BREAKUP!! im so upset
 

i need some advice. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and we have been doing good and bad. We have been arguing a lot lately over little stuff. Today he told me that he doesnt think we should be together maybe we should take some time apart. I feel like such a failure! We planned on so much one day and im just so stressed out. And im not sure if its working or not but i love him soooo much and i have been there for him through everything. He said maybe we should end it and be friends I dont know how to let go because im not ready but he is. I think im making stuff worse but making him stay and holding on. Im sooo upset. Im crying my heart out! It just turned out so different and i never thought he would really be tired of me. I just dont know what to do!! sorry i needed to vent.

It's okay to vent when you feel like you do. Sometimes you just have to let things happen on their own though, don't force anything. Maybe if you let him go for a little then he will miss you. And you can get some time to think. Whatever happens I hope you feel better. 2 yrs is a long time..did he say why it's not working?

Yeah girl,
Everyone goes through this at one point in a relationship. Maybe he is stressing or really worried about something.
When you guys ar together alone and calmed down take some time and talk about it... ask why is this happening? whats wrong? you know and if he wants a lil break then it will be. He will definetly miss you and then take it from there. But does he love you as much as you love him? You need to ask him whats up?

i guess because we have just been bickering a lot. I just feel like i cant do it. We are still together right now he went to his brothers for a couple of hours. but i know he is just staying with me because he knows it hurts me. But i think i may be making it worse making him stay if he doesnt want to. He is truely everything to me really and my life would COMPLETELY change. i dont know hes 21 and maybe he just feels tied down 2 yrs is a long time. I just feel like i get the worst end of everthing ive done sooo much for him and i have NEVER did anything to hurt him. I wish he would see that hes letting something good go. I know im a sissy and need to suck it up but really truely it hurts sooo much. I started putting his stuff in a bag because he started to then stopped because of me so maybe when he gets back tonight i will tell him that I will let him go if thats what he really wants and i support his decision. I scared he wont miss me at all tho.

at first i know he loved me more than anything but now im not so sure. so much stuff has gotten so stressful. Money is one thing and just little stuff.

Listen girl, I know its really hard for you right now... and you definetly love him with all your heart.... and you wish more than anything for it to work out then you will have to take some time to think for yourself, Do you really wanna argue everyday? same thing as always? Maybe with a lil time out he will come around. ... cause he really loves you too then he will make it work. It takes time and like i said maybe it is all this stress with arguing or things going wrong. Both of clear your heads... tell him " I wanna make this work... but I want you to make it work too..." Do you feel like taking a lil break too?

sometimes but thats just when im mad. But when i really think about loosing him i know thats not what i want so i try to make things better

alright girl... here is some straight up honesty... sounds like hes already moved on and he has just been sticking it out not to hurt you. when in reality all he did was make it worst by staying. ya'll not married and you don't have kids and you are young. don't waste you time crying over him. trust he is not crying over you. just let him go. his loss. he figure it out later while in the mean time you take some me time and concentrate on you. forget him. you will look back on this in a couple of months and say "why was i trippin over that fool??" i know its easier said than done. but i've been there. and when i finally said ok enough i was stuck with 2 kids and a trifflin baby daddy.:rolleyes: i don't even talk to that loser anymore. but i get that check every month. so trust me i know how you feel. you may think you all in love with him and can't see your life without him but you can and it won't be so bad. {{HUGS}} it WILL get better i promise.:hug:

It's funny that you are posting this tonight. My mom and I were talking earlier tonight and I made the statement that I did the same stupid thing in both my personal and professional lives: Took too much sh*t and stayed too long!!!

Now have a great job after getting mad enough to leave the other one almost 7 years ago. And my personal life: I don't have one. (Like I said, I stayed too long and it did a lot of damage. I'm probably much too cautious as a result, completely intolerant and thus not seeing anyone after a series of disappointing dating disasters.)

Please don't make that mistake!

If you are really meant to be with this guy -- and forgive me if I seem skeptical that that's the case -- it will happen. Know this though: even if he does come back, you will resent him for this. You may want to forgive and forget, and even think you have, but it will always be between you.

