I'm So Sad
 

I feel terrible because I was so mean to my hubby, Jim, the day of my mother's burial. As most of you know, I lost my little Yorkie princess, Katie Lyn, the day before my mother passed away 2 weeks ago. So I've been grieving for my beloved mother, as well as my precious little girl. Well on the day of the burial, I came home from the cemetary and went back to my parent's house. Jim told me that he was going out to run a few errands. Well, that errand was to go buy me something ... he spent $1,400 on an adorable 4 month old female Yorkie pup. He put one of Katie's custom made sweaters (that said "Mommy's Girl" on it) on the little pup and brought her to my dad's house as a gift for me to try and cheer me up. Instead of being happy, I blew up and screamed at him. I told him that he was trying to "replace" my Katie and that it was never going to happen. I also screamed at him to take Katie's sweater off "that dog". I didn't even touch the puppy and I made him return her, which he did and he got his money back.

But now I feel AWFUL because I know Jim was only trying to make me happy. I've apologized so many times and he keeps telling me that it's ok, not to worry about it and he only wants me to be happy. Now I feel even worse for being so mean to him because all he has ever wanted was for me to be happy. He's such a great guy and he does EVERYTHING for me. He treats me like I'm a piece of fragile glass. And how do I repay his kindness? I scream at him and hurt his feelings. I feel like a terrible person.

Our Maltese, Codie Lee, suffers from severe seperation anxiety and the only "cure" was when we got Katie for him as a sister. He seperation anxiety was TOTALLY gone and he was happy and care free. Now that she's gone, Codie has once again started to exhibit early signs of seperation anxiety. So I know in my heart that I must get another dog because Codie desperately needs the companionship during the day. But my problem is that my heart is broken over my Katie. How can I move on and get another dog? I feel like I'm betraying her memory. What should I do? If I wait too long, Codie will suffer and may even have to be medicated (according to my vet) but I do NOT want to medicate my dog. Codie really suffers bad ... he even hurts himself by biting his tail or paw until it bleeds. I can't stand to see him suffer like that all over again. He doesn't deserve it -- he's such a sweet and gentle little boy.

Please tell me what you think I should do. Should I put my feelings aside and get another Yorkie for Codie's said? Jim thinks that the new dog will help me heal. But I'm not so sure. :( Am I being selfish? As a good pet owner, I should put Codie's needs and feelings before my own.

Sweetie...you could never ever replace Katie - When we get another to love we are honoring the loss of a loved one - not substituting them with a new version...each yorkie is special in their own way and there will never be another Katie for you - but there COULD be another to help heal the voids in your heart...

You've lost your mom...that in itself was horrible - but to lose your yorkie also is such a double whammy....and I'm still so so sorry for your losses.

Katie would want you to love another yorkie - you are a good mom and she wouldn't want you sad.....and I agree...Codie is grieving also and I think a new puppy would really help him -

Your husband sounds wonderful and he knows how devestated you were over your mom and the loss of your little Katie - He'll be fine but I worry more about YOU.

I think a puppy is a wonderful idea....I honestly do.

I don't know what good I can do...WHen, I lost my Peke when I was 18, I went out and got 2 lizzards(ms) It wasn't the same. I wish I wouls have gotten another puppy. So, I think it might help you and Codie...No, you aren't trying to replace Katie, I think as you make that decision you might see that...

I'm so sorry Jennifer for the terrible losses you've suffered. I can't tell you what I think you should do, that is for you to decide. I can tell you though that my new little Gypsy has made a tremendous difference to me. I lost my little silky x girl in August. She was 12 1/2 yrs. old and I missed her so much I was actually sick. Gypsy will never replace Tori, that would be impossible because Tori still does and always will have her own special place in my heart. But I learned very quickly that we always have enough love to go around and Gypsy found her own special place very quickly. The love she gives me every day makes it much less painful dealing with the absence of Tori.
I hope this helps you in some way and I know that you will never be sorry if you get another little furbabie.

Kathy, Tango and Gypsy
p.s. Tango is much happier since I brought Gypsy home too, he missed his sister Tori so much.

