My son has to live with her, so he goes along with whatever she says. As far as seeing the children, they live in the UK. so I don't see them anyway.

I believe that my son should contact me and keep the lines of communication open, however he goes which ever way the wind blows.

I have helped these two financially on three occasions, (the last time he asked, I said NO) and they do not keep up with their payments to me, which has also put a strain on the relationship.

I do not cut off communication because of this, I will call to remind my son that I need a payment, I had to borrow the money on his behalf because he went through a nast divorce and it ruined his credit. but I don't turn it into an argujment, however she does.

When I call to remind them, then she claims that the only time I call is to get money, and I should be more concerned about whether my grandsons have diapers and formula than about that loan payment. I tell them that their children are not my responsibility. (they are already living with her parents, for God's sake.) And that if they can't make their monthly obligations, then maybe she should get a job. They aren't even grateful enough to make their payments to me.

I'll tell you this...my mother and I have had our moments. There have been times in my life that she did things to me that I cannot ever forget, but I still love her, and we have a great relationship. I have never treated her that way, and I firmly believe that it would do no good.

I really have some serious issues with my MIL, but I'm always polite to her, even when she is a major beyotch to me. I have some serious wounds in my tongue for the time I've had to bite it, but I do. It would do no good to be cruel, so I let a lot slide.

I don't have time in my life to take issue with everyone and everything. I find it alot easier to really pick my battles. And these days, I let more and more slide because it would do no good, would cause more harm than good, and it would cause MYSELF more grief in the end.

fwiw,

I refuse to let her use the children as weapons to control me.

The funny thing is. Just before Christmas, she got into a huge argument with her brother, and her sister-in-law kept the children away from the grandparents and her, because of it. She thnought this was terrible, yet she does the same thing. :confused: :confused: :confused:

I believe that if she got a job, it would solve 99% of her problems, she would feel better, she would be able to get out of debt, she would have more to do besides obsess about things all day, and it might boost her self esteem.

She claims to have two masters degrees, yet she won't work. She has had jobs from time to time, but YUP you guessed it, she can't get along with anyone. My son is working and going to school.

I would never loan them money again. They sound vey irresponsible. You Son should put his foot down that she has to get a job so they can make those payments. My Husband has gotten the short end of the sick loaning money before so he doesnt do it anymore. I am sure if it were our children that neede it we would though

I couldn't live with myself if I treated my mother like that. I don't really care for my late husband's mother because of the way she treated me and my kids before he died, but I still wouldn't speak to her like that out of respect for him.

I love my DIL and we have a very good relationship. If we disagree about something, we've always been able to talk about it. I stay out of my son and DIL's marriage and they love me for it.

My daughter (38) works for an eye doctor....a kid came in with her mother for glasses. The kid precedes to stand on top of the counter and kick things to the floor...mother tells kid to get down, kid tells the mother to shut up and mind her own business...later the DR. asked Jodi what I would have done if she had acted like that..Jodi said.."I would not be here talking to you".."I no doubt would have lost the ability to speak"..LOL

No parent gets respect unless given and demanded back...I always want my daughters to love me, but if not, they will respect me or not be a part of my life. Why have a child break your heart with such comments...I would perfer to not talk to them until they cleaned up their act...we allow the people in our life to treat us the way they do..

That is so true! I try to convince my children of that, that I am saving them from a life of unhappiness by not giving in to their every little whim. LOL. Some day they will thank me.

Others think I am so terrible because I usually try to make my kids do something to get extra spending money, etc. instead of being a free ATM. Unfortunately most of the kids my daughter has for friends have parents just like that. They are all extremely spoiled. Last night my 13 year old daughter came in to my bedroom late to talk to me, and she had just spent the night with a friend. She was crying and saying how her friend treated her parents and that she didn't want to be like that. I was so grateful that she could see the difference. This was totally on her own, with no coaching from me. She apologized for how she has treated me sometimes and said she was really trying. It was a very precious moment.

not all kids who get what they want grow up brats.
i cant remember a time that i went without growing up, i never said i want that or this but if i said i liked something my mum and my nan would buy me it, i was never rude, never naughty, never needed telling off, always said please and thankyou.
i didnt talk to my mum rudely cos we got on very well she was my best friend and i respected her, the reason i was well behaved wasnt cos if i wasnt i would of got a smack across the legs or a back hander.
hitting doesnt earn respect it earns fear, i would rather my kids didnt do things cos they respect me not fear me.
if a man said i hit my wife when she does things that get me mad or i hit her when she disrespects me people would say hes wrong but if a fully grown person hits a child its ok:confused: i dont agree with smacking and i worked at a nursery with 13 under twos all in the same room with just me and 2 other people to look after them all and smacking was not allowed so you learn how else you can deal with it, but if i had my own kids i couldnt say that i would never smack them as i just dont know but id like to say i would try not to.:)

My mother and I use to have hellacious fights when I was in my early to mid 20s. Before then, and after then, I've had complete respect for my mom...but something happened for a few years where I completely lost my mind.

