My truth...is it anyone else's?
 

We got Sami in early Feb. I paid a small fortune (IMO) for her and have since spent a couple more small fortunes on treats, toys, clothes, beds, a doll clothes armoire, doggy daycare, vet, etc. She is the little girl I never had. Now here is the big truth part... I am not a animal person. My life does not revolve around her. I have two young boys and a husband. My life revolves around the boys. I like Sami, even love her, take great care off her but sometimes I wish we hadn't got her. It is a lot of work and guilt. The guilt is because I like to take my boys to a lot of activities. She is never alone for more than 4 hours at a time, but I feel bad when she is left alone that long. And she has attached herself to me, but I need my space. I don't even like my kids to be on my lap all the time, so I certainly am not going to let her. Not to say I don't love on her or play with her, I do! My husband does and the boys love her. But I can tell she would love to be my little lap dog. Please don't take this post wrong, like she is neglected or mistreated, she is so not. She sleeps in her pink kennel and everyday at 5:30 am whines, so I go lay on the couch with her for another hour and a half. Every day! Sometimes my husband will do it, but she prefers me. I have seen people on here say their Yorkie "owns them" and other comments about him/her being the center of their lives, but this is not the case with me. She is very well cared for in fact spoiled but not the center of my life. I am sure someone with no kids would love for her to be their little lap dog. Can she be just as happy bring the spoiled family dog as the center of someone's life? I am hoping someone feels the same way. It is great for other people to be able to do that, but it is just not for me. This got to be longer than I expected so thank you for reading!

That's a very thoughtful and honest post. Glad you shared. It will be interesting to read the replies.

I don't have kids, so I'm coming from a different place than you. But I did go through something similar when we got our first Yorkie. I fell in love with him and wanted to take the best care possible of him. Like you, it bothered me when I had to leave him alone or his day was not filled with excitement from the moment we got up until the moment he went to bed. He went everywhere with me, and I even took him on vacations.

I set a 5-hour time limit for unattended time, and I religiously dropped everything I was doing to make sure he got a burst of human activity on a day when he was spending a lot of time at home. He got two walks a day along with training sessions. I sometimes canceled appointments or left early to live up to my own expectations.

But to be honest, it wore me out. While I never stopped loving him, at some level I resented that my life was built around him -- and the other dogs that would come into my life.

So I relaxed my standards a little bit, and I'm comfortable with that. While it's still a goal to check in within 5 hours, it's no longer the law. I decided my pets are just that -- pets. They have a good life, but I don't cater to their every need. There are times when I leave them 8 or 9 hours, or blow off the evening walk because I'm tired. I also don't take them everywhere with me just because they give me the sad eyes when I leave the house. I also stopped taking them on vacations and learned to trust dog-sitters.

I came to appreciate the "me time" it put back in my life. And I was pleasantly surprised that it had no ill effects on my dogs. The time we spend together is still just as rewarding to them as it is to me. And I discovered benefits in the new setup. They don't freak out when my wife and I don't check in every 5 hours. They just sleep a little longer. And they've become more social knowing that they sometimes get to stay with someone other than me for a couple weeks at a time.

It's been a win-win situation, IMO.

I'm not one to judge how a person feels about there dog as long as its being taken care of. Callie is the center of my world but I am not married, have no children, can't work due to anxiety and depression so she is pretty much all I have and my world but I wouldn't change that ever. I think that it's sad that you wish sometimes you had not got her.

It seems that I've had cats and dogs for the past 20 years of my life. I have loved and cherished every moment that I have had and have with them. When my cats came into my life, I owned my own bar so I worked like 90 hours a week so it was very apparent that the cats and I wouldn't get to spend that much time together. But when I was home, yes, they definitely got all the attention that I could give them--but I didn't and do not have children of my own either.

As life progressed, vacations came and went and the cats well being was looked after by friends. This arrangement worked for some time and then hubby got a job where we were gone every weekend from May thru October and the cats needed to be looked after by a cat sitter. Boy was that an awakening, to have "someone else" take care of my babies. Well, they and I both survived.

There are days that I would like a few moments to myself now. And I do take a few extra moments in the mornings. Thankfully hubby takes them out in the a.m. and I get to lounge about a little before the day gets hectic.

