delimma - kids and teacups..?
 

Hello all!

My name is Misty and I just recently got my sweet little yorkie pup, Mia. She is 3 months old and very energetic (just perfect)! I'm struggling with my family right now because I've set some rules for everyone to help follow with our new baby. Example, never leave her unattended outside, do not allow her to walk around the house without constant supervision as she is potty training and things need to stay consistant, she is not allowed to be upstairs at all, and the youngest (who is 6 and very rough and careless) is not to carry her around the house, but he can hold her sitting down and play with her as much as he would like. She is only 1 pound and 8 ounces and I'm terrified if he drops her on my hardwood, or the rock patio it could cause real injury or even death. I never saw this coming but, my husband lets him go against this rule anytime I am not around. I had a long talk with my husband and this kid and explained why I have this rule and I need him to follow it always...but he (the kid) is constantly trying to get away with all that he can. Just the other day after I had this long talk with him, I witnessed him lift her over his head with one hand (like she was an airplane) and landed her on my patio table, where he then released her. My husband was standing right beside him with his back turned. I rushed outside, picked her up and told him he was not to hold her the rest of the night and "again" explained why!!! My husband defended him with some stupid excuse, but I know this kid knows exactly what he is doing. The very next night, he started off doing well and minding, but as the night went on, he did the same airplane move again while sitting down over my hardwoods. What do I do about this? I have anxiety when I am forced to leave her there with him. I know that I will relax as she gets bigger, but right now she is just so fragile.

Hi,I have twin 8 yr olds very active etc so I know what your saying... I actually chose the two pups who were bigger than their sister for this reason. I think the best solution is to have a crate where you can make her comfy with toys etc while your gone. put a lock on it and keep her there till you come back....she will be safe and there will be no anxiety and no "Im sorrys" when you come back;)

Good suggestion!! You definitely need to do this because it is an accident waiting to happen.

As two "airplane" maneuvers were attempted while you were there, crating while your gone may minimize the opportunity for injury, but obviously won't remove it completely.

I note you call him "the kid" and not your son. Is this an issue of not being able to discipline your husband's kid? Not meaning to be intrusive, but I just can't imagine having told my child once, that they would do it again. They grew up knowing full well, that if they mistreated something highly valued by me that NOTHING they valued would be left in my home! (and they knew my threats weren't empty & would be followed through...) Sounds like you need to have a serious discussion with your husband regarding enforcement of rules & expectations for appropriate behaviour. In the meantime, that pup would be going everywhere with me and checked into doggy daycare if occasions didn't allow it.

I agree with crating her when you are not there to supervise. When I got my first Yorkie my kids were very young. He was not allowed out of the kitchen without ME. Period. The small kids were not allowed in unless with ME and sitting only. They have never been allowed to pick them up and my now youngest at 7 to this day has never picked up my Yorkie from the ground. If he wants to hold her he sits on the ground and she can get on his lap IF she wants to. I put it to my husband simply (he never went against me though)...I will not have vet bills (men hear this! LOL) because the kids were careless. I put it to my children like this (yes, even very young children) You may not ever pick her up because if you drop her you could KILL her. They even at very young ages were very worried about what could happen and have never even tried to pick them up. My children who are older now of course pick her up when they want but they are teenagers and know how to be respectful of a tiny dog.

Be blunt and if that doesn't work keep her away from them.

To be perfectly safe and fair to the dog, I don't think I would ever want to have a tiny Yorkie around small children as you cannot watch them 100% of the time and the chances for injury are too great to take a chance. Since you have that situation all that you can do is make a solemn promise to yourself that you can never take your eyes off the dog when a young child is around it and hope that you can stick to that. You can explain to the children about how fragile the little baby animal is but I would not really expect or rely on them to comprehend/understand/remember that as to do so would be unfair to a little child. All that you can do is keep them apart unless you can have eyes on the situation. Little children just do not have the judgment or recall to be 100% safe around tiny animals in most situations from my past experience though I know some do get by without injury. Then again - some don't, so I would not risk putting the little dog's health at risk around a little child who just can't be risk-free at all times. When my son was small, he was the most gentle little child ever around dogs and still I would never have left him unmonitored by me to have played around a small dog like a Yorkie.

