Kitty -- sounds like you are doing the right thing! He will learn and some day he will thank you for loving him enough to be tough on him when he needed it. I am so glad to hear you went and picked him up. No matter the attitude he is showing on the outside, I bet deep in his heart he is so thankful that you cared enough to do that! Being a mom can be pretty tough some days -- but one hug can wipe away alot of strife!

Best of luck to you and don't think you have to do this all alone. Reach out when you need to -- whether it is someone at church (pastor, counselor, elder, youth leader, friend), a professional counselor, a school teacher or counselor, a respected family member or friend, even online forums for ideas and moral support. I was a divorced parent for a lot of years before I met my forever husband. It was not easy and I would never have made it without a hand every now and then. Take care, Kitty!

Very good keep it up, and if he still continues to answer you back. Send him to his room, minus TV, video games etc. for an hr. or so, and tell him when you act nice to me , I will give back your priviliges to watch tv etc. You see he will change...

Gina

Kitty, I'm probably going to get in trouble here, but I feel like I need to share this. I raised my 2 boys alone for 10 years. I divorced their father when my youngest was 3. My boys used to get angry with me because I didn't let them have their way. Their favorite threat was going to live with their Dad ( who didn't want them) The last time they pulled that, I packed them up and handed them the phone and told the oldest to call him. Their Dad told them they couldn't come and they thought they could use that to "guilt" me. Well, taking things away didn't work and neither did time out. I switched to spankings and that worked. I'm NOT talking about beating, I'm talking about swats on their behinds and it worked. I remarried when my oldest was 16 and my youngest was 12.

The youngest had learning disabilities which my husband and I constantly struggled with. They were good boys, and never had problems with the law or anything but did get mouthy at times.

On the day my oldest turned 18, he told me that he was going somewhere with others that I didn't approve of and I told him he couldn't go. He informed me that he was 18 and could do as he pleased. (He was still a senior in high school, was nearly 6 ft tall and weighed 200 lbs. I am 5'3") Well, I told him that as long as he lived under my roof and I fed him, he'd do as I said. He said some really hard things to me and I lost it. We were standing by the fireplace and before I knew it, I had jumped up on the hearth and cold-cocked him right in the face. I'm not talking a little slap, I'm talking drew my fist and nearly knocked him out! When he got up, he went into his room and didn't come out until late that night after my husband came in from work. He didn't speak to me for several days, but he did as I said.

A couple of weeks later he came to me and apologized for getting in my face. He told me that he appreciated me and the way I had raised him and knew I had his best interests at heart. I never had another minute's trouble with him and he graduated and went to college. He became a cop and later came to me and told me that at that particular time he had needed to know that I meant business.\

I know things are difficult for you right now, and I apologize for this long post, but you need to consider corporal punishment.

I have used corparal punishment on him.......it doesn't work. All it does is get me in trouble with DHS. He goes to school and tells them that I hit him and DHS investigates me for child abuse everytime. I am risking losing my other kids because of it. My ex-husband (father of my youngest 2 kids) has threatened that the next time DHS investigates me he is taking them. With 13 investigations in the past 2 years I think he might be able to get them.

One day when I was around 15, I got into an argument with my Mom, I was so angry that I pushed her and punch her several times I felt powerful and that nobody could mess with me. Of course my little sisters stopped me and my Mom and I didn't talk for a couple of days, then a few days later my Mom tells me, lets go for a ride, I agreed and she took me to a place where sorta of boot camp where you are lock you up and there are psychologist and all kids of behavorial profesionals and also they teach you all kinds of things from crafts to cooking, I hated my Mom even more, I wa about to graduate from Junior didn't want to miss my party and I didn't think I needed to be there. I didn't see her for 2 months, everybodie's mom's would go to visit them on sundays, but my Mom. It was hard for me because I thought my Mom didn't love me at first, but after I while I startes to realize what she had done to me. She didn't put up with my poop and by taking me to that place she was teaching me to appreciate her more and with the help pf the psychologist I understood how bad I had been to my Mom. When she came to see me I was crying and sobbing asking for her forgiveness. Yes, I had to repeat my last year in school, but I didn't care. I will always thank my Mom for making that drastic desicion, that I'm sure it wasn't easy for her, but It help us to fixed the mother-daughter relationship that we were losing.
I will regret punching my Mom for the rest of my life, that is something that I should had never done. And neither the psychologist or my mom are going to take away that guilty feelling away from me, no mat ter, you just don't do that to your Mother, never.

Hey Kitty, keep up the good work. I hate the DSHS bullcrude, that makes it hard for a parent to do their job when kid abuses the system. (Unless of couse it's a real DSHS situation). Anyway, hang in there, be strong. But remember, that at the end of the day to tell him you love him.

I hope you guys work things out. I'm guessing sitting him down and trying to talk to him about things. Asking him what's up and how can you help is out of the question? does he truly understand the consequences of calling DSHS? Will your ex sit down with you on a united front to talk to your son?

My ex that is his father isn't any where to be found. My oldest 2 are from my first marriage and he gave up all rights to the boys and dissappeared off the face of the earth. My youngest 2 are my 2nd husbands and he hasn't seen them or talked to them since our divorce 3yrs ago. He has talked to me (or should I say cursed at me) since our divorce and everytime DHS is called to investigate, they send him a letter informing him. The last time we talked he told me he was going to take the kids from me the next time. It's not that he wants the kids, he just wants to make my life hell. He is abusive and controlling. I've tried talking to my son but all he wants to do is yell at me then cry. I wish I knew how to make it easier for him. All I want is for him to be happy and it's killing me that he's not. I feel like a part of me is dead over this situation. I know things will eventually get better I just wish it was sooner than later.

:ghug:

Just for the record
 

A lot of our Texas boys have a major attitude. It's something in our water. I lived through it with my own son and my grandson is now developing "the mouth of the South".

I'll bet all of you Northerners didn't know that we laugh at ourselves down here, did you? If we didn't laugh, we'd have to cry.

Seriously, I pray that the situation will improve with your son. They sure can drive us crazy, but they are ours and we are in it for the long haul. Soooomeday, they will appreciate it. I really do believe that.

God bless you all and try to survive the Holidays without too many expectations. It seems like the holidays bring out the worst in families sometimes.

Thanks! Things are getting better here. He still has an attitude but I think he knows I mean business.

Kitty you have really had some bad times lately, bless your heart...If I can give you some advice about your son, I would tell you that the next time he does something bad like hit you or his brothers, let him go live with your dad for awhile...I raised my two, boy & girl from the time they were 4&5 by myself, and I wish that I had let my dad or another male influence help me with my son...He is 20 now and is doing okay, but I know deep down inside he missed having his dad around...They really need a male to look up to or be scared of at this time, I hate to say this but at 11 your just at the beginning...Your in my prayers and thoughts and I am here for you....:)