Taking your husband's last name?
 

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years now and I am certain that he is "the one." I always assumed that I would take my husband's last name when I got married, I never really gave it a second thought. However, a few months ago one of my brothers told me that he thinks I shouldn't change my last name when I get married. I actually am considering keeping my own last name now. I talked about it with my boyfriend and he said he wouldn't have a problem with it at all. It really isn't an issue with him at all.

Since this has been on my mind, I have spoken about it with co-workers who are in a similar situation. Two of the women I have spoken to also said they would like to keep their last names, but their boyfriends flipped out when they brought it up. Their boyfriend's felt that it would be disrespectful to them if they didn't change their last names.

I just wanted to know what everyone else feels about this subject. Part of me would really like to take my boyfriend's last name, but part of me would like to keep my own. I am also considering hyphenating the two.

Have any married women on here kept their maiden names? Also, if any guys would like to respond, what are your thoughts and why? Thanks.

When I got married I never even thought about keeping my maiden name. I just thought that it was a tradition to take your husbands name. But I see that more and more women are keeping their maiden names. I think it would be completely up to you and your boyfriend.

I'm recently married. 1 1/2 years. At first i considered keeping my last name because my father had 3 girls and my maiden name would stop with us if we all changed our names. After giving it some thought I decided that marrying my husband meant I wanted to be with him and although he didn't tell me I couldn't he was extremely happy when I decided to take his last name. I decided to give our 1st son my fathers middle name to carry on a tradition. I say take the name it doesn't take away from who you are but if not... a great compromise would be to hyphenate the name. but it's what you feel comfortable with. Good Luck :p

Call me old fashioned if you want but I have to agree with your friends who say it would be disrespectful to your new husband. If he's good enough to marry why isn't the name good enough to use? I would never think of not taking my husband's name but if you feel you need to keep your name why not hyphenate?

Although...on a funny side note...I was best friends with the daughter of the preacher who married us...he was so used to calling me by my last name that that's how he introduced us at the end of the ceremony! I was shocked and several family members corrected him so he stuttered a little, got red faced and then corrected himself! Thank goodness he got it right on the marriage lisence!

Im getting married next month(feb 24) and I will be taking my fiances last name. Its part of marriage and that in my opinion is like the final bond between you. I also thought about when we have children and if I kept my name whos name would the child have? Its totally up to YOU and what you feel comfortable doing, but give it some thought.

yep i guess im old fashioned too i agree with taking the guys last name thats just the way its always been or if you'd like then hyphen it but in my opinion i wouldnt keep mine! But just my opinion!!! Its up to you and your boyfriend

you love him enuf to marry him .... sooooooooo JMO
 

Not changing your name is not a big deal. I think it's disrespectful to insist a woman change her whole identity if it means a lot to her - it should be a choice. Seriously, it's no big deal.

Someone called tonight and asked for me and then asked if my husband was Mr. MYlastname. He said no, this is Mr. HISlastname. (And laughed because it was obvious the sales person didn't know us.) Anyone who knows us knows our names and we just politely correct people who assume. We've actually found it helpful in many situations.

Please don't feel bad about wanting to keep your name. My husband's reaction was similar to your boyfriend's. Kind of like, well it would be nice but if that's what you want to do it's fine. He even corrects people for me and introduces me with my last name. I really like my name and almost 3 years later I'm still really happy I didn't change it. We are still just as married!

IMO, and only in my opinion, when two people get married they become one, just as it says in the bible...they become of one flesh..therefore I believe the woman should take the man's last name. I took my husbands last name. To me it showed that I was ready to begin my life with him as a part of him. I do believe my husband and I are one in every sense of the word. Granted, he is still a man and he still has his moments...what man doesn't? lol but we are truly one and we have four beautiful children to show for it.