Thanks! These are great suggestions ;) I take miss mia with me everywhere I go including to work with me when I can. I cannot believe how much I love this little girl. I am going to replace my bedroom door with one that I can lock/unlock with a key so that I can leave her safe in her crate where my step son cannot have access to her... point blank. That will keep me worry free from him moving her crate around even if he can't get her out (not sure that he would but he's been known to do some weird stuff).

I called him "the kid" because he has been giving me greif lately (the past 4.5 years)when it comes to minding. I do love him and wish I could figure something out to help our relationship (trust me, I've tried) but he sure is the most difficult child I've been around. He is not my husbands son biologically but he knows no other dad. Therefore, disciplining is something I do, but then my husband and I fight about it. I don't have this problem with our other 3 children (2 are his and 1 is mine, they are all teenagers). I talked it over with my hsuband about how fragile this puppy would be if we got her and that I needed him to help keep her safe and he seemed on board, so I didn't think this would be the issue that it is now ;( Kids are kids and they need correction, but I think my hsuband feels sorry for the youngest because he is so difficult. Not sure, but I feel like he is making matters worse. We've discussed the childs behavior numerous times but it always ends in a deffensive argument (my husband always has to be right..ugh). But not this time, not when it comes to my baby girls safety!!! Thank you everyone for the suggestions!

I definitely wish you the best in keeping your poochie and your family safe and happy. Lots of pieces to juggle in this life, aren't there!!! All the best to you and your sweet kiddos and pups! Oh, and hubby, too! Can't let him be an afterthought!

I don't think a very small Yorkie would really be safe even around careful children, simply because children don't have very good coordination. They can drop or step on a small dog by accident, even if they are careful, well-behaved kids. If your stepson is deliberately doing dangerous things with the dog, the problem is even worse. Is there a room in the house that your stepson doesn't have access to, like your bedroom? Or can you lock the door? Or like someone else said, get a crate (maybe a very large one, so it's more like a playpen, if you want) and lock that. Although if you want my opinion, I think you need family counseling so you and your husband can agree on child-raising techniques...you've got 12 more years of raising kids, after all.

My son is 3 years old and he knows he is not allowed to hold, pick up, or do anything with Bella (2.6lbs) unless mommy is right there. He only picked her up twice without asking and both times he got a good long time out! If you work with them and show them they are going get in trouble and follow through every time they will learn to listen . I hope this helps :D

:thumbup:

:thumbdown I think any Human being can drop or step on a small animal on accident. I have two girls that are four and six and are very gentle with my yorkie Jenks (Granted he is 7lbs) But to say a Yorkie could never be safe around small kids imo is wrong people have accidents not just children. If a child is deliberately dangerous and a spouse is purposely ignoring it their are bigger issues that need to be dealt with. Once the child's bigger issues are dealt with the smaller issue tend to resolve themselves. I agree with crating or locking a room to keep the child away from the dog though.

On a side note to the OP I like the mystery envelope for my girls...

Make a behavior or chore chart
then get some envelopes and put small prizes
even simple stuff like movie and popcorn time alone with mom and dad or going out for ice cream or some cool stickers or fake tattoos.
If the child can follow the chart we started them out on a daily chart at two but they are on a weekly chart now with bigger prizes and more time alone with mom dad or both/ Sometimes the prize is simply choosing what we make for dinner that night or getting to put on some of my perfume before bed after their bath.

Maybe to talk to your schools guidance counselor about sending suggestions home for how you can work with your child then show the notes to dad? Or as suggested above family counseling to find out why the child is acting out and ways you and your spouse can present a united front and come to some agreement on how to handle the issues?

