i'm ready! it's annoying and i'll do my best to keep my babies away from hurting other's ears, but they cry and that's just life so they'll learn to live with it and i'll prob not even realize that i'm the annoying one because well it's MY baby now. :D

I used to get really irritated at parents who had those screaming tantrum kids in the stores.. but then I had a child of my own.. I realized, terrible 2's and HORRIBLE 3's is not easy when you are the parent.. I was a nanny and my kids behaved much better for me than my own child did during those times.. (Funny because the parents of the kids I was a nanny for used to say their kids behaved better for me than for them.. wasn't the case with my own child) What made it even harder was that my daughters tantrums in the grocery store or where ever were designed to make us leave.. She hated being in stores and she went through a couple months where every single time we'd walk into a store she'd go from a sweet cute little girl to a screaming kicking mess so we would leave.
Didn't matter what the punishment was after we left because she got what she wanted, we left.. (Trust me, I understand now how some parents could whip their kids black and blue, not that I think it is ever ok, or that I would do it.. but I understand the frustration) Eventually I had to suffer the stares, comments and embarrassment of not leaving so I could teach her a lesson.
As a single mom I couldn't just leave her home, we needed groceries to eat, and she needed to learn that throwing a tantrum did NOT get her what she wanted.. Not only did we stay in the store, I told her we would not leave until she stopped screaming or crying, and after we got home she would be spending time in the corner as well.. I tried to plan out my shopping trips for times I knew the store of my choice wasn't very busy so we disturbed the fewest number of people.. Eventually my daughter learned that being quiet in the store was the fastest way to get out of the store..
But for awhile there, I was THAT parent.. and it was awful being that parent believe me.. sometimes there is a LOT more to it than just not being able to control your kids.. tantrums happen, even to the best behaved 3 year olds.. I apologize to each and every person who ever had to listen to my daughter when she went through that phase.. Trust me, I know it is frustrating and irritating for you.. it was 100x worse for me.. I couldn't just walk away or leave the store and not have to deal with it anymore.

Now at 5 my daughter is very well behaved, and people comment on how much better behaved she is than a lot of kids her age.. There is no way to teach them how to behave in public while keeping them locked away in private.. Same with our dogs too! lol

I agree, even as a parent with a small child, there at times I want to go to a kid free place and enjoy a meal or whatever.. I wouldn't be offended if that was a rule for some restaurants..

It is never the parents that are working with a child having a tantrum that get on my nerves. Ive walked up to a mom who is trying to use the moment as a training time and encouraged them. Told them that their hard work will come through in the end. Ive given my place in the check out to mothers with little ones that have just had ENOUGH and need to go home.
These are not the moments that bother me. It is unfortunate that for all of the hard work that some parents put into their children,there are some out there that just dont care. It is the mothers who are embarrased because their little one is throwing a fit that my heart goes out to,but for every one of those moms I see, I see 3 that dont care or worse are being just as ugly to their kids in public.
Civility at home and in public are important to humanity. If we are not civil to our own then how can we be civil to people we dont even know or the animals that we are supposed to be caring for.

I think you are being generous with a 3:1 ratio. I think there are far more parents who don't give a hoot than those that do. I had an encounter at Wally World not too long ago. A lovely (sarcasm) woman was on the cell phone talking loudly about how wasted she had gotten the night before while one of her kids was literally climbing UP the shelves and her other two were taking the cart and shoving it in to passers-by. :mad:

I was at Kmart when we used to have one & a mom was pushing her toddler in a cart with an older child was looking at clothes. The tot kept saying he had to go potty. She didn't pay any attention whatsoever. I started to walk over to tell her where the restrooms were & he had an accident.:( If his stupid mother cared at all to tend to him I'm sure it could've been avoided.:mad:

i could go on all day about terrible parenting. i grew up with parents that never spanked us in public, but they gave that look and you knew u were in for it and shut up right away. i'm personally ok with spanking. i don't think you should beat the child to death or anything, but a swat or light pop on the butt when they're little is more of a startle factor that hurting them. it's teaching them to stop what they are doing right away. i believe spanking only works for so long and then kids are too old for it and need other forms of discipline like grounding, having things they want to do taken from them and other things like that. i hope to be a good balance of old styles of spanking and more modern ideas of reason and logic with my kids. i think i'll do ok and learn what works best for my little one and what won't work.