But he is 21, and that is awfully young. Probably much too young to be in a serious, long-term relationship. Let him get a taste of what's out there that he thinks he is missing. As a general rule, guys mature much later than girls -- if they grow up at all. (Unfortunately, I know guys in their 40s, 50s, and even 60s who are less mature than my 16-year-old godson.)

I know it's painful and devastating right now. Rejection is such a vicious thing.
Give yourself some time to heal. Hang out with your friends. Try not to dwell on it. It will be hard, but try. If he is worthy of you, he'll come around.:D
If not, you are SO much better off without him.

2 years ago my dtrs boyfriend of 3 years told her he needed his space, he practically lived at our house, and I fed him daily and took them to Vegas the month before he broke up with her. He actually met someone else. But she cried over it for awhile but realized he wasn't who she thought he was and moved on. It was hard but at that age you still have so much life to live and if it is meant to be it will work out, if not Mr. Right will show up one day. It doesn't make it any easier it just is something most of us go thru. I hope you can work it out.

thanks so much! I know whats right and i have known all along its just the point of pushing myself to do it. I dont have that many friends i mean i do but ones that i go out with just people from work and most of them my age have kids im 19. So i guess im young to. at points when i think it will be okay for us to be apart i dont think its too bad. its just the point of being lonely i guess. Me and him need to have a serious talk if not tonight than tomorrow. I have such a throbbing headache. thanks! i knew what right all along i just needed to have some support!

Well, you've definitely got that!:D

I don't know what I would have done without the support of good friends through my ordeal. And some years ago, I was able to return the favor for one of my best friends as she went through a divorce.

And you want to hear the GREAT part of that story? Last year, I had the joy of being her maid of honor as she married a long-time friend, a guy who had been in love with her since they were 13!!!! So, life has a funny way of working out sometimes.

HANG IN THERE!!!

Girl you have us here, there is a lot of wisdom in here, I will be praying for you ok, maybe he is not the one for you, and believe when the one for you come oh boy, I have been maried for 13years and get better and better when I look back I really can't belive it I wasted my time, money, on him, that his loss not yours, you need someone that value your love, love you the way you are, and build your self worth, like mine is, he always make me feel the most beautiful woman in the whole world, even with out make-up:D

Oh no! I'm sorry you're going through all this. If I were you, I'd just let things happen. If you stay together because you want to, he might become resentful, and you'll break up anyway a little while down the road. If you two take some time apart, you both can reevaluate yourselves and your relationship, and if you get back together, it will be so much better than it is now.

I know its hard...:(

My favorite quote is "No man is worth your tears...and the one that IS wont make you cry"

If you are fighting over small stuff..imagine when the big stuff gets to hard..imagine the fighting then. I know its hard to imagine at this point but things WILL get better!! You cant make someone love you like you love them and in the end you will just keep hurting...its better to hurt and get it over with and move on to happier things!! You have our support and a sweet yorkie!!

Dawn

That is a very wise and grown-up decision. It is very hard, and I think we've all been through it at some point. You're allowed to cry, cry all you want! You can't make him stay, and truthfully you DON'T want him to stay if he doesn't want to, because in reality it's just putting off the inevitable and it will make it even worse if it ends. Let him go, let him take his time, he may realize he wants to come back and he may not. He may never let on that he misses you but i'm positive he will. The funny thing about love is that if you truly love someone you don't "fall out of love" you can choose to ignore love or decide not to love, anything else is just an excuse. I think your decision is very brave which says a lot about you as a person, you're not a sissy, you're a person, with feelings. If you need to talk, please let me know. Good luck and remember you are brave, you can get through anything, and yorkie kisses help!

