My yorkie hates my house...and me, I think

[hotpinktrouble]

I have a problem (well, several, if you've kept up with me on this site). I am not the best mom, but I am trying SUPER hard to have more patience and be more consistent with Nozzle. Now the problem, after coming home from vacation, is that Nozzle is NEVER excited to see me and ALWAYS excited to see my friends or go over to their houses. At home I try playing with him, and he kindof gets into it, but never the way he does at Kasey and Alan's house (they watched him while I was gone), where he will run himself in circles. There's never any tail wagging when I come home, he's always in his kennel, he runs away from me and won't eat treats I try to give him for coming when I say to or sitting or going potty outside. I keep trying harder and it seems to be getting worse! I really, really do not want to give up and give him away, but I feel like I can do no right by this kid! I thought dogs were forgiving but Nozz doesn't seem to do that. Kasey watches him often for me and never notices any of the same traits I do...it's like he's two different dogs! Any advice (besides give him up...I know if I were smart I would but I really want to love the heck out of this dog)?

[FlDebra]

Originally Posted by hotpinktrouble

I have a problem (well, several, if you've kept up with me on this site). I am not the best mom, but I am trying SUPER hard to have more patience and be more consistent with Nozzle. Now the problem, after coming home from vacation, is that Nozzle is NEVER excited to see me and ALWAYS excited to see my friends or go over to their houses. At home I try playing with him, and he kindof gets into it, but never the way he does at Kasey and Alan's house (they watched him while I was gone), where he will run himself in circles. There's never any tail wagging when I come home, he's always in his kennel, he runs away from me and won't eat treats I try to give him for coming when I say to or sitting or going potty outside. I keep trying harder and it seems to be getting worse! I really, really do not want to give up and give him away, but I feel like I can do no right by this kid! I thought dogs were forgiving but Nozz doesn't seem to do that. Kasey watches him often for me and never notices any of the same traits I do...it's like he's two different dogs! Any advice (besides give him up...I know if I were smart I would but I really want to love the heck out of this dog)?

This is very strange. How old is Nozzle? Did you go on vacation soon after getting him? Are you trying too hard and maybe overwhelming him? I have found that Yorkies are very sharp and intuitive. They can pick up on our feelings and unspoken thoughts much more than I would have ever guessed. Your last sentence makes me think you have not really bonded yourself. You say you would give him up if you were smart and that you want to love the dog, as in you don't yet. His name, itself, while cute, sort of pinpoints a negative aspect of puppies. How have you handled pee/poop accidents? Do you punish, holler, scold extensively? Could it be that you are not sure you want a puppy?

Everyone does not take to a pet right away. I fall head over heels immediately. That is why I cannot go look at puppies until I am sure the breeder is right, all my questions are answered over the phone, and I am ready to bring one home -- because I will when I see them. Some take time to bond and there is nothing wrong with that. So, it may be nothing is wrong, you two are just taking longer to become close.

Once you decide you do love this puppy, I will bet he will decide he loves you back. I just have never seen one not return the love genuinely offered.

[LilMissy]

I don't really have any advice but I just want to say that I really admire your honesty.

[mscat]

I am very sorry that this is been a difficult experience so far having a puppy. perhaps the stress your feeling is what the puppy is picking up ... AS what was mentioned in a previous post , puppies and do pick up on their owners emotions and feelings towards them. They are especially prone to any kind of negaitivty or rough handeling or treatment. Not saying that this is what has happened . Just mentioning it because puppies are very sensitve to changes, noise or any type of sudden movements , which may or could have scared him, without even knowing it.
I am tying to say this in a thoughtful manner without being hurtful. And to be supportive, not unkind.
Maybe, offereing treats, and trying to play with him one on one on the floor letting him come to you. Remain still , allow him to come to you. Let him jump in your lap if he wants to. Offer him toys and squeak them try to engage him in play. See if he will let you play with him on his own terms. Puppies love to play, and usually can't resisit a good playtime with someone willing to play on netural terms. Try not to make eye contact. This can be a threat to any dog. Talk to him in a high pitch voice, a puppy loves it. Spend lot's pf time playing with him, then petting him softly. See if he rolls on his back for a belly rub. If he does this is a great sign. My Suzi loves to be petted right behind her ears. most pups have certain petting spots they just love to be petted the most. Your puppy will come around. Try not to take his rejection personally. He needs time to warm up to you. He will. Try some of these methods and perhaps more YTer's will have ideas that can help you as well.
Best wishes to you.

