Think before you speak...

[Jenn218]

Think before you speak...

Here are seven reasons why you should think before you speak - Have you
ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words
back...or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back My husband
didn't say a word...he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the
store. He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing
with men's balls."

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and
passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter
asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day,my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be
punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma
that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with
my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when
the door closed behind me,were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I
was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands.
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old
daughter, she was clean.
Then realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No".
I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't
have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny,are you SURE you didn't
have an accident?"
"No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time,
"Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked
down his pants,bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S
JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he
calmly pulled up his pants and sat down An old couple made me feel
better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

SIXTH TESTIMONY
For several years I went thru a phase of keeping candy at work. I would go to Walmart or the grocery store and buy a big box of mints, life savers or suckers and take them to work. I really liked the large round suckers with the gum in the middle. Late for work one morning, I realized I had no suckers. I whipped into a 7-11, ran in side and breathlessly ask they had any blow "jobs", instead of blow pops. . The two men at the counter looked at me and just died laughing. I have never been back there again.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that,
the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the
weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they
were laughing so hard!

[jnguyen115]

haha all of those were hilarious! Thanks for the laugh!