I was a bit different than you as I was an at home doggie mom for the first 2 years of Hot Rod's life and Maggie's 1st. Boy did I feel terrible and guilty about leaving them. I only worked 5 minutes away but only got a 1/2 hour for lunch. I would bring a sandwich so I could eat it while driving or at my desk and then make a mad dash to walk them and then drive like a maniac back to work. lol

Eventually I relaxed...they do use pads also. So why was I so driving like a crazed person to take them out every day? I eventually was able to skip a day or so and they survived. I do on occasion, go out for the day and run my errands and they still manage to survive.

I love them to pieces but can totally understand the "me" factor. Hot Rod is almost 5 and there are times that he will go off into the sunroom and lay about and look out the windows all by himself. I tell myself, if he can take his time by himself, then so can I.

I have similar things going on in my life..... a 4 year old skin child, a Yorkie, a Boxer, Husband, a full time job ect...I feel like my life revolves around all the wonderful things I listed minus the job:rolleyes:

I can say for me it was an interesting transition from being Georgie and Coco's Mommy to being Isaiah (my skin childs) Mommy too, because at that point they were my only babies. We never left Georgie home alone period before we had Isaiah he always went to his grandparents. However, now with preschool, T-ball and all the fun stuff he stays home for 3-4 hours and much to my surprise he is just fine upon my return;) When my husband and I have date night (which isn't often) the furbabies go to their grandparents too.

I don't think what you said makes you wrong just as I don't think those that their lives revolve around their furbabies are wrong either. I think we all have our priorities and as long as we put those that we love and love us at the top that's what's important;)

I accept your truth. It is what it is.

Incidentally, my truth is different from yours. I consider my yorkie Tatiana family. It's mutual. As a pack animal, she sees me as part of her pack (and thus, I her). She loves me, and I love her back.

Yes, Tatiana is spoiled. She is spoiled sweet, not spoiled rotten. There is a difference. I can't begin to tell you how many people comment on how well behaved she is. That is because she is loved. Tatiana does not act out (because her needs are met as far as social, exercise, food, etc).

Well, I guess this my truth.

Does she get good play & outside time to just be a dog & develop her dog instincts with your lifestyle? If not, she may develop some behavior problems as dogs are active & fun-loving little creatures. An "only dog" needs either another pet in the home or someone to give them some doggie time & with a Yorkie, they need to be constantly supervised when outside due to their small size & huge prey drive as they are tempted to run & chase squirrels, other dogs, cats, etc. What if she should get very, very ill - are you prepared to properly vet & care for her, including the time & great deal of money it could take, through the rest of her natural life? These are all things to consider long & hard. Does she have some time with you for training and playing games if there is no other dog or child to play with her & keep her active & challenged? If not, again, you could have some problems with her. On the other hand, there are some sedentary type dogs who don't require so much attention and do well living a more solitary life. My Jilly was one of those quieter, more solitary dogs who did well on her own while I worked & didn't care much for play. She insisted on being an "only dog". My Tibbe who I have had 4 years is a fireball of energy & happily for both of us takes all of my time & I suspect he would be miserable living like Jilly lived. He would love a houseful of brother- & sister- Yorkies!

Usually the relationship a true doglover has with his or her dog is largely one of wide-eyed, besotted, head-over-heels puppylove on both sides, happily all-consuming & they are more than ready & able to accommodate the dog's needs & wishes, loving 99.99% of it & never resenting one moment of it. If you don't feel that way and feel that your family & this girl may be happier with someone who has the time & inclination to devote more time & attention to her wants & needs, you & she may be happier if you rehome her. If you do, I would consult with someone here on how to correctly place her in a responsible, forever dogloving home of someone who will never breed her & who fits a strict bill of must-have characteristics. I think you were honest & forthright in your post & that kind of self-awareness is a good, good thing in any situation. :) I hope you can work out what is going to work best for you & your family & your little Yorkie. God bless!

I can understand what you are saying. When my children were young, we had two shih tzus and a cat that were well taken care of and loved but our household was so busy at times, I really don't think even the kids noticed them some days.

It was different with Molly who I loved (adored) and then Crystal the same. I still wanted to treat them like dogs. Molly got the very basic of training but Crystal went on to the very advanced. Not as great as Alaskayorkies but she did make the children at the 'Children's Hospital' smile once a week. She knew it was her job to make the little ones assigned to her happy.

Your post was very honest and I admire you for it.

