I am the worst mother ever
 

and I don't care! I am so tired of my kids sitting around doing nothing and expecting me to do everything AND them to still get allowance, computer privileges, etc.

So as of today allowance, computer time, television, phone, all of it is cut off until I see quite a lot of improvement on the help I get around here.

I got up this morning feeling worse than ever (I think I now have a cold on top of the ear infection). They asked if I was cooking breakfast. Fine. I did because I thought maybe I'd feel better if I ate something too. Well, afterwards I asked my 13 yr old to clean up the kitchen and asked my 10 yr old to get the towels out of both bathrooms so I can wash them. You would have thought I was asking them for kidney the way they whined and complained and stomped off. That was the last straw for me.

I don't expect them to take care of the entire house, but they are old enough to do take on some chores. Lauren is more than old enough to wash dishes and Michel can absolutely gather dirty towels. Even Olivia, who is 4, can put away her own toys.

Lauren is in there washing the dishes but sobbing because I told her no phone. It isn't fair, she says. Well, it isn't fair for me to be sick and have to do everything while they sit around and make messes and for me to pay them anyway.

Michel informed me he was telling his dad. I saved him the trouble and called him on the phone and told him myself and DARED him to go against it.

There are going to be some changes around here. From now on allowance and privileges are going to be earned. I am making chore charts. They can either do what I ask - without throwing a fit, or they can not get allowance, etc. Its up to them.

Awe, I would hate to be them. I know how it is to have to "earn" everything. But it helped me realize to obey them when they ask me to do something, without back talking them or pitching a fit. My parents are going through this with my 4 year old sister, she got a spanken this morning for not cleaning up her toys.

My 4 yr old is actually the better of the three - usually. She has her moments and can be a drama queen, but she usually does what I ask her. Its the oldest two that act like they are dying if they are asked to so much as lift as finger.

Lauren is 13 and Michel will be 11 in November so they are more than old enough to pitch in around here.

I don't think that mkaes you a bad mom at all, I think it's good that you are teaching your children about responsibility. They should be expected to do chores in order to earn allowance. If they choose not to do what is expected of them, then they will deal with the consequence!

If a chore chart will work for them/you-that's great, but I think 10 and 13 might be a little old for something like that, depending on your individual kids. Something my mom (and my grandma with her children) used was that if a child complained about doing a chore that was generally expected of them, they got a warning. The next complaint resulted in the assignment of another chore. If that was disputed, the list got longer!

So, for example, if I complained about doing the dishes, I was warned once, and then it was the dishes and the kitchen floor. If I whined about that at ALL, then it was the dishes, the floor, and a load of laundry to fold-and believe me, there are some strong and stubborn women in my family, and I've heard about how long those lists can get!

The great things about this is that 1) they get chores done 2) they learn about responsibility and consequences 3) you get chores done that you would normally have to do yourself 4) there's no "grounding" of any kind-the kids do their jobs, and they're on their way to do what they want!

It's beautiful, and I plan to use this with my children someday!

Your're not horrible. It's something you need to instill in them while they are young, and ease into bigger chores when they are older. I hate to say it but its probably going to get worse with your teen daughter, I know I was a big jerk as a teen to say the least. Maybe when you do the chart you can put the priviledge next to the chore, so they see the "goal" for doing something.

That actually doesn't sound like a bad idea. Maybe we will give that a try! When I say "chore chart" I don't mean the kind like I would make for my 4 yr old. I just meant a list of exactly what is expected of them.

Lauren is the type who you can't tell to just go do the dishes. You have to break it down for her. Go into the kitchen. Fill up the sink with hot water AND dish soap. Put the dishes in the soapy water. Wash them and make sure they are CLEAN. Rinse the dishes in clean water until all the soap is off. Dry them. Put them away where they belong. :rolleyes:

Oh do I hear you! my daughter is going on 12 this month and you know sometimes I just dont get it! My husband and I take care of everything here, cooking cleaning etc so we figured its time she helps also...I was still doing her bed! well we made the same changes and at first she had a hard time adjusting too. Rolling her eyes, stomping away, huffing and puffing etc. I put an end to that ASAP because that is disrespectful and now...she doesnt need to be told what to do she just does it. It gets better;) believe me. My 5 and 6 year old have chores as well. Some might think they are too young but I dont think so lol. my 5 yr old is sooooo neat she will be the first one with her bed done in the morning, and she does it right LOL.

Sounds to me like you are being a good responsible mother which is so much harder than just giving in. Stick to your guns and your kids will thank you for it one day.

My kids grew up with the understanding that as a parent I was required to provide....

Food -- pinto beans, cornbread and coleslaw with a glass of cold white milk makes a nice balanced meal

Clothing -- Goodwill and Salvation as well as Walmart have some nice clothes -- so don't complain about your clothing allowance

Shelter -- means a roof over your head -- running water and electricity are a bonus

Education -- YOU WILL go to school

I was not a perfect mother, I made a lot of mistakes, but I did try very hard to instill a sense of value and work ethics. No meant NO!!!! And if I said no you'd better not ask again OR go to daddy. Parenting is an on-going education. You have to adapt and adjust to each kid every day.

