Ladies! I need your womanly opinion!! Help!!
 

Tell me if this sounds right to you and give me your honest opinion woman to woman....

I work at a dentist's office and i usally get out around 9:00pm. Well it was 9:30pm and my fiance still hadnt come to pick me up. I called home and my son answered and said he hadnt came home or called. I asked him who was watching him and the two little ones and he said my fiance's sister. I said ok im going to get a ride home and i'll be home soon. I tried to call his job but it was already closed. Well i asked my friend to drive past the job to see if maybe he is there or at least for me to know he wasnt there..She agreed and we passed by..Nope...Closed and we headed for home..He wasnt there.His mother had came home and (FYI) we live in her house due to uncontrolled cicumstances...Ne ways...She asked where he was and i said i dont know he never picked me up or even called home to see who had the kids. She was shocked and i decided to start calling everyone cuz he is a very responsible person when it comes to picking me up and exspecially getting home in time to get the kids..I was getting scared cuz this is unlike him..I thought he might have gotten arrested or an accident? I didnt know what to expect?? I went upstairs and called a few of his buddies and nope, They didnt hear from him?? I found a number for his Co-worker (PORKCHOP) I dont know thats what they call him?? Anyways He answered and i apologized to him for calling late and told him (Carlos) Hadnt come home and i was very worried and he can tell in my voice i was near tears..(porkchop) said no he last seen him at work but he leaves earlier then him. He told me he might be with his other co-worker Bill and he gave me Bills #. I told him thankyou and he said he hopes everything is ok and i said me too..I tried to call up Bill but i kept getting voicemail..Then i checked the caller ID and noticed Bills #..Maybe Carlos tried to call so i checked the messages..It was Bill asking for Carlos "TIME" 7:40pm..So maybe he met up with bill?? I was really scared now. Cuz it was getting later and still no word..Then i heard his car roll into the driveway and the garage door open..He hesitated for a minute then lit up a ciggerete and leaned up against his hood. "Where were you"! He says "Man you wont beleive it" I asked again "Where were you"? Now this is were it gets interesting ok! "i was at the bar and you know my ex partner PORKCHOP right? Well it was his 21st birthday and i fell asleep in the bar." Why did i look at him and ask him "Tell me one more time where were you"? He kept on with his story.. I said so you were with Porkchop huh? So i call porkchop back and ask him "Can you answer me a question and be honest?" He said yeah sure..I ask "how old are you?" "He says 19yrs old" I said that's funny cuz Carlos just said he was with you at the bar for your 21st Birthday.. He says to me he is very sorry and i told him not to worry im sure he will hear all about it tommarrow..So of course i tell him that i just spoke to his friend and he tells me he doesnt know why he is saying that..He just keeps on with his story then has the nerve to say he doesnt even have Porkchops #.. So i show him the paper with his writing on it and he says "Thats not my handwriting" Do you know how much i wanted to slap him..To make the long story short he says his friend is lying and i threw the ring he gave me at him and i told him "Here! Give this to the BLEeP YOU WERE WITH since she was more important then picking me up from work and watching your kids!!" He just sat there with his head in his hands not saying anything??? Now the bumb fell asleep?? Whats going on here?? Any comments??

Oh Melanie,

I hate that you are going through this...But if he has to lie about who he was with, then he must have been doing something that he knows you wouldn't approve of. I won't go so far as to say he is definitely cheating, but there is some dishonesty going on there. Again girl, I hate that you are going through this! [SOME] Men are such pigs.

Oh darn it! This can't be good. He is obviously lying to you and why would he be lying unless he was doing something he didn't want you to know about. I'm not saying he was with another girl, but I sure am suspicious that he was. I feel so bad for you and hope you can get things straightened out. Darn men...they can get their ladie's upset and then they go to bed and sleep, while, if other ladies are like me...there's now way I could go to sleep! I hope you can get some rest tonight! Hugs to you! Best wishes!

Gosh I'm so sorry you have to go through this...you're handling it much better than if it were me in this situation. It really made me mad reading the things he said to you. He doesn't deserve you if he has to lie like that! I hope you feel better :hug:

Aww i'm sorry that happened to you..but if he is lying and can't even tell you the truth..you know something bad happened... at least that's what i would assume

Ahhhh...I feel so bad for you. Sending big hugs!

hi melanie....my name is joy..you dont know me but i came across your thread and figured i would give some advice. :) first off...i am soooo sorry this happened, i have been in this type of situation before and it sucks!!! it is very shady i think, plus the fact that he left you at work is just plain rude!! it is one thing to lie, one thing to continue to lie, but it is another to leave someone stranded. it is hard to give advice because i have no clue as to what kind of person he is......what kind of guy is he??? honest? trustworthy? sometimes it really depends on the person, more than the situation. i mean you guys are engaged and i am sure he is in love with you!!! is there someone he could have been with besides a girl? i mean obviously his friend wasnt lying, but maybe he was with another guy? i guess the best thing to do is get some sleep. talk to him in the morning, see if he gets defensive when you ask questions. if he gets defensive that is NO GOOD..... make sure you talk to him before he has a chance to talk to porkchop and get thier story straight. i am soory if this didnt help....i tried..hehe....i will pray for you and again i am soooo sorry you are going through this!!!!

How old are you both? chin up vent on here when you need there is always good advice from people.

Men suck. Do not just let him off. I would tell him that he better get rid of the little tart if he wants to keep his family. I always reminded my husband that we can be a happy little family & I prefer that, but I'm not going to be treated like dirt, & if he tries that crap He will be paying all his check to child support & alimony & live with his parents :) Now I'm on the if you thionk you'll get away w/what ever when the kids get out of the house, think again because alimony, half of everything including your retirement & what ever else I can get for as long as I can get, w/a couple sugar daddys on the side just to piss you off $$ Man I am a "B" But you cant be nice to me, they just suck & respond better to these types of horrible threats. Sorry this happened but make sure he is so scared, upset, uncomfortable....that he wont try it again.