[hotpinktrouble]

Originally Posted by FlDebra

This is very strange. How old is Nozzle? Did you go on vacation soon after getting him? Are you trying too hard and maybe overwhelming him? I have found that Yorkies are very sharp and intuitive. They can pick up on our feelings and unspoken thoughts much more than I would have ever guessed. Your last sentence makes me think you have not really bonded yourself. You say you would give him up if you were smart and that you want to love the dog, as in you don't yet. His name, itself, while cute, sort of pinpoints a negative aspect of puppies. How have you handled pee/poop accidents? Do you punish, holler, scold extensively? Could it be that you are not sure you want a puppy?

Everyone does not take to a pet right away. I fall head over heels immediately. That is why I cannot go look at puppies until I am sure the breeder is right, all my questions are answered over the phone, and I am ready to bring one home -- because I will when I see them. Some take time to bond and there is nothing wrong with that. So, it may be nothing is wrong, you two are just taking longer to become close.

Once you decide you do love this puppy, I will bet he will decide he loves you back. I just have never seen one not return the love genuinely offered.

Nozzle is about 5 months old now. I've had him since he was about 6 weeks (too young, yes, but I live in Japan). Getting a puppy was not the smartest idea I ever had, but I wanted to try it and I thought I did good research and found a breed that was small but would be good for me. It's been, needless to say, harder than I ever imagined. I would say you're right...I'm not really bonded with him...it seems to come and go. House training hasn't been too big of an issue, especially lately. Kasey took him outside one night a month or two ago and discovered that Nozz likes going outside vs. the pee pad (he still has them but only uses them when he's home by himself). That alleviated many of our potty training battles...I just take him out every couple of hours and first thing in the morning, etc. He still has accidents, but not many. The problem I've been having there lately is for no good reason, I'll go to take him out and he'll get away from me and cower in his kennel instead of going outside when I KNOW he's got to go really bad! We've had some submissive peeing incidents here, but I can't tell you why that's happening. Like I said, I've tried not to punish or yell, but I've been inconsistent. So a lot of this is my fault, I know. The thing that makes me so sad is that I'm really trying to get better and I make huge efforts to come home and play instead of doing homework, cleaning up, etc, and it doesn't seem to pay off in the behavior he shows me vs. my friends (the tail wagging, wanting to be picked up, etc)...
I appreciate the questions...

[hotpinktrouble]

Originally Posted by LilMissy

I don't really have any advice but I just want to say that I really admire your honesty.

Thank you, that actually helps in it's own way!

[FlDebra]

Originally Posted by hotpinktrouble

Nozzle is about 5 months old now. I've had him since he was about 6 weeks (too young, yes, but I live in Japan). Getting a puppy was not the smartest idea I ever had, but I wanted to try it and I thought I did good research and found a breed that was small but would be good for me. It's been, needless to say, harder than I ever imagined. I would say you're right...I'm not really bonded with him...it seems to come and go. House training hasn't been too big of an issue, especially lately. Kasey took him outside one night a month or two ago and discovered that Nozz likes going outside vs. the pee pad (he still has them but only uses them when he's home by himself). That alleviated many of our potty training battles...I just take him out every couple of hours and first thing in the morning, etc. He still has accidents, but not many. The problem I've been having there lately is for no good reason, I'll go to take him out and he'll get away from me and cower in his kennel instead of going outside when I KNOW he's got to go really bad! We've had some submissive peeing incidents here, but I can't tell you why that's happening. Like I said, I've tried not to punish or yell, but I've been inconsistent. So a lot of this is my fault, I know. The thing that makes me so sad is that I'm really trying to get better and I make huge efforts to come home and play instead of doing homework, cleaning up, etc, and it doesn't seem to pay off in the behavior he shows me vs. my friends (the tail wagging, wanting to be picked up, etc)...
I appreciate the questions...

Okay, you have had a rough start. The poor little guy was taken away from mom and siblings too early but I understand that is more the norm in some areas. You left on vacation when he was really young and that sort of interferes with the bonding as he may think you are going to leave him again. Sounds like potty training was a battle but now has smoothed out.

Just realizing you two did not have the best start is a good beginning to turning it around. Now, I would not try to push too hard. Get on the floor with him a lot. Play with toys and then as he becomes interested, include him on his own terms. Take the stress off you both by realizing this may take some time. He is still a puppy, so I beleive you can easily win him over, it just will take awhile.

Try to always use a gentle voice. Find something you really like about him and make a point of letting him know. That way your voice will be sincere. Watch what things your puppy does respond well with your friends and then try to do those same things. You might even have to limit his time with them. Maybe they spent your vacation time with him at a very impressionable stage and he has bonded with them to the point he sort of resents not being with them all the time now.

