Men... GRRRRRRR!!! Gosh I'm so ticked off and it's tooooo late to call anyone so I guess I'll gripe her. So, Adam and I have been living together for almost 3 yrs now. We are not engaged but were happily a couple. Today, I opened his bank statement (I thought it was from our joint acct) and I saw that he's been going to a bar and not telling me. (I'm sure to some of you this is sending pretty dumb so far but hear me out.) Anyways, he knows (and has KNOWN) that I have an issue w/either of us going to bars/club w/out the other and it's been okay. If he does need/want to go (work function) that's fine but I like to be in the know. Well, I guess a few times in the past couple months he's been going w/guys AND girls from work (after work). The couple times I noticed he got home later (I usually get home after him) I questioned it, and he said he had a late meeting. Do I think he's cheating? NO. But he DID lie about going and this PISSES me offf!!! He says I'm overreacting and that everyone "white" lies but to me, this is more then a white lie. He's bringing up (IMO) white lies that I've told like, "Yeah I took Bella" (after she's peed on the floor). I don't think these are the same. I'm confused, mad, angry and hurt. Am I overreacting?!?!?! :confused: :( :confused: |
That was full of grammatical errors. Sorry. I'm just really ticked off right now. |
I dont think your over reacting at all, I would be very pissed off also! |
honesty is important |
I would be very angry & upset too. That would make me question more things about him & the trust wouldn't be 100% anymore. It would make me wonder why he couldn't just tell me he was going. I hope everything works out for you!:) |
I think first off why is it a problem for him to go to the bar by himself with friends? My fiance' goes out on a rare occassion with friends and it's no big deal. Having said that I would have a HUGE problem with him lying about it. I am not really sure what to say but I will say that if he is lying that isn't good because A.) He feels like he can't tell you or B.) he has something to hide or C.) He is a man and doesn't think that much and to him it's no big deal. I would sit down and talk about the situation and compromise, but let him know that him lying doesn't make you happy. Sorry you are going through this I am sure you two can work it out. Please don't take my post as being harsh. |
I honestly feel that... what is good for him to do, is good for you to do. If you "both" have an "agreement" that you do NOT go to the club/bar without each other, Then that should be honored. And the dishonesty part, I would be terribly Angry over it! :mad: :thumbdown Some couples do not mind the other going out w/ them... But every couple is different. Myself, My Husband and I both will not go to places as such with out the other! We are like Best friends and do not feel the desire to do otherwise. But others feel the need to go out w/ Just their friends... and as long as it is upfront and honest and agreed... That is Great too... if this is the case.. it does NOT mean you are not "Best Friends".. It just proves that we are all different and we all have our own thoughts, feelings and perspectives on all things including relationships. :) |
why do men have to hide things from us? I was told they hide little "white lies" because we tend to over react! why do we over react? I guess it's the fact that IMO I dont feel my husband should be at a bar, why cant they go somewhere else to hang out with there "friends"? Why do they HAVE to go to a bar? Why cant they go hang out at a coffee shop. or why cant the friend come to his house and drink beer there? I just dont get the hole bar thing. Yes, I guess if your single and looking to hook up, then maybe a bar is the place, but it's not a good idea for a married man to go to a bar IMO |
I absolutely agree with GeorgiesMomma. If it was no big deal, why couldn't he just call you up and tell you he was going to a bar with a few co-workers? The fact that he felt he needed to lie to you about it sends off the red flags. I am NOT saying he was necessarily doing anything wrong, that is for YOU, and only YOU to decide. I am just troubled by the fact that he thinks it is no big deal to lie to you. You have every right to be upset. |
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I would be mad too. First of all he felt like he had to lie to you??(why) Second of all... I truely feel that a bar is nothing but a pick up place. Bars are for single men and women or ok if couple goes together. I would ask him how he felt if the tables were turned. He may not be doing anything wrong, but I feel if you go to these places enough alone and there are all kinds of other people there looking for someone,,,, eventually things go bad and people cant control themselves. Just my thought. Hope you get it all worked out. Stand strong and dont give in. LOL |
Lies between a couple are NEVER a good thing...and a 'white' lie is a lie..just sugar coated..I hate that term.. Dawn |
I think it healthy that he does his thing and you do yours but I do think that you should tell each other what you will be doing. Not necc in every detail but to some extent because as a couple, you both have the right to know. Let him know that you are upset about the situation but add in that you are happy that he goes out with his friends but that he should tell you about it instead of lying. |
I think Honesty is important in a relationship |
I agree I would be so pissed. a lie is a lie whether it be "white" or not. There would be hell to pay in my boyfriends and I's relationship if I found out he lied to me. He knows this and we've been together for nearly two years now (and living together pretty much the entire time.) With us, He doesn't want to go anywhere without me... and I don't mind it. My time is at work and the time I have to myself before he gets home from work. JMO.... But Not only does his lieing about his whereabouts show a lack of honesty, his going out without letting you know is disrespectful. Now keep this in mind.... He may feel he has to answer to you... this should not be the case, you should simply tell him that "No, you would just like to know where he's going and that's it." |
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