Thinking I should just elope!!!!
 

My wedding is 4 weeks from today. I have my soon to be MIL inviting people after the fact we finalized the guest list and already sent out invitations. My mom informed me that if my MIL keeps doing this and we go over the amount of 60-65 people for food, then my in laws need to pay for the additional plates. I told my fiance this and he said that was wrong because the brides family is suppose to pay for the wedding. I said true, but my parents are paying for everything from the cermony to the reception, plus the wedding is at parent's home in their backyard. It looks like we are not even going to have a rehearsal dinner because I know his parents will not pay for it, and parents will not pay for either (I don't blame them either). My fiance and I cannot afford to pay the rehearsal dinner, because all our spare money paid for DJ, invitations, his tux, misc gifts for my mom/sis/groom's men, and the honeymoon. I just think that his parents should at least offer to help out. Besides all that, I have one groom's men that still has not went and got his tux get. I am starting to think my fiance was right about eloping.

JMHO

I think too much time and money is spent on weddings. Its a lifetime you are creating, not just a party.

thats just my opinion though !:D

That is so old fashioned for them to think that the bride's family should pay for the wedding. I can't believe they haven't at least offered to pay for anything! I'd be livid if I were you... I would probably also say something to my MIL though, I tend to speak my mind...

I agree - it's one thing to put some money into the day to make it a fun, memorable event for everyone, but some people put themselves into debt for that 'perfect' wedding. It's just one day - I'm not saying it's 'just another day' but what about saving that money to plan for a great future together... I don't know, I'm not married so what the heck do I know about it! lol

i also think that the more the wedding is, the bigger the letdown when its over.

its like wow we just spent such and such thousands of dollars and whoa look what we coulda got for that money. Or with a perfect wedding it sets expectations too high.

Just me.

Your wedding is a celebration of your love and commitment, It should be nothing less, nothing more.

when i first got married, well before that, my x told me my parents should pay.. i told him to take a walk, they dont have that kind of money.
we had 300 at my wedding.. anyway, mom paid for my dress. this, that and plenty more.. believe me... shes the best... we both paid for our whole wedding,, if we want to get married, than i said to him we both will pay..
i think both of you should do the same thing...dont have what you cant afford... dont fight over it either.... im glad my parents didnt pay for my wedding cause im now divorced and would of felt terrible..
good luck
i say elope if its gonna cause problems..123 your married, then have a party

It totally agree with you, that's why our wedding is at my mom's and just friends and close family (no distant relatives, or ones we don't know). The the last I checked my mom/dad and I have on spent way under $5000 (our budget), that includes wedding attire, two tents, dj, food cater, beer/wine, soda, flowers (fake my mom made all the arrangements), and misc extras my mom/dad wanted (stuff for the backyard, which they just used the wedding as reason to buy it). Hick my sister is making my cake for me, which saved a whole lot of money. I feel that those girls that spend tens of thousands of dollars on a wedding are crazy. Anyways our ceremony part is only like 15 minutes, our goal was just to have a really nice party to celebrate. My parents friends are helping out also on some stuff as a wedding present to us.

your right
 

Your parents are paying so your inlaws are not allowed to invite unless your parents say so there is a book in davids btidals on who pays for what your inlaw should be paying for dj rehersal dinner and honymoon if I remember right check it out

Tell your MIL she can't do thatttt!!!!! WHAT? Perhaps you shouldn't worry though. Who would go to a wedding if they did not receive an inviation from the couple?
I had a nontraditional wedding with 50 people, which was supposed to be easier on me to plan with classes going on, but I wish we had just eloped. I mean my wedding day was the happiest day of my life, but the previous 4 months were the most stressful and miserable!!!! I'd say just grab your hubby-to-be, go to a romantic Carribean beach, elope and keep your money in your pocket. Just my opinion. That's what I wish we had done.
Or, at least try to do whatever is going to please you since IT IS YOUR DAY!!! That includes calling up your MIL and saying "why are you doing this to me?" or "Please stop inviting people we do not desire to see at our wedding."
Good luck though. It all works out in the end... somehow.

I asked her stop inviting people that my fiance and I do not know and whom are not part of our lives, but she got mad me. Oh well, I am not going to worry about her feeling right now, because this is not about her it is about me and my fiance and what we want.

My fiance wanted to elope, but when we told my parents that we were just thing about going to the Bahamas or somewhere to get married, my dad got this disappointing look on face. I felt that he really wanted to see me in a pretty dress and give me way since I am is oldest daughter and the last one to get married. I could not hurt my dad, so my fiance agreed with me and my mom on a small, backyard wedding. My fiance family was also included in this desicion and they still did not offer to help with the cost. My fiance and I have help pay for stuff when we can, heck I even paid for my on bridal pictures.

