Any Other Stay-At-Home Mommies Here??
 

I am a stay-at-home mommy of 2 toddlers. My daughter turned 4 years old in July and my son is 29 months old. Quite honestly, I am so tired and stressed lately...my daughter is super sweet but has gotten sassy some and my son is VERY active!! I suffer from chronic migraines and it makes it very difficult on some days. I used to be that girl that made men AND women stop and look....I was attractive, ran and worked out, kept myself tan. :rolleyes: I cared about what I looked like and had great self-confidence! Now, I have gained 30lbs., have no time for myself, wear soccer shorts and a tee shirt, no make-up and I look as tired as I feel. If I say anything to my husband, he just says, "So what, this is what you chose to do....this is what it is to be at home with the kids.". I have forgotten the old bubbly me...the cute funny Tammy. I hate that my friends don't really call me anymore because I am so teary on the phone now. I used to be that friend that they all called if they needed to laugh and now, I barely have the passion to even get on the phone to chat. I hate telling this on the internet but I don't really have any one that I can talk to. I guess I just need to hear something other than, "So what!"...like what I hear from my husband. Both of my children are writing their letters now (so incredibly proud of how smart they are!) and when we showed my husband, he was thrilled...but instead of adknowledging me, he just praised the kids. I am glad that he is good with the children, but would it hurt to praise me as well?

Oh well....I am sorry to complain, I have the most adorable, sweet beautiful children in the world (straight from their mommy's mouth! :) ) and I shouldn't focus on the negative. Just an extra tired day, I guess.

Tammy

Oh Tammy, I feel for you! I'm not a stay at home mom, but I've worked the evening shift at a law firm for over 20 years now so that I could be home with my kids. I sometimes felt like I worked two jobs! I had my kids close together too. My girls are 20 months apart, then my son came along when my youngest daughter wasn't quite 3. Now my kids are grown, and I have two grandchildren (2 and 4). I sometimes keep them on weekends, and I wonder how I ever managed when mine were little. I guess it's easier when you're younger, but it's still soooooo hard! I never got enough sleep, and I'm still like that. Once you've gone for years with not alot of sleep, your sleep patterns tend to get messed up. I've also had a chronic illness for the last 30or so years, so that didn't help.

It sounds like you need some "Tammy time". Soak in a nice bath with your favorite bubble bath and relax for awhile. It does help!! I know, you're probably saying "when???" lol

All You Moms Are Awesome!!!
 

Aww! Hang in there. I must say, my mom is the toughest person I've ever met (It only took me almost 23 years to figure that out, and admit it to her!) Mom's are so amazing, they do so many things and the things they do most of the time goes unnoticed. I am not a mom yet, maybe one of these days, but when I am I hope to be a super mom like my momma was (and it sounds like your not much different than her! ;) ) And, since I am starting my last year in college to become a elem teacher, it's always awesome to hear parents like you working with their kiddos. I LOVE parent involvement! Sounds like your doing an awesome job!!!

:love-hug3

Hang in there lady!

I just went back to work ( only 3 days a week) after being a stay at home mommy for 4 years. if you need to chat, im here, believe me I UNDERSTAND !!

Hey girl, I am a SAHM too! I go to college online so that I can take care of my 5 year old and my 9 month old. This year I *almost* dropped my school down to part time so that I could get a full time job. I decided against it because I felt like I was the best person to take care of the kids.
Yes, it does drive me crazy sometimes! I think it's great that your hubby is good with the kids. You can use that to help you out as well. Since he loves spending time with them, ask him if he minds watching the kids for you after he comes home from work. This way it's easier for you to shop AND you get some quiet time to yourself. Maybe on his day off he could watch the kids while you get some more "me" time for running or doing whatever.
I also think that you should talk to your husband. Let him know how he's making you feel. You're doing an important job and he should appreciate t.
http://www.stayathomemom.com/wordpress/ is a good site for stay at home moms. You could try online college (I LOVE it!) you could also try scrapbooking. Your oldest can also help with some chores like picking up.
Good luck!

