ;) You just made me cry laughing!!

I will say our whole family raises the kids in our family. So if Isaiah is out of line my brother will say something to him or correct him with no issues from me. Bad kids drive me nuts!!! But bad parenting is even worse!!!! If your sister in law had any sense she would realize that a child treating an animal wrong is cause for concern IMO. I can never ever imagine Isaiah doing anything to mistreat Coco and Georgie or anyone else's animals. Heck he doesn't even want to kill a spider or mosquito!

BTW I am sorry poor Max was slapped:( If it was Georgie he would have tried to bite the little boy LOL

:yelrotflm:yelrotflm:yelrotflm
Okay...sounds like how I grew up. It is still this way with each generation. I know it sounds bad but you know...."It takes a village" and all. :D

I don't smack my kids. Because they know better. My nieces and nephews on the other hand.(The ones which the parents aren't parenting) Will get swatted from me or my hubby if they are completely out of control. The parents just look at them and tell them "see...you better listen" Somebody has to do it. But honestly.....they listen better to me and my hubby then they do to their mommy and daddy. :( Sadly we also pay more attention to them. They come to us instead of their parents when they need something if we are around.

Some kids just aren't meant to be around little dogs...not Isaiah. He's a little pumpkin and can visit Max ANYTIME!! Thanks. ;)

If that was my niece or nephew and the mother wasn't doing anything, I would have gotten down to eye level with the 2 or 4 year old, held them gently by both wrists, and said very firmly "No hitting. Hitting hurts and we don't EVER want to hurt Max!" The key here would be making eye contact.

Raising children is very hard, but consistency is key. Clearly the issue here is not a bad child but rather a lazy parent. Obviously the mother wasn't very concerned, which would have made me even more apt to correct the child. Honestly, I would have even done that with a stranger's child at a park (except the wrist holding).

I am allowed to put my nephew in time out if need be, but of course his mother told me I could. I would not do it unless she told me to. But any harsher punishment...that comes from his Mom and Daddy.

I think if it was my SIL, I would say something. I would be polite about it, but I would voice my concerns.

God help me if my nephew slapped Tatiana. :mad:

First of all, I would scold the child.

Second of all, I would talk to the parents, and explain why I would put some boundaries between their children and my dog. I consider myself Tatiana's protector. I take that role seriously.

Incidentally, if the situation was reversed, and Tatiana bitten one of their kids, I would completely understand if they behaved the way I would. Thus, I think I'm acting with integrity.

That sounds like my family. My nieces, nephews, and little cousins can and will be reprimanded by any adult in our family. If it was me, I would have done something like yorkiemom1. But then again, I am the disciplinarian in my family. Everyone sends the kids to me when they get in trouble. I'm also the favorite aunt by the way.

Wow! Did I read the child spit in your face and the parents did nothing?
I would talk to your dh....it's his family and get a plan of action. Why is this sil clueless .... Is she overwhelmed? Two small children can be a lot for some, is she working too? If you correct her "parenting" skills you could start a family fued ...so tread lightly, but it sounds like she needs help!

On the other hand you have to protect your dog, and you have ever right to do so! Also think what would happen if your pup was really hurt or bit the child? Not good!

Good luck!

:thumbup::thumbup: Me too. ;) My nieces and nephews are all grown up now and have kids of their own. And their kids all come to me. :D When they are having problems, i'm the first person they call. Not their mom or dad. lol

OMGoodness, where to start ??? As a Daycare provider for most of my adult life, there is absolutely no way you should have let this go. With young children you have to say what you mean & mean what you say & that should always start with the parents BUT if this child is spitting in your face it sounds as though the parents need some discipline as well as the children. If you let them get away with something even one time , it's all over. I have had children like this in my care , but only for a couple of days at the most. I WILL NOT tolerate obnoxious children as there is no reason to & children are actually much happier little people if they have discipline as they NEED to know what's expected of them. The 1st time it is a no we don't do that or act like that here & then shown nicely how we do it, IF it is a child with no discipline, & that is very obvious the second they walk in my door then it is agh agh agh you DO NOT act like that in my house or you WILL have time out & that is the only warning given then the child is shown what I expect of them & IF they refuse, throw a fit or any negativity whatsoever it's straight to time out & tell them I WILL call your mommy/daddy & tell them you are not being very nice & that works every time for me. I have 5 dogs in my home , all behind gated areas but we do have to enter those areas to pass through to go outside & they all know how to act with my dogs when we enter the dog area, but IF I have a new unruly child that child will be holding my hand through the dog area until they learn the rules & can be trusted for how ever long it takes as I WILL NOT put my dogs in jeopardy of someones obnoxious children.
Now don't get me wrong here as it may sound to some that I don't like kids or I'm a drill Sargent but the truth is that I LOVE them & I want to enjoy every minute I have with them & that is impossible to do if you don't let them know what is expected of them when their parents don't & NO ONE wants to deal with obnoxious children all day. Now if I could just teach the parents this theory the world would be a happier place, LOL

I'm the opposite. I'm the parent who does not want someone else disciplining my children, so I would be upset if you did. I would expect you to come to me and then I would discipline my children myself.

