Tongue Piercing-Advice Please
 

Hi! I need advice. As many of you know I am wrapping up some time in Iraq and will return home next Wednesday (Yeah!). One month ago, prior to a trip to Florida to see some old friends and spend time with her father, my wonderful, intelligent, beautiful 15 year old daughter said "Mom, speaking of Florida, I would like to get something pierced." And I said "What?" Thinking the outside of her ear okay, eyebrow no, belly button maybe. She says "Tongue" and I said "ABSOLUTELY NOT, I FORBID IT" I did tell her that she is too young, it is too dangerous, and that I have spent $4K out of my pocket on braces and teeth.

She is a spoiled child. She gets most everything she wants. We talk, and we usually have a great relationship. She knows she is spoiled and thus far hasn't taken advantage of it.

WELL--she did it anyway. She doesn't know that I know, but she won't be able to hide it when we are on the same continent.

I know that YT is a diverse group of people and many of you probably have some experience in this realm (I don't, the military completely frowns on it, and since it has only come in fashion since I have been in...)

By reading on the Internet, it appears it takes 3 - 4 weeks for it to completely heal. Is this true?

I was very, very angry when I first found out. I wanted to go home tear it out of her mouth and take away everything that is not part of the parental contract. No cell, no Internet, no riding lessons, tv--leave her with food, clothes and shelter.

But I have calmed down a bit. Only a bit. So with this diverse group, tell me what you think.

When I see it (which shouldn't take long), explain to her how disappointed I am that she went against my wishes. Allow her to leave the piercing in for one month from the date of inception, to allow it to heal. Then she can not wear a piercing until she is no longer living in my house. Take away cell and internet privileges for one month. Ground her for one month. She can go places with me, her horse instructor, and that's it. At any time for the next three to four years, we can check her mouth for a piercing, if she has one, she is grounded/no cell or internet for one week, if she refuses to let us see her tongue, same for two weeks.

So now, am I overreacting? Underreacting? And who knows about the length of time to heal? It would be interesting if you have an opinion to tell me your age group. I would imagine that the younger set will have a different opinion then other sets, but maybe I am wrong.

Sorry for the long post, but this is the first time she has blatantly disobeyed me and I am shocked. Yes I know she is a teenager.

Janelle

Jannell -- I know nothing about tounge piercings so I'll just send some hugs. I know you are angry and hurt. My best suggestion would be to wait until you get home, take your dear sweet spoiled daughter who was disobedient ONE time out for a mother daughter date. Chances are, she is nervous about you finding out so let her be the one to tell you. When she does give her the most loving hug you have inside you. Talk to her about about your feelings and not to her. Please don't let one incident spoil an otherwise good relationship. Hugs :ghug:

Can't remember all the details but was listening to John Tesh on the radio the other morning and he was talking about tongue piercing and how dangerous it is. Infections and even something about causing teeth to deteriorate. Have to look it up on line........

I went through H*LL (all caps) with our middle son. He spent one summer completely grounded, in his bedroom -- I took everything from him but his undershorts -- and you know what -- he was still rebellious. My dear sweet middle son is now 23 and is a joy! He has grown up and and matured and is a very respectful kind young man.

Hopefully, she won't be a smoker; my sister-in-law is a nurse practitioner and said that smoking with a tongue piercing raises chance of mouth cancer. If you can at least get her to agree not to smoke, and watch out for general infection. This too shall pass and it will lose it's allure and she will let it heal over.

Oh, I know. When she first mentioned it, I thought that I forbid it wasn't very good fuel, so I looked it all up, compile a brouchure and had my husband print it up and leave it for her. The risks are awful. She hasn't mentioned it since, so I thought it was done.

I'm sorry....I'm sure you're shocked and disappointed.

First, I'd like to know WHERE she got this done. They must be 18 and are usually required to bring a birth certificate and driver's license to prove it. If not, they must have parental consent in the form of a signature. That would be my first issue....find out who did this.

It does take quite awhile to heal. They talk funny for a few weeks because of the swelling. And the swelling is TREMENDOUS! You'd think they'd learn from one another but NO...they do it anyway. I know they must be very careful because of a potential infection and should be rinsing with an antiseptic wash like Listerine 3 or 4 times a day for weeks.

I too was shocked and appalled at my own daughter. She was away at college and thought I wouldn't find out.

She is forbidden to wear it in my home and last year she chipped a tooth. I swear it's because of the piercing and so does the dentist. So....she paid for the root canal and the cap out of her own pocket.

Good news...I have seen the tongue ring for quite awhile now!

Cindy,
Thanks. I did think about grounding her to that extent. But I knew it would backfire on me. Thanks for the advice about mother daughter date. You are right, I should let her tell me, she will feel so guilty. I gave her money today to go to a concert on Tuesday, sent her a text that said "I put $40 in your account. Thanks for being a wonderful daughter whom I can trust to make the right decisions." Hopefully, some day, she too will be a wonderful 23-year old...

