In light of the AUBURN/ALABAMA game this weekend...
 

Here's a cute joke.

A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Auburn/ Alabama game. As he sits
down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to
him. "No," he says, "the seat is empty."

"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have
a seat like this for the Auburn/Alabama game, the biggest sporting event
in the world, and not use it?"

He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come
with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Auburn/Alabama game
we haven't been to together since we got married in 1987."

"Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible! But couldn't you find
someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the
seat?".

The man shakes his head. "No, they're all at her funeral."

Oh, you've done it now...
 

Two Auburn fans were walking through the woods, one looks at the other and says, "Darn it, I'm cutting down the next Christmas tree we come to, lights or no lights!"

*And BTW, I will NOT be even here for the game!--I'll be watching it, of course, but won't be back in town until next weekend. :()

Oh now that is bad

Yeah, I know...the corny jokes are THICK around here this week.:rolleyes: Rebecca understands how it is...

Q: Why do Bama graduates keep their diplomas in the windshield of their pickups?

A: So they can park in handicapped spaces.

Did you hear about the 8 Auburn fans that drown in the pickup truck?

After it hit the water, nobody could get the tailgait down to get out.

ok. So I am not an Alabama or Auburn fan. FSU since the day I was born! HOWEVER, Alabama sure got one more person rooting for their team and watching them play on Saturdays because I sure like me some Jon Parker Wilson! WOOHOO! everytime that helmet comes off and he shakes that hair...ok...got to stop before i get carried away

Application for University of Alabama Pulp-Truck Alumni Association

We have all encountered the many individuals throughout the great state of Alabama who consider themselves die-hard Alabama fans despite the fact that, not only have they never enrolled in classes there, they probably couldn't even find "Tuscaloser." These misguided individuals, known as "Pulpwood Alumni," are under the impression that Alabama the school, and Alabama the state, are the same thing. Of course the University of Alabama welcomes them with open arms, since, after all, they tend to mirror the student body itself.

But, fair is fair, and these fans must be subject to the same stringent academic standards as all other UA students, so the University of Alabama has implemented the following application in an effort to weed out those individuals who are not exceptionally qualified to wear the cherished "Crimson and Polyester."


-------------------------------------------------------------------
APPLICATION FOR UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA PULP-TRUCK ALUMNI ASSOCIATION

Name: _____________________________
Nickname: _________________________
CB Handle: ________________________
Address: (RFD #): _________________

Daddy (If unknown, list 3 suspects): ________________
Mamma: ______________________

Neck Shade: __Light Red __Medium Red __Dark Red
Number of teeth exposed in full grin: Upper:___ Lower:___

Name of pickup owned: ____________ Height of truck: ______
Truck equipped with:
__Gun Rack __4-Wheel Drive __Big Dog
__Cassette Deck __8-Track Tape __Load of Wood
__Hijacker Shocks __Radar Detector __Mag Wheels
__Dual CB Antennas __Spittoon (this category includes old
Red White and Blue beer cans)
__Camper Top __Air Horns __Mud Flaps
__Toothpick Holder __Mud-Grip Tires __Raccoon Hide
__Sheepskin Seat Covers

Number of empty beer cans in pickup bed: ____
Depth of permanent mud on sides of pickup: ____

Bumper stickers on truck:
__"Eat more Possum"
__"My other car is a piece of junk, too"
__"Honk if you love Jesus"
__"If you ain't a cowboy, you ain't nothin'"
__"Jesse Helms for President"
__"Redman Chewing Tobacco"
__"The day they take my gun away is the day they pry it from
my cold dead fingers"

Define the following (must be 90% correct):
1. Grits
2. Goobers (either the nut or the TV character)
3. Pintos (either the bean or the car)
4. Collards
5. Sidemeat
6. Sawmill Gravy
7. Turnip Salad
8. Redeye Gravy
9. Soppin' Syrup
10. Poke
11. Cobbler
12. Fatback
13. Tote
14. Chickin' Fry
15. Chitlins
16. Tater
17. Pig Skins
18. Cheetah (either the animal or the Alabama football program)
19. Okrie
20. "Shonuf"

Favorite Vocalist:
__Reba __Dolly __Conway __Loretta __Porter __Hank, Sr.
__Hank, Jr. __Willie Nelson __Ray Wylie Hubbard __Randy Travis
__Tammy Wynette __Slim Whitman __George Jones __Box Car Willie

Favorite Recreation:
__Square Dancin ' __Possum Huntin' __Skinny Dippin'
__Craw Daddin' __Gospel Singin' __4-Wheelin'
__Drankin' __Spittin' Backy __Bull Chip Throwin'
__Honky Tonkin' __Noodlin' __Otherin'

