what to do
 

i have a very messed up family i guess. I am wanting to reslove some things with 2 ppl in particular but im like a kid to be honest and HATE confrontation. my dad that i thought was my real dad actually isnt....i found this out about a year ago after my step brother told my HUBBY at my grandpas funeral. Jeff told me. i now realize that maybe thats the reason why i had been treated the way i was but i dont know. My real dad is dead i guess. Died from Cancer about 2 yrs ago. and than my "dad" only comes around when something is needed for him. He makes me feel guilty and I always run down and take care of him. He was back from his job for 2 WEEKS and i didnt call or go down and i was trying to see how long it would take him to call me....2 days before he left for another year..he called and said better come down today or sat as im leaving sunday and thats it...no coming in here, no saying hi to my kids...nothing so i DIDNT..i didnt go running down there,, he really hurt my feelings. mind you i HAVE NOT told him that i know about him adopting me. so he didnt call on Christmas, hasnt called atall. SHould I make the first move or see how long it takes him?

second question:
my mother.. i use the term very loosly, LEFT me when i was 7.. i went to "dads" for the weekend come home and she was gone. no bye, hugs nothing. i couldnt find her for years. after 22years my grandfather passed away and jeff and I went up there for the funeral in wisconsin...first words out of her mouth was "airlines lost my baggage". no hello, no how you been, nothing and i was just mortified that she had no remorse at all for what she did. nothing! I stayed away from her knowing that if i didnt i would probably beat the holy crap out of here and considering the circamstances and respect i have for my grandmother i didnt say anything. I have alot of issues in my life and my husband seems to think i need to talk to the ppl in person and tell them exactly how i feel... i personally dont think itll do much good considering ill still feel like crap.

alot of things i do in my life i stem from my childhood. when me and jeff have problems i try to run to avoid confortation. THats why alot of times i dont asnwer pms or dont answer at all. call me a kid or whatever you want but my "dad" is a bad alcoholic and i went thru some stuff that no kid should ever have to experience. anyways do you think i should "rock the boat" or just let it be and be my messed up self for ever??? :( :(

sorry so long.....im trying to make a gret year for 2007 and think i really need to get some things out in the open. I consider you all my friends and i hope you feel the same.

Kristy...I'm not going to go into a lot of detail here but...if you think you should make the first move then you should. Have you considered that maybe the people you have such hard feelings for may feel just as awkward as you about speaking up? What if no one ever does? Life is too short to play games with your emotions...if you know your Dad is around...call him!

As for your Mom...maybe those were her first words because she was nervous and didn't know what else to say? Don't always take things so personal...keep an open mind, consider how or what other people might be feeling and do what you feel is the right thing to do.

I know how much baggage a person can carry from their child hood. We were foster parents for years and believe me...I've seen and heard just about everything a person can do to a child...physically and emotionally! I also know that my kids didn't get over, past or through things without the help of a good counselor and it was amazing to see the transformation some of them went through.

Good luck with your family...sometimes all it takes is for someone to make a tiny gesture and everything else falls into place...but someone has to be first. I hope it isn't too late for you all to work things out.

Call me the bad guy ,but I will say it anyways. You use excuses of lifes ups and downs to justify what you have done to others here at YT. I for one have sympathy for people that do others wrong.And I think others are starting to see the light also.

Kristy...perhaps you at a turning point in your life and you are beginning to realize that at some point you have to accept that we all make concious decisions to either be happy nor not. No matter what crap you were dealt in childhood, you are now an adult and it is more than time to put this behind you and take responsibilities for all your actions from this point forward. You can never change what happened and no one can ever make it right, but you can choose to learn and move on or stay stuck in a cycle of blame/guilt/shame. It might be a good time to seek out a therapist to further put things into perspective. Please don't waste any more of your life worrying about your past. Make your future what you want it to be!! May 2007 be the year for you......

Great post! :thumbup:

I would suggest Robin McGraws book Inside My Heart, her childhood wasn't perfect either and she gives great advice about choices.

Next, I don't think confronting anyone is going to help the situations at all. You need to talk with a therapist that can help you deal with all those feelings and emotions and put them in the proper perspective.

Yep, Jodi that was a wonderful post!

Kristy lots of people have had not so great childhoods, but that is over and now you are grown up and have a child(ren). It is now up to you to be the responsible adult and to do what you have to be happy with yourself. Either speak to these people and clear the air, or decide to put them in your past, but either way your own family you have now comes first and you being happy with the person you are goes a long way to helping your family be happy. There are free counseling places out there....find them and be the person YOU want to be. YT is a wonderful place and there are many caring people here that will listen, but I think for your situation right now, the internet is not going to be your best source of help!

2007 is a new year, I hope it is a great one for you Kristy!!

I Agree with Luvmysissy.

There is only so long you can use your child hood as an excuse for your poor decisions.

As she said there comes a time when we have to make a conscious decision about our own lives.

Even if you had the worst parents in the world and they were terrible role models, you are an adult now, look around you, see how other people do things, choose some good role models.

Growing up doesn't just happen, we have to make that decision, and then when you are confronted with an issue, ask your self, "what would so and so do?"

The fact that you are asking here, shows that you do value other peoples opinions, and you are trying to do things right.

As for confronting the other people. That is up to you, if it will make you feel better than go ahead, but if you don't believe it will make any difference then why put yourself through it.


I believe in you, but you need to believe in yourself.

I don't believe that therapists are always they best answer. sometimes they might help, but you have to realize it is in the therapists best interest to make sure you continue to have issues, at least until the money runs out.