Well I don't think she would smoke. Three days ago I would have said no way, not my little angel! But I guess therein lies my main question, will it EVER heal over?

I pierced my tongue when I was 18 (I'm 24 now). It never got infected and I took all the precautions I had to to keep it that way. Lost about 10 lbs in the process by the way. They did tell me not to take it off at all for at least a month or two and twist it so my tongue wouldn't heal around it. In other words so it wouldn't stay stuck to the tongue bar. It's better to let her keep it till it heals completely and then have her take it out. They advised me the same thing as my dad threatened to tear out my tongue if I didn't take it off. LOL. Well he let me keep it until it healed and then took it from me. LOL. I went to buy another. I was 18 and lived in the softball dorm so technically wasn't living under his roof nor ate from his table. That was my reasoning back then anyways.

Anyhow, I agree with there being repercussions to her having pierced it without permission, but I would suggest to let it heal first. Then take it from her. If she's going to keep it off after only a month and then for four years after that. She would need to pierce it again for her to be able to wear a tongue bar again. How did she get consent to get it pierced? You have to sign a waiver? Hmmmm....well good luck and I hope you come home safely.

Oh yess, tonz and tonz of mouth wash and anything acidic brings unbelievable pain. My husband's is also pierced and he was in the Navy by the way. SHHHHHHH!

:thumbup: I've thought of what to say and just kept coming back to Cindy's post. I think that she's said it best.
The only thing that I would add is to not let this "little" thing get in the way of your homecoming. Little Thing???? Yes. I'm not making light of it. You seem to be more upset that she disobeyed you. We do the best that we can as parents. This is one of those learning experiences. She'll learn if her decision to pierce her tongue was a smart one through the healing, trying to eat and talk & the social acceptance of it in the real world.
As for my age and experience, lets just say that I'm a grandmother to 13 who range in age from 4 mos to 21 yrs.
Welcome home, :aimeeyork hugs

I know, I am curious about that myself. I am wondering what my dental insurance coverage is going to say about it...

Thanks for letting me know I am not alone in the battle, and that there is eventually hope. Her logic when she asked was that while she was young was the perfect time, cuz it wouldn't be appropriate when she was older. If it won't be appropriate then, why is it now?

She can't afford to lose ten pounds she only weighs 97! Well, I am wise enough to know that if I tell her I don't want her wearing one in the house, it will still be there when she is in school and other places. She will just have to get good at the pulling the bar apart thing and hiding the parts in her cheek real quick when she comes near us and has forgotten to take it out.

Everything I have read on the net basically says it is better to let it heal before removing the bar to prevent infection. That's why I want to know how long it takes to heal.

I have a piercing. Im 24 and my piercing was done at 17. It can take 6 months to a year to heal. she needs to keep it clean daily with Gylocide and listerine , everytime she eats she should rinse her mouth. As far as tooth chipping, that because the balls are too big:rolleyes: ( lol.. that dosent sound right but you get me). I have a small ball bearing and small ends because i may be loud but have a small mouth. There are different types of ball bearings, balls and they even have some that are flat ontop to make it unnoticable. I got my piecing because i like the look, but i also wasnt the ridiculous teen walking around with my tongue sticking out. Most people dont even know i have one. I'm not a mom but i have a lil sister. if she wants the piecring, take away all of her other goodies, cell phone, pc, video games systems, she cant go out the summer, i could stay here all night thinking of punishments :p. One thing i wanted to also mention, the tongue will take that long to heal so the opening will stay...but if you want that the entire thing close up, she can remove the ring now and clean her tongue as she would have if she had it on. sucking on ice helps the swelling if she put ice right away. the reason people get infected when they remove the ring so soon is because they assume that since the rring isnt on they dont have to keep on with the treatment. the treatment ( ring or not) is to keep the tongue from infecting. hope this help.

I say you make her take it out. I'm all for self-expression BUT you did ask/tell her not to do it, so she shouldn't have.

I know a few people in the past who had tongue piercings, and I'd say a good half of them chipped a tooth.

I'd also mention her how a lot (not all) jobs shun upon visible piercings. They really could effect her chances getting a job- especially in certain areas. IMO, they are really trashy looking, and I hate going to a restaurant or some place like that and the worker has a tongue ring. Yuck.

well ... i have to admit that i am one of those that want a tongue ring .. i'm 22. i wouldnt be flashing it around lfor hte world to see. i have known tons of pple with tongue rings and never knew they had it until i had them open up and say 'aaah' ... I got my belly button pierced when i was 16 using a friend's ID, who was 18, that's a possible way she got it done w/o you being there to sign. and i did this all against my parents permission btw, and i even have a tattoo without them knowing. but its in a place that's discrete so they will never know. but my parents and are close, i didn't do this to rebel against them... it was just something that i wanted.

anyways, i got tired of my belly button and eventually took it out .. and I STILL HAVE A HOLE. so i'm prolly just go get it re-pierced. but i think if you don't want her to have a hole, it'll be super super tiny, have her take it out now and continue on with the treatment. my friend who had a tongue ring, got bored with hers too and took it out. she had it for a few years now, and she has a tiny hole left too. she chipped her tooth too...