Also I would make him go to the doctor or health dept for STD & HIV test & tell them he needs all the whore tests run. I know I'm crazy but it keeps my man terrified & in his recliner at all times. We have been together 15 years. Crazy B works in my world. I know your heart is broken though. I hope he gets a kidney stone, I love it when my husband gets them he cries & has to go to the doctor. I tell him its punishment for being a man. And when someone is acting really stupid I say you you you MAN & explain I think that is the worst thing you can call someone. Wow I am horrible. No wonder no one likes me. Oh well my yorkie adores me so what do I care:D

WOW. Well....Since his good friend is named 'Porkchop' you can give your boyfriend a new nickname too - "Totally FRIED" ..... cause that story was lame.

Sorry you caught him in a big one and hope you work it out.

That is a good one Villette...He is Totally FRIED. Men can be such pigs sometimes.

The fact that he didn't fess up AFTER you caught him in the lie tells me that whatever he was REALLY doing is FAR WORSE than the lie itself. Most guys I think would tell the truth after getting caught - but your fiance decided it was better to keep going on with the lie - a lie that wasn't even remotely believable. He has done something - and the fact that he wouldnt' look at you or say anything just says that he's guilty of something.

I've been through a LOT of crap with guys... too many stories to count.... so I have very little patience for men and their crap. If I were you, I would now be wondering what else he has lied to me about - what's been going on behind my back and for how long, etc. I don't trust liars. Now that he's lied to you once - wouldn't you be forever questioning him from now on? How do you get the trust back?

I hope that we've all read into your situation wrong for the sake of you and your kids - I hope that you two can work out whatever is going on in your relationship. Do what's best for you and your KIDS - those are your two top priorities.

Good luck and best wishes.

he was with someone else and he is a horrible liar maybe he didn't think you had the sense to figure it out or wouldn't try. maybe tale him next time he disappears! men suck sometimes at the very least they could be real "men " and be honest we at least deserve that!

Go Girl...
 

O.k.....I am laughing so hard that my side hurts! I have never been able to be that out-spoken!! Good for you.....love your train of thought!

Sorry about you loser man....he'll get his in time! Always comes back twice as bad!!!

I'm so sorry, I don't think I would believe him just yet, he's had sometime to think of an excuse and probably feels the strip joint one will do, it is one that is bad enough for him to lie about last night but not bad enough for you to not forgive him today.

Go with your heart, do you trust him? Can you work this out? Is he usually a great guy? Do you see a future? .....

You instinct will be your best guide

All the best! :)

I am so sorry this happened. Is this the first time in 3yrs his has done something this stupid? If so why don't you hear him out. Maybe he lied to you about the strip club because he did not know how you were going ti react to it. Some girls freak out that their guy would even go to that kind place. I am not tryng to defend him because he was wrong in what he did. BTW, he is not a very good lier. Good Luck!!!!

Im sorry this has happened.
A strip joint with his friend is better then him being off with another women.
Now how do you find out if this is the true story or one that he made up?
I hope you can get to the bottom of it. Good luck.

Wellllll.........when ya lay down with "Pork Chops" you get totally FRIED:laugh: Okay I couldn't resist:laugh:

Anyway, to the original poster, I'm sorry that you are going through this, I have BEEN there with my exhusband:mad: It's either another woman, or it's drugs, but he was somewhere he shouldn't have been that's for sure. The best advice that I can give you is this: NOW MAKE SURE YOU DON'T EVER EVER FORGET THIS, whether you're dealing with a man or a child (what an oxymoron THAT is:laugh:.


if you give an ultimatum (I'm gonna leave if it happens again, for example) be prepared to follow through on that. Don't ever say something and not follow through on it, or he'll never respect you and he'll do whatever he pleases.

Big hugs to you sister, stay strong!:big_hug:

Now you know why he didn't tell where he was. He thought you would get upset at the fact that he went to a strip club. I know that dishonesty cannot be forgiven but in this case, you should really talk it out with him. He obviously didn't cheat on you but he should have been honest about where he was going.

Guys are really dumb sometimes!

what friend what he at the strip club with? is there any way to confirm that. dont tell him this, but for example did he buy himself a drink at the strip club, could u maybe look at his credit card bill? you said you called all the friends he could have been with, so who was he with?
what was his excuse for not coming to get you?? gosh i am sooo sorry you are dealing with this!!! boys suck!!!

Yeah I agree that he might not have told you bc he was scared but it doesn't excuse him for leaving you stranded at work...that is the part that upsets me the most. Was he having sooo much fun that he couldn't just leave to pick you up at work? Sorry that you have to go through this...keep us updated!

Oh I never had to do that, its just my advice (the whore test)

But honestly you dont want the truth, it will only make things worse.I watch alot of Dr Phil so I know everything,lol. Just make sure you make sure he knows where he wants to be from now on & try to be happy again.

I learned from a lesson from my ex... careful what you look for because you just might find it. :( I always thought something was up and finally one day he left his email up and yep I found it.

Anyway, I don\'t know what\'s what and I\'m sorry. I do agree with LunasMomma, if you offer an ultimatum then follow through with it. I\'m not sure I buy the strip club excuse or not. To me it\'s not worth lying about, but again, I\'m not sure what your reaction would have been if he just came out to begin with about going there.

Sorry, hang in there. I would suggest though that if you are always going to have it in the back of your mind that something is up, then move on. It\'s not worth going day to day always questioning his every move and action.