devoted to Lucy!
 

I got out of a very bad first marriage and met my second husband a couple of years later. He had never been married and had no children. I had 2 boys. We dated 7 years before we got married. Not lived together, dated! I wanted to be absolutely certain of what I was getting into the second time around. The entire time we dated, and the entire time we were married before his death, we talked about any and everything. He didn't have a good relationship with his parents and I am very family oriented. We were always considerate of each other. My parents have now been married nearly 55 years and he told me he wanted what they have. I believe you should behave after you're married the way you did before you married. Just because you win someone's hand in marriage doesn't mean you get to keep it forever. You both have to work for it and want it.

We've been together for 25 years and I can honestly say that we don't fight...no, we're not in denial...we just don't fight, it's not worth it. I don't know that we really have any secrets but here are a few things that work for us.
1. Never go to bed mad, calmly discuss the issue at hand and get over it.
2. Respect each other's opinions, thoughts, hopes and dreams.
3. Take interest in the other's hobbies and have mutual hobbies you share.
4. Learn the art of compromise.
5. Don't react to things...stop, think and act upon them.
6. Help each other around the house.
7. Spend quality time together but make sure you always live in a house with 2 bathrooms.
8. If he snores too loud just go sleep on the couch without waking him up...that's part of the art of compromise.
9. Whoever has the checkbook is the boss...my husband hasn't written a check in years! ;)
10. Don't be selfish with your time...make sure you have enough for each other but when times are lean because of work or something like that be patient and look forward to the time you will have together again, you'll appreciate it more.
This is probably the most important thing to remember. Love changes over time...it's not always the googly eyed, in heat, kissy face kind of love you feel when you're a teenager. Over time love deepens, it grows into appreciation, trust, faith, friendship, respect, security, contentment and so much more. If you feel your love changing don't run or feel like things are coming to an end...it's just the next stage and you should welcome it with an open heart...and...if you do it all correctly you just might end up with that googly eyed, in heat, kissy face kind of love it all started with!

The answer is simple. Lots of laughter, and a lot of respect for each other. We have had 20 great years together.

devoted to Lucy!
 

You hit the nail on the head!

This thread makes me soo happy. Im not married..probably far from it but I love seeing love like you guys have. Each and every one of yall should consider yourself very very lucky :D

:thumbup: I agree! I've enjoyed reading everyone's postings this morning. They've made me smile and take a moment to reflect on my own marriage and just how much I adore my husband! He is my best friend, my biggest supporter and the person most likely to drive me insane!

For us I think that we have always felt that communication was best tool to have in your marriage skill kit but over the years we've modified that to also include mutual respect. Hubby and I are 100% complete opposites and our communication styles could not be anymore different from each other.

I am a person ruled by passion. I "think" through my heart and because I come from a background where any signs of emotion is a weakness, I've always believed I was a little looney. Hubby comes from a background with a lack of family intimacies and getting in touch with his own emotions is EXTREMELY difficult for him but he is the man you go to for any logical answer. We learned early on that we do not complete each other - but that his strengths are my weakness and vice-versa. We have a great partnership and really do respect each other for who we are.

There isn't a week that goes by that we don't fight. And I JUMP up and down when I fight with him. He makes me CRAZY. Things seem so simple to me and it makes me so frustrated that he can't see things my way! When I finally figure out a way to get him to understand and he says, "OH - why didn't you say so in the 1st place" - OH I COULD STRANGLE HIM!

He puts up with my animals, my art, my inability to cook - or honestly keep a tidy house and every crazy harebrained idea that enters my head. Someone recently asked him how he could live with me and 5 dogs and I was so proud of him when he looked them square in the eye and said, "because I trust Jule's judgement". (it was his mother!)

I love my guy with every breath that I take. When I met him 20 years ago he had bleach blond hair, glittering green eyes, a wicked tan and a sense for adventure that was infectious. Well he'll hit 40 next March and his hair is starting to grey and the only tan he has now is more of a burn around the back of his neck and on his nose from sitting at too many soccer games for our kids which is about as adventurous as things get now.... but those eyes still get me every time!