It is so important to teach young children to show respect to all animals. Studies show that children who mistreat animals grow up to be abusive to humans as well. It sounds like you are having discipline problems with this child without the dog involved. It's an issue that will only get worse if you and your husband do not work it out now. This child knows he does not have to respect you or your authority over him and his father is supporting that attitude.
Personally, I think it is unfair to the dog to make it stay in a crate in order to protect it from the child but I guess you have to do something to protect the puppy. I would put a leash on her and keep the leash attached to you at all times. That way you can be sure to be on top of the potty training and also keep the puppy safe from a child that cannot be trusted. This is a sad but serious situation for both you and the puppy. Please don't leave her unattended for a second. Only let the child play with the puppy when you are right there with him.

It is very important for your husband to support your rules with your stepson, or he will never listen to you. I have two stepson's so I can speak from experience. Now... I always had chores that my son and stepson's could help me with when it came to the dogs. Feeding, brushing etc. As long as the kids obeyed the "no picking up" rule then they were allowed to "help" me with the dogs. When I was not home, the kids were not allowed to interact with the dogs...period. That way I could always make sure they were safe. My kids are now older, the two older "stepsons" both have dogs of their own. My son still is at home, he is my "dog sitter" when I am out of town. It can be done...time and consistency work wonders.

Maybe your step son is doing it for attention. Kids usually act out, even in a negative way when they want attention. He may feel jealous of the puppy. I would try to set aside some with just him, such as reading a book together or whatever. Maybe to help him feel a part of the puppies life without putting her in danger you can give him little things to do such as helping you put her food in her bowl, or get her some water, or give her a treat...all with your constant supervision of course. My 6 year old looooves to give Pita a treat when I say it's ok or get her a chew. Most likely he is defying you with the 'airplane' move because he is feels like he's competing for your attention no matter what the consequence may be.

I am rather amazed that a breeder would place such a tiny in a home with small children. I don't know of any reputable breeder that would. That being said, all I can say is, good luck. Accidents can happen to anyone, but this just brings your odds way up. I personally would place this puppy in a home with no children and get the kids something they can play with, one they can't pick up that will love active children..like a lab or a golden. I'm really not trying to be mean, just my honest opinion. Hope everything works out.

I admit I didn't read through the whole thread because I was about to leave when my sister drew your post to my attention. She said 'Help this lady, before she has a dead puppy !' I promise I will read the entire thread when I get back from the doc. appt.
Options to protect puppy from young children.
1. Teather the puppy to you so you know where he/ she is every moment.
2.Put a lock on the crate when you can not take the puppy with you.
3 We teach the ONE HAND RULE. No one but Mommy and Daddy may pick up the puppy. Children are only allowed to touch the puppy with one hand. The other hand must be behind their back. If they break the rule, no touching for the rest of the day, time out etc. depending on the age and understanding of the child. This simple rule keeps children from picking up the puppy, squeezing it, hugging too tight etc.
Hope this helps until I can read the whole thing. Hugs Teresa

Teacups should not be put in the hands of children, we have plastic cups for this very reason.
Neither should undersized dogs be placed in the hands of even normal well behaved children.

It's not only about size it's about animal safety period.

Obviously you had issues with this child not behaving prior, yet you brought not only a dog not great with children into your home, a small breed not great with children.

Now I'm to understand you brought in an undersized not great with children dog into your home when you have a child whom is obviously in some crisis situation to be behaving like that and so incapable of following rules.

I'll say what I know others are thinking (or should be) and oh well if it's not liked:

I don't beleive you have the time for a dog you obviously need to be devoting more time to parenting.

I'm sorry I think that's the case and someone needs to speak up for this puppy's safety and for the long term well being of YOUR son.

Please keep the dog locked in the room or with you until other arrangement can be made for a permanent solution here.

Good luck to you all.

:thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:

This is the first place my mind goes too. One of the jobs of a good breeder is helping a family decide if that particular breed is suited to their lifestyle. This is another good reason to go to a reputable breeder, they care about what happens to the offspring they produce.

Please do NOT let up your guard or worry
 

In your original posting, you indicated that you would not worry so much when she is older; well a 5 or 6 or 7lb dog, is at risk at any age to incur life threatening or debilitating damage from even a 4 yr old child.

From what you've posted, you have a very serious situation here, one that currently and in the near future puts your puppy at high risk. Not to mention the attention that needs to be paid to your family dynamics.

