A question for married people
 

Do you find it awkward if a husband and wife sleep in separate bedrooms? Is this a sign that your marriage is not strong, or it's not going to last?

Reason I ask this is, my hubby has stopped sleeping in are bed. He says it's cause the bed hurts his back and he don't like all the "kids"(yorkies) in the bed.

So he has been sleeping on the couch. We usually lay in bed for about a hour before we turn out the lights to read or watch TV, but when it's time to turn out the light, he goes to the couch.

I feel we have a wonderful marriage, we have great communication, There is not doubt in are love, and we both trust each other.

But now he is talking about getting his own room! :eek: I feel kinda torn about it, I don't really want him to have his own room, but then on the other hand I enjoy the bed all to myself with the "kids"

Does anyone else have sleeping arrangements like this? :confused:

We rarely sleep apart but we do have a King size bed that leaves plenty of room for the furbutts. Maybe you should think about getting another bed to help with his back if that is what he brought up as part of the problem for sleeping on the couch. I only move to the other room when I wake upu in the middle of the night cause my hubby snores like a grizzly bear and I can't get back to sleep. He is going in two weeks for a sleep apnea test and if he gets the machine the dr. said the snoring will stop and we can sleep every night together again.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOO new bed and bigger bed!!!!

My mom and dad have their own room, but they are old :p :D :rolleyes: Its because my mom snores and is up all the time (medical issues) and needs her bed super hard too.

I mean I guess if there are different issues it shouldn't be a huge deal because I know how ugly I can be if I'm not getting good sleep.

But I know what you mean...sometimes its just nice to have the whole bed to yourself!!!

When my babies were just born I slept on the couch for a week next to them. Hubby loved it !!!!! LOL

Maybe you could look into different mattress options for his back?????

I would suggest what Morkie4 said get a good King size mattress.

hi, my hubby has always slept in "our" bed, but for the last few years I have been either sleeping on the recliner (yuck) or the spare bed for a while to end up on the recliner...because of my back pain......didnt make us love each other any less, i did what i did so i didnt wake up and not be able to move, and he knows that..since we moved here we got a 9" thick memory foam mattress to see if i can sleep in it, I gradually every night was able to sleep longer in it with no pain , I'm up to 6 hours in the bed yippie....so maybe he needs a new mattress...I went to the store that sells them and i laid on it for an hour, while he talked to the sales lady and looked at different matresses, got up with no problem no pain..i love it maybe it would work for him :) good luck.....

Well, I have been married for 39 years now. Richard has slept in his own room for 4 years now.....:p but it's me that snores....not him. At first I felt really bad about it, but then I really started to enjoy it. We have a very good marriage. In the new house we don't have an extra bedroom 'cause daughter and her kids moved in with us so he sleeps with me again. Says once he gets to sleep it's ok. I saw a story on tv where the new thing is to build houses with 2 master suites 'cause so many marrieds sleep apart so just hang inthere. I think it's more normal than you would think. Patty

I sleep in the couch. My Husband snores and I cant sleep. He doesnt like it but untill he does something about his snoring Im not sleeping up there. Also Our bedroom has skylights and it stays warm even wth central air and I cant sleep in a warm room. We are getting ready to get a better window air conditioner though so that should solve that problem

Did this just start recently? Maybe he finds it more crowded with the third one in bed also. Im not sure how old you are Missy but I think way to young to be going to seperate bedrooms.
I think if my husband started sleeping on the couch and talking about having his own room. It would be time for the dogs to get their own bed.
Has this been talked about?

Maybe try a sleep number bed, with two adjustments on them? That way, you can have it whatever firmness that you want, and he can do the same on his side?

And, I would really recommend a king sized bed too. We got one after we got married last spring, and slept in a full with Emma! That didn't work so well, because my husband is 6'3" and 215 lbs-not a lot of room for us girls! His feet also hung off the end, and it was really high for Emma to be jumping up and down from, so we got a king sized platform bed. It only takes one no-flip mattress-no box spring, so if you splurge on a new bed, it saves you a bit since you don't have to buy a box spring.

As far as separate rooms/beds go, I suppose it's whatever works for you. I haven't been married that long so I can't tell you one way or another on that. I personally wouldn't like it if my husband slept in another room-I feel "safer" and content knowing he's right there next to me, so I sleep better, and the dogs do too. I love waking up to him-even if he is snoring or drooling on my pillow ;) On nights when he's been up late, out late, or away on business, I don't sleep as well and neither do the dogs.