Most of the time, if you thought you had issues before, wait 'til a therapist gets through with you, and you're sure to have issues. (JMO)

Personally I feel that finding a good mentor, someone you respect and admire, could be more beneficial than a paid therapist.

There may be some theapists like that out there, but I doubt it's the norm, I know it wasn't for me. I will always suggest counseling from a professional...it's good to get problems in the open and to be taught how to deal with them. It's been many years since I sought help, but some of the tools I was given still help me with things today.

I'm sorry for your horrible childhood. I'm sure that a good portion of us had a less-than-wonderful one too, myself included. I decided long ago that to continue giving "those people" any mental energy or emotion was to allow them to continue to abuse and neglect me. I have had no therapy, though frankly I could probably use it. Making sure my children know that they are loved and valued IS my therapy, and it's what keeps me from dwelling in the past hurts.

If you feel that it's necessary to confront your "mother" and "father", then doing it in writing may be your best bet. That way, you can "say" what you want without interruption or getting too upset or angry to get it all out. Write them long letters, take a few days to do it so you get everything on them that you want to say. Then print them out and re-read. Mail them if you want, but I find that just the act of typing it all out and then printing it, then ripping it up, is very cathartic for me;) I've written many letters that no one saw but me:laugh:

My point is, it's up to YOU now. Yes, they were bad to you and yes, you deserved better. It's up to you to make your life better and it sounds like you'd be better off without those toxic people in it.

HUGS!!:love:

i agree with everyone else
i think you should forget about the past & think about the future .....

'JeanieK'
There is only so long you can use your child hood as an excuse for your poor decisions.

i agree with this 100%

Wow...
 

unless you have walked in someone's shoes......you have NO idea what they have faced......:rolleyes:


I say, move forward Kristy, and do not look back.:thumbup:

whatever. I've read enough of this over the past few days.


Kristy, I agree that happiness is a "choice". Don't wait one minute longer to make the best decision of your life. Your future is in YOUR hands.

I like that!
 

Very positive post.....good job!!!:thumbup:

I agree with the others that say that maybe seeing a counseller might help you deal with some of the things from your past. I am one of those that believe it to be best to try to keep toxic people out of your life whether they are family or not. If they have not changed then letting them hurt you over and over will only do more damage. You need to stop letting them abuse you and take control of your life and your actions.

I also think that you need to respond to the PMs from the members here that might feel you have done them wrong, it is something you need to face and deal with. Avoiding them is not the answer, I'm sure they want closure from you as you would like from your parents. Posting this kind of thread is going to upset some members as they feel you are trying to blame others for your wrong doings here.

It seems you are thinking about your life and how to fix whats wrong in it, thats a great start. Take it slow...... you need to handle and resolve the issues in your life one at a time instead of running from them or take on too many all at once. Maybe you can start with YT, we seem to be a forgiving bunch.

I say speaking off of experience TELL YOUR MOM AND DAD EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL and after you do that squash it don't talk about it again because all that will happen is fights.. Tell them how you feel get it all out of your system and then move on.. If they try to interupt you while your talking tell them to let you finish and finish saying everything then listen to what they have to say if you want to then walk away, because emotions will be flying high.. But I do know you CANNOT hold it in it has to come out and you will feel better once you let it all out to them. BELIEVE me it will feel like a weight has lifted off your shoulders... I'm around the same age as you so I know what your going through but I DO NOT let it drag me down for crap.. Imagine watching your mom doing drugs right in front of you and even over dosing once with a needle sticking out of her arm..

I always look at it this way there are always other people out there in a worser postion then you are or were... You have to get over it I did a looooooooooooong time ago.

Kristi please read this
 

So well said :thumbup: :thumbup:

I'm sorry, well actually no,Im not sorry for my true feelings, she gets peoples money and alot don't get their things.Then always right after doing so she makes these poor me post,I will never fall for it again.I have had my share of woes in life trust me.It doesn't give anyone a right to mislead others!! And take their hard earned money. You all can keep on believing I choose to see the truth.

Jess... you've got me in tears now!

That was an amazing post! And can be applied to so many peoples lives! Thank you so much for putting it out there!

lol
 

I would never walk in the same shoes. You have my word on that one.

Wow Jessy I am in tears with your post too. You go girl!

Thanks Kathryn (see you never know) ;)

Jessy, you are one amazing woman! You have my deepest respect, and if I were ever fortunate enough to meet you in person I would give you the biggest hug imaginable. What a truly lovely person you are........:love-hug3
I'm just sorry my reply had to be on this thread........

Oh, what a sweety! Thank you :)

Jess -- what a strong young woman you are. Thank you for sharing your story! You are an exemplementary example of how we should live our lives. You will never know how many lives you have touched and how many of us you have inspired to "be better people". You are absolutely right -- we all have "bad stuff" in our history -- and that we cannot change -- the important thing is what we do with it..... You have chosen to make lemonaide out of lemons and because of that you are one very blessed young woman!

Yes, I am very blessed (God has been so good to me)..........thank you for your words :)

Oh Jessy....I didn't know and what an awesome post - if more people were like you... this world would be a better place. I've gotten to know you a little on the personal side and know you're someone I Really like ....but afer that - I totally ADMIRE and respect the woman you are - even more so because of how you changed your life.....GOOD FOR YOU !

and hugs - I'm so sorry growing up was such a sad experience - childhood should never be like that :(

and Kristy....I know we talked about this but running from people on here just isn't right - and your childhood should never come into play with this site - especially when you sell....

just a reminder - if someone is selling HERE on this site - communication is key and ignoring them just makes it harder on the other people who sell. IF everyone did that no one would trust anyone. You can turn things around if you try.