I think most mother's can relate to what you are feeling today.
Overwelmed! They should have responsibilities. It seems they
have been riding free. Make your charts and let them earn their
allowance. There is nothing wrong with children pulling their own
weight around the house. It's important that they feel they are
part of a family team. They might be mad to start but it's their
responsiblity as well to help out and do chores.
Sit down and have a family discussion. Tell them how your feeling.
You might be surprised to find out they understand if you talk and
not wait until your ready to explode from all the work.

Good luck to you,

I think all kids should have chores to do-starting at 18-24 months of age. The chores as tots are obviously very small, like putting blocks in a bin, putting other toys away, stacking books, etc.

I was a nanny for a few years...I would have the 3 & 4 year olds help empty the dishwasher by putting tupperware away in the bottom cupboard, or putting away silverware (no knives, of course), but it's like a matching game for them-spoons/forks/butter knives! They can also help by matching socks, folding washcloths, and putting laundry like socks and undies away in drawers.

Once the kids know this is simply expected of them and that it's not up for debate, everyone is happier, and the chores just get done!

But, I know how difficult teen girls can be-I was awful at that age :rolleyes: I know it gets better with time and lots of patience!

You're not a bad mom. You're a mom who's decided to take a stance to make your kids grow into responsible adults. Believe me if I had it to do over again I'd do the same things. My kid 17 and 21 think the world owes them a living. They can't comprehend the concept of getting a job, and being responsible adults, and I feel like it's my fault for not making them tow the rope when I could have. Now I have signs all over the house. For example dirty bathroom = no computer. The bathroom has been cleaned ever since. We're suppose to have a family meeting to discuss chores and who's responsible for them. I've been a slacker for too long, and I can't take it anymore, so keep on top of them whether they whine or not. It'll pay off in the end.

They are having a VERY difficult time with no meaning NO. That's part of what set me off this morning.

Michel wanted to play a computer game. I said no. Five minutes later he asked gain. I said no - again. This time it wasn't even five minutes before he was asking again. When I told him no yet again he started with the, "WHY? Why can't I play it? Please, mom? Can I play? WHY won't you let me just play the game?" Then he stomped off and slung himself on the couch.

Lauren, is in there washing the dishes, but crying and yelling about it isn't fair that she is working like a slave and I'm not doing anything but sitting here on the computer.

That's when you say that you're taking a sanity break! :D

OMG, that sounds just like my 13 yo!

man your kids get an allowance for doing chores and or nothing (pre-chore time)? wow! wish i lived in your house. i never received an allowance simply because my parents couldn't afford it. I was expected to clean my room and make my bed every day. And Sunday's are cleaning day. Me and my sister had to help clean the house and we usually got stuck with the bathroom ( i still have cleaning the bathroom LOL). Every night after dinner one of us would have to wash and the other clear the table and dry. During the summer months Fridays were straightening up days so while my parents were at work me and my sister had to clean the bathroom, dust and windex, and vacumm. How we split the chores were up to us and me being the younger sister usually got stuck with dusting, windexing and cleaning the shower and scrubbing the shower doors with fantastic w/ bleach until they shown, and if they didn't when my mom got home i had to clean them again.

Tell those kids of yours they are lucky to have what they have. I didn't have computers/phones/video games (until the first nintendo system came out) to be taken away so i just got grounded in my room if i didn't go what i was asked (which was quite alot :rolleyes:).

good luck!!!

In our house, our kids were responsible for their own laundry as soon as they could reach the buttons with a step stool. Same with dishes, etc.

When they went to college, they said the best thing was waking up on Saturday and knowing there were no chores that had to be done. They may be slobs for a few years until the newness wears off. ;)

The only thing that they had their own control over was their room. I only asked that there was a "path" from the door to the bed in case there was a fire (and they sometimes failed there!). But in the rest of the house, we lived as a "community" where everyone had responsibilities. They "learned" the responsibilities/skills. Whether or not they decide to use the skills later in life is entirely up to them. But my work of training them is done.......

We take away money if chore dosn't get done. They don't get full amont unless all chores have been done properly.

I guess I'm a bad mom too!

We never gave our son an allowance. His dad and I didn't get paid for taking care of our home and we didn't feel he should either. We do things around the house that have to be done. We all live here, we all do them with no pay.

I wash the clothes in this house and put them in the dryer, from that point, my husband and son take care of their own clothes. (Son is 16, but has been doing this since he was 10.) Matter of fact, my son did the laundery when he was 10 because I had a hysterectomy and hubby didn't know how to run the washer and dryer. I had shown my son a number of times and he remembered how.

Rule is if something is on the floor and I have to pick it up...it goes in the trash. Obviously they care nothing for it if it was on the floor. I run a pretty tight ship, not because I want things perfect, I just want some free time too, just like they do.

Welcome to my world!!

You were well within your right and I think you did good. Just don't cave. Big hugs.