Oh Tammy I feel for you, I think most moms have felt the same way, your not alone, only another tired, overworked, underpaid, under appreciated, mom would understand....Don't expect husbands to get where we're coming from, until they have walked in our shoes they wont fully understand, it's not their fault, he's a man....I know some days I wanted to run screaming down the road, "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" ..... all I wanted was to take a pee in private, drink from a glass w/o slobber on it, take a 2 minute shower w/o an audience, & could I just sleep in til 7 a.m., that would feel so great.....As soon as you crawl to the bed and climb in things will look better in the morning, that's if no one breaks the wonderful silence of the night with a blood curdling scream....It's funny , when you don't have kids you can't ever imagine your life with them...then when you do have them you can't imagine life without them....

I know how you feel. I've been stressed a lot with family members illnesses and though my son keeps me busy all the time, I feel when I'm home I sit and think about all of those bad things all the time. I LOVE being with my son, he is the joy of my life, but we are going to be needing the money and I think personally a part time job may help me a little, just to get out of the house. So I applied places and found a part time position. Just know you aren't alone and I think the moms that stay home work the hardest sometimes.

Thank you for your sweet words! I know you're right, I do need some "Tammy time" but I find myself drawn back to being with my children. I want to be with them, but then again, I want a break.....doesn't make a lot of sense, does it? I do believe in what you said and I know that I need to find something just for me!

Thank you...that feels so good to read! I want to know that what I am doing is the best for my babies and I work so hard at what I do because I cherish them!! Sounds like your mom did an excellent for you to respect her like you do....hope I acheive the same!

Tammy

I just sent you a PM. :)

back at cha

Tammy, you will receive the same respect. Kids never "get it" until they're older. My oldest daughter is now 25 and has two kids of her own. She has learned what it's like to be a mom, and she is always telling me how much she appreciates me. My other two aren't married yet, but they tell me too. It will mean everything to you when you hear it!:)

Thank you for sharing that link with me...I have bookmarked it. As for talking to my husband, I have told him my feelings many many times and nothing changes. :( When he is home, I have to be honest, he does help with the kids and he is very involved with them....I guess I am just needing some of that myself. I have thought about college but do not know anything about it online. Do you have some info that you send to me? I had planned on going back to college in 2 semesters (for Early Childhood Education). I would love to learn more about online college as well!

I have gone to a chiropactor once and would love to be able to go on a regualr basis. However, at this point, I am the only one in the family that does not have health insurance. :( I do take Imitrex, in fact, I had to take one today. They help some...not like they used to, but still it's better than nothing!

Re: I Understand
 

Hi Tammy,
Reading your story reminded me of myself in so many ways. I was a stay at home mommy for a year and felt the exact same way that you are feeling. I couldnt get enough sleep, felt fat and unappreciated and now years later i realize that what i was feeling was a mild bout of depression. You have to try to find some "me" time for yourself. I would leave my son with my mom and just take brisk walks. The walking helped me to clear my mind and to just think as well as helped me to shed the pounds.
another thing that i would do was to try working out just for about 15 minutes or so to a dvd and my son would "try" to do the same. It is amazing what working out does for the mind. I was also that woman that people would stare at but being a stay at home mom I didnt feel like that woman anymore.

I eventually went back to work and am now back to my old self, I can sleep late and my son basically takes care of himself (he is now 12) and ironically i got to a point where i then felt useless and didn't even know what to do with myself because all of a sudden I had all of this free time.
I had to find myself again but when I found myself it was a better, new improved me because I felt a renewed sense of accomplishment!

Just keep telling yourself that this is a phase that you are going through to benefit the children and you will get back to yourself.
Trust that you will. I think every mom has felt this way at some time or another.
If you like you are MORE than welcome to send me an email and we can chat further.
I understand what you are going through and would be more than happy to just listen or offer words of encouragement!

