Re: I Understand
 

Hi Tammy,
Reading your story reminded me of myself in so many ways. I was a stay at home mommy for a year and felt the exact same way that you are feeling. I couldnt get enough sleep, felt fat and unappreciated and now years later i realize that what i was feeling was a mild bout of depression. You have to try to find some "me" time for yourself. I would leave my son with my mom and just take brisk walks. The walking helped me to clear my mind and to just think as well as helped me to shed the pounds.
another thing that i would do was to try working out just for about 15 minutes or so to a dvd and my son would "try" to do the same. It is amazing what working out does for the mind. I was also that woman that people would stare at but being a stay at home mom I didnt feel like that woman anymore.

I eventually went back to work and am now back to my old self, I can sleep late and my son basically takes care of himself (he is now 12) and ironically i got to a point where i then felt useless and didn't even know what to do with myself because all of a sudden I had all of this free time.
I had to find myself again but when I found myself it was a better, new improved me because I felt a renewed sense of accomplishment!

Just keep telling yourself that this is a phase that you are going through to benefit the children and you will get back to yourself.
Trust that you will. I think every mom has felt this way at some time or another.
If you like you are MORE than welcome to send me an email and we can chat further.
I understand what you are going through and would be more than happy to just listen or offer words of encouragement!

Tanya
PS sorry that it was so long:)

I take one day a month for myself. It helps so much and I don't let myself feel guilty about it. Mommies give and give and have to demand tose please and thankyous. You completely deserve it. You will feel more relaxed and happier and your family will notice. Go get your hair done or dress up for lunch, it may sound silly but that is what you probably used to to regularly. Sounds like you have very smart children and they will notice that you take time for you, and recreate this later in their own lives.

Oh my gosh...you have described every single feeling that I have on a daily basis!!!!!!! If I have a migraine or a bad headache that is going into one, I like to go lay in the tub. The problem with this is then my children come and sit next to the tub and either want to talk or sing to me or rub soap in my hair, which then gets in my eyes and then my son starts sticking his arm in the water. He will then start crying because his sleeve and arm are all wet or he will start throwing all of his bath toys in with me (because who wouldn't want a rubber ducky and a sailboat and 50 other bath toys in the tub during a bath?!). I then try to expain to him that mommys don't need toys and then since I don't want the toys, he thinks that, Hey! It's fun to splash in the tub so I bet mommy would like for me to splash her!! Long story short, a relaxing bath is never that!!! My husband will sometimes notice what they are doing and make them stop but then not remove them from outside of the bathroom door where they are both then crying because they can't be in with mommy. I will then decide that the bath no longer sounds so great and get out....my husband ALWAYS have a stunned look on his face as he is asking me, "Why did you get out so soon?" :confused:

Honestly, when I tell my husband how stressed I am and that I need a vacation, he acts like I am crazy. He truly thinks that this is an easy job.:eek:

I agree, it is important for parents to take care of themselfs.

The best thing we can give to our children is happy parents ;)

So take some time for yourself, to get out of the house and do something for yourself (take a class, exercise, yoga, some hobby etc).
Also If I were you I would talk to my husband, I would not be happy with this answer from him. It does not do any good to the children to have a mom that is so exhausted, it is not "how you choose to feel", it just developed this way.
A happy stay at home mom should spent alot of time with her children but also take a little time regularly to herself ;) I think that that is what you would prefer, I am sure he will understand. ;) ....if not, just let him watch some Dr.Phil shows about this subject, then he will understand :cool:

Good luck!

Tanya~

You are so kind to have shared your experience with me...I am tears from reading your post. I am going to head to bed in a few minutes but I want to send you an email tomorrow morning.

Thanks again!
Tammy

My mother (very smart lady! :) ) told me the exact thing that you wrote! She has told me that my children, especially my daughter, needs to see me taking care of myself and doing special things for me. My mom knows that we stress over money but she said, "So what...don't spend a whole lot, but it is important that they kids see Mommy taking care of Mommy some and to see that you love yourself. When you are Wal-Mart getting groceries, pick yourself up something inexpensive...just love yourself!". My mom is a wonderful person!!

Oh boy... I can totally relate! I'm a SAHM of 5. I am going to start homeschooling 2 of them this year. I just sent you a pm!

You need to take some time out for yourself. Take a walk, go to the gym, a bubble bath, take a class or whatever you want to do. That alone time does wonders to refresh your batteries and self worth. You, your kids and your husband will be better for it. When mommy is feeling run down, everyone feels it whether it's obvious or not. It took me 8 years to figure that out.

Ask your hubby to watch the kids for an hour or so. Or is there a daycare center you can use by the hour? Do you know any other moms that might want to try play dates? Do you have family close by that can watch the kids a few hours a week?

