I totally agree...get a therapist to talk out why you put yourself through this over and over and over and over...dont take his calls..work on YOU!! The line that got me was when you said..you will never be good enough for him...darling you are TOOOOO good for him!! You have lost out on good opportunities with other men and he is making you weak and insecure. He has done a fine job of breaking you down and its up to YOU to build yourself back up..WITHOUT him...you CAN do it but I dont think at this point you can do it alone..

Dawn

My personal opinion is:

Don't sell yourself short. There is someone who will treat you as you should be treated and return the love that you have for him. I know it hurts and will be tough but please let this guy go. He is not good for you. I think he is someone who can't be alone so when he is done with his flings or they catch on and boot his butt he calls on you until the next one comes around. Seems like an endless repeatitive cycle.

You deserve so much more.

Big hugs and happy thoughts. You can do it. I did this after my divorce. I printed a label from a label maker that said, "I will survive" and stuck it on my rearview mirror. :)

dump him!!!!!!!!!!!
 

Dump him!!!!!!! He is not worth the aggrievation. Get on with your life. You will meet someone better. Its amazing how its all about him. Dump him fast!!!!! Lynn

The big question is why do you find it acceptable to be treated this way and why do you keep thinking that things are going to be different? I can tell you that you deserve better but until you believe it deep down, it doesn't really matter what I say. You do deserve better but until you figure out why you do this to yourself, you are going to keep accepting things in a relationship that really are totally unacceptable. But I certainly would not encourage you to take his phone call the next time he calls, 4 years is one thing but can you imagine spending the rest of your life that way?

I said dump him and move on. It's a waste of your time trying to understand why he is like that. He won't change and you are not going to meet the right guy until you leave him. I had 2 relationships like that, but I decided to leave them because I wanted the best for myself. So go ahead and you do the same girl, there are many fish in the ocean. Good luck with whatever decision you make.:)

Dump him and move on and dont look back. I had to do that with my 1st Husband. I met someone else have been married 8 yrs and have a beautful daughter to show for it. My Ex husband continued in his downward cycle and has never remarried and is a drunken fool

Move on!! you are way better than that!!

You sound like you got soo much going for you, RUN GIRL RUN !!! You dont need that Prick !

I think that you need to stop all communication with this jerk! You don't have to be treated like that! You should get counselling for yourself so that you can move on and realise it is NOT YOU with a problem here. I wish you luck with moving on and keeping this man out of your life for GOOD!

You know we can give you all the advise in the world but its you that has to stop the insanity,i went through the same thing never going to my familys functions,never giving me a birthday party or present.one minute i was his girlfriend and one minute i was just a friend, i did this for ten years, until i finally woke up and dumped his ass,i realized i was doing all the work in everything in the relationship and you know,when i sped away from his house that day i never cried,or wanted to speak to him ever again i was done.
I realized what a door mat i was and finally found myself again and realized that having a man in my life did not make me happy,i had to find that happiness for myself,within me and stand up for myself,i get a lot more respect now from people because my self asteem its what its supposed to be.
I guess i was taught from the old school you need a man to make you happy and my man can be a part of my world but not my entire world,im fianally healthy in mind and spirit and every one sees it because it shows.

Donna

I only made it through half of your original post, which is all it took to figure out this guy has some real issues. The worst part of it is, you've got issues over his issues! Pick up your marbles and move on to the next game. This guy isn't worth the time it took you to post your dilemna.

He sounds like a lot of trouble to me - stay away from him. I have a nephew that is really good looking and is attending GW law school in DC. He is a great guy. There are a lot of fish in the pond - you will find someone who really cares for you and treats you like you deserve to be treated. Don't settle for less.

The sad thing is that most of us have been in bad relationships. I know I was in one very similar to yours. Everytime we would break up he would come begging back swearing he had changed....and I was stupid enough to believe him over and over again. Everytime I would take him back before I knew it he was back to his same old tricks and my heart we would be broken all over again. That last "round" I had with him....I started to write in my journal all the horrible things he did and said to me and I wrote in detail exactly how I was feeling. Then one day we had a horrible fight (one that he would always start) he stormed out of the house as he always did. I sat and read in my journal all the horrible things he had put me through...seeing and reading all the Hell I had been through with him...something just snapped!!! I have never prayed so hard in my life!!! I prayed for God to give me the strength to walk away and NEVER go back to him. Later that evening he came home only to apologize and promise me the world...he begged and he begged!! But I was done!!!! It didn't take him long to break the promises that he had just made moments before....soon he was yelling and quickly became very abusive. So I knew I was doing the right thing....I told him I wanted out of the relationship and I never wanted to see him again. I remember thinking to myself, I may die lonely but nothing can be worse than the way this relationship makes me feel. The next day....I packed all my things and moved out. It was very scary but I KNEW it was the right thing for me to do. I moved in with my sister and her husband until I could get a place of my own. I remember that first night crying but it was almost like a cry of relieve. Breaking off that relationship was the BEST thing that I ever did for myself. Soon after the break up I met the man of my dreams....he treats me like a queen. We have been married for 14 years and our relationship is perfect. My ex has been married 4 times and divorced. He is exactly the same as he was 15 years ago. He has no idea how to treat a woman. I just regret that I stayed with my ex as long as I did. Being with him was the worst years of my life. It sounds to me that your past 4 years have been the worst of your life!!!

You have got to stay away from this guy. I PROMISE he will never change. But until you decide you are DONE there is nothing that any of us can do or say to help you.

Note: When my ex and I broke up that finally time...I changed all my numbers and told all my friends & family to not give him my number or tell him where I was living. I also asked all my friends and family to never mention his name to me again. Not hearing his name really helped to get over him!!!
Best of luck to you!! I hope and I pray that you can find the strength to stay away from this guy....you deserve so much better.

This man clearly has issues. And you said it...YOU are allowing this to happen! If it were me!! he would have only gotten 1 chance. He obviously knows all he has to say is he loves you and wants you back and you will go back with him....Call his bluff the next time (hopefully there won't be a next time) and tell him NO! I am not doing this anymore! and go on with your life. You sound like a smart girl and he is only going to hold you back. Of course it's going to hurt but, you will get over it. My daughter was in a 6 yr relationship with a man that she thought was going to be her husband and he just up and told her he didn't want her anymore....you talk about being hurt! and he was (and still is )with a little skank bag that he met in a bar 2 weeks after he told my daughter "I need time to think about what I want" I know what to give him!!
You don't need an emotional rollercoaster like this...he is definately playing games with your head...you are too smart for that! Tell him to take a hike the next time he calls.

I see so many women caught up in bad relationships like this, it has nothing to do with the intelligence of the women either....as bad as the loser is I can't help but wonder what's wrong with the woman...Does she think this is all she deserves?...Is she so caught up in the fantasy of desperately wanting & hoping for a family and home that she's willing to excuse, deny, rationalize and ignore his crappy behavior?....Is she so fearful of being alone that anything is better than being by yourself?....So sad ....