Am I being unreasonable?
 

I'm asking for honest opinions here, so don't be afraid to hurt my feelings, I'm a tough ol' broad anyways:p

I have three stepsons that I love dearly. One of them lives with us (he'll vbe 20 soon), one lives with his girlfriend, he's almost 20 too, twins, and the youngest one is 17 and supposedly lives with his mother. He's here all the time though, anout 2 weeks of every month. I love having him here for the most part, and I can live with that, though I feel it's wrong we're ordered to keep paying the bimbo since she allowed him to drop out of school (we had NO say in that).

Here's my issue. He came over about 10 days ago and was SICK as can be with the most terrible cough. Hacking up a lung! He said he'd been sick for a long time. Okay, so we take him to the doctor and turns out he has strep throat and brochitis. Poor kiddo:cry: So when him and my hubby get home from the doc and tell me the diagnosis, I asked my husband to please take him home. Come to find out, his mother and brother are sick too and went to the doctor the day after he came over here. So they are already sick and on antibiotics. I wanted him to just go home until he had a few days of meds in him, so we all don't get sick too. My husband BLOWS UP at me and says he doesn't want to hurt his son's feelings:rolleyes: He thinks I'm an uber bitch for wanting him to go home:mad:

Anyway, sorry for the novel. My other stepson is now sick, as is my daughter. I am not YET< but I take tons of vitamins and wash my hands like an OCD person:laugh: I am LIVID that my husband thought that our health was less important than this kids feelings. And I think truly that he would have understood if we sent him home for a few days. He's 17 forgodsakes, he's not 3:rolleyes:

So, am I an uberbitch, or what? Was I totally wrong for asking hubby to please send him home? We fought like crazy this morning over this because now my daughter and son, and other stepson, are all sick and we have to take them to the doctor now too$$$$$$$$$$. Missed school, missed work, and tons of money. *sigh*

wow, I guess I AM being a bitch:( :o

No...not an uberbitch! (LOL, I've never heard that one!):)

I understand your not wanting everyone to get sick...

...but...

He =IS= family. And family has to stick together whether sick or not. It was inconsiderate of his mother to send him over like that :thumbdown . But once he's there, and he's sick, he needs to feel like he is where he is wanted, and he needs some TLC.

I think you're really just fed up with his mother, and I can understand that. But, you don't want your feelings toward her to rub off on him. :)

Your husband is in an awkward position too. It is his son. He loves him. His baby is sick, and he probably wants what is best for him. I'm sure it doesn't feel right to send his sick son away.

So, put on a pot of chicken soup, and stock up on kleenex. :)

This too shall pass.

hth, :)

Thanks. I guess I need some unbiased people to help me.

I've been doing this for 15 years, btw. Every time those kids needed anything, I've been there for them. Whenever they'd get sick she'd send them here to make sure we all get sick too. And I would baby them and care for them like my own. We have had them every weekend, school holiday, and all summer long every year all this time. I guess I resent them a little because my husband spends no time with me at all. He's even cancelled our vacations because she'd find out about it and drop them off unnannounced. I probably should get some therapy or something I think I'm finally at my breaking point here:cry:

I have been taking care of all of them and I guess I'm just worn out after 15 years of this. Thanks for being honest, I guess I owe my husband an apology.

Wow you have had alot on your plate sounds like. It also sounds like your step sons mother has tried to make your like miserable for the last 15 years. You should feel proud though that the boys want to be at your house. Strep is very contagious as I'm sure you already know and I do understand you do not want everyone getting sick, but you seem to be the "preferred" mom which I think is very special. You should be commended for all of your hard work. Good Luck!

Sounds like he knew where he might get the best care. Just love him and nurse him back to health, mom. They are all grown and on their own way too fast. Cherish the times you're needed now. Even if you get strep -- a small price to pay for the love and caring he will feel. It is small things like this that form a person's attitude about those around him -- and in turn will affect how he treats others too.

On the bright side, it seems like when I am nursing kids, I never get sick. It is like an inborn immunity. God says, someone has to stay healthy to nurse the others. Then when they are all recovered, watch out -- that's when I catch the next bug in town. But I have been known to get some of that pampering back when its my turn.

I do agree that most of the frustration stemmed party from the bimbo. Honestly count yourself as loved and blessed...he chose to be with you when he was down and sick because of who you are and how good you are to him. Please don't beat yourself up too much.

Any family situation where there is a step anything has issues. Your doing well if you ask me.

Hugs

Being a step-mom can be rough, you always feel like the 'bad guy'. I totally understand why you got upset and the feelings of resentment. Take some time just for 'you'! I find that if I get away from all of the caretaking once in a while it gives me better perspective and helps me refill my cup:) Hopefully you and hubby can 'sneak' away if only for a mini-vacation!