I know a lot of couples who don't live their lives as one working together. They have separate checking accounts, separate monies, separate lives, everything...and maybe that works for them. But for me and my husband, this works for us. We share everything, we talk about everything MOST of the time we can work out our differences. There is no mine/his/hers in our house...it is all OURS (except with the yorkies LOL he has his and I have mine!)

Honestly, you need to decide what works for you and your boyfriend. It is a personal decision that you and he should make together and agree upon. Only you know what is best and what will work for you.

I took my husbands last name because it was very pretty paired with my first name:p I have to say though ,my maiden name was good too with my first name:p :p

UMMM Guess that wasn't to romantic or anything was it:rolleyes:

In many ways I wanted to keep my last name too, but I knew it would get confusing when we have kids. So I have hyphenated - that way I keep my last name but take his too. He was totally fine with it.

I have been married for 1 1/2 years now, and I could not agree more with this statement. My parents have 3 daughters, so there will be no one to carry on my maiden name, but I will be naming one of my children my maiden name to honor it. I did not give a second thought to changing my last name. When my husband and I married, like Willow said, we became one. One life, one bank account, one last name. We are now a family and our family name is my husband's last name.

I just recently got married in Sept. When I mention to my husband before we were married that I wanted to keep my maiden name because the name was going to end because everyone in the family were girls he freaked out on me. He pretty much said why get married if I was not going to take his name. He believed that when you get married you become one unit and that men are heads of the family and the women should take the family name. SO, I took my husband's name and found out I able to keep my maiden name also. On my SS card it reads my first name, middle, maiden, and married name, but everything else just reads my first and married.

There was never a question on taking my husband's name:D My parent's had two girls so no boy's to lead on with our last name, but as far as that argument goes...who get's to decide which last name the babies from the marriage use???

They let you have a joint bank account without having the same last name :D You can have all of those things and still keep your name. Or you can change your name and still have a really bad marriage. I think it is just one very small part and it is a choice. I don't think that people who changed their names made the wrong decision, I just think that they should have that choice. No one should feel pressured to change their name. If you want to change it, then do it. If you want to keep your name, then keep your name. I only feel bad when women say they loved their names but their husband insisted so they gave in.

I haven't had any problems with not changing mine, but I don't make a big deal about it either. If mail comes with the wrong name, I still know who it is for! I don't call the people and correct them. As long as you have a good attitude about it you will be fine!

I guess I'm a traditionalist. I never thought twice about it it's just what you do. I also have a brother, so carring on the legacy isn't up to me. Now I know quite a few people that changed their middle names to their maiden names, so that might be a option, if it's important.

I got married later in life and considered keeping my maiden name because I had it for a long time. My husband said it was up to me and he would be ok with my decision. I decided that I was starting a new lifestyle and wanted to honor him by taking his name. I'm glad I did. It felt kind of like I left my old lifestyle behind me when I took his name. Only problem is I'm Jean and he is John. Sometimes we get mail addressed to "J" and don't know who it is for. ha ha

I tend to agree with Erin that the whole name thing just doesn't seem like a big deal. We already have a joint bank account with our different last names (as Erin mentioned). And that works out great.

As for kids, they would definately take my husband's last name.

It isn't as though I am AGAINST taking his last name, but I don't see "tradition" as a good enough reason to change it. I am very thankful that my boyfriend will support me in whatever I choose. That is a big part of why I believe he is right for me. Personally, I don't think I could marry someone who questioned my love for him just because I wanted to keep my last name. To me, I can love him the same with my last name or with his.

But I can see both sides too. I came from a very traditional family. If I decide to keep my last name, I would be the only one in my family to have done so.

I guess I basically feel that if a woman wants to change her last name, then GREAT for her! But I also feel that if a woman doesn't want to, she shouldn't be looked down on.