I love my mom dearly. She is my best friend but it's taken me several years to figure that out. Now, we very seldom disagree about anything. If she says something that I don't agree with, I let it go and simply reply, "Yes, mom". I know that my mom only wants the best for me...and being an only child, I'm still her baby.

If anything happened to my mom, I just don't know what I'd do. In growing up, I've realized that no one can compare to my mom. To me, she's the best out there.

Now, my MIL...haha...we've butted heads but I've never cussed her out...even when I wanted to. She use to treat my daughter (not her blood grand daughter) horribly and after taking so much, trying to reason like a "good girl", I had finally had enough and told her that as long as she continued to treat my daughter badly, she'd wouldn't be seeing her.

This was a couple of years ago...and my daughter only really visits with them about 6 times a year...and they live less than 10 minutes away.

Anyway, Jeanie...sounds like your DIL is a spoiled brat. If you've not done anything intentionally to hurt her, then she needs to get over herself. She's obviously jealous of the relationship that you have with your son (her husband). I'm sorry that she's treated you that way. I'd like to think that she'll eventually come around...but it doesn't sound that way.

Hang in there, sister...and pray for her. That's about all you really can do at this point.

We were raised in a different time. yes I believe that respect can be taught without smacking, but the lessons have to start the very first time a child screams at you or hits you because they didn't get what they wanted.

I've seen small children hitting and kicking their parents. And the parent is saying "Please don't kick me" and the kid kicks them again. As a parent of young children, You HAVE TO DEMAND respect. A small child is not going to just respect you. If they have not learned respect by the age of 7, forget it.

If I had ever talked to my mother, now deceased, like that she would have back handed me across the mouth so fast i would have not known what hit me. wouldn't have mattered how old I was either.

I've seen the same by young children. I'm like..."HELLO!!! WHO'S THE PARENT HERE??" It's amazing how children are raised now days. Respect has suddenly become a thing of the past...and these are the children that will be running our government, our businesses one day...and that's just plain scary!

My Brother in laws 3 year old daughter screams at him and hits him. He trys to reason with her and it just doesnt work. She needs a good old fashioned spank on the butt. It is sad because they live two doors down from us and there is a little girl accross the street that she could play with but the Mother doesnt want her over there because she dont behave. So My Daughter is asked to go over there and play all the time. If Samantha didnt have My Daughter to play with shed have no one

i agree children today do not respect there mums and dads and i too have seen a child kick his mum and her just let him and then ASK him to stop, i first of all would not ask id tell in a very firm no messing about tone and he would then be punished but in another way than smacking.
a child we had at are nursery was a nightmare, he was rude, spat at people, hit the nursery nurses and was horrible to his mum and dad, but to me he did nothing, the very first time i met him he went to spit at me and i just said dont you dare in a firm tone and gave him one of my looks and he walked away cos he knew i wouldnt allow it and he couldnt get away with it.
now if he was my child id def of smacked HIM lol but that would of been cos i would of lost my temper with him and if he hit me it doesnt make sence for me to then smack him and tell him hitting is wrong:confused:
with children i think you need to start off how you mean to go on so the mums and dads who do have problems with there kids have let it go for so long they now have a problem.

NO ONE deserves to be spoken to in such a manner. Especially senior citizens, who have 'done their time' shaping society. Unfortunately, from what I hear from friends and other family members, disrespect and smart-mouthedness is the 'norm' for the younger set these days.

I'd have been peeling myself off the floor had I shown ANY adult such disrespect.

aww that is sad:( mind you you cant reason with a 3 year old you have to set boundrys and stick to them or they will play up, and if smacking worked then why do people have to do it more than once?
mums and dads are making monsters.

Wow.. I agree with everybody about this...

and I think your son NEEDS to say something:thumbup:

my mom doesnt really like her MIL (my grandmother) either, BUT she is always nice to her, even if my MIL says something a little rude, my mom still smiles and is nice.. later on my mom might get upset and talk to my dad about it, but still.. she doesnt do this in front of her MIL...

Her parents do set boundaries and they ground her. It doesnt work. She is going on 4 years old and she is contstantly in trouble at school for hitting other kids. They dont have any control over her at all and she is only going on 4 years old. What will it be like when shes 16.

I read alot of the replies and I can't believe what kids think is ok these days :eek: :eek: I'm not a grandmother and I'm FAR from old fashioned but what I just read really blew me away.

my feeling is Parents need to get hold of these kids and stop this kind of behaviour BEFORE it gets to the point where a kid is old enough to cuss them out and it should never be normal to speak that way to adults.

I'm super close to my boys and they've never EVER talked to me like what I read in this thread and I'd be devestated ....just like my mother would be devestated if I ever spoke that way to her. :(

It's no wonder these days we hear all the stories we hear. If kids are growing up thinking this is normal behaviour they're going to have a very rude awakening or get the stuff kicked out of them one day by a MAD adult who isn't going to take that kind of talk.

and Jeannie....I would talk to your son & really lay it out for him...Your situation sounds really bad and that woman sounds just plain jealous of anyone in your sons life and that's HER problem - no woman should be so insecure she's gets between a mom and her kids no matter how old that 'kid' is.

