I'm so distraught!!!! Please help!!!!
 

To those of you that followed my last thread which has been several months ago, my little girl finally gave up the fight on 11/03/10. Sadly, I have another little on, my oldest yorkie, ( she is 15), who is also giving up the fight and will probably be put to sleep today. The vet wanted to put her to sleep 2 days ago and I just couldn't let her go yet. I had just lost my Ciera and I couldn't bring myself to let her go too that soon after losing her. Guys, I beg of you all not to think horribly of me for saying no then. I asked several times if she was in ANY pain and she told me that she wasn't. She said she didn't feel well, but there's no pain. I just needed a couple more days with her. You have to realize that 15 years is a longggg time. She grew up with my children! They have both seen us through so much in our lives and have been the only 'constant' that we've all had. All of this has just ripped my soul apart!!! I have done nothing but cry for days! I'm eating only enough to keep me surviving, (I've lost 7lbs since the 3rd). I'm not sleeping! All I do is hover over my little baby trying to get her to eat, holding her water bowl for her when she wants water, sitting her up to help her when she coughs. I am just devastated!! I honestly am not sure how I will be able to let her go!!! Don't get me wrong, I am devastated over losing Ciera too. I still cry and mourn for her. But in the end, she gave up and the parting, tho extremely difficult, was somewhat easier. Little Meg tho, for whatever reason, wont give up!! Not to mention, she's always been wherever I am, slept with me every night (except for a few nights when she wasn't feeling well and had the 'poops' or was throwing up. Otherwise, she has been stuck to me for 15 years!!! Seriously! I feel like I'm going to lose my mind here at just the thought of her leaving me and I'm turning to you all to give me whatever advice you can.....something!! After her, I have nothing left!!!!!!!! It's going to be like closing a chapter that I've kept open for so many years!! Am I wrong for wanting her here with me??? Do I HAVE to have her put to sleep?????????? Is is wrong of me for not giving her that???? She's not eating and hasn't since day before yesterday. She drinks water and has been getting sub q fluids ( 150cc twice a day) The vet said all of her bun, creatine, phosphorus, etc levels have more than doubled since the 30th of Oct. so she's fading. She's still able to get up and go outside to potty but I have to walk with her to keep her from falling. For the most part, she stays inside on her pallet beside me all covered up. I don't feel she owes me anything, for sure not any pain. It's letting go I'm having issues with. I don't know what I'm going to do without her too!!! Two of my beloved babies gone almost a week apart!!!! Anyone.....someone! Help me!!!

Im very sorry for your loss. I cant imagine the hurt you feel.

I wish there was something I can do to help you. I know, it's very hard, especially when you have just lost one. They are family. I am going thru this myself with a Large Breed. Hard for sure. Make sure you try to stay healthy, but easier said than done. Best of luck.

God I'm so sorry. I have tears rolling down my face and I know the pain you must be going through. I went through that with my cats a few years back. I lost two of them within 2 weeks. No your not selfish for wanting to keep her with you as long as she's not in pain. You have to think of her though. It's a heartbreaking situation I've lost many pets and I can tell you although it doesn't seem that way now, it does get easier in time. You'll always have them in your heart but the pain gets less and less.
Some people will adopt another pet some don't. I feel like when I adopt another that my pet in heaven sent it to me. This is up to you though. That's the only advice I can think of to give you.

I'm so sorry that you have so much pain in your life right now. Losing one beloved pet, and knowing you are losing Meg, must seem almost unbearable.

I'm not sure that I have the words that will help you through this. Know that your voice, your pain has been heard.

I truly believe that soon you will find that place in your heart, that you will know, now is the time to let her go.

You two have a bond, and I trust that with every particle of your being you could only do what is right for your beloved Meg.

You have loved, been loved, and are still loving so well.