For me I got Princess so my life could basically revolve around her. My skin daughter was 12 at the time & exercising her newly earned freedom with friends, etc. while I was abruptly put on disability from a job I'd spent the last nine years at. I thought we could get a dog to keep me busy & for me to spoil. This was about 2.5 years ago & I've been back to work for about nine months now. Sometimes I feel guilty that Princess wants to play & I'm just too tired & unmotivated so I usually just force myself. However, that's something I'm working on changing. She has a very demanding personality (as many yorkies can) but if her basic needs are being met I don't always go the extra mile. It took a lot of training on my part to stop it. I still hate to leave her home alone & try to take her to my parents if I know we'll be gone for the day. Lord knows I've spent too much of my life sleeping-I don't wish the same for her.

I think that as much as you can prepare your life for a pet they always require more than we think, just like a human child. I hope you're able to find a balance that makes you both happy so she does not bring out any resentment. I also hope you don't feel guilty to not giving into every little whim. Some can and some do, but it's not the only way to be a puppy parent.

I'm glad you're honest about your truth, perhaps if others were it could save a lot of heartache for a furkid or their parent.

Princess 10 [quote]I also hope you don't feel guilty to not giving into every little whim. Some can and some do, but it's not the only way to be a puppy parent. [end quote]

So true!

Your honesty is good. I love it. I bought Bella from a mom of a 3 year old. More or less she didn't have time for her, I don't think. Her friends even told her she was crazy considering the yorkie with a toddler. I found her, and she is perfect in my house. It's only my husband and I now. Our kids are grown and married with their own lives. But in the past, my other dog was part of the family but was easily put on hold often when there was things the kids had to do. Good luck. Don't feel guilty, it sounds like she is still very loved.

I got Avery knowing that Yorkies require a lot of attention and have that 'baby' aspect to them. I wanted a baby, but then he came along and baby no more-- he's all I ever needed.

Some people just want Yorkies because they are cute, but then find out they are super dependent and their lifestyle doesn't match that. I can honestly tell you love her, but if you regret getting her, maybe she isn't living up to her fullest potential.

Avery comes EVERYWHERE with me (minus a few places), because a.) he loves to go, and b.) he'd cry ALL day if I left him alone.

Yorkies are perfect for families who grew up with them, who have an empty nest, or people who just need a life companion. They aren't as independent as other dogs. I think as your children grow older, you may want her around more-- they're just so cuddly!

First off, I just wanted to compliment you on your writing abilities and insightful post.:p I am a fairly new Yorkie mom but I am much like you were....Yorkie obsessed. I am not a mother and I have 2 older Boxers who I adore; however, Max came into my life and has changed me. I need his love as much (or more) than he needs me. Things would be different if I had kids and I do not think that anyone is a "bad" dog owner for not centering their world around their animals.

Great thread and post!!!:thumbup::thumbup:

Thanks for your comments. I was actually speaking to a co-worker about this today. I got Coco Chanel from a neighbor who I would puppy sit for. At times i'd come home from work and hear her barking upstairs and knew she was alone and hungry. Saving grace was that neighbor gave me key so I was able to pick her up, being her home and take care of her needs until neighbor came home. I had her for 6 straight days while neighbor went on vacation with her new boyfriend last August. Coco greeted her upon return, then hid under my dining room table and wouldn't come when called. She never went upstairs again.

I never had a dog growing up and having one now is not something I would have done on my own. I consider us two souls who needed and found each other. I still don't have a handle on balancing both our needs but it's a work in progress.

I can't imagine my life without her and I hope that she'll have a long life with me. But should she leave me prematurely, I don't think I'd have a need to have another pup.

:thumbs_up:thumbs_up

I 100% understand and know what you are saying... I am not really an animal person myself. Corky belongs to my daughter. But he really is not a baby as a matter of fact He is very independent when it comes to me. If he and I are in the house, he will be downstairs and I upstairs in my office, and I will not see him all day. But he is very dependent on my daughter

BUT<<<
I take good care of him, I am lucky that I can work from home. If I go out to work outside, he will come along and run around the back yard. Then he will sit down and take a nap, because I think he understands when I have that headset on he has to be quiet. I will go to the store or go to lunch with a friend, He will look at me; blink twice, and lay back down. I say bye cork! and I am out the door.

I hope you find a balance, It will have to be what works for you.

I love Dink to pieces, but still it does not compare to the love for my children and husband. Some people need and/or want a pet to be even more than a pet. that's wonderful. no judgment just joy all around.

I do hear what you're saying! Not everyone who owns a dog can possibly devote all, or even most, of their time to that dog(s). And every one is different! There are LOTS of well-loved dogs who probably don't get the attention they may want, but you know what... there's lots of dogs content to just be a "family dog" and just BE there, if you know what I mean and live a very happy life.

