Family /Friend (F&F) Dissapointments?
 

I haven't really posted anything to personal on here because I'm not quite sure if any one knows who I am or are even interested...but this is the place where I go every day & talk , I don't really have any one to talk to , particularly if it involves family...how can you vent to some one if it's about them..:confused:

I've been really bothered for the past few weeks w/ the response coming from F&F to good news they hear......I'm definitely not referring to any bragging here...just when they inquire about things & when it's responded to in a normal ( not overly giddy or talking non stop about it) way it's received in such a cold, sarcastic way or the subject is changed completely....I've tried to tell myself that it's just a reaction to the unhappiness they may feel about how things are going in their lives & don't take it personally, but when it's FAMILY, I kinda expected better from them....it's to bad when we have to hide things so as to not upset people...I just had to say this because it has me so bothered & where else could I go ;) ....Thanks

Well - I'm interested and care.....I know just what you mean. I LOVE my F&F but always avoid any personal subjects because, while they ask how things are going - they really don't want to hear about it ......my way to deal is just keep the comments to a bare minimum....

They seem to only want to hear good things and anything deeper than just superficial stuff is really not interesting I guess - Don't take it personal - I think it's just how some people are.

ps - Edited to add - I do notice some people will talk endlessly about themselves but if YOU try to talk to them about your own self - the subject gets changed very quickly LOL I think it really pays off to be a good listener but sometimes it can wear you down

I feel you on this one.

Last year when we were getting close to buying our land for our dream organic farm/estate----someone I thought a very close friend, invited me to coffee to hear about it.

I got out one sentence and then she bull dozed over me about how she was thinking of buying a vaca home in Vt---blah dee blah.

I smiled and nodded through a cupa and haven't talked to her--or should I say, let her talk AT me---since.:rolleyes:

People are interesting for sure.

I have a term for those folks: Surface Dwellers.

Like the creatures who skim along the surface of the water.

Me and even Hubster are more like those creatures at the furthest depths of the ocean.

You know--the ones who produce their own electricity and always look to go deeper.:p

It's so sad that they seem really interested when it's bad..."OH really, do tell!"..sort of attitude, like they can't wait to push speed dial to every one they know when they leave but if it's good they want you to shut up...I just expected a little more from family

HAHA - I have a friend JUST Like that - She'll call me - ask how things are - barely listen to the answer - then proceed to talk about every little thing in her life. I could take a nap complete with snoring (IF I snored that is LOL) and she wouldn't even notice I was asleep on the phone. It got so bad recently I don't even answer the phone now when she calls.

Been there ..I've even went so far as to push mute & talk to my husband while they rattled on & on ....

Angelworks...that really sounds so awesome...an organic farm... you must want to tell everyone all about it & I don't blame you, who wouldn't be excited about that, it's a whole new life, an adventure for you both...I hope it all goes as well as you expect...& good luck ( & have fun in the process :) )

Thanks so much. It is exciting for us, but so many people turn off when I mention organic and how "green" we are going to be building, etc. Weird.

A whole new life and adventure for sure----it'll be part of my "hormone replacement therapy". :p

That and dragging the 1/4 mile at English Town NJ. ;)

OMG---I use to put the phone down and walk away on this one person and come back 20 minutes ater and they would still be yakking away!

cool - I didnt read your post right - you'll be creating your own electricity ?? HOW COOL IS THAT !! Good luck - it sounds like you're really going all the way - and if it works as HRT for you - tell me the secret LOL !!!

I think some people want to hear the bad news more, that way their own life may not seem as bad. When they hear the good news, they just get jealous instead of being joyous to be a part of your good news. It's sad really...about the only thing you can do is have compassion for their outlook on their own life and go on and enjoy yours.

I guess it wouldn't have bothered me as much if it was directed at me I can take it, I'm a little older & wiser now .....but it was directed at my son ( If you know what's good for you, don't mess w/ my kids!)...;)

Yes-- we'll be utilizing, wind, passive solar and solar panels.

If we produce more electricity than we need-guess what--the elec co buys it from us.

Now there's a thought huh? The elec co sending you money?

Oh my good goddess----that's drawing first blood! I would've left behind body parts.:eek:

I can so relate to what you are saying. Since I have met my birth son for the first time in 36 years and we have been seeing each other every weekend and talking on the phone, my sister never asks how he is doing and my best friend is jealous as she had an abortion 4 months before I gave birth to my birth son and regrets it and she has adopted a dtr 9 years ago from Russia and never wants her to locate her birth mother. So I have decided to not talk about him to them and it makes me sad but people are strange even friends and family.

oh wow Patti - that sucks and I know what a huge thing this is in your life. I'm happy for you !! (you already know that cause we talked) but if you ever need to share anything - you know where i am !! I think it's SO cool that you found each other

It's all about them isn't it?...That's so sad they the very people that should be happy & excited for you are the very people who you have to avoid issues with...I know on one level it's a reflection of of the disappointments & unhappiness they are feeling in there own lives, but still,I have the same disappointments.. we all do.. that's life...what they really need an attitude adjustment...