Awe I hate reading or hearing things like this..I feel for you! My boyfriend and I were together for 2 years when he told me he thinks it is too early for him to be in a committed relationship; I laughed then cried then laughed some more. 2 YEARS? And you tell me then??? We broke it off...and backed away from each other...no contact other than a phone call like once a week for like 10 minutes to say hello. But it helped. Within 4 weeks; he came back telling me he couldn't be without our relationship; and I was what made him happy. We had the same problem..fighting, small stuff, blah blah blah. It is common to get to know each others personalities around 2 plus years as well. So sometimes it takes a little work to fiddle with personalities. I think you should step back. Let him miss you. HIDE YOUR PHONE. The hardest thing is seeing their number come up on the caller ID. And then in like 3 weeks if you feel like you want him back...see if he feels the same. if not...THERE ARE MORE MEN OUT THERE. I promise...lol :D I know how much it hurts. The best remedy is time...ice cream and friends. Keep yourself really busy. Good luck hun!

I love that quote! The one that got me through a heartache was the one:
"If you love something, set it free and if it returns to you it is yours; If it does not, it never was.

It really hurts when you go through this, but you are making a good decision. Prayer and hugs to you,

I agree, if he loves you, for sure he will miss you. We all go thru this in our relationship, bickering, needing time apart etc. If he needs space, let him have it. Go on a girls night out with your friends who will support you. You'll be alright.

i know what you are going thru. i just left the guy i was seeing. im sick of the drama. im still hurting but i know it will get better. so i know how much it hurts. but, trust me it will get better.

Bless your heart! I think it's murphy's law that every girl must go through this sort of thing when she's 19 ish...I know I did! I'm so sorry you're hurting right now. Just remember that he does not decide your identity!!! You are a beautiful woman with many amazing qaulities ( I know this because God makes us all in his image!) I think the best thing to do is to let him go because it's when people feel trapped that they freak out and become even worse than they were in the beginning. I know clingyness (is that a word?) can be really unatractive to us all. So stand up, be the confident beautiful woman you are and let him miss you!!

I also believe that relationships are just hard...I don't know one healthy relationship that didn't poses two people willing to grow and change themselves for the better! Love is not like the love we see in movies for long... it takes work from both people! You take two people and put them in one relationship, both have to change and grow!

I will say a special prayer for you today. I know how hard this is.

Heather

Sorry So Long!
 

I too am sorry that you are having to go through this. I know that break ups are really hard and very emotional. I have had my share as well. But I have to tell you that the right person will come along and you have to know him when you see him. And I don't mean that every Mr. Wrong is a big jerk, some really nice guys can be just "wrong".

I was engaged once to the "wrong" guy. He was perfectly nice. But 2 months before our wedding he said he thought we were making a big mistake. And after I cried a river and thought about it, I knew he was right. We had been together for 2 years also. At that time 2 years seemed like forever. But after I broke off my engagement I began dating my now husband.

I have been married for 10 years now to the most perfect man in the world FOR ME! He may not be right for everyone, but we really have the most amazing relationship I know. That doesn't mean that we don't fight-- we do. But it is what happens during and after the fight. He has NEVER threatened to leave me, he has never suggested that we not be together or that he made some kind of mistake. And I feel that way too. I know in my heart of hearts that he is the one that I was meant to be with.

And that is what I wish for you-- to find the right one. My husband and I both joke about all of the "practice relationships" we had to go through to get to where we are. But we all have to wade through them. Like they say, "A girl has to kiss a lot of frogs to find her prince!"

Honey, I"m SO sorry you are going through this. I know when people give advice it's "easier said than done" but trust me on this one...if he doesn't want you, let him go. I was engaged and ready to be wed in Aug 2005. In June 2005 he called off the wedding. I was a MESS!!!! I cried a lot and saw a therapist. I also got Baby, who helped a lot! I also read a GREAT book called He's Just Not That Into You. I would get that if I were you. Also, know what helps with depression? Medication. I never wanted to take meds, but it SO helps with the healing.

Good luck, and if you need to talk, PM me. ;)

I'm really sorry that you have to go through his! And here comes the wits and wisdom of somebody which is in her 4th marriage :eek: (twice divorced, widowed once, now happily ever after... :D ) and I dare to claim to know a little about relationships and especially why they so often don't work.