I think I've lightened up over the past few years too. While Jackson still is very much the center of my life in a lot of ways - I also know he will be absolutely fine if I do HAVE to leave him for 8 hours one day, or that I CAN go on vacation and enjoy myself and know he's being taken care of and will be fine upon my arrival. And he doesn't need to be doing something every second of every day and that he does need to learn to settle and entertain himself sometimes.

With that said, he is my best buddy! He's truly FAMILY and my whole human family feels the same about him. If he's allowed, he's going to come with me, because *I* enjoy it, and he enjoys it as well, so why not? I love having him with me! I would say I am more of a "dog enthusiast" than most whereas I belong to this forum, and others, and I enjoy researching about veterinary medicine, food, vaccines, etc, and I love training. And Jackson lives a REALLY good life - he's a very active dog who really does need lots of exercise and stimulation so I do provide him with that.

I don't ever regret for a minute getting him tho. He is my BOY and I can't even remember life without him. But him and I just click and mesh really well, right from the get-go, we had a strong communication between us. I think that can make a difference too. Certain ppl just don't click with certain dogs.... I know I don't really like when a dog constantly has to be on your lap, or be picked up, and is SUPER needy. Jackson is needy, but in a different way. Anyways I'm kind of rambling.

For what it's worth, too, I've ALWAYS been a dog person. Since... I was born, LOL. I begged for a dog for years, and my dad got a Golden Retriever for "me" when I turned 4. I also had MY first dog (minus the costs) when I was 10 - a German Shepherd named Sadie. I was the kid who had toy plastic dogs, and studied the Dog Breed books, LoL!! So I definitely have always been INTO dogs as long as I can remember. I grew up with the dogs in my parents bed and my own, and went to school w/ dog hair all over me every day, lol. And for the past 4 years, I've been in the pet sitting "business" (my own thing)... sooo... Anyways that could be a big reason why I am the way I am!

I totally understand how you feel. I had two kids, 5 dogs, and various other animals. I am also very clean, not ocd, but clean. I had to take them back and forth to school, work their lunch program at school, basketball, baseball, gymnastics, dancing, sea cadets, boy scouts, soccer, track, swim, choir, cheerleading, clean, shop and be prepared. To me the dogs, who I loved, I could do without. They were alot of work, extra work! Many Many times I would wish I didn't have pets. Our life was full and it was a 7 day a week life, so the dogs and all the other pets were really over the top for me.

After the children left, and the dogs passed on, the turtle released, the iguana rehomed, the birds passed, the snakes rehomed, tree frogs passed etc, I enjoyed the peace, for a little while.

It was a full five years before I got another pet. It wasn't me that wanted one. But the relationship I have now with my little Yorkies is much greater than any other cat or dog (yes I forgot to list 2 cats above) I've ever had, and I think its because I can focus on them. I love them and theres nothing I wouldn't do for them, honestly. Sometimes, I still wish we hadn't gotten them, the financial cost has been staggering, the sacrifices have been many, but if I think of them gone....I just can't, I love them more each day!

I know exactly how you feel and its ok. Like me you have them for your family, I never said no to my kids, because I knew what it was like not to have a pet! You are validated.

With that said, you will never see me rolling along with my Yorkies in a stroller, I don't take them with me everywhere I go, I'm not big on froo froo, no bows or topknots, no doggie talk, but they are my best friends and my furbabies, and I adore them...I do think of them as part of my family but it could never be equal to my children...its just different.

I have no idea why I have just babbled on, but I just want you to know I really do understand! Its ok and it doesn't make you bad.

Finally, you really do love your Yorkie more than you know, your here at YT and that says alot about how much you care, you have quality time, I bet you really couldn't get rid of her if you had the chance...you would miss her way too much!

Terrific post, just gotta love ya!:)

I read your post and it made my bawl....I still have guilt from my last yorkie!

Like you, I had two young kids when I got Chelsea. Both kids were involved in activities and we were on the go alot. My life revolved around my kids, not my dog. Chelsea had a great life and was well cared for and loved...but not like ZoE is. And maybe it's not that the care itself is so much different, but the thought and focus on the care is definately greater now.

My kids are both grown and both are away at college, and it's just me & ZoE, so she's the main focus of my daily life. Maybe ZoE has it better as my world pretty much centers on her and her care, but then again, Chelsea had my kids around everyday and she clearly loved being with them & being the "family dog".

And I'll probably have more guilt when I'm retired and have another yorkie, as I'll be able to spend so much more time with that than I am with ZoE. I think guilt and feeling a bit insecure as to whether your doing all you can as best as you can is just part of parenting skin kids AND fur kids.