My son's GF just recently found her birth father and I was one of the first 3 people she called.

Why---- because I hooted and hollered and asked a bizzilion questions and listened to her talk about it for an hour and a half when she suddenly releasied she had to go to work.:)

So Patti---if you want to share--give me a call----I'm a very enthusiatic listener.;) :thumbup:

[QUOTE=Yorkie3;1170686]I think some people want to hear the bad news more, that way their own life may not seem as bad. When they hear the good news, they just get jealous instead of being joyous to be a part of your good news. QUOTE]

THESE people are NOT friends. I shuddered when I read how you don't talk about "personal" things with friends. REally? Man, that would devastate me if I couldn't talk to my dearest friends about what's happening -- or if they felt uncomfortable doing the same with me.

Friends cry with you and FOR you. Laugh with you and AT you, cheer you on and celebrate your successes-- and you love them for it. Life is short. Eliminate or minimize the time you spend with those other folks.

And you at least get to choose your friends! Family -- that's a whole 'nother story.

However, you do get to choose how you DEAL with family. It can be difficult and very hurtful but sometimes you just have to "write them off," too. Unfortunately, I've had to do this because people can only continue to make you miserable if you allow them to. Genetics is not license to abuse.

AMEN sister!:cool:

So B.J.
Tell us the good news so we can all celebrate with you!
Forget about your acquaintances and family.
We are your friends!

[QUOTE=Ozzie'sperson;1171110]I've had unfortunate experiences over the years to have some of the personal things come back to haunt me, it would be used as a weapon, so gradually over the years the personal stuff was held on to & in ...now it's basic: hi , how ya doing stuff, nothing heavy...I do have one sister that knows EVERYTHING. lol.. so that helps

Understand perfectly why you're gunshy. Trust is such a sacred thing.

I have had it happen a few times, too, but it wasn't my friends who did this. It was people I mistakenly believed were my friend.

I feel you pain. I have a mother like that. I always envy people who can telll their mother anything and have them GET it. With my mom it is always about her and I have heard from day one how I was raising my kids wrong and my house was never clean enough and to top it off now I'm FAT. Then she wonders why I never tell her anything. I am really close to my immediate family...hubbby and kids....and she doesn't get why she's not close to us. If we ever cross her, we hear about it FOREVER. One good thing that has come out of this is I am really close to my kids and I don't judge them and they can tell me anything. I don't have a lot of close friends but the one close friend I have gets me and is excited or sad with me. And I also feel like I have friends here on YT. I guess what I'm trying to say is we are here for you. Patty

That's so nice of you thanks......My son got his first job in an automotive factory a few months ago & is making pretty good money (that's a big plus) , so he's elated, unfortunately good jobs are few & far between around here ( I guess it's everywhere) so there's a lot of attitude when it's brought up, believe me we don't bring it up , he's been working for two months & I've only told my one sister, my MIL who lives in the same town, doesn't even know .... I knew my son was not destined for collage, it just wasn't him, I'm ok w/ that, it's not for everyone,so I was a little worried for him, this has been a blessing for him...I have told him to keep the job but look into skilled trades training at school for a Journeyman's card, down the road it may come in handy...the second proud moment was he went to apply for a truck at a dealership ( we didn't think he had much of a chance w/ only two months work under his belt & very little credit at this point) but it went through, all by himself, he was elated....he only told 5 people & only two where positive remarks....he felt bad....he didn't seek these people out to brag they came to the home & asked who's truck...I felt bad for him....this is his truck...

OMG--don't let my son see that truck---he's a couple years away from realising his drteam of a truck like that.

Good for him, he must be so proud of himself!:cool:

That's really got to hurt when it's coming from the very person who is supposed to be there for no matter what....especially when they 10 years & they just won't let it go....It's hard to hug a porcupine....That's all I have in my life at this point is the immediate family, DH & kids, I'm in my safe little word at home.lol
I talk to my Daughter EVERYDAY, sometimes several times a day she has three kids & one on the way, when she tells me things I try to advise & listen as if she where my friend, I don't fly off the handle , but boy oh boy, sometimes if she heard what was in my head.lol

He is proud, every time he goes out to look at it he smiles.lol

He should be very proud of himself...and I know you are. I have one son who graduated from college and one son who didn't even go. And my daughter who is 32 and has just started nursing school. I am SO there for all of them. My daughter and I are best friends and talk several times a day. In fact she and her girls livied with us for the last 5 years. She just moved out with her boyfriend a couple of months ago but just told me today that she is moving back in....and you know what...I just said ok and I am NOT going to lecture her about it....and when or if she gains weight I WON'T point it out and tell all my friends how she used to be a size 6!!! My opinion is that people need to accept me for who I am and if I have to walk on eggshells around them they can just move on. Now with my mom since I am and only one around to take care of her, I guess I jusat have to live with it and keep my mouth shut. I've had years of practice. Sorry, I seem to be rambling. Patty