Well.... there is a key word for the success: COMMUNICATION!!!!! Very often we just assume that our partner knows what we think or feel, but unless he is psychic he really DOESN'T!!!! We don't do either, so ask him directly what he wants and be very specific. Not just "what do you want from life" but "do you like scrambled eggs in the morning?" "do you like to have kids one day?", "where do see yourself next year in May?", "how much money do you make and how are we going to make ends meet?", "what do expect me to do when you come home?", etc... you get the picture.

There is another key and that's very hard to do sometimes. My dad used to call it: "Be pretty and shut up!" or how Dr. Phil likes to put it: "do you wanna be right or married?" In the heat of the moment we tend to react emotionally rather than logically and we tend to hurt the others feelings b/c we are hurt too. Well... that's a very dangerous thing to do b/c a word spoken can't be taken back.

I would like to give you a big hug and a hint... try to learn a little more about relationships, there are plenty of helpful books out there. You don't have to "invent the wheel" again... ;) For almost everything you need classes and a licence but in the most important part of our lifes we tend to just tapp around like a blind chicken. It's true, "a blind pig finds an acorn once in a while" but you also have to "kiss a lot of frogs" until you find your prince.

Pheeewwww... I hope I didn't bore you to death...

I LOVE YOU GIRLS!!!! LOL thanks so much! i havent really got to talk to him because when he gets off and i get off at about the same time hes been going to his brothers to play games. and when he gets back im asleep so we havent really said anything. he gave me a kiss when he got out of the car and thats the most we have communicated really. the time will come when we will sit down and talk. He hates to talk tho. he would rather say baby everythings okay than to talk about stuff. And i have been really patient with him like yesterday we had some movies that were due back at midnight and we still had 2 to watch and he promised me the day before that we would finish them on thursday (yesterday) and when he got off work he told me he was going to his brothers i said okay So you just gonna turn the movies in when you get home lol he said oh im sorry i forgot i promise we will rent them again i told him it was cool dont worry about it. so i will just let stuff be and see how it goes.

You go girl! It seems like you've come to terms with whatever may happen. Your brave and strong and it seems like he's just confused and needs time!

Sorry your going through this, but you are still young...so is he. Take my advice, if he wants to go let him go. You dont have kids yet, your not married. Let him go and you go to college and get a degree (if you dont already have one) and THEN focus on finding someone who will love you for you and not run somewhere everyday to play games!! I am 23 years old, i got married at 19. We have 2 children together, and hes 8 years older than me. Men our age dont know what they want and they are in no way ready to settle down and cut loose of the little 2 year old that is still controling every part of them. I do not regret getting married so young, my husband is great. But he is older and was ready and so was I. But now I am a mother, a wife, have a full time job, working through nursing school and of course all my little critters....its very hard. Go to school while you still have the chance, live in the dorms, go party on the weekends, do whatever you want to do. You dont need anyone to make you happy. Please dont take any of this the wrong way ok. Just take it from somebody that knows what its like when you get married before you get school out of the way first.

Oh man, been there, done that!
 

hey girl,
2 years ago I was engaged to the man I was with for 10 years!!! We met when I was 19. We broke up when I was 22, and again when I was 24 and yet again when I was 28, engaged and owning a house with the guy. Talk about rollercoaster relationship. Often times I would think about breaking up with him when we were fighting but I never did. I think that is a sign that YOU are not truely happy if you think that way during a fight. Anyways, after 10 years I have to start over.. Im 30 now, single and watching everyone around me settle down and get married, engaged, have a child... and I dont even have a potential partner anymore.

You are young... dont waste time with someone who does not love you like they should. If he is saying he doesn't know... that is not good enough! I know it hurs now, but it hurts way way way worse in 10 years when you realized that you wasted a DECADE trying to get someone whom you loved sooo deeply to love you back just as much! You can't make someone love you. Sadly!

I wish I let the relationship go after the first breakup! Its just not worth the fight anymore at some point... only you know that point! good luck!! Remember the pain does go away, so if you are afraid of being upset and hurt, right now, its only temporary. Further down the line it could be scarring and permanent. (((HUGS)))