I've seen racks overturned, toys scattered in the aisles and kids opening packages. And parents see their kids do it and just keep pushing their buggy and ignoring their kids.
I think what's worse is the mom screaming at her kids from halfway across the store. Repeatedly. I'm a firm believer in getting on their level, and talking to them in a calm and quiet voice. Someone screams at me, I shut down. I imagine it's the same for kids. I've even said VERY LOUDLY to my own ki "gosh I wish that woman would quit screaming at her kids and go be a parent to them".
I have a 2 yr old grandson and he hardly ever acts up. Mom walks in the door and he turns into a terror. It's because she allows him to do what he wants and wont effectively parent. And he knows it.

In my opinion, spanking a child ('lightly' or otherwise) only teaches a child that the answer to 'unacceptable' behavior should be met w/ some kind of physical violence. So in essence, it just teaches them to hit in turn. Also, whatever emotion or tantrum is occurring never gets resolved bc you've 'startled' them out of it, and that results in future repression of emotions. Yes kids have tantrums, but to match crazy behavior w/ hitting/swatting/popping is not the answer.

Take something away from them that is a privilege, but don't take away their feeling of physical safety in their family. And that's not something I'm repeating from some textbook (altho it says it there too) - I know this from experience.

Hitting - lightly, moderately, or severely is still hitting - no matter how anyone tries to position it. I would never hit anyone (and never have) unless they were fatally attacking my family, my pets, another human being, or another animal.

My favorite is when a child hits, the parent then spanks the child at the same time telling the child "we don't hit!"
:confused::confused::confused:

I think that EACH form of discipline has a use and time. As a parent we have to TAKE THE TIME to figure out what works with each child for each situation. I was the kid you could beat black and blue and it didn't work. If I did something wrong,even at an early age, I had already decided that it was worth the punishment. There are children that you can literally touch on the arm and have their attention or just look at them or tell them that you are disapointed in their actions (this from my dad would take me to the floor). There is NO one right or wrong way,other than yelling and beating out of control (because then you are just having a tantrum). What works for my family does not make it right for everyone or wrong for everyone.
So if I have spanked a child,you can bet I put a ton of thought into it. I have one child that could recieve 2 pops indiscipline at a young age and not see any disobedience out of him for MONTHS (he is an Eagle Scout and one of my most loving children,no he doesn't go around hitting others and never did) because I took the time to explain that there was a difference in a pop for discipline and hitting out of anger. However I have one child that spanking would never of worked on him,alone time with no legos. I have another that even at the age of 1 I had to stop and explain WHY what they were doing was not ok,mostly because she didn't see me doing it. She is my most artistic and deep thinking child,nolonger a child but a very honorable young lady. The next one ,,, honestly I cannt remember having to discipline her for anything. She is still the kindest of all of my children. The next one you took legos and then halo away from him. He has been the tuffest to stay connected with. He spent the last 4 yrs thinking that I was an idiot but so was everyone else. However he just wanted to be independent and a grown up before his time. Now that he is entering adulthood I see promise and the things that he has been taught all of his life floating to the top. The next is our youngest. She is like her oldest sister,artistic,her own person in almost everything. She always thought it fun to disappear in a store or in church. I would have to walk the iles to find her (thank goodness it was a tiny church,we didnt have nursery during the service and she would of escaped anyway) and she was usually sitting with the singles. They always returned her at the end of the service. Now that she is a teen,she just wants to be loved and approved of. Thinks that most people her age are idiots and that her parents are the coolest people on the planet,I am truely enjoying this season. It could change tomarrow.
I have been a stay at home mom for 25 years (it is a privilage and an honor). I mentor other younger mothers in nursing,discipline and in general surviving and enjoying your children. What I tell them is that,it takes 9month to make a baby and almost as much of your emotional and physical time for no less than the next 25 years,Im still walking down that road.
So spanking yes? or no?,there is a right way and a wrong way and if you personally can not have self control,DONT use it. If you have a problem with it DONT use it and dont criticize those that do. Timeout yes? or no? it works for some and is a waste of time for others. If it works use it ,if not then dont use it and dont criticize those that do. Dont acost others for their parenting,unless they arent actually parenting. If a parent is TRYING then support them by telling them they are doing a good job,even stangers need to hear this. If they arent doing anything I have to remove myself or I will say something,hence the reason I try to stay out of Walmart.