Name of son(s):
__Jim Bob __Billy Bob __Bob Bob __LeeRoy __J.D. __Bubba
Name of Daughter(s):
__Pammy Sue __Violet __Paulette __Dolly __Daisy __Bubba

Weapons Owned:
__Deer Rifle __Sawed-off Shotgun __Varmint Rifle
__Tire Iron __Chain Saw __Motorcycle Chain
__Pick Handle __Hick'ry Switch __Rotwieler
__Broken Beer Bottle (long neck)

Number of Dogs: ___
Type of Dog(s): __Blue Tick __Beagle __Black & Tan __Bird Dawg

Cap Emblem:
__John Deere __McCulloch Chain Saws __Bud
__VA-Tech __Skoal __Coors
__NAPA __Dale Earnhardt #3 __Richard Petty #43
__Hooters Restaurants - "More than a mouthful"
__"Smile if you're not wearin' underwear"
__"Keep the South beautiful -- Put a Yankee on a bus"

Number of Dependents: Legal:____ Claimed:____

Number of weeks unemployed:____ (if you can't count that high,
use number of years)

Number of Welfare checks received:____

Memberships:
__NRA __Moose __PTL Club __700 Club
__AAA __AA __Bass __Bill Dance Fan Club
__John Birch Society __any militia group

Length of: Right Leg:____ Left Leg:____

Does your truck contain some part painted the official alumni
association color of primer red? __Yes __No (Check only one)

How many vehicles do you have up on blocks in your front yard? ___

How many kitchen appliances do you have (or are you willing to have)
on your front porch? ___

Do you ever plan to install indoor plumbing in your house (or do you
see this as an unnecessary luxury)? ___Yes ___No

Will you (or do you now) wear mostly double-knit polyester pants
with snags? ___Yes ___No

Do you own shoes? ___Yes ___No If yes, how many (odd number
OK)? ___

Are you married to any of the following:
___Sister ___Cousin ___Sow
What is her name (if known)? ________________ (You may write an "X",
if that's how she signs her name)
Does your wife weigh more than your pickup truck? ___Yes ___No

Can you sign your name and get the spelling right every time?
___Yes ___No ___Not Sure

Can you count past ten without removing your shoes (assuming you're
wearing shoes)? ___Yes ___No ___Ten is too high

Do you know any words that have more than four letters?
___Yes ___No If yes, list it:____________

Have you ever had more than one bath per week? ___Yes ___No
If yes, what was the occasion? _______________

Medical Information:
Do you have at least two of the following:
__B.O. __Head Lice __Rabies __Trench Mouth __Runny Nose
__Bad Breath __Teeth

------------------------- End of Application --------------------------

Note that if your application is turned down by the University of Alabama,
you may be eligible to apply to the University of Arkansas, as their
standards are slightly lower. However, you would still be eligible to
visit Tuscaloosa (if you can find it).
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

What's the difference between Auburn and Cheerios?

One belongs in a Bowl and one doesn't!

Q: What do Alabama fans and maggots have in common?

A: They both live off dead bear.

Q: How do you compliment an Auburn fan?

A: Nice tooth.

I have GOT to join in!!!!


What's the difference between an Auburn fan and a puppy?

A puppy will eventually stop whining!

And another:

One day 3 guys died and went to heaven, and before they could go in St. Peter asked them their IQ. The 1st guy said "My IQ is 220", and St. Peter said he should go to where Einstein and Newton were. The 2nd guy said his IQ was 120, and St Peter told him he was normal and to go on in and mingle.St Peter asks the third guy his IQ, and the guy said "35"; St. Peter looked and him said "War Eagle"

I know!!! Perfect ending to my day:)

Who said we were ending?!

After Bear Bryant dies and enters the Pearly Gates, God takes him on a tour. He shows Bear a little two-bedroom house with a faded Alabama banner hanging from the front porch. "This is your house, coach," God says happily. "Most people don't get their own houses up here." says.
Bear looks at the house, then turns around and looks at the one sitting on top of the hill. It's a huge, beautiful two-story mansion with white marble columns and little patios under all the windows. Auburn flags line both sides of the sidewalk and a huge Auburn banner hangs between the marble columns.
"Thanks for the house, God," Bear says. "But let me ask you a question. I get this little two-bedroom house with a faded banner and Shug gets a mansion with Auburn banners and AU flags flying all over the place. Why is that?"
God looks at him seriously for a moment, then says, "Bear, that's not Shug's house. That's mine."

Q: How do you starve an Auburn Fan?
A: Hide the food stamps under the soap.