I met him in a bar at happy hour and married him in Las Vegas - and I'd do it all again in a heartbeat because he gets it that its not the destination but the journey along the way that's important!

Sorry for the long ramble!


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God blessed us with our 50th wedding anniversary this past May, we can contribute our many happy years to many factors, the most important being when God is head of the house hold and our lives, it makes the difference. It has for us.
I think far too many problems in a marriage stem from being materialistic. Many couples get so in debt that they are too busy trying to get caught up and instead keep falling behind with still wanting this and that, and before they know it are caught up in another vicious cirlcle of working longer hours, sometimes taking on a second job and then what happens is so many loose track of the meaning of marriage being two in love to cherish honor and love forever. I believe another important factor is recognizing we are each individuals and our thoughts may differ but to respect each's own choices and be there to be supportive to one another. Most of all our Faith in the Lord, life is not easy and there are many many trials and hard times but seeking his will in our life and leaning on him each and every day helps us to get through the rough spots and makes them smoother. The saying, the retirement years are the golden years, I have yet to hear one of our friends say this, we hear it a lot from younger folks but the truth of the matter is the younger years are the Golden ones, take time to enjoy them and one another. Wishing anyone that is going through a difficult marriage that it will work itself out. Our belief is that it takes three to make a marriage work.
Patti and Jack

:thumbup: :thumbup:

Sorry, I just had to chime in on this post! My husband and I have only been married two months, but originally met each other when we were like 10 and 20. We had a solid friendhsip first, that included a ton of fun. Although we did not connect until 13 years later, our marriage/relationship is filled with fun! We love to laugh and still litteraly chase each other around the house and get into tickle fights. We also unconditionally love each other and allow the other person to be themselves. Hope that helps!

marriage
 

Lots of things have kept me married 42 years in Dec...mainly I trusted God's judgement to find the right person for me...how could I know what type husband I would want 42 yrs later?? I am not the same person I was a 20.

I think if you are looking for a life partner, they should be an addition to your life..NOT your life. Work on being happy with yourself, then look for a companion. Too many people expect marriage to provide everything they are missing or want...not fair to heap that job on anyone.

I went into marriage "expecting" very little..."hoping" for some measure of happiness and possibly a family...I got everything and more...

Wow! What a great thread - and great posts!

I have been married to my hubby for almost 14 years. But I really don't know any "secrets". We have had our ups and downs, but we have great families, great communciation with each other and just plain respect for each other. We have pretty much the same interests and just about the same thoughts and feelings about certain things. I think we get along so well because we just really enjoy spending time with each other and having each other around. Course, he doesn't like shopping, etc. but those are good mother/daughter days out. Plus, I have always been a giver (not a receiver) - meaning, I would rather give than receive and I love to cater to everyone else. So, with that, that means, I don't get upset if I don't get a dozen roses for my birthday - yes, it would be nice and there have been occassions where I was surprised - but I like the other things....like him getting something for us to all share and enjoy. With that said......that helps because I don't get upset over that sort of thing......we are both pretty laid back and mellow people and it takes something extreme to upset one of us.

So my advice:
Show interest in each others likes....and their dislikes
Don't make each other feel guilty about something forgotten, etc.
Show respect, kindness and love.....always
Talk...you are friends too, not just husband/wife
Enjoy and appreciate the time you have together AND the time you spend away from each other.
Don't get in the same old routine/rut......if you are there, try something new (okay, not talking about anything dirty - I know how some of you are)
Have fun with each other...hold hands, flirt with each other across the room, make each other feel the way you did when you first met!

Thanks for all the thoughts and advice....very good stuff here!

Me and my hubby have been together for 28 years I have 4 sisters and 5 brothers and all are still married to their teenage sweet hearts and their all in their 50's or more. but two out of ten of us. So massriage can last. we really dont have any secrets just treat them the way you want to be treated.