Oh Jen, I'm so sorry. It's never easy. I know how much it hurts, but I think a puppy is a wonderful idea. I know Katie would want it, she'd be happy. You have enough love in you to keep loving Katie, and to share your love with a new puppy. I also think a new puppy would help Codie. He lost his sister, one of his best friends. Your husband sounds so sweet, he knows you didn't mean anything. He understands you're just hurt, I'm sure he's hurting too. I think you should follow your heart, and do what you feel is right. Good luck, Jen. And know we're always here for you. :)

Megan is so wise beyond her years! I couldn't agree more. I know it will be hard at first, but I am sure you will find that you are able to love your new puppy and continue to love Katie. Our yorkies love us beyond words and all they want is for us to be happy. I know Katie would want that for you.

jen i think what ever decision you make will be the right one...i know your gonna go for it...so just take that leap sweetie...you will be ok.. promise

Oh, what a sweet husband you must have, Everyone should be so lucky, I'm sure he understands exactly where you were coming from, and knows it was the pain and hurt that came out.
I Know how you feel about getting another dog, I've been there, and you do think that your not doing Katie justice and not honoring her memory,, BUT you will always miss her ,and grieve for her, but it might just take a little of the pain away,,, and eventually you will grow to love the new pup, in a whole new and special way,, but Never the same as Katie.. I'd consider it, for you and for Codie.

Thank you all for your kind replies. Jim wants to take me tonight to Quality Canine to look at some pups. He said the other little pup that he returned may still be available to buy. So maybe we'll stop by there tonight if we have some time after work. He said I can ever get 2 pups if I want .... LOL :) Maybe I'll take him up on that offer hehehehe :p I told him I'll go look but I'll only take a puppy if it "calls" to me the way Codie and Katie did. When I saw them, it was love at first sight.

I'm also interested in maybe adopting a puppy mill rescue Yorkie. I've been browsing Pet Finder so far to see what is available.

jen the pup that jim brought home to you is the one...

That's what Jim keeps telling me lol :)

I think so too :)

I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my Candie (toy poodle) a year ago. I was devastated. I couldn't sleep and all I did was cry. I just new I had to have another companion but I had the same guilty feeling about getting another pup. My husband called around and found my Sophie for me. When they put her in my arms I had to have her. There will never be another dog that could replace Candie. Sophie has added a different energy to our home. We still talk about Candie all the time and all the funny things she did. We tell Sophie sometimes you act just like your sister. We still miss her desperatly but dealing with a puppy doesn't give you much time to let your mind dwell on the sad things. I hope my story has helped you and if you ever need to talk I am here.

The hard part is that I feel so guilty when I cry and grieve over Katie because I lost my mother the very next day. My sister was over my apartment and we were looking through photo albums and came across some pictures of Katie. Well I started to cry and my sister said in a round about way that I should cry about mom and not about "some dog". Needless to say Jim IMMEDIATELY came to my defense in a polite way before I even had a chance to open my mouth lol :D But now I really do feel bad when I cry over Katie. I know you all can understand what I'm feeling because we don't view our dogs are "dogs" or "pets" -- we view them as children and family members. So when I cry for my little Katie, I'm crying because I lost a child (not a "pet"). I guess people like my sister, who aren't animal lovers, will never understand how I feel.

I am sorry for you losses.

You are so blessed to have someone by your side to help you through this difficult time. No one can tell you how to feel or greave but I think that you were probably more upset seeing the sweater on the puppy, than at the fact your husband bought the actual puppy. You know once someone has a special place in out hearts NO ONE can EVER take their place.

My advice to people is do what is best for you, because only you have the answer to your happiness.

Continue to be blessed.

Kahlil Gibran said "And ever has it been that love knows not it's own depth until the hour of separation".

