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10-22-2007, 04:19 PM | #1 |
Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Central Georgia
Posts: 213
| Cute email...thought y'all could relate PET INFORMATION To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - pet nose height. Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent po ssible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not required. The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough! To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door: To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets: 1. They live here. You don't. 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes , stay off the furniture. That's why they call it "fur"niture. 3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. 4. To you, they are an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they: 1. Eat less 2. Don't ask for money all the time 3 Are easier to train 4. Normally come when called 5. Never ask to drive the car 6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends 7. Don't smoke or drink 8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions 9. Don't want to wear your clothes 10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and... 11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children
__________________ Melanie Lexie Lu & Sophie too! |
Welcome Guest! | |
10-22-2007, 04:20 PM | #2 |
Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Central Georgia
Posts: 213
| and one more TO: GOD FROM: THE DOG Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story? Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the "Chrysler Beagle"? If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog? We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand? More meatballs, less spaghetti, please. Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize? Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog: 1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up. 2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell. 3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar. 4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'. 5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. 6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet. 7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello". 8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table. 9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after. 10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt. 11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch. 12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing. P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?
__________________ Melanie Lexie Lu & Sophie too! |
10-22-2007, 04:35 PM | #3 |
RIP Skoshi! Love You Donating Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Wichita falls,tx
Posts: 3,383
| Those Are Too Funny!!! Thanks |
10-22-2007, 04:37 PM | #4 |
Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Central Georgia
Posts: 213
| I'm glad you liked it. I thought they were both really cute. I found myself smiling and nodding
__________________ Melanie Lexie Lu & Sophie too! |
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