Crystal's Blog # 9 Crystal Under Arrest - read all about it!
Tonight around 7pm a Crime of deceitful theft was alleged against 'Starlet' Crystal Yorkie.
From the Old Bailey criminal court, in the heart of London's City, our reporter 'Lunchtime ó Booze' reports upon the story that has rocked the UK's canine society and left the Yorkie contingent stunned...
To a hushed, crowded and shocked court Mr Quentin Cocklecarrot QC of the respected law firm Sue Grabbit and Run, opened the case for the Plaintiff 'Poor Old Dad' viz;
"As your lordship pleases, following uninterrupted exclusive enjoyment of her 'Cordon Bleu' supper of 'Lilys Organic Chicken and Vegetable spelt', the accused utilised her newly acquired geography of the Kitchen's work surface. Unaided she did scale such topography and without consideration to her elderly father's needs, partook of his 500mg Co-op Strawberry Cheescake. This action was both wilfully selfish in it's intent by showing no regard for her sponsor's nutrition or needs".
Lord Chief Justice Seagoon, woke briefly up to bang his gavel insisting on 'Silence in court'. He then went back to sleep.
"As your lordship pleases" Mr Cocklecarrot continued, "Furthermore the accused whilst depicted in photograph 3 of your bundle m'lud, appears in a wistful stance, was shortly afterwards to be witnessed, licking her lips and demonstrating a stance of contrite satisfaction with her recent actions of supreme and consummate greed".
"This is not the first time the Accused has demonstrated such largesse and disregard, where foodstuff is concerned. It is however an escalation to malignant subjective criminal planning; applied to achieve such deceitful self centered gain, contemporaneously depriving an honest and loving parent of his just dessert."
At this point several female Yorkies in the canine gallery were overcome with emotion and there was a deal of barking and much reverse snorting. A short delay ensued as many had to be taken outside to recover in the leafy courtyards.
Eventually the Prosecution continued; "The Accused's application for bail, should be declined and furthermore it is our case that she should be taken to a place of confinement, with only beef jerky and water as sustenance until she repents!"
In her defence, the accused who represented herself, subjected a photo, taken half an hour after the alleged crime and shown here entitled as submittal 4 The Accused.
The Jury after consideration of ten seconds, aquitted her almost unanimously (A West Highland Terrier Juror wanted her to receive five life sentences to run consequently to each other) and awarded all costs against her poor old dad. This ageing broken man, now sells boot laces and matches on the street outside to make ends meet!
'Lunchtime ó Booze', Reuters Old Bailey London
Below are the three photo's submitted to the court viz;
1. The Alleged Crime Scene
2. The Modus Operandi of the Accused
3. The Accused shortly after the Alleged offence
and lastly Crystal's sole submittal for her release!
From the Old Bailey criminal court, in the heart of London's City, our reporter 'Lunchtime ó Booze' reports upon the story that has rocked the UK's canine society and left the Yorkie contingent stunned...
To a hushed, crowded and shocked court Mr Quentin Cocklecarrot QC of the respected law firm Sue Grabbit and Run, opened the case for the Plaintiff 'Poor Old Dad' viz;
"As your lordship pleases, following uninterrupted exclusive enjoyment of her 'Cordon Bleu' supper of 'Lilys Organic Chicken and Vegetable spelt', the accused utilised her newly acquired geography of the Kitchen's work surface. Unaided she did scale such topography and without consideration to her elderly father's needs, partook of his 500mg Co-op Strawberry Cheescake. This action was both wilfully selfish in it's intent by showing no regard for her sponsor's nutrition or needs".
Lord Chief Justice Seagoon, woke briefly up to bang his gavel insisting on 'Silence in court'. He then went back to sleep.
"As your lordship pleases" Mr Cocklecarrot continued, "Furthermore the accused whilst depicted in photograph 3 of your bundle m'lud, appears in a wistful stance, was shortly afterwards to be witnessed, licking her lips and demonstrating a stance of contrite satisfaction with her recent actions of supreme and consummate greed".
"This is not the first time the Accused has demonstrated such largesse and disregard, where foodstuff is concerned. It is however an escalation to malignant subjective criminal planning; applied to achieve such deceitful self centered gain, contemporaneously depriving an honest and loving parent of his just dessert."
At this point several female Yorkies in the canine gallery were overcome with emotion and there was a deal of barking and much reverse snorting. A short delay ensued as many had to be taken outside to recover in the leafy courtyards.
Eventually the Prosecution continued; "The Accused's application for bail, should be declined and furthermore it is our case that she should be taken to a place of confinement, with only beef jerky and water as sustenance until she repents!"
In her defence, the accused who represented herself, subjected a photo, taken half an hour after the alleged crime and shown here entitled as submittal 4 The Accused.
The Jury after consideration of ten seconds, aquitted her almost unanimously (A West Highland Terrier Juror wanted her to receive five life sentences to run consequently to each other) and awarded all costs against her poor old dad. This ageing broken man, now sells boot laces and matches on the street outside to make ends meet!
'Lunchtime ó Booze', Reuters Old Bailey London
Below are the three photo's submitted to the court viz;
1. The Alleged Crime Scene
2. The Modus Operandi of the Accused
3. The Accused shortly after the Alleged offence
and lastly Crystal's sole submittal for her release!
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