Need Advice
 

Ok I know I haven't been here in forever but I am now working and with that and spending time with my babies I just haven't had the time :( I am here now because I really need some advice. Here goes.

Ok some of you know that my daughter took off for college last year (August) and left her dog with me to care for (the dog was a gift from her ex-boyfriend). Ok I was fine with that since she was supposed to pay for the food and vet bills and whatever for her. Also she was supposed to come home every weekend and see her and even take her with her if she was going to stay somewhere else for the weekend. Well so far she has not paid a dime for her she has came to see her 5 times 6 tops in the very begininning and took her one time back in October of last year and that one time she did take her she said the dog would not eat. So she decided to feed her pancakes and things to get the dog to eat :(. The dog came back acting strange and had the poops for days :(. My daughter came over twice after that for about a half a hour and the dog would start shaking and acting very strange while she was here. Anyway the thing is we have been paying for everything she sleeps with us we take her to the vet we do everything. And even though we have been doing that for seven months my daughter just tells me today that she wants to come and get the dog tonight and he boyfriend who the dog is scared to death of and doesn't like will bring her back tomorrow after I get off work. All because she is leaving to go back to college in the morning. Of course I don't want to put the dog through all of this but do I have any right to tell my daughter no she cannot take her?


Thanks All!

Mary

Don't let the pup go
 

I say, if she wants to visit, come to your house and visit, since you love the pup, have been caring for the pup, and know the pup, it's your pup. Boyfriends come and go, but a furbabies love is forever.:aimeeyork

Well that is what I thought but I didn't know if I actually had the right to do that or now. Oh and the dog is micro chipped under my name and address. I did that because the time she did take her she lost the dog for a bit (hiding under the bed) and I didn't want to take that chance of her disapearing for real.

I forgot to add that the dog has lived with us since she was eight weeks old. I am the one who gave her pedialite and meds every two hours and the one that made sure she ate so that her sugar would not drop. My daughter was never around her then either even though she lived here. Also I am the one who paid to have her spayed and cared for her after the surgery.

If it was me I would do what is best for the dog. If the dog shakes when they are there that should be telling you something. If they take the dog he will probably have the same behavior and will probably be brought back to you to care for. I personally wouldn't upset the dog to make everyone else happy. I would tell your daughter she can come visit the dog but the dog stays here. Just my two cents worth.

Thank you so much for your advice both of you....I am going to tell her she can visit but not take her because I cannot watch her go through that again the poor baby. I know I will have a fight on my hands though :( I really didn't want to fight with her about it but I cannot watch this poor thing suffer.

I wouldn't let her take the dog at all. You know you have done everything for that dog. I would tell her that the last time that she took her, they she didn't act right for days. Tell her that you don't want her to take her because you have to deal with the aftermath. If she wants to visit then she needs to come to your house. Tell her you are doing what is best for the dog!

Your the pack leader of both of them. This dog has bonded with you and your home and shouldn't be ripped out of it. Daughter might be a little mad at first but she'll get over it. College kids don't need pets. I have a very similar issue at my house. My daughters x-bf/xfiance had bought my daughter a puppy one year for Christmas. We had told him no it was a bad idea but he did it anyway saying it would stay at his place. MMM-Hmmm, when they broke up guess where the dog ended up? And because DD was so in love with the dog and had done EVERYTHING for the dog how could we say no to her. Now she's graduated college and working 2 jobs trying to save money to move out and guess who's always watching the dog? I don't hestitate to tell her when and what with the dog. She knows I have every right.

It is hard for one person to "own" a dog and another to have full responsibility for the upkeep of him/her. I'm not sure if I am answering the questing you are asking, but I would require my daughter to make a choice, either give me the dog, lock, stock and barrel, OR take the dog and be responsible with him/her.

I have children and I've been there done that with them (not about animals but about other things). It's all about being responsible and accountable -- and OUCH that is a very painful adult issue.

Good for you for keeping this poor Yorkie, do not let your daughter take her, she is not responsible at all in the care for a dog and a Yorkie is especially vulnerable to poor quality care.

That's just it she can't take care of the dog the college won't let her have it. But then on weekends and breaks she doesn't even come to see the dog even though she drives right by here to go stay with her boyfriend.

I want to thank you all you have helped me make a really hard decision one that I think I had already made deep down but I needed the boost/courage to tell her I guess.


Hugs,
Mary

I know it's hard to be firm with what are supposed to be adult responsible children. But the truth be known that sometimes they just aren't that responsible when in college and only think about what they want. Not all of them are like that but most are from my experience. At the same time when they are in college they shouldn't have to be worried about anything but good grades and taking care of themselves and having fun imbetween. There's plenty of time when she's on her own and making enough to provide for a puppy when she's done with school.