You have gone thorough a tremendious amount of pain. It is completely understandable why you snapped at your wonderful husband. But if it were me, I'd remember my fur-baby, not by replacing her, but by giving the amount of love you lost to a new one. By honoring the memory of her. You will never replace that love you shared with her. No 2 Yorkies are alike. But give yourself a chance to love another one. Love is a tricky emotion. Katie would want you to go on. Codie is in pain too. Maybe by learning to love another one, you will not only heal yourself, you will also help Codie and your husband. If he went to get you another Yorkie, he understands how much you were in pain. He was only trying to help. Chances are, he's in pain too. I think this is a win-win situation for all of you. Good Luck.
Suz

I think you're right. I really got angry when I saw Katie's baby sweater on that pup. That was the very first sweater I ever bought for Katie. I had it custom made according to her measurements when I first brought her home at 5 months old. It's a light pink sweater and it says "Mommy's Girl" in dark pink. That probaly did fuel my anger more then seeing the puppy itself. The poor little pup was probably frightened by my yelling. I feel so bad now for reacting that way but I just think it was a little too much and too soon. My Katie has only been gone 2 weeks and 1 day -- not a long time at all.

Oh Jen you really have been through alot in a short time. That was really sweet what your husband did but i understand your reaction. Hopefully you and he can go and pick out a pup together. It wont replace your precious Katie but puppies do have a way of mending broken hearts. Good luck we are all pulling for you!

omg, im sitting here crying...jennifer, i am soooo sorry for both of your losses. you are in such a fragile state, so dont be too hard on yourself about the outburst @ ur hubby, he sounds like an amazing guy and knows what you are going through, im sure he has long since forgiven you. you are in no way whatsoever betraying Katie's memory by getting a new puppy. personally, i think it will help you thru the grieving process. Celebrate the lives of your mother and katie and focus on the positive- you are a great person and petowner<3<3 dont i can only imagine how you feel, and i just want to give u the biggest hug! you have a great husband and furbaby who love you sooo much, so fear not, everything will work out when you make whatever decision you choose. you are in my thoughts :hug:

Dear Jen,

We don't know each other but reading your story broke my heart. Anyone that has suffered the loss of a dear pet can relate. AND anyone that has lost their beloved mother can also relate. These losses in 2 days time is more than anyone should have to bear.

While I can't even imagine how you feel, I have suffered grief before and I know one thing that may come with that is wanting to protect oneself from feeling that way again. As you know, you are very fortunate to have Jim there for you. Allow yourself the gifts that this dear man wants to offer. You are not betraying Katie or your Mom by accepting joy back in your life. Both of them would want their Jen to go on living and loving.

We all know how healing puppy kisses can be :D plus having a little one keeping you busy might be good for you and your husband. Just be sure you give yourself quiet moments each day to heal your heart and deal with your loss.

Best wishes

Jen,
You are breaking my heart! I feel so badly for you. I lost my mom 4 years ago so I know how that feels. When Bandit died everyone thought I was nuts for the way I grieved because we only had him for a month. Well, that didn't matter, he was my baby. I literally could not get out of bed for 2 days. I swore I would never get another puppy. Well, of course we got Tucker. He is wonderful and I love him for who he is. He is not Bandit, and he doesn't replace Bandit in my heart. It's because you loved Katie so much that you honor her by wanting another baby in your life. You do what feels right to you, but know that it is not a case of replacing Katie. I want you to know you are in my prayers and I hope that you do get another puppy because believe it or not, it does help you to heal.

You're right, Jenn, other people don't view the loss of our little one's the same way we do. You are probably more able psychologically to accept the death of your mom because she was older than you were Katie because she was so little, so young, and so dependent on you for all of her care. I also had a double loss in my family before Muffin's death. It really takes the wind out of your sails for awhile, but you realize that life goes on with or without you. You're the same way with Katie's clothes as I was with Muffin's. That is just normal behavior. I did it, too. The truth is that you will grieve for little Katie for a long, long time. I think a puppy (or two ;) ) can only help fill your time and your heart and help little Codie cope with his grief, too. Don't forget that they also suffer with grief. Wishing you lotsa hugs and telling you how lucky you are that Jim loves you so much! :p

Jennifer,

First of all, I'm so very sorry for the loss of your mother. I know first hand what it feels like to lose a parent, having lost my father 20 years ago. Many thoughts and prayers for you and your family during this difficult time. Treasure the memories you hold so very dear of your mother. They will help you through the most lonesome of days.