I want to thank everyone for their responses. I am going to give this more thought before I make a decision. I definately agree with what most people have said: It is between my boyfriend and me. Things are different for any couple so they just have to find what works best for them. There is no right/wrong answer here! :)

Coming from a mom who has two children with the name... oh we'll just say "Peterson" And my last name being "Peulicke" I get a TON of looks and my daughter gets a ton of questions... It creats a Jerry Springer kind of look from people... I go to register her in school or in softball... they write her name down and they ask me my first name and automatically start filling in my last name and I have to correct them... thats when I get that" oh... its a "yo baby's daddy" kind of look... like they expect that my son is going to have a totally different name as well!

Truth is both of my children are from the same father... and I kept my madian name when I was married to him... and when I married my second hisband.. I kept my madian name... till I looked at the school emergency card and saw three last names... madian, daughters and husbands:eek: now we did look a bit Jerry Springer! So I finally took his name! And to this day... I get the looks when ever I take Kate to the doctors and have to give our names...

It sucks. Peulicke is a total mouth full and the first husbands name was NOT any better... my madian name was a BREEZE! But for the sake of my children and not having them have to tell a store everytime someone asks if I'm her step-mom.... I wish I could go back and take my first husbands name and keep it! I was just super young and super dumb. not to say that you are in any way... but boy was I.... your smart to be seriously weighing the choice!!!:thumbup:

I took my husband's name but know a couple of women who did not. As long as it is a mutual decision with you and your man -- I think whatever you want is the best for you! I think it is getting more prevalent to keep a maiden name nowadays. Just make sure you work out details ahead of time. If children, what name will they be given? I know a family that all the children use a hyphenation of both mom and dad's last names. It works for them but they get all hyper if anyone shortens and only uses one. So, work out about correcting the "sure to come" mistakes of someone using the wrong last name for you and/or kids. I think it is sort of nice for the women to keep at least something of their maiden names. And I can understand why professional women would want to maintain a consistent identity.
Good luck to you and yours -- whichever name you decide on -- together is the important part!

I am married and i haven't changed my name it's so hard for me i hate his family and they hate me but thats not really the reason i haven't changed it i like my name lol. I did give both of my son's his last name but as for me i might one day hyphen the two but for now i'm keeping it.My hubby does get mad sometimes and other times he doesn't care. he does get really upset when someone call him Mr and my last name lol

This is what I was going to say!

If/when I get married, my man is taking MY name :D

Seriously, if the name to be taken is the one that is the 'head' of the relationship, then it's mine for sure. I'm not a back-burner kind of chick.

I'm older and when we married I took my husband's name. It was he-- changing my ss card, driver's licence and nursing license. My brother married a spanish girl and she kept her name but their daughter carries his name. He laughed every time someone called him Mr. his wife's name. Now my daughter got married-had a daughter-got divorced. Then got married a second time-had another daughter-got divorced. Couldn't stand the thought of having to keep her second husband's name so she went to court to have it changed but didn't like my husband's name(her maiden name) so she took my maiden name. AND then got married again and is keeping the name she choose in court just in case. Wow that a mouth full.

LOL. I love that!

:thumbup: EXCELLENTLY put! My father married my step-mom two years ago - she kept her last name. I really don't understand it at all. I will not be keeping my last name when I do get married. I just think it's weird that a married couple could be "Sally Johnson and Brad Davis." I don't know... maybe it's a feminism thing that got the whole keep your last name thing started, but when you get married, you join together as one... with that, your last names should match. JMO.

I'm not even close to a "back-burner" kind of chic, but I still think taking your husbands last name is appropriate.

when I got married, I did not want to take on the new name but after some time changed my mind and did the whole hyphen thing. What a pain in the butt! So now, it's the hubb's last name only. I truly feel like a family now and will more so when the kids come. Hope that helps.

I got married almost two years ago and kept my maiden name.
I believe that the choice you make should be your own. If you don't think its a big deal to take his, then do it-- it will be a lot easier. But if you feel strongly about keeping your name I think you should do it. I personally don't understand with the concept that it is insulting to your new husband to not use his name.

no i didn't even think about it it's just a name