WE CAN ONLY SAY WHAT WE WOULD DO IN OUR SITUATION, YOURS IS DIFFERENT FROM OURS,NATURALLY.
If it was one of my kids or grandkids they would be welcomed and cared for by me,unless me or my husband had some compromising heath issues.

the germ is already in the house
i would let him stay its not gonna make any differernce

your a great stepmom already and those kids surely know you are.
it sounds like your more of a real mom to them than their own mom...
sounds like you have a huge heart. 15 years is a long time... hubby needs
to thank you for being there and hanging in there...

From one tough ol' Florida broad to another tough ol' Florida broad: You are in a tough situation, always one there with step situations and I understand where your actions and thinking were coming from! BUT, he was smart enough to come over where he new he was loved and would get help. To some people, their kids are everything and put above the spouse. I feel differently, the tough ol' broad in me perhaps, Hubby comes first and then the kids (adults)! Sounds like the "bimbo" could have prevented the whole thing by stepping up and getting the boy to the doctor. She didn't, you did! Be proud you did the right thing! Cut the hubby some slack, men don't think like we do..........I think he was right THIS time about keeping the boy at your home. JMO

I agree. :thumbup:

I know it must be so frustrating to be in this situation for such a long time. I htink he belongs at your house becasue he will get the love and care he needs (17 year olds still need their "moms"). Besides you were already exposed to the germs. I do not feel you are being a B just a concerned mom who looks like she is not appreciated for all you have done for hubby and his kids. I commend you for treating those kids like your own especially when your husband doesn't seem to realize how hard it is. Hope you are all feeling better soon.

I know how you feel ! Been a stepmom for 36 yrs. I love him as much as my daughter. My husband said one time to me well i'm in themiddle they are both my kids!!Made me feel real bad! I have great relationship with my stepson! He comes to me before his own mother! That was not right of mother to let him to come to you sick! But that part of it! I think your man need to say he is sorry for calling that nasty name too! lily you and hubby need to be on the same page when it comes to the kids.:)

I can understand your husbands feelings. You wouldn't send your own kid off to another house if it got sick, so why send the step-son. Personally, the kid would stay with me and I would do everything to keep him comfortable while re-couping. He wouldn't have come to your house or stay that long if he wasn't happier with you all. I feel sorry for him. He's torn between his mom and dad and seems to be giving each of them equal time.

No I wouldn't send my kid off to another house because they LIVE here. He does not. He chose to live with her, he could have spoken up to the judge when we were fighting her for custody but he did not, too scared of Momzilla. And the kid has been staying here and is comfortable and has gotten medical care and TLC too. I've never said to him that he should go home, I asked my husband privately about it. I certainly wouldn't want him to get the idea that I don't want him here, that would break my heart for him to feel unwanted. His mother does that to him enough:unlove:

I wish that he could live with us, she certainly doesn't deserve him or any of the kids:( I also wish that we were closer, she made damned sure to tell all three of them, growing up, that I was the enemy, cuz she was so jealous that they preferred me to her. I would always read to them, and we'd do crafts and fun things. Then they'd go home and tell her how much fun they had and how nice I was to them, and she'd be SO angry. She was always too busy "dating" and moving men in and out of her house to pay any mind to the boys.

Things are a lot deeper than this one incident. I have come to realize through everyone's input here that I was wrong to want him to go home, though I don't think it was very nice of her to send him over here like this. Our doctor said that he should have been seen 2 weeks ago, he's never seen tonsils look that bad:( My husband, however, is a complete ASS for making me feel like crap for wanting to try to keep the rest of us healthy. Too late now, everyone else is sick and I'm probably next:laugh:

Thanks for everyone's input I do appreciate it, you helped me more than you could possibly know:kiss:

I don't think you were wrong and I hope I didn't make you feel that way, like you said it is much deeper than this one thing. You can see (AND LIVE IT I MIGHT ADD) the whole picture,we can't. Sounds like you have been a wonderful Step-Mom to him.

Wow...I would like to have you to be my stepmom :D You really sound like a wonderful person with a big heart.:)

The boys mom is so typical, and usually it's attitudes and behaviors like hers that make kids go wild or out of control. He's lucky he has you and his dad to turn to when things are too much for him to handle. I raised 6 sons, I know boys all to well, and have a soft spot for them.

WOW, 6 boys:eek:?! I'd probably be in the nut house by now if i had two more boys to worry about:laugh: You're a strong woman!!!!!!:thumbup:

It's just sucky that she's the way she is. It's been real hard on them, so they get cut a lot of slack here. They're good boys, for the most part, too, despite her bad example:laugh:

I don't think your being a bitch at all. I'm sure the kid would've understood. I remember when I was living at home, if sister was sick my mom would make me go stay at a friends house (when I get sick, I usually end up in the hospital so she wanted to avoid that). I never took it personally, I don't think anyone really would take it personally though.