I don't discipline my brothers kids, nor do I discipline my grandson when his dad and my daughter are around, only when they are in my care. We also don't use the word no. We use positive reinforcements and time outs. I don't believe in hitting kids (I was abused as a child) and therefore my kids have never learned to hit. I do believe that is a learned behavior, and I cringe when I see parents smack their child and then tell them "we don't hit". My children have always been very well behaved and very well mannered. I had no qualms about canceling my dinner order and leaving a restaurant or walking out of a store if they were acting like brats. They knew what was expected and knew that there would be consequences for misbehavior. My grandson is learning slowly that he can't do certain things when at Mimzi's house like he can at home, because we have dogs and other rules, but I always let his dad and my daughter be his parents-never me.

:thumbup:This is kind of the reason why I will never have kids. I'm going to be frank, I don't like kids. I didn't like myself when I was a kid. I don't think I'd like a my own kid :eek:. If a kid slapped my yorkie, I'd slap it right back. I'm not against spanking kids. But I am against spanking yorkies.

ETA I'm really tired, I didn't read everything.

I wouldnt discipline someone elses kid when they are there that would be upsetting to me if someone else did that to my daughter

Yes BUT I'm betting you are a parent who DOES discipline your child or has taught her how to behave like a little person & she is not one of those children who you see acting like a monster in the grocery store, you know the ones that make you want to smack their mother for allowing their children to act like that , & she would NOT be hitting someones dog . Am I rite ?

I actually like kids....it's adults I want to smack around-like my grandsons biological mother, who thinks it's acceptable to put tobasco on his tongue when he says a bad word (after he's heard her say one and is merely mimicking what he heard.). I swear if I didn't have to worry about jail time and court appearances, I would tie her down and feed her tobasco. (my son in law has custody)

Eta, we have contacted CPS on many occasions because of her stupidity. They won't do anything. Attorney is aware of the situation as well.

I remember my older sister telling me if our mom hit us again to call the police or child protective services. I remember thinking, "if she hit us, that means I did something wrong, why would I call them?" Perspective really changes things.

Yes but Id say most parents wouldnt want someone else displining their child when they are around. It is undermining their authority and My Mother in law does it and we really dont like it at all, she doesnt spank though she just corrects them

The YES was all I needed;) I would say most parents raise good kids but there are the extreme exception to that rule & if a child came up to me & spit on me out in public or in my home, most likely in their home as well, you can bet I would say something to both the child and the parent. See the thing is that even my DayCare kids who came to me as obnoxious children & are now perfect angels in my home will still often try to pull some kind of nonsense that they know well better then to do , WILL try to pull it the second their parent walks in my door because they are Testing their parent & I wait to see the parents reaction & IF their is no reaction, then I react so If a parent doesn't like me reacting then they can feel free to correct their child. You would be shocked how many of the parents of those once obnoxious children just stand there & ignore their child standing in my house rite in front of them, hitting, kicking, spitting etc.. someone elses child not to mention jumping on my furniture, kicking my glass storm door, hitting my TV screen with a truck, trying to pull my curtains off the wall, pulling a childs hair & still they just ignore it. Would you allow your child ever to act like that in someones home or in public ? I also think it depends on what the child is doing & I believe that any spanking is the parents job.
I'm betting your answer is no.

No if my daughter was that bad in public I wouldnt take her out in public or to anyones house. The parents should definitely be doing something about it.

:thumbup::thumbup:
I am also a child care provider and you hit it spot on. It sounded like you were talking about my home. :D. It amazes me how much the child's tests the parents as soon as they walk through my door. It is like Jekyll and Hyde. You'd be surprised how many times the child will kick and scream because they don't want to leave me. I have 2 kids(siblings) that do this everyday. I have to talk to them and remind them that they will come back tomorrow. Sometimes the parents just have to carry them off kicking and screaming.