Originally Posted by Meg

Okay, I am not a vet, and even though this is probably going to be long, I am no pro either! We totally have our share of issues:rolleyes: -- but I do have a great marriage and a great husband! We took 2 marriage classes before getting married, over 4 years ago. And I was in a not so great relationship before my husband that I learned a lot from-

Here are a few things we learned and try to live by-


* Don't say one thing when you mean another and make them guess what you really want. Say what you mean.

*Compliment on even the little things (it feels good to be appreciated).

*Let the other person have emotional freedom--don't tell them how they should be feeling.

*Don't expect the other person to make you happy all the time. You choose to be happy!

*Take on hobbies and common interests together, so you have things you truly enjoy doing as a couple. -We have taken up kayaking, road triping and dog training so far. We have shows we like together too, like FRIENDS, LOST ect that we get excited to watch together.

*Let yourself laugh-- it isn't fun to be around someone who is negative and/or angry all the time.

*Spend quality time together--weekly dates, dinners, traditions, ect. When we were first dating we started to have our own Christmas on the Christmas Eve Eve that is dedicated to a romantic dinner and small gift exchange just between us. We have even signed my mom up for babysitting duty when we have kiddos. I want that to be our Christmas forever!!

*When it is possible, fall asleep together, no TV, so you fall asleep talking to each other, it is amazing the conversations people miss when they don't fall asleep together.

*Spoil each other

*If you want a better husband, BE a better wife! Or vice versa... If you want a better wife BE a better husband.

I could keep going, my marriage teacher rocked!!


The other thing I thought was REALLY interesting is that there are three "types of people" when it comes to showing affection.

1-Physical (not in a sexual way)--holding hands, patting back, rubbing leg, kissing forhead ect..
2-Verbal-- Saying I love you, telling them how you feel, talking about it ect...
3-Doing things-- Small gifts, favorite meals, cleaning for them, ect...

Some people think that they are not being told they are loved because they expect the person to do it the way they do it.

For example I am totally a "doing thing" person while my hubby is "physical" person. I am not one to hold hands, but I will give little gifts, treats, and cards to him. He didn't see that was how I was showing him that I loved him. All he saw was that I didn't want to hold hands all the time. When we heard this, it totally clicked for us!! We were like "Oh!!!"

Now we can both see that the other person is showing love and affection and we both work on being more what the other person is, because that is how they "feel" it.

WOAH!! I wrote a newsletter!! Sorry!

Originally Posted by Meg

We always say our marriage in like a railroad, you just have to keep building the dang thing to keep the train going. It is an ongoing job and it can be hard. It isn't like once you are married you magically have a marriage, it is like signing up for a never ending job that you get to work on forever. (But the railroad is well worth it, becuase of all the "great places you get to go" and the "things you get to experience").

Originally Posted by J_is_my_initial

Hubby and I have been married 23 1/2 years, and my advice is do not be afraid to argue. So many people argue and give up, it is healthy to argue. Once my dtr thought we would get divorced like her friends. I told her we would argue til the day one of us died then they would come back as a ghost to argue with the survivor.
We do not agree on anything but the biggest of things, Like dtr's name, but we love each other.

Originally Posted by chattiesmom

If both parties in a marriage have the mind set that marriage is permanent take seriously the "Till death do us part" and the "What God hath joined together let no man put asunder" then there would be far fewer divorces.

When divorce becomes an option, it becomes an easy solution.

Originally Posted by Nikko's_human

I would like to know from those of you fortunate enough to have healthy, long-lasting marriages, what is your secret? My co-worker was talking to me about her daughter who just got married this May. She already wants a divorce!!:eek: She has lived with this man for 10 years and has 2 children from him but decided just this year to officially tie the knot. Apparently, now since they got married he has stopped helping her around the house, refuses to help with the kids and stays out. He was never this way until they got married. While I understand her anger, is this really reason enough to divorce after only 3 months? My husband and I have only been together for 2 years and in that short time we have had our share of stress and hard times. But I have found that in these times we actually come closer together and support each other. I truly feel that some young people nowadays just don't want to put in the hard work and dedication that it takes to make a marriage work. I would love to hear from the veterans out here in YT. What are your thoughts on what makes a marriage work?