i need advice from all you ladies out there well hi, normally i wouldnt be talking about my personal life on a yorkie website.. but im here all day so i thought that since you are like family and friends.. i might as well talk about this with someone! i dont really have many girl friends...so i havent really gotten much feedback from any of my guy friends ..all they have to say is..."dude..stop being a girl" lol anyways.... heres my problem my boyfriend phil and i have been together for about 2 years now. he is a chiropractor and i work in the office with him .. we also live in apartments RIGHT beside each other. we have an amazing relationship. we hardly ever fight..we share the same beliefs on everything..our families get along...basically everything that you would want in a relationship.. we have. he truly is my best friend. EXCEPT... neither one of us had ever said i love you. secretly inside we knew that we did love each other..but i think it just became this little "thing" that we didnt want to say it first..almost like a competition. finally the other night after it just kept eating me away... i got up in the middle of the night and wrote this looong letter, letting him know that he needed to tell me if he loved me or not.. so that we could make decisions... and when i wake up he has flowers and is waiting to tell me he loves me and that hes sorry... so now at least i know he loves me!... but.... i am basically his wife... i cook ..clean...do laundry...manage both of our bank accounts...pay both of our bills etc... but for some reason... i dont think marriage is anywhere near his mind! (the other day i suggested a joint savings account.. and he flipped at the thought of putting our money in the same account...even when i take care of his everyday...i even have his bank card for pete's sake) am i making life to comfortable for him? im ready to get married... to him... and we always talk about our life in the future...but hes never said... we are going to get married... and its tearing me apart. does anybody have any words of wisdom? |
WOW...that sounds too good to be true - on HIS end - I would gradually let him start taking over some of the things you do - he won't even realize it and the pressure would be off you - it's not fair for you to do all of that...and believe me - it'll get really old...maybe not tommorrow - but one day it will. and start being verbal - those 3 words (I love you) carry alot of punch. You sound happy so maybe just make gradual changes and get that balance going - things won't last if they're that one sided. I just went from having 2 people doing equal parts - to only me now doing everything .....and it's very stressing sometimes - |
WOW... I don't know what to say, except, don't rush. Things seems so perfect, right? And it took you both 2 years to get to the "I love you" stage, just relax and enjoy, when the time is right for you both, things will happen. I would give it sometime to sink in first...:) |
Hi there! First I would like to let you know that YT has a sister forum 4WomanTalk... it is just getting off the ground so there aren't as many members as YT...I'm not sure but, I think most of the members on WT are on YT as well...you may want to post this there...you may get more responses. Well...MO...you just finally got him to say those 3 words...I wouldn't push for more at this time...Maybe you could talk to him about moving in together...Honestly, I wouldn't want to open a joint account with anyone...this could be a bad move on both your parts.. I hope everything works out for you..Hang in there!! Good things come to those who wait! |
wow you sound just like my b/f he wants the same things you want and im like well whats the rush....now i know how he feels.. you need to sit and talk to him really, two years is kind of a long time.... ya see ive already been there and done that so im just breezing along, but i know i really have to make up my mind real soon... maybe he is scared of a real commitment. you need to talk as soon as you can so this wont eat you up any longer.. u |
My sister has been through this 3 times and is on her 4th... She has a five year limit... marry me within five years or hit the road... WELL the first 3 times she was in relationships that all seemed to be heading toward marrage. All three guyus said they wanted to get married... but never took the plunge. She broke up with all three after 5 years.... now she is living with # 4 and she is getting older and wants to be married but had decided that they have a good thing and will not rock the boat over getting married. Some guys are just not into marrage... Maybe your guy is just takin his time and maybe not. I guess you will have to decide what is most important to you! I wouldn't push right now cause he just said I love you...See what happens. In the mean time I wouldn't act married till I was... Make him do his own bills!!!;) |
I belive you have to figure out what you want. I believe that some women find themselves doing everything for their man and eventually they take over their life as their own. I am not saying this to be mean-but you only live once. You have to make yourself happy. It seems you both love each other but is he willing to take the next step with you. I have been married and i belive seperate accounts is great. I wouldnt let that bother you. I would just follow your heart and main thing is to be happy. |
