I've been here!!
 

I just ended my relationship a little over a month ago with a "man" similar to this. You keep holding out hope that things will change. You spend all of this time investing your heart and soul into the relationship hoping that it will turn into a real future. And it never will. You simply can't change someone. His relationship with his mother is that way because he wants it to be that way.

As for the mother, women like her are despicable. My best friend's boyfriend (who may be your boyfriend's long lost twin) has a single mother as well. And let me tell you, she has turned him into her husband. Which is what it kind of sounds like your bf's mom has done to him.

Save yourself any further heartache and walk away. You deserve to be with a man that you have a promising future with.

Don't wait around for any man thinking it's going to get better cause hunny it's not gonna. Go put oyur time and energy into something better!!

Well Said
 

I couldn't of said it better myself, if he can't stand up to his Mum now, maybe he never will, if you put up with it, there is no reason or insentive for him to change. Listen to your head (Not your heart) and act on what it is telling you. Honesty maybe hard at times, but not 1/2 as hard as living with a wrong desicion, and the unhappiness and regret that can go with it. Be honest with yourself, you owe yourself that. YOU are worth MORE than this. :)

Thank you guys so much. At least I stopped feeling a so guilty about being upset. It is not just with me either, it is with his father the woman always has an emergency that prevents him from participating in his fathers life as well. The way she sees it Dad and I are the enemies. She jumps at every chance she can to bad mouth us, convince Brian we are manipulating him, etc. Then she puts on this caring front.

Oh the best part is today she let me know that the problem with me is that my mother set a horribly bad example for me by being a stay at home mom, not making me wear hand me downs (which she has no idea if that is true), etc and so I think I am the center of the universe. Additionally, apparently if I were an adult I would realize that no one could really hurt another persons feelings and so having hurt feelings was a sign that I was not worth her sons time. I just find the situation odd, and if it makes them happy fine, I just have a hard time feeling like I am so horrible when I have major life stuff happening and I need support and that is not okay, yet it is okay for them to belittle, name call, basically abandon people, and be jealous of a dog (and yes I know we do not think they are just dogs).

And he is an Aries not a Cancer.

And yes Irishhawk his mom has made him basically her husband. She even thinks she should know and advise about intimate details of our relationship and call me to deal with my problems with him instead of him dealing with them. If it is not her they send the attack sister...It is just really hurtful.

Ok, I am going to take up for the boyfriend. I think it is the mother's fault. She is alone and has probably manipulated him for his entire life. She has guilt tripped him into being her little pet monkey, and that is sickening. He doesn't know any better and has been raised to feel like he is all she's got. Not that I know them or anything (ha ha), but I would assume that the divorce was bitter and she used him as leverage anytime she could with the Dad, seeing as how she still does and he is 25 YEARS OLD! She is playing him like a fiddle and she needs to get a life!!! Get out while you can. Maybe you can enlighten him at somepoint if you decide to try to be his friend. They both need to see a therapist.

After you pass the bar, you will be the hottest single lawyer in town and maybe you can be her next exhusband's divorce attorney! Wouldn't that be sweet revenge ;)

You seem like an intelligent, independent and strong young lady. You DON'T need a wimpy, momma's boy to weigh you down. I think you will be much better off without him. In the end, you'll find someone who values you the way you deserve to be valued, but he will always be a loser who clings to his mommy for dear life. I would hate to be the woman he marries.:eek:

You need to drop him like a bad habit!!!! Men don't change.

Mama's boy .... steer clear .... it can only get worse ... I saw it happen to my girlfriend and her guy was in his 50s .... Jeeeez!

It sound to me that mommy is 100% manipulating him....steer clear of men with mothers like that...they are horrible and will try and ruin your life...he obviously not a strong enough man to stand up to his mother and take your side...and that is someone you don;t want to be with....good luck with your bar results...lose this guy...there are so many more men out there that are worth your time and will care about YOU and will put YOU first...

run as fast as you can!!!!1

Run....because it will only get worse.

It is I think time to move on...This is just a bit hard for me. For the past three years of this relationship I have held out a lot of hope, because I genuinely love this person. For the past three years I have forgiven him for: abandoning me when I need him most, for breaking up with me at nearly every significant time in my life (day of law school graduation, my birthday, numerous other times), for putting me behind every other person and thing in his life, for refusing to accept responsibility for himself, for thinking about no one but himself (except for maybe mommy), for taking advantage of me financially, for putting me down, etc.

I have always thought if I was just a little better, if I just did a little more for him and proved myself, I even was considering going on Jenny Craig because his mother did and he cannot stop talking about how gorgeous she is and I am no where near fat like her (not that there is anything wrong with it). I realize now I will never be good enough for him to care about. However, it is hard to think about not having him around at all, even worse to think about being totally alone especially since all my friends are married or almost there, and it is just another thing that stresses me out right now.

Really I am at a loss for what to do...Thank you all so much for letting me vent!

I know how it feels to have all of your friends be married or engaged or having kids, but don't let that cause you to make a huge mistake in your life. You deserve someone who cares about YOU for YOU, the way Bruce does :D Trust me, they are out there ;) You will NOT be alone forever. I always had this huge fear of never getting married or having kids, of dying alone or living alone forever. I had a fear of being that family member that everyone tries to set up with men, but you know what? It comes when you least expect it, and poof the fear is gone. Plus you need some time to really evaluate what you want out of life and out of a man. I think this will be so good for you Allison. I really do. Call me if you girl talk venting :D You are doing the right thing for yourself.

Hon, it's never easy to end a relationship...especially one that's been long term. Even if it's not a healthy relationship, you still get used to having that person in your life.
But as everyone said, it's not going to get better.
You do deserve better in your life, sweetie.

The decision is ultimately yours...we're just giving you our opinions, but picture yourself 5 years from now if this situation doesn't change. You will more than likely still be feeling the sadness you are feeling right now because he's not giving you what you need in this relationship.

You sound like a lovely woman who deserves to be respected, loved for who she is, treated like a queen and really just adored by the man in her life. Let me tell you there ARE some wonderful men out there who would love to have a relationship with someone like you.

It sounds like your self esteem has taken a beating with this guy. If this were a healthy relationship, this wouldn't have happened.

It is difficult...there is no question about that. And it will hurt. But time will tell you that you made the right decision. You will start feeling better about yourself and you won't have this ever present sadness in your life.