I think as long as y'all are having your cuddling and *ahem* time, the separate sleeping arrangements are fine. Maybe it's time for a new, bigger bed:laugh:

My mom and stepdad have had separate bedrooms for several years now...it started when he hurt his back and couldn't sleep in their bed and he started sleeping in one of the guest rooms. And if I could get my husband out of our bedroom, I'd rather have my own bedroom too. I just sleep better when I'm alone; but he's only here on the weekends, so it's not too bad. I was single for 18 years in between marriage #1 and #2, so it's mainly b/c I'm not used to sleeping with someone else (and b/c I'm selfish). I don't see anything wrong with sleeping in separate rooms where you can have all your own stuff around you and get good quality sleep; as long as all the other "stuff" is there. You don't have to sleep in the same room to be intimate and loving.

We use to sleep in our own rooms, but since bought two beds for our room we sleep together again. Kids in mine, him in his. We have a great relationship, and are each others best friends, so it doesn't mean you have a bad relationship. It just means you need some sleep.

I'm not married and I have a bed all to myself but as a person with a bad back, I can completely relate to sleeping on an uncomfortable mattress. I just bought a new one in march and it has GREAT support. It has a combination of memory foam and coils and it is SO comfortable that I could stay in it all day :p . When I visit my parents, I can certainly feel the difference and my sleep is much more restless since their mattress doesn't have as much support.
If I were married, I don't think I would feel ok with sleeping in separate beds. I would definitely get a mattress that supports my bad back and I would get one large enough so that there would be room for the 'kids' and the husband. I think it's a personal preference, though--whatever works for you and your husband

separate rooms
 

My fiance and I aren't even married yet and we sleep in separate rooms. After our first year together he started sleeping in his son's room. It started because he used to work midnights so he's sleep in there when he got home because it was just him, then he's sleep with his son when he came over. When he would sleep in the room with me he complained because I woke him up every hour because he was snoring, then I'd get mad because he pushed snooze a hundred times on his alarm.

Now we've just kind of gotten into a pattern. I sleep in our queen bed with Zoey and Boston and Bryan sleeps in his son's room. I used to cry about it thinking he didn't love me enough to sleep in there with me. But I've realized that we ALL get more sleep when we're in separate rooms.

We make time for cuddle and "other stuff" time and it works for us.

I think as long as you don't feel that it's for a different reason than I wouldn't worry

my husband and I have had our own rooms for thirty years at least. it all started with snoring and bad backs. Add the fact that we both had demanding full time jobs that we had to start early in the day all these years untill we both retired four years ago. it is next to impossible to get up and go to work after a sleepless night tossing an turning. it has worked for us. In all these years, our love has only grown stonger. i didn't like it at first but realized it is for the best in our situation. makes sense to me. BTW, I have been married for nearly forty years.

I'm 32, so yes I think it's to young also.

My husband just bought me a new canopy bed last year for Valentines day, so getting a new bed is out of the question. It's a Queen size bed.

The babies do have there own bed, it's in my closet lol I have converted my closet into there bedroom!, it has sliding doors, so they get plenty of air and it's a nice size closet.

When he does sleep in are bed, the kids sleep in there beds.

My husband and I have a very hard time sleeping if we are not together - I don't know why, but we have to be together....Like if he has a business trip and has to stay over night, he will call like 10x that day and he will call late when he gets to his hotel room to talk before he goes to sleep...and again, a call as soon as he wakes up.

We just have a queen bed, but only Mojo sleeps with us - Lily is in my daughters bed. I would get a bigger bed...one that he can test out to see if it helps his back....or one of those beds with different sides....like a kind bed with one half soft, the other firm, etc. I am sure they are expensive, but they may be worth it.

My grandparents (on my father's side) I don't think have ever stayed in the same bed/same room! He use to hunt at night (raccoon hunting, I think, strange, I know) and he would come in at all hours...plus, he snores. Right now, they are living in the same house (that her mother had in the 20's) and he is sleeping upstairs and she is downstairs. That is just how it has always been.

I guess...whatever works with you in your marriage.......

I would be more concerned with his back hurting sleeping on the couch every night though too. Maybe get twin beds for your room! Ha!