I think you have identified the problem early enough to fix. It will just take a lot of patience and an open heart. I hope you let yourself fall for this little one. It will be so worth it! Good luck to you both.

[Marilize]

I'm sorry that you are having trouble bonding with your puppy. I had some problems with Cash and what really helped us is clicker training. As soon as Cash realized that we could work together, we had a great relationship.

Good luck.

[QuickSilver]

I think a clicker is a great idea! Also, be sure you aren't projecting your own fears onto the doggy. Thor doesn't get very excited when I leave or come back, but I'm HAPPY about that because it means he doesn't have separation anxiety. He will excitedly great other people who are just uncles and aunts, but that's okay, because ultimately he comes back to MOMMY.

I would make sure that you are the one who feeds him as much as possible - maybe even give your friends a food that doesn't taste as good for them to feed when they are around. I'm sure they will understand you want to bond with your puppy.

Also, as people said, puppies can't resist play. If he's a little timid now, don't push. Maybe stand off to the side, and throw a toy away from both of you. I don't think there's a puppy in the world who can resist chasing a toy! Don't worry if he doesn't bring it back right away, let him stash it somewhere. I used to take a couple dozen rolled up socks and throw them down my hall one by one. Thor would go hide them somewhere and come back after a few minutes to get the next one.

Hope this helps, and I am SURE that with persistence and patience, he will grow to love you like no other. Dogs are built for this.

[QuickSilver]

Some other stuff: when you say there's been submissive peeing, does he do this with you? I think this doesn't necessarily indicate that he hates you, but maybe he fears you. I know it's awful to think your dog is scared of you, but just know that you can correct it. As someone else said, non threatening language includes: avoiding eye contact; positioning your body to face slightly away from him; kneeling on the floor so you are closer to his level; and don't try to reach over his head. If he approaches you, scratch his chest gently rather than his ears, for example.

[luvfla]

Go slow...sometimes it doesn't happen over night. We have a rescue & l want to be over her BUT I've found that as I give her attention in very small doses, she is warming up to me instead of running away.
If she is different at you friends...why not take her over there & just observe how they interact with her. When you get home mimic that.

[TrevorForever]

Do you think you may be trying too hard? Just love him, if you get all anxious and worried the pup will pick up on it. Relax....love him....let him make the first move!!!

[hotpinktrouble]

Thanks everyone...I'm trying everything I can...but it's like starting from scratch every day! Today I come home and he starts shaking for no good reason...I had to pick him up to take him outside (and he had to go bad enough to leave a little pee mark on his towel, even though his pee pad was right in front of him)...he'll come up to me but then sit there shaking with his ears pinned back. The kid is definitey afraid of me. I've now thrown about 6 black socks and every toy down the hallway--after letting him sniff every one--he is laying down like he's in trouble behind me. I'm trying to keep him with me in the house so he gets a little more used to it...I've started a timeout corner for when he's bad (he snapped at me last night...he got sent to timeout). I don't think he can distinguish when he's in trouble and not so maybe that will help? I don't know. He shakes when I try to teach him stuff too, and I'm using the most gentle voice I can muster. I'm at the point where I'm all but ignoring him so I don't get flustered and he doesn't get all scared...arrrrghhhh...

[QuickSilver]

Aw. It can take a while to erase a fear once it's been implanted. Maybe you can think of this as a "patience growing" opportunity.

Have you tried bribing him? Give him some really nice treats. Don't force him to eat them out of your hand. Lie on the floor and toss one, again, a few feet away from you and a few feet away from him. Let him eat it. Gradually put the treats closer and closer to you. If he seems to hesitate at a certain point, don't push him. It helps if he makes the decision to approach you.

Also, I might stop all corrections for now. Yes, you may have to deal with a little monster a few months from now, but you two will have a developed a bond that can be the basis for loving corrections. If you haven't read anything by Karen Pryor, go ahead and google her name. Many trainers believe in ONLY using positive reinforcement. So if you do well, maybe the two of you will bond AND he'll learn to behave.

Finally - is there a park or another area you can take him to? Often dogs behave differently in different areas.

==================

Finally finally: I think it's fine to "all but ignore him" for the moment so that he can find his way back to you. Feed him, entertain him, speak to him softly, and let him come to you when he's ready.

[roxies_mom]

I found this link you can read and see if it might help you at all. Your situation tugs at my heart because it sounds like you want it to work but something just isn't meshing between the 2 of you. You might not relate to the whole thing but parts of it might be helpful and it also has some of the same advice others have already given.

I think my Puppy is Scared of me...