(((Hugs to you and Meg))))

I have no words for you .... tears are streaming down my face. I can't imagine what it is like to lose your babies. I don't blame you for wanting her to stay around but as lexi43 said you have to think of her. She may not be giving up because of you....not wanting you to grieve but that you will have to do. I will have you in my prayers...

I am so sorry. :( I don't think there are words that will make this better. I went through this in September 09 when my sweet Cody passed from renal failure. All I can tell you is that I went through the same emotions that you are. One day I woke up and I knew it was time.....they do let us know. When it is time, your sweet Meg will let you know.
Sadly, these are things that we must experience in life. It is all a grieving process. I can tell you that it never goes away, but it does get easier. In time, the fond memories carry us through.
Again, I am just SO sorry.

I am soo sorry for your losses. I can't even begin to imagine the pain you are feeling right now. My only advice as you go through this tough time is that she is not leaving you. I can tell in your post that you have 15 wonderful years of fond happy memories with her. That is what you hold on to.

If your vet assures you that your little one is not suffering, then I don't think you're a monster for not being able to let her go. I had to face the same decision with my Bungee a few months ago. Even though she was not showing any signs of pain, she was not happy -- not wagging her tail, not wanting to be touched, not eating or drinking. I knew in my heart that she was ready to go and I had to help her. I've had to make that decision for many pets and it never gets any easier.

When I was younger and very upset when my dad had his cat put to sleep while I thought she could live for a few more days or even weeks, he told me that a duty of a pet owner is to put the pet's interest ahead of his own. Once the vet told him that the cat could not recover, he had to decide if he was keeping the cat alive for the cat's sake or for his own. If it was for his own sake, it was time to say goodbye.

I'm not saying this to be unkind -- in fact I'm sitting here sobbing while I type because I know how awful this is for you. All I can suggest is that you search your own heart and you will find the right answer.

I wish I could ease some of your pain, but you know that only time will do that.

There are no words that will take the pain away. Time heals all wounds. And

Meg will tell you when it is time. 2 years ago I went through this exact thing

with my girl of 14 years. She was slowly fading and I could not put her to

sleep, I felt guilty, but my kind vet told me that I would know when the time

was right. I did and I do not regret those extra 6 days I had with Taffy. Hold her

and love her. I miss my girl every single day, but as the days went by the pain

lessened to a dull ache. Hugs to you and to Meg. :cry::lovewings

I wish I could hug you and ease your pain, I am so sorry..
you will know when is time your heart will tell you..
I will say a prayer for you and your little one..
hugs,
Carmen in nj

This is so hard. I cried yesterday thinking about my darling Gina who passed in Feb of this year. My husband didn't want to put her to sleep but she was very, very ill and had a stroke and wasn't aware of anything. I think you will know when she wants to be released. It tears us apart because we love them so. You might call your local humane society and ask about attending a greiving group. That can help. So sorry for your pain.
Cherie

You are not wrong to want to keep her with you as long as possible. She is not in pain and I think you will know when the time is right. My heart is aching while I'm reading your post and I wish I could do something or say something to give you some comfort. I'm sorry you are going thru this. Sending good thoughts, hugs and prayers your way.

I’m so sorry your having to make some difficult decisions….. Most of us at some point will have to travel this road, mostly alone with our pets, despite all the wonderful help, medical treatment, and advice that we get from our vets, family, friends, and boards such as this one. Each in their own way is valuable and important. But, the final decisions will come down to us and us alone. If any emotion rules supreme when a pet passes, it is guilt. No matter what the circumstances of our loss, guilt is there; it haunts our days, ruins our sleep, and tarnishes our memories. Our decisions and the guilt and grief that follows can be a pretty lonely place to be……We all will worry if we did enough……..

When is it appropriate for us to say - enough? When does quality of life, not quantity, become the most important question to ask? We all must make those decisions based on our own pets, not on what anyone else did, is doing, or would do. Our individual choices are ultimately the right ones. We must remember as well that not everything is in our control. We might like to think it is, hope that it is, but there are times it simply isn't. It takes courage to assume this last duty and it is our last responsibility to a pet which has given us love and companionship. A far more dangerous form of selfishness is to prolong a pet's suffering simply to postpone your own. …..…….. Which choice will bring you the least cause for regret after the pet is gone?..... Unfortunately, "no regret" is often not an option.