My parenting soapbox is pretty tall,but it consists of people NOT parenting. I see people getting all of the cute THINGS to go with the baby,cute clothes. But then that little darling begins to develope a personality and becomes WORK,so parents stop working at it because it is just to much trouble (Im busy,Im tired). What they dont realize is that not taking the little problem in hand today,right now,it tends to grow into something BIG later. Kind of like weeds in your yard,only you cannt use week killer and you cannt pull the weed up,because the roots go way to deep. I see this in our society and it breaks my heart. Children do not just grow up to be good and useful people in society. They are molded and formed a little everyday.
Sorry more than just two cents worth.

Hmmm, to spank or not to spank. That topic is certain to bring up more disagreements than just about any other parenting dilemma I can think of.

I respect your opinions.

However, I don't agree that there is a right way to hit a child. In my world, that statement couldn't exist. Just as, there is no right way to hit a dog. Hitting, popping, swatting - whatever anyone wants to call it - it's an inappropriate physical act that you're passing on to others. And that 'other' internalizes being hit, and it is something buried deep in their psyche - and may cause problems now, and later in life.

Also, you're saying find "what works" -- well, a hit may "work" for the PARENT in stopping a behavior. However, those hittings may NOT be working for that child's inner esteem - and that child has NO way of knowing this or expressing that intellectually, at this age. As a result, *that* will effect him greatly as he develops intellectually, later.

There is no way to justify hitting a child. To have such a larger physicality over a small child, and then to use that advantage to hit, and instill fear and obedience? To me, that's victimization, not parenting.

A child should never have to fear being hit, from their PARENTS. Parents are supposed to be a child's ultimate safe haven. Fear of being hit is not a safe haven.

I respect your opinion and you have put it vey nicely.
When I said find what works I was stating for each child,that is why I took the time to put what worked for each of mine. I was not stating for this second. Each child is different,even if they life under the same roof.
My children have NEVER feared me,nor have they feared what my reaction would be to their foolishness. The attitude of "Mom is going to absolutely go off the deep end" is not here as well. Because I came from a home where screaming,slapping and ingeneral out of control was the norm. I have made it my goal in life to make sure that wasn't what went on under my roof,because this is NOT parenting. This is just existing under the same roof,it is not creating a family unit.
So again, I try to not criticize if there is actual parenting going on. Discipline in any form that is out of control (even timeout can be out of control) is not discipline but abuse. Sitting a child in a chair for EVERYTHING and for to long is still not discipline.

My degree is in early childhood development. It is under the umbrella of family and consumer science or you may know it as home ec.
I have worked in child care centers, had children in my home (when my girls were babies) and opened a child care center in the dcps system. I now teach food production -- so I am a little rusty on the latest trends.

I was raised by a southern mother. I has the crap beat out of me several times. I loved my mother, but knew if I did the wrong thing I would be punished. As the saying goes... I had to cut my own switches to give her for my "whippings". I hated wiper wills (birds) because they would remind her if I had earned a whipping. By the time I was a teen I was mostly good because I did not want to disappoint her -- that was more powerful than a whipping. I was also raised in the concept of children were to be "seen not heard"

Now.. when I had my girls I at first was just like my mother. Then my "education" kicked in. I did "spank" oldest daughter a few times.... for things like running into traffic -- playing with matches -- you know life threatening stuff. The second girl -- all I had to do was "look" at her.

I think most people discipline like their parents - that is what they know.
I don't think "punishment" should be any form of hitting. By Fla. law child abuse is hitting with an object or closed fist with the intent to hurt. So a smack or pop on the fanny (with all the extra padding it will not hurt the child) is in that "gray" area. I have seen children hurt more by actions and words than any smack on a fanny....

I think it is a shame of the people who have children. You think the rehomeing or lack of vet visit for dogs is sad... look at the abuse of children.