There is quite simply a lot on your plate: a) a husband that doesn't appear to be on the same page as you with respect to the safety of your pup. What happens when you do get the lock on the bedroom door, he goes in, leaves and forgets to close never mind lock the door? Pup at risk. b) a young boy who needs you and your husband's attention ; and perhaps the problem is larger than the two of you can figure out together, and family counselling is in order. c) you have a job (not sure if full time or not d) you have other children which I presume needs some of your time.

These are a whole lot of valid reasons to reconsider where best this pup could thrive. Your breeder may very well be understanding of the situation you find yourself in, and agree to take back the pup. Another option if that one is not viable is to surrender to a rescue, so they could find a home for her. I know that already you love her, but as you know, sometimes the best love you can show is to let her go. ... to a safe haven.

I read the entire thread. It sounds like you have a very difficult situatation. I think the earlier advice I gave you, was good. Others have given you other options as well.
Best Wishes

I agree with others--I think this is more of a family issue. The fact that you and your husband are not in agreement over parenting techniques is the problem. This is probably a huge reason why your son is wanting to "break the rules." Kids learn fast and they pay more attention than you think they do. If you and hubby are arguing over this and are clearly on opposite sides of the fence when it comes to discipline, he is picking up on all of it. He knows what he can get away with and with whom--and he at an age where CHALLENGING is a huge problem.

As far as the general "no small breeds in a home with children" I would have to disagree somewhat. If the parent has not taught their children how to respect animals from the very beginning, or they have a particularly difficult child, or one who is suffering from a mental/emotional disability, etc. I think common sense prevails and a small breed dog would not be the best idea. However, I have seen firsthand children being raised with small breed dogs with absolutely no issues whatsoever. I have a lot of experience with both--although I do not have children of my own yet. I have been involved with childcare for many many years, and am currently the caregiver of a little 2 year old girl. She has been around my Yorkies MANY times with supervision, I bring them to work with me often. Her family also has a puggle who is about 15 lbs, they had her before the skin baby was born. While she is still a toddler, she has been taught to be VERY respectful of the little dogs from the time she could understand such things. She knows that she must sit on the floor to hold one, and that she must always use "gentle touch" when petting them, etc. She is helpful and loves to help take them out to potty, feed them, etc. as well. I also have several friends whose children have been raised with Yorkies and other small breeds, and have not had any issues. I believe that parenting plays the biggest role in having small dogs with children, and I absolutely think that it CAN be done...but again, it is KEY that they are supervised and raised from the beginning to love and respect animals. Also, if two parents are present and they are not on the same page, that is a huge roadblock as well. However, to say that children can NEVER be raised with a small breed dog I would not consider an accurate statement...I believe it depends on your situation and your dedication to raising your children a certain way from the start. Of course, this is just my opinion and you know what they say about those...

Anyways, in your case, I would honestly recommend that you find this puppy another home. If your husband is going to continue parenting in this way, then what you are experiencing now is only the beginning--the problems will only get worse!! You HAVE to deal with this now! I have seen many families torn apart and children feeling the brunt of everything, all because the parents did not communicate well or were not willing to compromise and come together on parenting. Raising your children is something that you and your partner/spouse need to be in agreement on--discipline especially! If not, your child is going to suffer more and more the older he gets--whether he lets you know it or not.

Back to the puppy though, for her sake I would find her a wonderful home where she is not in danger as she is now. I know that you love her dearly, but would you rather her be safe and happy with a new family, or end up severely injured or dead at your home? You said it yourself that you are AFRAID for her--please do the right thing for this little innocent pup! Then you need to really take a long look at your family and take a huge step towards some big changes. That needs to be your first priority right now, based on your posts. None of this is meant to be accusatory or harsh, and is simply my advice and opinion based on personal experience.

