Got a good joke?? I need a laugh!
 

I'm having a tough week! And a good friend send me a couple of jokes, thanks Whitney, that really brightened my day! Since we have a couple of younder members... I wont post my FAVORITE!!!;) But here is one that another friend sent me this morning:


God & the Blonde

A blonde was driving down the street, in a panic
Because she had an important meeting and couldn't
Find a parking space.
Looking up toward heaven, she said, "Oh Lord, please
Take pity on me. If you find me a parking space, I
Will go to church every Sunday for the rest of my
Life and give up sex and tequila."
Miraculously, an empty parking spot appeared.
She looked up again and said, "Never mind, found one!"


Now I know you guys have a few news one for me... Lets here um! I need some new laughs!



k

aww great joke heres one for you mind...

Blonde walking into a pawn shop and asks the man how much his TV was...
The man said 'Sorry we Dont serve blondes'
She comes in the next day and says...
'how much for that TV?'
The man said sorry we dont serve blondes...
The next day she walked in with ginger hair and asked...
'how much for that TV?'
The man said sorry we dont serve blondes...
She asked him, 'how do you know im blonde?'
The man replied saying, " Because that so called TV is a microwave oven"

Whats the difference between boogers and broccoli??

How do you make a tissue dance??

dont know to both of em?>

I just realized both of my jokes were about boogers! haha :)

ahh i see the old classics there always the best

A woman driving down a country road, when a rabbit runs out & she hits it.
Stopping she gets out realizing what had happened, begins to cry.
Just then a farmer comes out of a near by barn, hearing the woman crying begins to approach her.
"Whats wrong" says the farmer
"I just run over a little bunny rabbit & killed it" replies the lady
"Wait a minute, I might have something that might help" replies the farmer.
With this he goes into his barn and come out with a spay can. He then proceeds to spray the bunny.
Just then the bunny gets up and runs up the hill. He the turns around & waves. Goes a little farther & turns around & waves. Gets up to the top & turns around & waves.
"What was that you sprayed on the bunny?" the woman replied.
"Hair restorer with permanent wave" replied the farmer.

that joke sux lol... i dont understand...

Hair or Hare restorer! LOL

7 DEGREES OF BLONDE

FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.The
very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said "How
should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband
said, "Who was that?" The wife answered, "I don't know, some woman
wanting to know if the coast is clear."

SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the
sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror
and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says,
"Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The
second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and
buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens
the
door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really
angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she
is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The
boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!" The blonde replies, "Shut
up, you're next!"

FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly
says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's
the capital of Wisconsin ?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"

SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US
government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs.
Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was
the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the
Delaware"

SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and
reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit,
patrolling nearby, was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer
approached
the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch,
shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the
steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my
possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman."


Everyone sends me blonde jokes I guess because I'm blonde
or they think I this dumb too:confused:

Carol!!!! That was the best yet!!! A BLIND POLICE MAN!!! I'm going to be laughing for weeks about that one!!!! LOLOLOLOL

very good.. i loved all of them...thanks i needed that

Too funny!!! Thanks for the laughs!

Blonde Joke
 

Why did the Blonde name her Yorkies Rolex & Timex??

She wanted them to be "watch dogs"

yuk yuk :wink: :wink:

:eyetearss That's good! I love it!

:lol tears :lol tears

i love those jokes.
i absolutely love these threads lately with jokes.
keep them coming. especially the blonde ones.

Blondes know ALL the best jokes!
 

Blonde LOGIC

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking........ and
one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away..........>>>>> Florida or the moon?"

The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ...?????"

CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just **** in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he
could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get
your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today
you expect me to show it to you!"

KNITTING

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled,

"PULL OVER!"

"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"

IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled
the dice and she landed on Science &Nature.

Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"

She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?

LOLOL!!! hahaha I love it! :D

Name Two of Santa's Reindeer
On a famous TV game show A BLONDE contestant needed only to answer one more question. One simple question stood between her and ONE MILLION DOLLARS! "To be today's champion," the show's smiling host intoned, "name two of Santa's reindeer." The contestant, gave a sigh of relief, gratified that she had drawn such an easy question. "Rudolph!" she said confidently, "and, ...Olive!" The studio audience started to applaud (as the little sign above their heads said to do) but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host replied, "Yes, we'll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain... 'Olive?!?'". "You know," the woman circled her hand forward impatiently and began to sing, "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed. *Olive,* the other reindeer..."

http://www.emailajoke.com/videos/Cle...unny+Cat+Video

funny kitty video

Magic ladies room
 

A brunette, redhead and blonde went to a fitness spa for some fun and relaxation. After a stimulating healthy lunch, all three decided to visit the ladies room and found a strange-looking woman sitting at the entrance who said,
"Welcome to the ladies room. Be sure to check out our newest feature: a mirror which, if you look into it and say something truthful, you will be awarded with a wish. But be warned, for if you say something false, you will be sucked into the mirror to live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!"
The three women quickly entered and upon finding the mirror, the Brunette said, "I think I'm the most beautiful of us three" and in an instant she was surrounded by a pile of money.
The redhead stepped up and said, "I think I'm the most talented of us three", and she suddenly found the keys to a brand new Lexus in her hands.
Excited over the possibility of having a wish come true, the blonde looked into the mirror and said, "I think..." and was promptly sucked into the mirror.

Do you know why santa is so FAT?







because of all the Ho HO's

Let's play house
 

A little girl and a little boy were at daycare.
The girl approached the boy and said, "Hey, Stevie, wanna play house?"
He said, "Sure! What do you want me to do?"
The girl replied, "I want you to communicate."
He said to her, "That word is too big. I have no idea what it means." The little girl smirked and said, "Perfect. You can be the husband."

Creation
 

:lol tears

There is a new study just released by the American Psychiatric Association about women and how they feel about their asses.

The results are pretty interesting:

1. 5% of women surveyed feel their ass is too big.

2. 10% of women surveyed feel their ass is too small.

3. The remaining 85% say they don't care; they love him; he's a good man, and they would have married him anyway

AHAHAHAHAHA
LOL
:rofl: so funnny so so funny!

well, you know my roots are really blonde, I already got confused a few post in, where did the hair restorer thing come into play? Did I miss something?

(edited)oops- I just realized I skipped a post lol
nevermind

OK, this one is funny, but I had to...er..."fix" a couple of the words. :D

Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep sleep.
He awoke before the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "You died in your sleep, Ralph."
Ralph was stunned. "I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back! Please!"
St. Peter said, "I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back: as a chicken."
Ralph was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground. A rooster strolled past. "So, you're the new hen, eh? How's your first day here?"
"Not bad," replied Ralph the hen, "but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm gonna explode!"
"You're about to lay an egg," explained the rooster.
"Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before?"
"Never," said Ralph.
"Well, just relax and let it happen." Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood for the first time! He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming! As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife shout, "Dang it, Ralph! Wake up. You're pooping in bed!"