Tanya
PS sorry that it was so long:)

I take one day a month for myself. It helps so much and I don't let myself feel guilty about it. Mommies give and give and have to demand tose please and thankyous. You completely deserve it. You will feel more relaxed and happier and your family will notice. Go get your hair done or dress up for lunch, it may sound silly but that is what you probably used to to regularly. Sounds like you have very smart children and they will notice that you take time for you, and recreate this later in their own lives.

Oh my gosh...you have described every single feeling that I have on a daily basis!!!!!!! If I have a migraine or a bad headache that is going into one, I like to go lay in the tub. The problem with this is then my children come and sit next to the tub and either want to talk or sing to me or rub soap in my hair, which then gets in my eyes and then my son starts sticking his arm in the water. He will then start crying because his sleeve and arm are all wet or he will start throwing all of his bath toys in with me (because who wouldn't want a rubber ducky and a sailboat and 50 other bath toys in the tub during a bath?!). I then try to expain to him that mommys don't need toys and then since I don't want the toys, he thinks that, Hey! It's fun to splash in the tub so I bet mommy would like for me to splash her!! Long story short, a relaxing bath is never that!!! My husband will sometimes notice what they are doing and make them stop but then not remove them from outside of the bathroom door where they are both then crying because they can't be in with mommy. I will then decide that the bath no longer sounds so great and get out....my husband ALWAYS have a stunned look on his face as he is asking me, "Why did you get out so soon?" :confused:

Honestly, when I tell my husband how stressed I am and that I need a vacation, he acts like I am crazy. He truly thinks that this is an easy job.:eek:

I agree, it is important for parents to take care of themselfs.

The best thing we can give to our children is happy parents ;)

So take some time for yourself, to get out of the house and do something for yourself (take a class, exercise, yoga, some hobby etc).
Also If I were you I would talk to my husband, I would not be happy with this answer from him. It does not do any good to the children to have a mom that is so exhausted, it is not "how you choose to feel", it just developed this way.
A happy stay at home mom should spent alot of time with her children but also take a little time regularly to herself ;) I think that that is what you would prefer, I am sure he will understand. ;) ....if not, just let him watch some Dr.Phil shows about this subject, then he will understand :cool:

Good luck!

Tanya~

You are so kind to have shared your experience with me...I am tears from reading your post. I am going to head to bed in a few minutes but I want to send you an email tomorrow morning.

Thanks again!
Tammy

My mother (very smart lady! :) ) told me the exact thing that you wrote! She has told me that my children, especially my daughter, needs to see me taking care of myself and doing special things for me. My mom knows that we stress over money but she said, "So what...don't spend a whole lot, but it is important that they kids see Mommy taking care of Mommy some and to see that you love yourself. When you are Wal-Mart getting groceries, pick yourself up something inexpensive...just love yourself!". My mom is a wonderful person!!

Oh boy... I can totally relate! I'm a SAHM of 5. I am going to start homeschooling 2 of them this year. I just sent you a pm!

You need to take some time out for yourself. Take a walk, go to the gym, a bubble bath, take a class or whatever you want to do. That alone time does wonders to refresh your batteries and self worth. You, your kids and your husband will be better for it. When mommy is feeling run down, everyone feels it whether it's obvious or not. It took me 8 years to figure that out.

Ask your hubby to watch the kids for an hour or so. Or is there a daycare center you can use by the hour? Do you know any other moms that might want to try play dates? Do you have family close by that can watch the kids a few hours a week?

I'd also have a long talk with the hubby. Let him know exactly how you feel and what you need from him (support, acknowledgement, etc). My hubby and I have these talks every so often. He seems to need little reminders every now and again. ;)

I hope you're able to find something that works for you. :hug:

Maybe you should try to plan a night out with your hubby once a week? Or try to put the kids to bed a little bit earlier so that you can have some time together.

I am a BIG advocate of going to online college. I think a woman needs to be able to have a skill or money to fall back on incase life doesn't go as planned. There is another thread on here about online college you should check out. I go to Southern Illinois University, the program I am in is 100% online. I really feel like I'm setting a good example for my son when he sees me studying, he always says that he wants homework too! It's also great to have a goal like a degree to work towards, it's not an endless cycle like chores and laundry!

