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Laughing Thread How about we tell our favorite jokes on here. Since AlaskaYorkie Mike says I need to go post on the Laughing Thread I decided to create one! LOL Here is an oldie but goodie in my opinion. One day a Rancher in Texas was out working on his farm. A DEA agent showed up and told him that he was there to look for any illegal drugs he might growing. The rancher told him that was fine but whatever he did don't go in the field right down there. The DEA agent looked at the rancher and told him "You see this badge here? This badge means I can go anywhere on your property that I want." The rancher goes back to working. About 20 minutes later the rancher hears a commotion and sees the DEA agent running as fast as he can from the field he warned him about, with his prize bull on his heels. The rancher runs to the fence and yells "Show him the BADGE! Show him the BADGE." |
lol, I like.... hope Mr. Mikie don't start running around waving a badge lol. Sorry no joke, brain to tired. |
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There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell sausage!" Momma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, "Mmmm, I smell pancakes!" Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, "The only thing I smell is molasses." |
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A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: ''I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.'' :D Couldn't resist... |
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I am going to use that one many times in the next week! |
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How did the little Yorkie dog feel when s/he saw a monster? Terrier-fied! Tada~~~ *takes a bow* |
*****Beware***** Adult humor A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough." |
Roflmao |
It was the end of the day when I parked my police car in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got in the back seat there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the car. Finally he said, "What'd he do?" Kids can be so cute... LOL |
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Heard this a very long time ago.. Somewhat adult humor! An old woman saved a Fairy's life. To repay this, the Fairy promised to grant the old woman three wishes.For the first wish, the old lady asked to become young and beautiful. Poof! She became young and beautiful.For the second wish, the old lady asked to be richest woman in the world. "Poof! She was the richest woman in the world.For the last wish, she pointed at the dog she had kept for years. She asked that he be turned into the most handsome man on earth. After all, he had been her best friend for so many years. Poof! The Fairy turned the dog into the most handsome man on earth.The old lady and the Fairy said their goodbyes.After the Fairy left, the handsome man (old dog) strolled over to her and asked, "Now aren't you sorry you had me neutered?!!!" |
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that's a good one |
Newly married husband puts a notice in front of his residence FOR SALE Computer and Encyclopedia Both in good condition. Reason for selling, No longer needed. Got married. Wife knows EVERYTHING…. With backup server called Mother in Law. |
A slightly drunk woman is watching TV and yells “Don’t go there! Don’t go to the church you dumb b!!!!h” Her husband asks “what are you watching” Reply “Our wedding video” |
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A dying grandma tells her grandchild “I want to leave you my farm. That includes the barn, livestock, the harvest, the tractor, and other equipment, the farmhouse and $24,548,750.45 in cash”. The grandchild, absolutely floored and about to become rich says, “oh grandma, you are SO generous! I didn’t know you had a farm. Where is it? With her last breath, Grandma whispered ”Facebook….” |
There were 3 blondes high-fiving and cheering at the bar... The bartender sees the celebration and asks the ladies what they were so happy about. One girl quickly responded with, "we are celebrating a job well done and executed ahead of schedule." The bartender assumes it's something incredibly important and continues to ask more questions. The same blonde follows up with, "well, we finished this puzzle in just 2 years but the box says it recommends 8 to 12 years!" |
lol toooo funny |
A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.” "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams. “We can't stand the sight of each other any longer” the father says. “We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.” Frantically, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like hell they're getting divorced!” she shouts, “I'll take care of this!” She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father “You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow.Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Sorted! They're coming for Christmas and they're paying their own way." |
Adult Context A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, 'Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?' Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh.. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.' Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.. The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, 'Hello son, is your Grandma home?' The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend.' The minister fainted. |
At breakfast, the husband asked his wife, “What would you do if I won the lottery?” She replied, “I’d take half of it and leave you.”!!! “Great,” he said. “Here’s $6. I won $12 yesterday. Stay in touch.” |
mistake |
At breakfast, the husband asked his wife, “What would you do if I won the lottery?” She replied, “I’d take half of it and leave you.”!!! “Great,” he said. “Here’s $6. I won $12 yesterday. Stay in touch.” Too funny! |
Adult context An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned To her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike Up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total ... Stranger, "What would you want to talk about?" "Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, Or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly. "Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask You a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?" The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know s**t?" And then she went back to reading her book. |
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