And please also accept my sympathies on the loss of your precious Katie. As others here have also gone through this pain, I too know the pain of losing a precious, beloved pet. I lost my Katie (aptly named from Scarlett O'Hara from Gone With The Wind) a few years ago. She was my first "baby" and was truly loved and spoiled by our family. I remember crying in the vet's office when she died that I had lost my baby. I had grown so attached to her, my world revolved around that little 5 pound fur-baby (as well as my 2 precious human boys). My husband wanted to get me a new puppy right away but I refused. My thoughts were similar to yours in that I didn't want to replace Katie. But I think my biggest reason for not wanting another dog is I just didn't want to allow myself to get that close to another fur baby. After a few weeks, I decided I was ready to think about another Yorkie and began my "hunt" for the perfect one. Through into this our looking for a house and trying to pack and all, it took me a year to find Gabby, or her to find me:) We have had Gabby in our lives for the past 8 1/2 years and love her so much. She hasn't taken the place of my Katie but has earned her own space in my heart (one look and she had it!!). Now we've added Gage, our one year old rescue Yorkie, into the mix and my heart is overflowing with happiness.

I guess I could have taken the "short version route" and simply said you will know in your heart when it's time for you to find your fur baby. Katie can never be replaced, you know that and your family knows that. But there is room in your heart for another one....let it be your guide. God bless you and watch over you and yours during your time of grieving and healing. Keep us posted.

Suzi

Jenn:

I know you are still so sad and miss Katie so much. When my pug died last year, my husband said he would get me a new dog. I immediately said no, no more dogs but after a few weeks the house was just so empty without that little pitter patter around. When I got Chewy, I was happy in a way that I hadn't been for months, since the loss of my Pike.

No pup will ever take Katie's place, but you have so much love to give a pup and the one you do get will be a lucky one indeed! You will be happy again with another doggie and Codie will again have a playmate. You have a great support in Jim and we are always here for you. Just keep yourself open and you will see that you will be happy again.
XOXOXO

Dear Jen

I feel so sad for you, I lost my first yorkie 13 years ago and it was like losing a child as I had had him since I was 16 he was 13 when he passed away. It has taken me all this time to persuade my husband to get another one, and we now have two , and we love them both so much. But Iwill always remember Max, I keep a picture of him by my bedside and have thought of him every day, they never replace each other as they all have such personalities but sometimes a little thing they do brings back little memories which is so sweet. You will know when you are ready ,and although you will miss Katie a puppy will help you grieve . Just rejoice for all the times you had wth Katie, good luck and take care.

Jennifer
 

Jennifer, when you are crying for Kate, you are crying for your mother also.
Loss is loss...grief is grief.
I didn't cry much when my mother died..I was a young mother and felt I had to hold it all together..I shed "acceptable" tears..a little here and a little there for a few days.

Years later I lost a female Yorkie after a c-section (my only breeding loss) I cried so much I thought I would need to be hospitalized. My doctor said they were tears for all my losses for a number of years..so I cried and finally acknowledged these losses..never apologize for your heart felt grief..the loss of any love is very painful..human or canine.

Grief manifasts itself in many ways besides tears. I think some of the grief you feel for Katie is also probably for your mom. I have lost both my parents....my dad just last May. When my dad died, it brought up emotions that I thought were gone (over) regarding my mother. You have double to deal with too. I have screamed at both my husband and my daughter when it really wasn't warranted. It was a little easier before the holidays but now I have some tears over that too. I had Trace when my father died, and some days he was the ONLY bright spot. A puppy may help you, they don't take the pain away, but they manage to wiggle their way into your heart.

Your husband is a sweetheart. Give him a kiss and go just "look" at those fur babies :)

God bless and I am so sorry about the loss of your mom and Katie,
Deb

You said exactly what I was trying to convey in my post.....

Ok, I am going to do this without crying...all of these replys really made me tear up.

You are grieving right now and I am sure that your husband forgives you...you poor thing. Getting another pup will not be replacing Katie. I can tell you loved her very much and I think that your husband is so sweet to try and get you a new puppy. I know that would be what I would want. I think that it is perfectly fine to get another dog. It will help Cody and it will take your mind off of your losses and let you fill voids. NOt replace but help you heal that is all honey!

This will get eaiser.....I promise.

You've gotten tons of good advice so I won't try to repeat. Just know that if you need anything I'm not far away. Please take care of yourself. :girl_hug: :girl_hug: