A blind man was out walking with his seeing-eye dog when suddenly the animal paused and wet the man's leg.

Bending down, the blind man stretched out his hand and patted the dog's head.

Having watched what happened, a bystander said, "Why are you patting him? That dog just peed on your leg!"

"I know," said the blind man, "but I gotta find his head before I can kick his butt."

When you are trying to make a good impression it is said that you should put your ‘best foot forward’. There are many options as to where this phrase came from, one being that it was believed that ‘the left’ was the realm of the devil, of evil and misfortune. After all the Latin word sinister means left, and in English sinister has kept its ominous meaning. Hence, it was advisable to keep the left foot behind and step forward with the best, the right, foot first.

But this phrase seems to have come from the fashion world, rather than the occult. The saying can be traced to male vanity, particularly apparent in the late eighteenth century, the period of the dandy. His desire to attract people’s attention and admiration took strange and elaborate forms. At the time, people imagined that their two legs differed in shape and that ‘normally’ one was more becoming than the other. To draw attention to it they kept the worse one in the background, literally putting ‘their best foot forward’, and with it, of course, their leg.

Interesting....Oh Dear......If I did that I would be arrested...lol :D:D:D:D:D

the grass is always greener on the other side:

Other circumstances seem more desirable than one's own but in reality are often not

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam.

The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

"Breast-fed" she replied.

"Well, strip down to your waist," the doctor ordered.

She did. He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a detailed examination.



Motioning to her to get dressed, he said, "No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk."



"I know," she said, "I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came."

A young monk arrived at the monastery.

He was assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.



He noticed, however, that all of the monks were copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk went to the abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up. In fact, the error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

Slightly alarmed the abbot, said, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."

The old abbot decided to go down into the dark caves beneath the monastery where the original manuscripts were held.



The archives were in a locked vault that had not been opened for centuries.

Days passed by and nobody saw the old abbot. The young monk became concerned and went down to look for him.

He found him with his head in his hands wailing uncontrollably and repeatedly saying,



"What a wast...What a waste...We missed the "R", We missed the "R"!!!!

The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?"

With a choking voice, the old abbot replies, "What a waste..The word was...

..

..

..

..

..

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CELEBRATE!!!

Where has everyone gone.....twelve hours and nobody wants to win so strange !!!!

Attachment 349532


It's a much KINDER GENTLER place this week :D:D :wavey:

Isn't it grand? ;)

WOW...this is worrying me now....nearly 24 hours since the last post by one of you American guys this is not right at all.

but at least I get to win for nearly a full day so I can complain really.

Attachment 349537 the heat has fried my brain...that is my excuse and I am sticking to it:D

I'm fairly sure Brian went blind ~ his Mum was right ;)

WOW.....what a great excuse....and I have learned something new already.................


YOU HAVE A BRAIN......:D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Oh so unfair that comment...sniffle blubber.....Me Muver dropped me on my head when I was born so it's not my fault and...

let me tell you...those posts where defo not there when I posted my comment so there:aimeeyork:),,,,ner ner na ner enrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr :);) :D

Brian, first check the times on the posts. Then check to see mine was ABOVE yours. Then check your glasses :nerd: :D:D

What Glasses ????????????????? :D:D:D

Bwahahaha:D

Oh charming dear....

Well let me tell you that at school I was always the top of class !!

I always had the highest marks in ALL subjects....

Even the teacher said one day that if she had another student in the class it would make a big difference....

So there !!!!!!

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Well I have to say I really did like that post well done indeed I enjoyed it a lot.
In fact, I may go as far to say that it is one of the best posts so far...

Loved it :thumbup: ;) :thumbup: :D :thumbup: :) :thumbup: :rolleyes: :thumbup:

Why thank you, Brian :D I enjoyed it as well :p

BIRTH CONTROL :D

understatement!! Lol

I couldn't even watch it to the end :sidesplt:

I didn't either..:eek: it was making Bogie pace and then he hid:p

:sidesplt: :yelrotflm

don't laugh at my poor little sissy boy:D

We saw a kid acting like this in our local superstore he was doing exactly what that little errr..ummmm....(boy) was doing but in this case I think the mother did a brilliant move.

She took her trolley and walked off to another area of the shop leaving the little brat screaming and throwing stuff off the shelves until security came along and stopped him.

Security apparently asked the err...(child) where his parents were and the child took security to find the mother.

When the child pointed out mother security went over to her and said something but I don't know what was said.

Anyway, the result was the child was taken away screaming like hell MUM....MUM.....MUM....HELP ME MUM.......

Mother just kept on shopping didnt turn a hair just as if nothing was going on.

I was really curious by this time so decided to hang about to see what happens when Mother finished shopping.

OK, she did finish not long after the kid was taken away and when she had checked out security brought the kid over so I moved in close to listen.

Security said to the kid .........

Now are you sure this is your mother.......

Kid says.........Yes Yes tell him tell him I am you boy mum.....

Mum just looks at him and say......

I dont think so my boy is a good boy he don't scream and shout and throw tantrums like I saw you do sorry I am going home now.......

Well, the kid really did get upset now saying sorry mom so sorry mom I wont do it again honest I wont.

Well about a month or so later I saw them in the same supermarket so I said to mother that I had the pleasure of watching how she handled the situation and was he now behaving himself.

She remembered seeing me and said.........

You know what Mister, that was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life but since then I have a new son he has never ever done it again he is just so good now.

Well I have to say, she did a great job on that kid.


I don't know if I could have done it.

LOL I wonder if you can get away with that in this country :D