Also, about myself, I like to add that I don't think Tatiana is the center of my life. My husband and I INCLUDE her in our life. There's a difference. We never re-structured our life for her. We have the same lifestyle. We just made accommodations and efforts to INCLUDE her (going out, errands, meals, vacations, social events, etc). She is part of the pack. Family.

:thumbup: Great post. Georgie doesn't have a stroller and didn't even like getting in the bottom of my sons stroller a couple of years ago. He also has never had a top knot. I must admit both my husband and I talk baby talk to him LOL. I also think it can take time. I can tell you I feel like my life has been enhanced with having Georgie in it, but I really really realized it when he needed surgery and without it could potentially not survive. It was at that moment that I knew (if I ever questioned it before) that he was meant to be my baby and I had to do whatever I could to make him better.

To the OP I don't think someone that didn't love their furbaby and care about their well being would be a member of YT. I think plenty of us can relate to how you feel and I appreciate that you shared it with us:)

Thank you all for the replies and caring words. It is reassuring. I have no intention of rehoming her. My husband and I take having children and pets very serious. We did the first training course at Pet Smart and plan on going further because we wanted to get off on the right foot with her. My kids do love her too and would be very sad if she was gone. I guess I just wanted to say "aloud" what I was thinking and get some reassurance that I wasn't the only one and that it is okay. If I knew a few months ago what I know now, I probably would have waited on getting a Yorkie for a few years, but what is done is done. She is ours now and I overall am glad.

You are not the only one;) Sounds like she has a great home with a lot of love:D

When I was a young mother with four active children, I felt exactly like you do. Running a busy household kept me going 24/7, and there was never a day off! I loved our family dog to pieces, but he was just that, the family dog. Now the kids are grown, and the house is quiet. Did you know the refrigerator makes a humming sound when it kicks on? I never did until my kids were gone. Adopting Lola from the rescue made me aware of the plight of puppy mill dogs. Soon, I was taking in fosters. I needed something to nurture, and well, those little guys needed someone who would love and be patient with them while their bodies and spirits healed. It was a match made in heaven. My husband of 33 years is my soul mate. I love that man more each day! And my grand babies, well, they are the most handsome, perfect angels on God's green earth. I belong to the ladies guild, I scuba dive, garden, and decorate model homes for builders. My life has purpose and meaning. While everyone else is busy with their live's priorities, mine are my fur girls. This is where I'm at during this new season of my life. I don't expect everyone to understand or agree, and I don't stand in judgement of those who feel differently. Sami_girl, kiss your little boys often, and take lots of "heart moment" snapshots to hide in your heart, because they'll be grown and off to college in the blink of an eye! Oh, and Happy Mother's Day to you!

Made me tear up.:cry: Thank you. :)

Oh, I'm so glad to read your second post! From your first post when your first expressed emotion was to say that you liked her, even loved her, and sometimes wish you hadn't got her, it sounded like a less than enthusiastic expression of your feeling for your dog and I worried this could become an issue & perhaps problems would be brewing if there wasn't a deep loving bond there & that was causing some of the guilt you mentioned & some extra neediness from her. I'm so relieved to read that your kids love her and that you have no thought for finding her a new home! As long as you & your family love her, you can deal with the work she requires & any guilt you feel & whatever else comes up. As long as a dog has love and responsible owners who see to its needs, it will be fine. And your little girl will pay you back with so much love & loyalty, funny antics & charm, it won't be long before you can't imagine your life without your sweet little Yorkie!

Im like you I love my yorkies but they arent my world. We go on vacations and do things without them which is unlike some people on here. I love them alot but we also like to do family stuff which doesnt always include them. I am okay with them on my lap for a short bit then I need to be able to go on and do whatever I need to do, I like your honesty

Off Topic: I can't help but interject here with an endorsement that is near and dear to my heart. As much as I advocate for animals especially against unethical breeders, puppy mills etc (look at my signature), I happen to also work with children all day, good, bad and the worst possible. One thing I know for sure is there are many in foster care that are just waiting to have a name and family of their own.

There is a misconception that all the kids in fostercare have a "defect" of some kind. I can tell you that is sooooo not the case....for those of you who could even consider for a moment the possibility of adding a foster child to your home...please look in to it, your local County Social Services department can help you. I'm sure your Yorkies would love a little friend!

I'm sorry for the Off Topic, please resume your regular conversation!!!