Doing this makes you a GOOD mom, whether they realize it or not:laugh: They will appreciate it when they're older;) You're doing the best thing for them. Just stick to it, and they'll turn out to be more responsible adults for it.

Hang in there! I hope you feel better soon:love:

Thanks ya'll. I really do feel like I'm being mean but I am SO TIRED of having to do everything for everyone. There is no reason why they can't help out around here.

Great post! Being a good mom is tough---it means not always being the good guy. It means doing what is best for them even if they don't realize it or like it. Sounds to me like you are doing a good job and making your kids pull their own weight. Now comes the hard part--sticking to it when they complain and it is just easier to give in and do it yourself. You can do it!!! :thumbup:

I've been known to "go on strike" when I've had enough! No cooking, no cleaning, no picking up anything. Of course, the kids can handle it but hubby gets a bit upset...so that's when he starts getting on the kids.

I am so mad at my two 16 year old boys right now, I can't even poat to you! LOL........Just wanted to say I feel your pain. I JUST had go around with one who I let go on a dinner date tonight, to discover his room was a mess and he didn't help with a few things he could have when he got home. I am so close to taking homecoming away if something dosen't change and change soon. Yesterday it was the other son. I am really tired of how I am treated here. I love my kids more than my own lfe, but I am fixing to START living my life and they can wait for a ride here or there if I am not home. I am married to a great guy, but it's even effecting me being happy at home which spills over into marraige...........so? Hope you feel better.

Angie

Trust me mae the changes now! I have a 22 year old who thinks because she is going to college full time and working 20 hours a week that that is ALL she has to do, I am embarrassed to say she never has made her bed, done laundry or helped clean the house, SHe leave her dirthy glasses in her room, opened bags of chips etc. I now I screwed up big time by spoiling her so bad. Now I am trying to get her to help and she just doesn't get it!!! SO start now you won't regret it.

I tried that once...no one noticed....:confused:

I heard once if your kid says, "I hate you!"... you know your doing a good job...:rolleyes:

You know, I think that too many moms today are worried about making friends with their kids and what their kids think of them that they aren't laying down the law. I can say that I thought I HATED my mom when I was a kid because she was the boss, and looking back, I didn't know what was right. And, everyone needs to learn that you aren't entitled to anything, like clean dishes, a steady income, or a warm bed to sleep in. I have met so many kids in college that think that they are owed so much! And they whine to COLLEGE PROFESSORS when they dish out homework!! WHAT IS UP WITH THAT??? We lived on a farm, so our chore list was endless! Feed the cows, mow 7 yards, pick weeds, do dishes, empty the dishwasher, fold clothes, clean your room, vacuum, dust, mop, scrub the tub, SCOOP COW POOP!!! And those are just the things I can think of off the top of my head. My mom had a dry erase board in the kitchen, and she wrote all of the things that needed to get done every day, and then would put our initials by who had to do what. We didn't get allowances, we didn't get any new clothes, all hand me down's, we didn't have bikes, we didn't get cars when we were 16, we got 20 bucks for our birthday and 40 bucks for Christmas, and that's all my folks could afford! If we left stuff out, my dad hid it. My sister had a habit of leaving lights on, and every time my dad had to shut off a light for her, he charged her 5 cents! And some of you may think this is archaic, but I'M NOT THAT OLD! This was going on in the '90's!! Anyway, I digress, I love my parents now, and appreciate the fact that I learned to live on my own two feet when I was at home. To be honest, I spent a majority of my highschool career grounded. My parents' way or the highway! STICK TO YOUR GUNS! YOU WILL BE GLAD YOU DID, AND SO WILL THEY!! Best of Luck!!!

I thought I was the only one who was dealing with this issue. Let me give you a little backround info. I have a daughter who is 10 and a son who is 12. I also have a fiance who is 34. My kids are VERY spoiled due to me feeling guilty after divorcing their father. My fiance had a mother who waited on him hand and foot growing up. When he walked in the door, he dropped his school stuff and she hung it up for him. Whatever clothes he wore to school would be freshly laundered waiting on him by that evening. I not only have these issues with my children, but my fiance as well. I work full time, pick my daughter up at the sitters, pick my son up from football, and then go home and cook dinner, dishes, laundry, etc. I spend all weekend every weekend just trying to get things done that I could not accomplish before I fall into an exhausted sleep every night around midnight. I am at my whits end. People think I am crazy because I have 4 furbabies, but to tell you the truth, they keep me sane! I do not know what to do. Everytime I ask the kids to do something, they throw a fit. My fiance comes home from work and falls asleep in his chair every night. Now granted he has been working non stop 12 to 16 hours days 7 days a week for the last month and a half. But before that, he still did not help. Just stopping doing anything is not an option, because I can not stand to live that way. My finance gets onto the kids for not doing anything. I always ask him how he can get onto them when he does nothing. You have to lead by example. He just looks at me. Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated. I love them all more than life itself, but I refuse to be a maid any longer!

Are you enabling the problem? That is the biggest question. Stop enabling the dependent behavior. Then come up with a solution from there.

changed my mind about what I was going to say, sorry. :)