When you love that deeply, you would do anything in your power to protect and care for a loved one, whether animal or human. Part of the love is being able to let go, not for us, but for them. These gifts of ours are not meant to suffer. While the thought of losing them, or the actual loss can be horrific, it is *them* we must think of. It’s totally normal to wonder if we did the right things, made the right choices, fought hard enough or long enough. You gave your best and your best is truly enough. You loved hard and no one can question or judge that, not even yourself. You will make the ultimate sacrifice - for them. That takes courage, strength, and love.......

Sending you prayers to help guide you in your decisions…….(((hugs))))

I'm so so sorry for what you have been thru and what you are going thru now. I just can't imagine losing both my babies within days apart...Tears fall as I write this cause I do know and understand the pain you feel...and yes 15 years is a long time and a lot of love and memories that you have...I too just lost my 14 1/2 year old yorkie Bailey may she R.I.P on Oct 16, 2010...and our life as we had known it for almost 15 years change...my kids and Bailey grew up together like yours...I too didn't want to send my baby to rainbow bridge...but I went back to see her and the look in her eyes told me I had to do what was right for her...I sit my baby in my lap with my arms around her telling her how much I love her, it was very hard and I cried like a baby as she went to sleep and I helped her to rainbow bridge...I know in time you will do the same...Your babies know how much you love them and told you everyday with a tail wag...and they would want you to give that love to another very needy pet. Again I'm so so sorry:(

Im sorry and feel like I dont have any thing adequate to say to ease your pain. Mine are 6 and I know in some years Ill be faced with the same thing. You just have to know she had a long happy life with you and she knew she was loved and thats the important thing. You will know when the time is right to let her go.

Thank you to all of you for your kind words and thoughts during this time for me. The sad part of this is that I KNOW she is tired and her quality of life is nil. She goes out to the bathroom and I walk behind her, mostly over her with my hands near her sides to keep her from falling over, or to prevent her from falling over. She does drink and she gets sub q fluids twice a day. I just picked up some more fluids from the vet and bought her some baby food that I have to gradually syringe into her so she gets something in her. Otherwise she wont touch food. It's just sad because just a few days ago she was at least up and eating.......up to 7 small meals a day!!! She's been sick since before Halloween but not even close to this! Seems overnight she went downhill!!! I got her stats from our vet and they said on the 30th, her BUN was 30 and it should be around 7.5. on the 8th when they wanted to put her to sleep, it had skyrocketed to 277! Her creatine was 1.4 on the 30th and on the 8th it was 5.5. Her phosphorus was 7.4 on the 30 and it should be around 2.9-6.6 and hers was 12.5 on the 8th. So......am I wrong for this?????? Maybe some of you have had dealings such as this with these levels.

Once again I know how you must be feeling. It's very hard to let go and it's mostly guilt that makes us feel this way. You always feel there must be more I can do. I had a 19 year old cat with stats around those numbers. I kept him going on fluids twice a day like you for over a month until I knew I couldn't do this to him anymore. As long as she's not in pain you are going to have to know when to let her go. Nobody but you can make that decision. Some people can let go easier than others. I know I can't I try everything and anything to keep them with me. Everybody feels different but you have to do what's in your heart. Whatever you do my thoughts and prayers are with you and your baby.

I went through this with my 17 yr old IG in Feb, 2010. There is nothing I can really say that might help, except, I did use Reglan to combat nausea and it helped a little. Now, my vets are giving me Cerenia. Also, I was given mitirzapin (sp?) for another dog for her IBD to get her to eat, and someone on this board was giving it to her renal failure baby to get her to eat with success. It does work and I wish I had known about it for Poppi.