When I purchased Gracie I thought she would mature at about7 to 8 pounds which is small, several pounds smaller than my Shih Tzu was. I thought that was a good size. As it turns out she has matured at 5 pounds and it took her well over a year to get there. I was not prepared for the frights a smaller dog can give you. I have never had as many near disasters with a puppy. Tiny dogs usually don't know they are tiny and tend to take risks that a bigger dog would do. They don't realize how fragile they are. They do attempt things that are very cat like and yet they are dogs that can break much more easily than a cat. I don't know if you realize how dangerous this situation is for your puppy. If a small pup living with adults can be subject to dangerous situations I hate to think what you are going to face with this tiny baby of yours. It's not a toy though it may look like one to your step son. You need to protect this little girl at all times from herself and from the other children.
I have to agree that a dog that size should not be around young children. Personally, a dog that size is a disaster waiting to happen. It may be very fashionable for some humans but they are certainly doing the dog no favor to breed them to such a tiny size. Too dangerous.

I think you have been given great advice. I would rehome that baby before something bad happens. You can't be with them constantly and it just takes a second for something horrible to happen. IMO she needs to be in a home with no children as tiny as she is. Good luck and bless you for loving this baby and wanting the best for her.

While I would be concerned for the dog, I'm more concerned that you call your step son "this kid". If I read somewhere that my husband referred to my kids that way I would be highly upset.


Personally I never leave my fine china (teacups) where children cam get to them.....

I agree with all of these replies and thank you all for the great ideas. I have tried something similar to the envelope with my step son. We call it the treasure box at our house! This worked for about a week and then he lost interest. Again, it was always me reminding him about his behavior for the goodies at the end of the day.

Yes, we do need counceling but according to my husband, that is out of the question. I was able to take Mia to work with me this morning, but I think I will find a nice doggie day care for her in the future... or lock her in my bedroom where they cannot have access to her. When we are home, I allow my step son to play with her and help out with her, all under my supervision of course. I know that he gets jealous of Mia, but he gets jealous of everyone. This child gets more attention than any of our other children as well as his cousins when they are around. It's because he is the youngest. I have tried taking him on ice cream or movie dates in the past for one on one time but his behavior does not change. I've tried time outs, sticker boards, extra attention, no attention, hugs and snuggles, but NOTHING works. I feel like something would work if my husband would take part in any of this but he just tells me I should try harder. I really appreciate all the advice. My step son is certainly an issue that is obviously out of my control right but my main concern is my little girls safety. You have all given me some great ideas and I feel soooo much better now. Thanks to everyone concerned about Mia safety ;)

Just a few thought I'm not sure they apply but maybe they do and if so they are only meant to help:
Negative attention breeds seeking negative attention. You said he gets the most attention well ignore the negative let it go if it's not dangerous and then focus on positive reinforcement: only pick battles you can win.

Discontent is actually easily felt by children either between parents or at them.

Nothing works if nothing is consistent: reward the good punish the bad EVERYTHING teaches a lesson & is a moral teaching opportunity: that's the forever parenting plan.

>>>>Find something the child enjoys dedicate at least 15 mns a day (no notice just say hey get this out or we're going to do this) and DO IT WITH THEM. No punishment for negativity, no complaining to the child oozy positivity & reassurance do this for a week see a small change, after a month you'll be amazed. Here I do Lego's with my son, right now it's beauty/care with my daughter-we fail doing it daily but we use to & are getting back to it (we also do it after the minimum of 15mns reading time daily.
Passive unfocused events don't create bonding that needed i.e. movie dates or going out to eat, taking him to a park-unless you climb the rock wall with him-swing next to him (it's fun be a kid for half the time there then go visit with the other moms on the benches).

I do all the time neighbor lady says she thinks I have more fun at the park than the kids do-I don't trust me the rolly slide pinches my bottom the teeter-totter stinks after you have to scrunch you knees, my son's friend think I'm a crazy mom my daughter's friend think I'm a dork (seriously me can yo beleive it?) stinking tween girls but whatever I know I'm kewl and they come to me with things I know their parents have no clue about both my daughter and son and their friend confide in me things I'm sure they wouldn't otherwise if they felt they couldn't trust me or I wasn't so open to accepting what they have to say and calmly (often behind the scenes handling issues)-huh maybe I am the cool mom...

Watch children with a propensity to harm animals, smaller children. It's a dangerous sign of severe psychological distress that must be addressed immediately.