Our dear children....My son did the same thing. Begged me to let him bring a lab puppy home!! I was opposed...my dh said ok, but only if he paid for food, vet bills and got her spayed! My son did not keep up his end of the deal. We have been the primary caregivers. His dog has destroyed everything in my back yard. Literally chewed the cover off my hot tub:eek:. I just wanted to scream! I have paid for all her shots and vet bills. She got pregnant and had 9 pups. I paid for all their shots and food, found homes for all of them. I have her scheduled to be spayed. My son is in college also. We would ask him to find her a home, but she is apart of our family now. I just wish he would spend more time with her, I'm disabled and can barely keep up with my little ones! Bless your heart for taking care of your daughter's baby. You set the rules! After all...you are being mommy to both of them!!! Good luck and God bless!:p

I hope it all works out for you! The dog needs to stay right where he/she is ! :thumbup:

Sorry to hear about your situation. I would definitely tell your daughter that in the best interest of the dog, that she should leave him with you and that she could come and visit. If the dog was shaky and acting strange the first time, then the 2nd time may possibly be even worst. In addition, putting the dog under stress like that will certainly effect his health.

I'm in somewhat of similar situation with my parents who's now caring for my cat Suki due to my DH allergies. However, I've always picked-up and paid for the food, litter, treats, etc. for Suki. I check on him occassionally and take him to his vet visits...etc. Now that my parents are caring for Suki, I think of him more of a family pet and not "MY" pet. I hope everything works out for you and your daughter.

How many times have you heard of parents inheriting their kid's pets? It happens all the time. If you are the caregiver, you start to love the animal and grow attached. You have been providing food, shelter, and putting out the bucks to go to the vet. I think you have every right to keep the dog with you. I wouldn't let it affect your relationship with your daughter, but you have a firm foundation from which to hold your ground.

Mary, Hi!! It's just good to see you post!

You are Bella's mom. I really thought you had gotten this all resolved last year, as I thought your daughter had never followed thru with care and payment when she was still at home. I hope everything has gone well addressing this with your daughter today.

Hey, and come back & post - even just for fun! Have you helped bust anymore Indiana puppy mills? Lots of puppy mill discussion going on here at YT lately

If all else fails, tell your daughter the pup has bad diarrhoea....hopefully that will put her off wanting to take it! :eek:

Good idea! that oughta change her mind!

Ok here is the update...Told her the what Bella acted like the last time and that and had poops for days when she took her and her response was she will be fine. Told her she is terrified of your boyfriend her response was she will get used to him. Then I get told he (her boyfriend) said you are just trying to keep Bella and that is not gonna happen. Then said she was just going to keep her so I ask where she planned on her staying while she was at school all week and she said with her boyfriend. Got to remember this is the boyfriend that little Bella is terrified of I seen it with my own eyes she flew away everytime he came near and would shake like crazy. Ok so I said she won't eat with you (she told me that herself the last time she took her) her response was if she gets hungry enough she will eat. Well last and onlt time she took her before she took her on a Friday and brought her back on a Sunday the poor dog acted like she was starving to death I ask her about it and she said oh she wouldn't eat her food so I gave her some pancakes. :mad: Ok well she is mad now and said she is coming to get her and she is gonna keep her at her boyfirends and that she is very angry so she is gonna fight me on this instead of doing what is best for little Bella. I have her vet bill where I took her to get her spayed and I am going tomorrow to the vet to get the rest they are all under my name. She has already been chipped and that was also paid for by me and under my name. The only thing I don't have is reciepts for the dogfood and treats etc. This is such a total mess. :(

Sigh. I am so sorry. I thought your daughter would have realised that this was best for her dog. :eek: I wish there was something that could be said to change her mine, and she could see that this is not a good idea, and not in the best interest of her dog:( You have taken such good care of the dog. This is her home, with you. you have done everything for her. I with she could see that .

Hey there feels good to be back :)

I did think that I had it resolved but since she has been with her new live in boyfriend he has been pushing her to come and get Bella. It is always HE wants to see Bella HE wants to come get Bella it is always like that now it is turning into a big fight because she is listening to him and fighting with me about it :( To be honest I am waiting for the cops to show up at my door any second now

Wouldn't matter to her at all :( She thinks of her as a posession not a dog or baby :(

Please don't let her go with them......it's not fair to Bella

I am still fighting with her she keeps saying one night won't kill her yeah right like she would bring her back if I let her go. She also keeps telling me that she is hers and she will have her that I will not keep her. Even though I keep telling her that I am not trying to steal her that I am only worried for Bella's health she won't listen she doesn't seem to care :( I am just so stressed right now I can't stand it.

Poor baby
 

This is my concern, the BF may try to get even with you by hurting the baby....some people are evil that way

I would just tell her you love the dog now that you have been taking care of it while she was gone. You let it sleep with, and you wouldn't be able to sleep without it, let it stay with grandma.

What a mess...You poor thing!!! I think you're doing the right thing for now... Get the bills together. Tell her the cost of feeding her...caring for her!! I think the visit should be put off until things calm down. You don't really think she would call the cops???:eek:
I wish my son would take his dog for a visit...I'd have a nobody's home sign on the door!

You might suggest they get a different dog, one that would be theirs together. Maybe the BF will jump on that and leave Bella alone.

That is also one of my biggest fears that or he will try to sell so that he can get teh english bulldog he has always wanted :(