You can also check to see if there are other stay at home meetups in your area. Also, some churches have get-togethers. Mine used to have a scrapbooking night that I loved! You can also have playdates with your friend's kids.

By the way Tammy, ask your hubby if it's such an easy job, then why do day care workers get paid so much? Because it is a tough job! If you wanted to charge your hubby, then over here in Chicago it would cost $200/wk for a baby and $100/wk for a child.

So you could charge him $300/wk, but that still doesn't include the chores like laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning etc...

MY daughter is on baby #4 ( due Oct.) the last one is 8 months old now, she calls and tells things like this...she is snippy and the father says, "What's wrong w/ you." She informs him, "I haven't had a shower in 3 days can't you smell me!" :eek:... not having a shower will make any one cranky....he says,"Well why not, you should go take one."...she is standing there w/ the baby on her hip and smoke starts pouring from her ears at his response....NO CLUE!....Sometimes you just have tell your husband in a calm but serious voice, "I'm going to take a bath, I'll be about 30 minutes, these kids will be your til I come out, I don't want to be disturbed."..go in, shut that bathroom door, LOCK it, turn on a radio, and sink in....DON"T feel guilty if they cry,and they will, dads out there and they all will be fine....some times moms have to develop what my daughter and I call, "tune out ears"...it allows you to only hear what's important and what is just unnecessary whining.... ours are so well developed now that sometimes our men are talking to us for a few minutes, they leave the room and we think to ourselves, "What did he say?" and we couldn't even tell you what they said....your kids are going to cry sometimes, you just have to let them, they can't and wont always get what they want... If they have something that will hurt them and you remove it, they cry, if you put them down for a nap, they cry.... don't feel like a bad mom, they cry....On baby number one and a little of baby number two my daughter ALWAYS felt bad if the children cried.... my daughter used to say she felt like a "mean" mom if she didn't cater to her kids so she would put her needs last, but there has to be "time out" for mom or you'll burn out....after three kids she no longer feels guilty for saying "no", it's trying to find the time to get it all done....now, if there where 30 hours in a day she might get it all done :rolleyes: ....your going to love school when they start, hang in there....:)

I have been a stay at home Mom for 7 yrs but think I am going to go back to work. I willl be working for My Husbands courier co. I am looking forward to the extra money

I am a stay at home mother to 4 boy's ages 13 1/2, 12 1/2, 11,and 10. My second son has a Primary Immune defect and was a sick child till he was about 9 years old. #3 and 4 were born 3 months early and had to spend time in the hospital. Also #3 has ADHD and was diagnosed at age 3 but we did not start meds till he started school. I have had my fair share of the ups and down's of being a SAHM but I am so glad that I have been home for them when they need me.

My husband sometimes would not get what I have to do in a day and it would get me mad. I once handed him our child and a bottle and a dipper and told him that I was going to go take a shower without any interruptions and I was sure he knew what to do if baby started to fuss. I shut the door and it was a good half an hour latter that I came back out! I also did not pick up after him or get his plate of food for 3 day's before he apologized for taking me for granted! Sometimes I have to give him a PLAY By PLAY of what it is I want him to help with but guys need that sometimes. They hear I need some help here and think that if they get the door while you are bringing laundry up that is helping you out a lot!;)

Now that the boy's are older, I started to watch my friends 2 little girls so I could still be home is the boy's need me. I enjoy my kids but it is nice to get a break every now and then.

I also should say that I have a seizer disorder and have not driven for the past 15 years because we can't get them under control so once my hubby goes to work if I can't walk to it , we don't go!

OMG You just described ME! You really really did. I swear I could have written and have thought about writing that exact same post!

You guys are the sweetest group of ladies ever! It makes me feel better to read that I am not alone....which I knew, but it's hard to picture without actually hearing/reading it. Sometimes, the stress makes me so alone.

I am 34 years old and would love to go back to college....do you guys think that I am too old? I won't even graduate until I am close to 40....

Tammy