BUT the main reason why I haven't gotten it done yet is b/c i don't want to ruin my teeth ... having nice teeth is much more important than a tongue ring.

gluck though ... i do have to say that i think 15 is too young, maybe 16/17 not too bad. my younger sis got her belly button ring done when she was 16 i think ....

Tongue piercings are suppose to be dangerous. Not to mention the fact that they can really mess up your teeth. I heard it takes a long time to really heal, because of all the germs in your mouth. I'd take her privledges away for disobeying you, but I wouldn't ground her. Sometimes that lands up worse on you then on them. Kids, don't you just love them. A mom that's been there.

I got my tongue pierced about 13 years ago. It wasn't all the rage at the time. I saw one guy with it and thought, "wow. I want that." I should mentioned that my Dad forbid me from getting tattoos and said he would not pay for my college education if I got any. So, I thought he never said anything about piercing.:D

Anyway, there was no pain involved in the actual piercing. People don't realize this, but we have very few nerve endings in the middle of our tongue. I came home stuck a popsicle on my tongue until it melted. I had swelling that night and was fine afterward. I used the listerine religiously and brushed my tongue ring 2 times a day. I know everyone has all of the horror stories about chipped teeth and infection, but I had mine for over ten years and that never happened. In that time, I never removed that thing once. I bit down on it about three times during the first two years and decided that I needed a shorter bar. By the way, shorter bars make them less detectable.

Alot of people did not notice I had one. I didn't stick it out of mouth and I spoke normally. I had normal jobs and a lot of my employers did not know about it. I got other piercings during this time and my father was more upset with the eyebrow. ;) "People can see that one."

As for your daughter, she disobeyed you and should not be allowed to keep it after the healing has occured. They close fairly fast. Tell her that she can make that decision when she is an adult. You can come up with whatever punishment you deem necessary.

I dated a guy once that had a tongue ring. I guess he didn't use the Listerine enough...but when he took ou the bar, the underside of his tongue had turned green. NASTY!

I mentioned getting my tongue pierced once to my mom. I was in my MID-20S. She swore that I had the devil in me and that I might as well be one of those people on Maury Povich. Didn't get my tongue pierced but it did give me a good laugh.

Good luck with your daughter. She's just trying to find out who she is. I know it must be hard for you especially being in Iraq but you'll be home soon and then you can straighten her out.;)

I would let it heal and make her take it out. She can decide for herself when she isn't living with or getting financial support from you. The punishment is really up to you but outright disobedience is serious to me. My dentist office has a fit over tongue piercings. People can get so many problems from them.

piercings are temporary, tattoos are permenant!
 

my mom was totally against piercings. i got my first at 18 after i met my eventually to be husband. she had a fit! (my navel for heaven's sake).
then i got my tongue done next. i thought she wouldn't know, but she did know. my tongue was swollen for about a week and what did my mom make for dinner that night? spaghetti! it was so hard to eat. the stupid noodles kept sliding around the ring and i had to chew ooo so carefully.
next night? roast. the kind that falls apart in your mouth. the little "strings" of beef did the same as the spaghetti.
then she had had her revenge and didn't say much else. (i was working, going to college, and legal, so she didn't give me too much hassle).

i had the tongue ring until maybe i was 28. i used listerine religiously to keep it clean. i had a shorter barbell with smaller balls on the end. (i had a cute playboy bunny one, but the stuff in your mouth collects under the plastic. stainless is best.) also, try to get a SOLID barbell where the balls screw ON not one where the balls screw IN. (same as above reason)

also, she may have gotten her tongue done because it is easier to hide. it's rebellious, but still secretive. she could have gotten a labret or septum!!

maybe you could have her exchange the tongue for the nostril and get a diamond :)

i'm just wondering where she got it done.

another thing is that the tongue is supposed to be done at an angle and not straight up and down. she can brush under her tongue and i recommend that. i never chipped any teeth (but i didn't have the "clicking" habit that some people think is cool/sexy. --oooo look at me, hear my metal--). she should try not to chew on it!!

also: she might come to you and tell you first before you let her know that you know.

i know it's funny, but since i've been pierced and have tattoos i feel a bit more lenient.

sorry if i wasn't much help. i do have still and have had other piercings done. the eyebrow hole is still visible, but normally only after i've waxed.