Maybe we don't have the same parenting expectations here: my belief, as a parent, it is your responsibility to feed, cloth, protect, teach, and guide them through this life-until they are 18 at least.
Not be burdened, board, over bearing, living vicariously, falsely "parenting", or trying to create mini me's you have to respect who your children are you can give them your values, but enforce them on them or they'll rebel from them, you might just be better off giving them whatever skills you can pass on to them.

Best of luck hope Mia does well if she's not re-homed-remember it's harder to rehome an older dog than a pup think about it-, but that's a distant second over my hope step son does better.

I know I must sound like a nosy busy body here but I just thought to add this we do family fun game night here every Thursday night and pizza party end of the week family talk night on Fridays, and my kids are really involved with the dogs they wash, groom, pick up poop (not always I do it solo most of the time) but we all do dog walking together involving children with the dogs make them feel a sense of responsibility and its a learning opportunity in them learning how to care for animals, learning compassion responsibility and more.

Quote:

Originally Posted by gracielove (Post 3700659) When I purchased Gracie I thought she would mature at about7 to 8 pounds which is small, several pounds smaller than my Shih Tzu was. I thought that was a good size. As it turns out she has matured at 5 pounds and it took her well over a year to get there. I was not prepared for the frights a smaller dog can give you. I have never had as many near disasters with a puppy. Tiny dogs usually don't know they are tiny and tend to take risks that a bigger dog would do. They don't realize how fragile they are. They do attempt things that are very cat like and yet they are dogs that can break much more easily than a cat. I don't know if you realize how dangerous this situation is for your puppy. If a small pup living with adults can be subject to dangerous situations I hate to think what you are going to face with this tiny baby of yours. It's not a toy though it may look like one to your step son. You need to protect this little girl at all times from herself and from the other children.

While I agree that tiny dogs and young children can be a very dangerous mix I do think it depends greatly upon the children and the temperament of the puppy in question. I have had a number of different dogs over the years and have 4 adult children and ran a day home for about 15 years and my brother-in-law and his wife have 8 children who come over to my house for visits. When my own children were young they would have been fine with a tiny dog but my brother-in-law would be nuts to bring a tiny dog into his home. Different children have different personalities and you have to be realistic about what type of environment you are bringing dog into no matter what the size of the dog. The dog's temperament also plays a key role. Some little dogs are quite patient and tolerant and some are more nervous etc. (Just like people)

This puppy is only 3 months old and so she won't remain so tiny but will still be quite small even when full grown and her safety must be a priority. I do not agree that a dog that size is a disaster waiting to happen and I do not agree with those who intentionally breed to achieve the tiniest dogs possible. However there are breeds of dogs who naturally run around 3-5 lbs, Prague Ratters for instance. My dog Lulu is a yorkie/maltese and while she is 3.5 lbs full grown she was not intentionally bred to be tiny, her brother is over 5 lbs. (I also didn't purchase her from the person who bred her, her former owners were unable to keep her. . . but that is a story for another day.) Lu is very tollerant of children but they are always monitored when they hold her and she doesn't run around on the floor while children are playing in my home because it is too easy for her to be tripped upon and injured.

Yes, little dogs do not realize they are little and must be protected from themselves and others and they do require substantially more supervision than a larger dog and so those sorts of things have to be taken into consideration. It is a huge job to raise a puppy, small breed or not and lots of people get themselves in the middle of something they didn't realize was going to be as much work as it turned out to be. My brother-in-law and his wife got a miniature schnauzer puppy several years ago and they discovered very quickly it was not the time to bring a puppy into the house and found the dog another home. (They now have an adult female lab that they rescued and that has been a great fit.)

It's not that it can't be done but my suggestion is to take a step back from the issues and honestly assess the situation and try to be as realistic as possible. . . consider the work and time involved with a puppy, (particularly a small breed puppy) family responsibilities and the personalities of the children (some children are less respectful and careful than others and hoping for it to be different will not make it so) along with the general temperament of the puppy (some puppies are much more tolerant than others) and the support or lack thereof from your husband. All those factors play a role in how you decide to proceed.