My Aunt & Uncle had a similar situation. Every night when he went to bed he was joined by their Dalmation & Rottie and my cousin's Golden from next door. There just was no room for her and she's trying to maintain her "no big dogs in the bed" policy. So one day he came home from work and ArtVanFurniture had delivered her brand new twin bed and she had them put it next to "his" dog bed in their room.

This post reminds me of the It's Me or the Dog episode on Animal Planet with the Yorkie named Bailey. Poor DH couldn't sleep in the bed with his wife because of Bailey hogging the bed. The trainer taught the parents how to make Bailey sleep in his own bed.

Missy, I know it's hard to have your babies sleep in their own bed, but in this case I think it's necessary since your husband has resorted to sleeping on the couch and is now considering getting his own room. He might be ok with the sleeping situation for now, but this could potentially cause some stress on your relationship further down the road if this continues.

My husband and I have slept in seperate rooms for 20 years. We have been together 37 years. He started slepping in another room when my dtr was 2 and wouldnt sleep anywhere but my bed and my yorkie zorro had breathing issues. We both were fine with it. I sleep so much better.

It's just not the yorkies, I have told him that they will have to sleep in there own bed, but he says that I hog the bed! HA! How Rude! lol anyways, I wish we could go to a king bed, but since we just bought this new bed last year, I hate to give it up, it's just gorgeous!

I hate to say this but, I would be a little concerned if my husband slept on the couch or wanted his own room. I did this with my first husband...eventually I divorced him. I am in no way insinuating that this is what's going on with you and your hubby. But, it would make me wonder. My suggestion would be to buy a new mattress...maybe this would help him. I have slept on the couch ONCE....my husband has restless leg syndrome and he is a big man. I am afraid he would kick me...and that wouldn't be a good thing.

Good Luck Missy....I hope you can find something the works for both of you.

I do know what your saying and I'm so torn. We have talked about it and I see where he is coming from.
We do have before bed time together, we read or watch TV or do what ever we want hehehe

But I just hate the thought of him wanting his own room. This is my 2nd marriage and we have a very strong marriage and I love him dearly, he would give me the moon if possible.

Not strange at all. Let the hubby pick out the next bed.

I think you're very young to be sleeping in separate rooms. However, if you've BOTH talked it over and agree with it, then do what feels best for the both of you. No one knows the state of your marriage like the two of you.

My parents have had separate rooms since I was 16. Mama reads until the wee hours and my Dad had to get up early for work. They've had to replace the carpet down the hall between the rooms MANY times:D They're in their
70's now and still hold hands when they're out. They kiss hello in the morning and before either leaves the house for ANY reason:p

I guess what I'm trying to say is that separate bedrooms doesn't have to mean separate lives or trouble in the marriage, but I, personally, would get a bigger bed no matter what.

My parent have been married 43 years. About 3 or 4 years ago they decided to have their "own" rooms. My father felt the need to assure me that "we meet in the middle sometimes" (T.M.I.) With frequent bathroom trips and snoring, it was the best solution for them. It has no impact on their marriage and in fact just helps because they sleep better at night so they feel better in the morning. Good luck, I hope you find a good solution.

I don't but im not married. I think maybe if he has his own office with a futon or bed in it then it's okay. If you say your marraige is great then i'd say there's nothing to worry about. My bf complains sometimes about the yorkies on the bed because they step all over him and take his spot:p lol So...what i do is sometimes i let them sleep with us, sometimes they are fine in their beds. Just compromise:thumbup:

We've been married 33 (in Sept.) years and I would love to have my own room. My husband snores so bad and won't do anything about it. He just had back surgery a week ago and I should have moved him to the other room, but didn't.

When hubby and son go to Scout camp over weekends or for a week during the summer, I sleep soooo good. I love waking feeling so rested. Joey is the only one who sleeps with us in our queen size bed, the other three sleep in their crates.

Hopefully before too much longer I can talk hubby into moving into the spare room. We'd both sleep better because I wouldn't be punching him telling him to QUIT THE DAMN SNORING!!!

Ditto That

He wants the tv on, I need it off...He SNORES, i need silence, he sweats his butt off, I sleep with 2 comforters in the summer. It doesn't mean we don't love each other or our marriage won't work. It's whatever works for the TWO of you. Don't let anyone tell you it's wrong. If YOU aren't comfortable with it then THAT is what could lead to problems, not the situation itself. Talk to him about it. Some people can't sleep without their significant other next to them...I can't sleep when he does. Everyone is different.