Speaking as a person that has had theirs done three times for various reasons :rolleyes: , it would seem a belly piercing may be an alternative. But, 15 is, in my opinion, WAY too young for a tongue piercing. Personally as a punishment, I would make her take it out, let it close and not ruin your reunion entirely! And, if she is that set on having a tongue piercing, she can have it redone when she is 18+. GOOD LUCK!

I see being pierced to ADD to your look - but some take away from a persons looks & are just gross - you get too busy staring at that thing on their tongue or hanging on their Eyebrow and let's not forget the ever Attractive NOSE ring !

I spent a whole lunch once watching a girls eyebrow ring bouncing all over her eyeball LOL - I know it was rude but all I could think of is "doesn't that BUG her ???"

I'm so not old fashioned but I drew my lines on tongue rings ....I DO have tats (where no one can see) and multiple pierced ears - I just can't see doing it in a place that's unhealthy....and tongue rings sound pretty unhealthy to me - not to mention - PAINFUL - ouch !

Opps - edited to add - jvwheeler - I'd def make your point and hopefully this is just a phase with her - and it IS against the law to have that done at her age - wonder who did it ?? If it's the worst thing she's ever done - than you still have a pretty good kid there

I also have my tounge peirced i got it done when i was 18 i am now 26. I don't flaunt it around honestly no one really ever notices i have it in there lol. I am not a freak and not covered in tatoo's and peircings it was something i wanted to do at the time.I am very normal lol. It can take awhile for it to heal and she does need to keep it clean. The thing is ... She already did it and trust me it hurts like hell!!! So why not let her keep it in there? I think she should be punished for doing it behind your back. The do have flesh colored Tounge rings that she can get so it is not noticible. As far as the teeth go................... The metal balls WILL WARE THE ENAMAL OFF HER TEETH!!!!!!! My suggestion once her tounge is ok to change rings have her down size to a smaller barbell and get Plastic balls this will help a lot and if she accidentally bites it the plactic ball will break before her tooth will. If you make her take it out it will close and if later on she wanted it back in she would have to pierce it again. Good luck!

LOL amber you little freak you - I should clarify - my post was about the 'in your face' type piercings - I know it's been around for thousands of years - but sometimes you just don't want to see someone's tongue ring waving to you :D or worse...food stuck to them LOL

I just wanted to add having a tounge ring can be comical at times lol. My favorite is when i am at the doctors lol and they have no idea i have one and then i open to say auuuhhhhhh and they step back lol because they are startled hahahahhaha. Also i have had dental work and the dentist hasn't said anything to me and they don't make you take it out during either. I used to have a bright green ball on it and people still didn't notice i had one but it is funny when they get a glimps of it and just about crawl in your mouth and say you have a toung peircing lol.

Oh i totally agree i hate those girls who twirl them between their fingers or sit and click them it drives me nuts i'd like to grab them and rip them out lol. I did mine without my moms permission too because honestly what mom in thier right mind is gonna say ok honey go ahead and put a hole through your tounge lol. She was very angry and mine took a week for the swwelling to go down but she accepted it after a nice grounding. But i agree i hate the tards who have to have it be know they have one in there lol. I would like to add i worked for 3 years at a credit card company on the phone and no one ever could tell.

Amberlove---You think it's comical with a tongue piercing. You should see their faces with ni**le piercings. Am I allowed to say that?:p

LOL i can only imagine lol. Dang i heard those are one of the most painful peircings!

omg where or who took her to get it done? around here you absolutely have to have a parent if under 18 or show id if over 18.

i was so scared to have mine done that i never did it, and i had a friend who did and hers was sooo nasty but she isnt the cleanest girl, you have to keep it clean and mouth wash alot in fact i think after all drinks and food
and it can take a while to heal, 3-4 weeks is for the outer skin to heal cloaset to the earring, the rest is still healing, you can chip your teeth, you will talk a littel funny but you some people dont have any difference in talking, but personallly is she is responsible to take care of it i wouldnt worry as much, thats just health wise, not disobeying wise, health only but if she isnt much into taking care of it it can caryy risks, my husband had his tongue pierced twice and he still has holes, not big but he has them,


i just dont feel wel with the fact that shes 15 and got it done, it seems so young to me, around here you cannot get a piercing or tattoo done even WITH parental consent under 16, so i sure hope she didnt do it herself, thats can be even worse.

i wish you guys the best of luck and personally i dont know how to discipline her because she is your daughter and you guys have your own way of talking and workign things out, if it was my child, depending on age which at 15 i think i would rip it out and make it heal and bam a good slap on the head followed by taking away everything he has till he has learned not to disobey me

i mean if he was closer to being of age or of age i wouldnt hesitate as much to let him keep it but i really dont know, i wish you the best of luck, and just sit down with yourself and think about it, about everything you are telling us

much love and prayers sent your way
stephanie