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-   -   when should I tell her....and how??? (https://www.yorkietalk.com/forums/off-topic-discussions/90651-when-should-i-tell-her-how.html)

tjdmom 08-12-2007 05:01 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by JeanieK (Post 1301440)
the younger she is the less shocked she will be. Tell her now and be as matter of fact as possible.

I'd probably start out, "Before you were born, Grandma did some things that she shouldn't have done and now she is being punished for those things and has to be in jail. then explain that being in jail is like a looooooooong time out. let her take it from there, and answer all of her questions as honestly as you possibly can. the briefer and the more matter of fact you are, the better she will take it.

If you wait until she is older she will be more upset and possibly use it as an excuse to act out. You know how dramatic adolescents can be.

I'm not one to keep skeletons in the closet, they tend to come out at the most inopportune times.


Good luck
I agree 100%. I think this is wonderful advice. Good luck!

Judy in Waco 08-12-2007 05:34 PM
What a great mother you are! To come onto an open forum such as this and reveal something so personal about your family, all for the sake of your daughter's welfare, says quite a bit about who you are. I am very proud of you. :thumbup:

My mother kept a lot of secrets from me about my father. She did it to protect me, but she didn't realize that it actually hurt me.

If she's asking questions about why her grandmother won't visit her or why she can't go to grandma's house, I would be concerned. She may think she isn't "worthy" of her grandmother's love and attention. Why else would her grandmother not be around? A child's logic doesn't always make sense to us, but it is very real for them.

I would talk to her in the terms others have mentioned here. They gave you some wonderful advice. You might actually find that she is relieved to know the truth. She will also be more willing to turn to you with her fears and concerns in the future if she knows you will talk about things even if they are uncomfortable.

Hugs!

Tink's Mom 08-12-2007 06:06 PM
I'm so sorry you had to go through childhood without your mother. What the other ladies have posted here is good advice. It's always easier to tell your children hard things when they are young and can work out what they need to know in their own way. Trying to protect them from bad news never works out the way we want it too and when they're older, only makes them wonder what else they might not know.

You are a great mom and daughter to be so caring of your family.:) Best wishes for the future.

daisy mae06 08-12-2007 06:18 PM
Mandee I think you will know when to tell her. You are a wonderful mom to your little girl to let her see gramma and let gramma be part of her life. It does sound like it is soon that you need to tell her though.
Good luck with what ever you deside. I am sure what ever you do will be the right thing.


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