I never have and never will talk to my mom or mother in law like that..i never did my dad and father in law either. thats just rude and un caring.

the ladies on babytalk must be young, because some of the younger generation seems to be so different and uncaring......

jeannie my sons g/f is like your daughter in law. i know how you must be feeling, it hurts. i let my son know everytime something is said or done so he knows whats going on, i havnt talked to his g/f in about 2 months and i never will again, she is just trouble with a capitol T.....my son knows i am here for him whenever he needs me but i have no room in my life for her...

I believe that she is really insecure. This is her second marriage, her first marriage lasted 15 months. She claims he left her to go home to mama because he was such a mama's boy and was over there all the time doing things for her. But I wonder if he didn't leave her because he could not stand her bitching about his mother and he was more of a man about it than my son is.

On the other hand, she was pregnant when my son married her so he has more at stake than the other husband did.

The two of them stayed here with me for a month before they moved over to Wales. during that time I was drywalling my basement. The agreement was that my son would help me with it, in exchange for staying her. (Most sons would have helped anyway). She sat in the bedroom and pouted everytime we were downstairs working together. and she'd make comments like "I may as well just fly back home and you stay here".. I could see at that time that she was very controlling.

:thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup: I totally agree. I've never even raised my voice or yelled @ my mom.

I have 3 daughters 23 yr old, 21 yr old and 14 yr old and I have to admit we have had our share of arguements and they can have an atiitude here and there (hello they're girls lol lol) but I would never allow them to disrespect me and they know better.

I know for a fact it all comes down to the way they were raised. If those parents didn't teach them to respect all adults then they're not going to respect them either.

I work with kids between the ages of 10 thru 16 and It saddens me to say this but the majority of this kids can't stand their parents they call them every disrespectful name they know. And no they don't all come from disfunctional families. Some have your regular household with mom, pop and siblings. But like I said before it all starts when they're babies that's when we have to teach them and show them what respect is. Just my opinion.

Oh I forgot to mention my daughters and I are very very close - we do everything together. People think we're sisters lol :D

My girls and I laugh and laugh when we're together. I'm sure there is a lot of :rolleyes: eye rolling :rolleyes: going on behind my back. but that's just part of the fun. LOL

I think what those women told your daughter on babytalk was awful... but they'll get theirs in the end. One day their kids are going to talk to them like that and... OH WELL! I would never dream of talking to my mother in law that way either and she has treated me like crap. To make a long story short - my husband and I got married 4 months ago... and she told him she would not go to the wedding because she basically didn't approve of me and said "it's against God's will to marry her" and SHE NEVER HAS MET ME! She lives only 20 minutes away and never once asked to meet me and basically told my mom she blames me for any problems she and my husband have. Even though I could care less about ever seeing her, I still would never disrespect her.

Adding my thoughts that mothers in general and my mother in particular deserve my utmost respect. Not only did she give me life, sacrifice for me and my siblings, but she is a very fine lady who I love with all my heart. I do think the "position" of mother or MIL deserves respect by itself -- but my mom has escalated that respect by the life she leads and love she extends. She never meddles, she never judges -- but even if she did, I'd find a way to deal with it because I love her!

If my sons ever spoke to me with the disrespect, it would break my heart -- not just for the personal hurt but because I would feel I had failed them in some way to leave them with so little regard. But thank God, I am sure I will never have to deal with that. I have been blessed with 3 wonderful, thoughtful sons. They not only say yes ma'am and no ma'am -- they are respectful in their hearts as well.

That is so sad. doesn't she trust her son to be able to choose his own wife.? It sounds to me like she is jealous. Wait til she sees the grandbabies, she'll come around.

OMG, my mother would slap me across the room if I ever talked to her that way and I am 42...My daughter wouldn't disrespect me that way either, she tells me how she feels and I tell her how I feel, but she wouldn't talk to me that way at all...My son is getting married in October and I am afraid that I will have the same problem with my future daughter in law, but if she does that is going to be there loss not mine...I didn't raise my children to talk to me that way, and I will not let her either...I can cuss just like the rest of them if I have too, but you have to have some respect for your parents and yourself...I hope things get better for you Jeanie, but if your DIL doesn't come around its her loss, cause she is missing out on a chance to know a great person....:)

my mother is my hero! I would never even consider talking back to her! She instilled the right things in us as children and it is just not something that would happen... I instilled the same thing in my children and it is a beautiful thing to be so proud of my daughters... they even fuss at their friends for being disrespectful to their parents!
My MIL, well she is a different story.. I have wanted to, many times, tell her like it is but I have never done it. She is very CONTROLLING and I married her oldest son, it took me a while to put her in the right perspective...
Respect is earned AND taught....
I feel sorry for your DIL