You're probably an Alabama fan if ...
... You can play the Alabama fight song using your armpit.
... Your wife's idea of cleaning house is throwing everything out into the yard.
... The Roto-Rooter man stops by your trailer and asks, "What's that smell?"
... You're a member of the Skoal Frequent Purchaser Program.
... You looked up your family tree and your uncle spit on you.
... You joined Alcoholics Anonymous so you can drink and use a different name.
... You looked out for #1 and stepped in #2 !!!
... You won't buy a Japanese car because you're afraid you won't understand what they say on the radio.
... Your kids go to a private school and they won't tell you where it is.
... Your Granny beats you in the tobacky spittin' contests.

A few more....
 

Two innebriated Auburn fans are walking along a railroad track. One says, "Darn! These stairs are killin' me!" The other says, "It's ain't the stairs I can't stand, it's the low handrails!"

Q: What does the average Auburn student get on his SAT's?
A: Drool.

Q: How do you know if an Auburn fan has a girlfriend?
A: There's tobacco spit on both sides of the truck.

Q: What are the longest 3 years of an Auburn student's life?
A: His freshman year.

SO FUNNY! I almost just posted that SAME thing the other way around! Great minds think alike!

It was the first day of Grade Three in a new town for Johnny. As a test, his teacher went around the room and asked each of the students to count to 50. Some did very well, counting as high as 30 or 40 with just a few mistakes. Others couldn't get past 20. Johnny, however, did extremely well; he counted past 50, right up to 100 without any mistakes.
He was so excited that he ran home and told his Dad how well he had done. His Dad nodded and told him, "That's because you are from Auburn, son."

The next day, in language class, the teacher asked the students to recite the alphabet. It's Grade Three, so most could make it half way through without much trouble. Some made it to S or T, but Johnny rattled off the alphabet perfectly right to the end. That evening, Johnny once again bragged to his Dad about his prowess in his new school. His Dad, knowingly, explained to him, "That's because you are from Auburn, son."

The next day, after Physical Education, the boys were taking showers. Johnny noted that, compared to the other boys in his grade, he seemed overly "well endowed". This confused him. That night he told his Dad. "Dad, they all have little tiny ones, but mine is ten times bigger than theirs. Is that because I'm from Auburn?" he asked.

"No, son," explained his Dad, "That's because you're 18."

Q: Where was OJ headed in the white Bronco?

A: To Tuscaloosa...he knew the police would never look for a Heisman Trophy winner there!

A man walks into a store says to the clerk, "I'd like a pair of red shoes, a white shirt, a pair of red pants, and a pair of white shoes." The clerk looks at him and shakes his head saying, "You must be an Alabama fan!" The man proclaims with pride, "How could you tell, was it the color scheme!" The clerk looks at him and says "No, this is a hardware store."

A guy went to Tuscaloosa and picked up one of those new Mercedes. He was testing it out in the parking lot, turned on the radio and nothing happened. Furious, he demanded to see the sales manager, and told him "When I buy a $50,000 car I expect the dang radio to work." The sales manager explained to him that the radio had been programmed to his voice and all he had to do was tell the radio what he wanted to hear. He got back into the car and said "Country music," and old Willie Nelson started singing. "Rock and roll," he exclaimed, and immediately Elvis started crooning. "Easy listening," he remarked, and all at once it sounded like he was in an elevator. He was relaxed, driving up I-59 to Birmingham, and listening to smooth sounds. Then a pickup truck with two good ole boys almost ran him off the road. "Stupid rednecks!" he screamed. The radio immediately blurted out, "TOUCHdooooooooown AllaBAAAAAAAmaaa!!!!"

Rebecca and Misty.......thank you for the laugh this afternoon! Here's hoping for a great game and that Bama kicks some Aubbie butt!!! I gotta head out and won't be back on line til Monday. You guys have a great week-end and remember, Bama Rules and Aubbie Drools!!!!



Two boys are playing football in Big Springs Park when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy rips off a board of a nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck. A reporter from the Huntsville Times, who was strolling by
sees the incident, and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Bama Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook. "But I'm not a Bama fan," the little hero replied.
"Sorry, since we are in North Alabama I just assumed you were." said the reporter, "What team do you root for?" "I'm an Auburn fan." the child said. The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little Redneck B@%&*rd Kills Beloved Family Pet."

An Alabama fan walks into a travel agancy in response to an ad about free river cruises. As the man described why he was there to the lady behind the desk, the woman hit a button, two men spring up behind the guy, beat him up, take his wallet , stuff him into a sack, and throw him out back into the river. A few moments later another Alabama fan walks in and also begins to speak when the woman hits the same button. The two men spring out, beat him up, stuff him in a sack, steal his wallet, and throw him out back into the river. A few miles down river the two Alabama fans catch up to one another and the second fan says, "I wonder if they serve dinner on this cruise?" The first fan replies,"They didn't last year."

That was good for a laugh...enjoy the game you guys...I will be watching from sunny Orlando. I'm off to Disney....bye!:wavey:

OH MY! Hope you have the BEST time!!!!!!!!!!! BYE! :D