I think you should say it first! With my boyfriend I was going to let him say it first, but one day I just blurted it out. He was happy, and told me that he loves me too. I realized I loved him awhile before I said it, but I couldnt hold it in any longer. Good luck! |
well..just a thought...i will say get married..you ask first and keep on living next door as husband and wife! there is nothing wrong in that if you guys are happy now and maybe if you bring up marriage but living next to each other, it will make him happy too so its a win-win for both of you! :D i know it sounds weird but..hey..if it works beautifully for both of you, why not? |
Quote:
Wow 5 years. If a guy doen't know after 6 months if he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, time to move on. They know, and if they aren't saying anyything, then what they know is that they don't want to spend the rest of their life with you but since nothing better has come along, you'll do until it does. What they also know is that you do want to get married so it's not like they're afraid to ask because they're afraid of rejection. They aren't asking because they don't plan to spend their life with you, they just plan to keep you until somoen better comes along. My suggestion, stop acting like his wife. no cooking, no cleaning, no laundry, and no bill payaing. And some time out with the girls. |
Quote:
I would say 6months is kinda early. 6mos you still are learning so much about eachother. |
:thumbdown I think you are his housekeeper/accountant.... not his GIRLFRIEND:rolleyes: You have really set yourself up to me his new Mommy. If you don't throw his responsibilities back in his own lap then you will be forever doomed to be a surrogate Mommy. Like V said....It might seem cute(and even powerful )now to be doing for him but it grows old down the road being MOMMY. By the way.. Big whip... flowers. I guess that was cheaper for him then a new maid |
you propose to him??? there is nothing so wrong with that! If you are happy, just be happy but go for it and ask..... Keep Us Posted and GOOD LUCK! d |
I'm in no way a relationship expert but given the fact that you guys have recently starting to say "I love you" after two years, I would say give it a bit more time then have that talk that all men dread. Just be upfront and tell him how you feel about your relationship, marriage and ask him what his feelings are about marriage and whether or not he sees marriage as a potential. The only reason why I say to wait is so that he doesn't feel overwhelmed and backed into a corner since you spent two years without mentioning those 3 little words. I mean yeah, it's true that in the end "I love you" are just words and you two show each other that you love each other everyday without those words but for some guys it's a major step to even utter those words aloud. for example, my guy is an idiot. I started having conversations about marriage and after about a week, he said "the only reason that I would get married or engaged right now would be because you forced me to" and after almost 4 years of being together, that statement just about killed me. but afterwards, i realized that i gave him no choice because i backed him into a corner and he felt like he had no where to go. although, he could be the type of guy that needs assurances (fear of rejection or relationship going downhill if he does something drastic) before he does anything so that he knows your on the same wavelength. if that's the case, test the waters first. who knows maybe when you bring it up he'll be more secure and finally pop the question. My friend likes to watch "A wedding story" on TLC (I think) when her byfriend is around and say things like "oh, isn't her dress gorgeous " or "would you like something like that for your wedding?" her boyfriend usually gets the hint. as for you doing everything for him, i would suggest gradually shifting all his responsibilities back to him otherwise, he's just going to take you for granted. he needs to know that you stay and you do things for him because you love him and not because it's your job or that you have no other options. once he realizes that you're not willing to stick around forever because you're not happy with the situation, he should turn around and appreciate all the things you do for him. It is so true when the say that people want what they can't have. I always tell my friends do not settle for less than what you deserve. sorry for the long reply but I hope this helps! GOOD LUCK! |
Don't worry about posting your personal problems here - many of us have done it at one point! Now, onto your problem.. if you don't mind my asking, how old are the two of you? I wouldn't come right out and say that you're ready to get married. Start talking to him about the IDEA of marriage and what his thoughts on it are. Ask him how he's always pictured it playing out in his life and how long he thinks is an appropriate time to be dating first. In these situations I think communication is key. Best of luck to you! |
All times are GMT -8. The time now is 06:24 PM. |
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright ©2003 - 2018 YorkieTalk.com
Privacy Policy - Terms of Use