I'd also have a long talk with the hubby. Let him know exactly how you feel and what you need from him (support, acknowledgement, etc). My hubby and I have these talks every so often. He seems to need little reminders every now and again. ;)

I hope you're able to find something that works for you. :hug:

Maybe you should try to plan a night out with your hubby once a week? Or try to put the kids to bed a little bit earlier so that you can have some time together.

I am a BIG advocate of going to online college. I think a woman needs to be able to have a skill or money to fall back on incase life doesn't go as planned. There is another thread on here about online college you should check out. I go to Southern Illinois University, the program I am in is 100% online. I really feel like I'm setting a good example for my son when he sees me studying, he always says that he wants homework too! It's also great to have a goal like a degree to work towards, it's not an endless cycle like chores and laundry!

You can also check to see if there are other stay at home meetups in your area. Also, some churches have get-togethers. Mine used to have a scrapbooking night that I loved! You can also have playdates with your friend's kids.

By the way Tammy, ask your hubby if it's such an easy job, then why do day care workers get paid so much? Because it is a tough job! If you wanted to charge your hubby, then over here in Chicago it would cost $200/wk for a baby and $100/wk for a child.

So you could charge him $300/wk, but that still doesn't include the chores like laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning etc...

MY daughter is on baby #4 ( due Oct.) the last one is 8 months old now, she calls and tells things like this...she is snippy and the father says, "What's wrong w/ you." She informs him, "I haven't had a shower in 3 days can't you smell me!" :eek:... not having a shower will make any one cranky....he says,"Well why not, you should go take one."...she is standing there w/ the baby on her hip and smoke starts pouring from her ears at his response....NO CLUE!....Sometimes you just have tell your husband in a calm but serious voice, "I'm going to take a bath, I'll be about 30 minutes, these kids will be your til I come out, I don't want to be disturbed."..go in, shut that bathroom door, LOCK it, turn on a radio, and sink in....DON"T feel guilty if they cry,and they will, dads out there and they all will be fine....some times moms have to develop what my daughter and I call, "tune out ears"...it allows you to only hear what's important and what is just unnecessary whining.... ours are so well developed now that sometimes our men are talking to us for a few minutes, they leave the room and we think to ourselves, "What did he say?" and we couldn't even tell you what they said....your kids are going to cry sometimes, you just have to let them, they can't and wont always get what they want... If they have something that will hurt them and you remove it, they cry, if you put them down for a nap, they cry.... don't feel like a bad mom, they cry....On baby number one and a little of baby number two my daughter ALWAYS felt bad if the children cried.... my daughter used to say she felt like a "mean" mom if she didn't cater to her kids so she would put her needs last, but there has to be "time out" for mom or you'll burn out....after three kids she no longer feels guilty for saying "no", it's trying to find the time to get it all done....now, if there where 30 hours in a day she might get it all done :rolleyes: ....your going to love school when they start, hang in there....:)

I have been a stay at home Mom for 7 yrs but think I am going to go back to work. I willl be working for My Husbands courier co. I am looking forward to the extra money

I am a stay at home mother to 4 boy's ages 13 1/2, 12 1/2, 11,and 10. My second son has a Primary Immune defect and was a sick child till he was about 9 years old. #3 and 4 were born 3 months early and had to spend time in the hospital. Also #3 has ADHD and was diagnosed at age 3 but we did not start meds till he started school. I have had my fair share of the ups and down's of being a SAHM but I am so glad that I have been home for them when they need me.

My husband sometimes would not get what I have to do in a day and it would get me mad. I once handed him our child and a bottle and a dipper and told him that I was going to go take a shower without any interruptions and I was sure he knew what to do if baby started to fuss. I shut the door and it was a good half an hour latter that I came back out! I also did not pick up after him or get his plate of food for 3 day's before he apologized for taking me for granted! Sometimes I have to give him a PLAY By PLAY of what it is I want him to help with but guys need that sometimes. They hear I need some help here and think that if they get the door while you are bringing laundry up that is helping you out a lot!;)

Now that the boy's are older, I started to watch my friends 2 little girls so I could still be home is the boy's need me. I enjoy my kids but it is nice to get a break every now and then.

I also should say that I have a seizer disorder and have not driven for the past 15 years because we can't get them under control so once my hubby goes to work if I can't walk to it , we don't go!

OMG You just described ME! You really really did. I swear I could have written and have thought about writing that exact same post!

You guys are the sweetest group of ladies ever! It makes me feel better to read that I am not alone....which I knew, but it's hard to picture without actually hearing/reading it. Sometimes, the stress makes me so alone.

I am 34 years old and would love to go back to college....do you guys think that I am too old? I won't even graduate until I am close to 40....

Tammy