I think, really I believe, you will know when it is time. For my renal girl, I made an appointment, then canceled it. I didn't feel it was time. Unfortunately, it was within a couple weeks.

My heart goes out to you. I know your heartache, as many of us do. You always have many shoulders to cry on and pour your heart out to on YT.

I am so sorry and can imagine how sad it is to have to go through this again so soon. I did have a 7 month old with congenital kidney failure and her BUN was off the charts, well over 400. I tried taking her to the specialist and medicine but she became so sick within 1 weeks time that she wouldn't eat or barely move. The one thing the specialist told me was that she had uremic poisoning from the toxins building up and it was making her very nauseous. She kept licking the air and that was a sign of the nausea. After 2 really bad days I made the hardest decision and let her go. I think she will let you know when she has had enough. My heart goes out to you. Hugs.

Wow!!! Over 400???? Poor baby! I'd be a wreck!! They have Meg on Subq fluids for the toxins and I just put her on Epakitin to help with the phosphorus level. I know what you went thru because i just lost one and it just has me a wreck that she is going thru it too. I am beyond devastated and not sure how I'll ever cope with not having them with me!!!

I'm sorry for you as well. It sounds like we do have similar situations. It's soul crushing!! I'm doing all that I can for her and then some! It's just so hard to let go. As sick as she has to be, she woke me up kissing me this morning. Her levels are all so high I just don't see or understand what is keeping her hanging on! Maybe she isn't ready, maybe she knows that I'm not ready....I don't know. I too will hold her as she goes to sleep. I can't imagine not being there in that way for her in her final moments.
I wish you the best and hope that we can both heal soon!!! Hugs!!

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I'm sure that she is holding on just for you. But prolonging the inevitible is just causing you more pain.

You need to let her go. I know it is hard. I've been there, but it is the kindest thing you can do for her.

Bless you.

From my own experience I would like to encourage you to get in touch with a pet grief counselor immediately. We lost a tiny little rescue earlier this year (we hadn't had her very long at all) and to be honest I just totally lost it. I couldn't even get out of bed for a week, my daughter had to call in sick for several days herself. It was awful. Finally my daughter in law found a grief counselor for us and it did help. Loosing a pet is just about the worst thing that I have ever gone through, I think the only thing worse would be to loose one of my children. I don't know where your belief system is but I do truely believe that when anyone, pets included, pass over - there is just a veil between us and them, and a thin one at that, they are with God and they are just waiting for us. Much love, our prayers are with you....

I am so sorry you are going thru this. I lost my beloved Mandy in Nov. 2007. She had renal failure and we were doing the fluids and anything and everything that we could do for her. We had her for 17 years and she was the love of our lives. The vet understood and worked with me. I made an appointment and took her in only to turn around and bring her home. In the end she let me know it was time. I won't say it was easy because it wasn't but I believe the worst thing you can do is to do anything before you are both ready. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I cannot even imagine having to do this twice in such a short span of time. I am praying for you.

Yes, I completely agree with you on that. When I lost the first one on the 3rd, I thought I was having a heart attack several times. Then when I wasn't feeling that, I was feeling as tho I was ready to jump out of my skin!!! I cried hysterically!! It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do to just get out in public and when I did, I had to take take breaths to just keep myself from freaking out!!! There's this void inside you that was once filled by them. That void is what is killing me! Now having to face this again with my last one just makes me want to scream. I've never felt this much grief except for the losses of my mother and grandmother. Just imagining my life without her in it, not to mention the pain that is still there from the loss of the other......
I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby and I hope it's at least better for you now. Thank you for sharing your story with me. hugs!!

our thoughts are with you xxx

I am so sorry you are having to go thru this. We really have them for such a short time. I couldn't stand to have my Scottie pts so he finally died in our arms. Thats worse. He had labored breathing, which means he was in pain. If I had to do it over I would have pts. Sending you Big Hugs......Lissette