I know that look so well!!!! I am an only child, so I got that from parents AND grandparents. Actually my mom gave me the look and flat out told me that she wanted to see me get married even if that's the last thing she does.
I hear your pain. Best of luck with everything!!!!

I think every girl has gotten that look one time or another from there parents and/or grandparents.

This exact thing happened to a friend I work with. She told her daughter that she was paying for "X" amount of dinners and if the inlaws wanted to invite extra they had to pay for it themselves....and they did. They were having a sit down dinner...so she had to know exactly how many plates to pay for and she requested the difference from them.

I would just lay the law down or have your mom tell her! I eloped, and would do it again in a heartbeat! We did have a small reception, which was stressfull enough...can't imagine planning a wedding.

My parents have 3 daughters...no sons. I'm the oldest of the 3. When I got engaged in Feb 2005, my parents said that they would pay for my then fiance (now husband), me, our 2 families, and our closest friends to go to Hawaii and get married and stay 2 weeks. I was ALLLLLLL about it. But, hubby's parents wanted a "wedding" with all their friends. Needless to say we had a freaking huge wedding...400 guests...and a really stressful engagement. Don't get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed my wedding, but if I had to do it over again, I would have told the in-laws to shove it and I would've gone to Hawaii! :p

When I got married, Jim and I paid for a lot of stuff. We paid for the reception (so that we could invite whoever we wanted w/ no questions asked -- had 200 people), the limos, flowers, chair covers, gifts for parents and bridal party, intiations, DJ, video, florist, photography, honeymoon, etc.

My mom paid for my dress and everything else that went with it ... under clothes, shoes, jewelry, hair, make-up, tiara, veil. She also gave me a VERY EXPENSIVE engagment party in a yacht club and a SUPER EXPENSIVE bridal shower (like a wedding, a sit down event) in a wedding hall (I know she must have spend at least $8,000 on that even though she never told me how much for paid). She and my dad bought me MANY gifts -- I couldn't even count how many. They also bought me our queen size bed and BEAUTIFUL custom ordered head board. They bought us so much I can't even count it -- my parents are extremely generous.

Jim's parents are not well off but they did pay for the rehersal dinner.

But I NEVER expected either of our parents to pay for anything and I put both of their names on the wedding invitations, no questions asked. Even if they never gave us a penny, I still would have put their names on the invitations.

Oops and I forgot to mention that I paid for the reception but my parents paid for the venesian (sp??) hour and it was REALLY lavish!! They chose the highest package and then added stuff to it LOLOL!!!

Jim and I also paid for our actual ceremomy ... we got married at the Staten Island Botanical Gardens. So we had to pay the rental fee, then rent enough chairs (which was sooooooooo freakin expensive), then rent tables for beverages (iced water, lemonade, iced tea, etc.) since it was an outdoor ceremony in case the guests got thirsty. Then we had to pay people in tuxedos to walk around and serve everyone the beverages!! When we got done that ceremony alone was close to $3,000!!!!!!! Plus we had to pay the DJ extra to come, set up his equipment and play the wedding music!! And out florist we paid extra too to come and decorate all the chairs w/ white lace and roses ... my god we almost wen't broke LOLOL but it was worth it!! It was soooooooo beautiful!!!

WOW!!! I bet your wedding was so gorgeous. I am glad you did not have the issues we do. My fiance's parents will not pitch in for anything not even the rehearsal dinner, but they want to invite anyone they want. I did not put my fiance parents on the invitation because I felt that my parents were throwing the wedding for us and needed to be reconized for it. I know we are suppose to buy a gift for his parents, but I am having a hard time doing that when they have not done anything to recieve a thank you for besides buying a few things for us from our registery. Just like your parents, my mom/dad keep buying us wedding gifts along with paying for the wedding.

I'm really sorry you're having to go through this. Did his parents' say their excuse for not paying for their additional guests is that the bride's parents are supposed to pay for it? Tell your fiance that HIS parents are supposed to pay for the Rehearsal Dinner and Honeymoon! They can't just get off scott free!

If I were you, I would NOT put his parents' names on the invitation. I would not. AND I wouldn't buy them a present. I would give your parents a present in private.

All my parents and I are asking for is for them to pay for the the addtional people if the attending guests go over the 60-65 people due to the catering situation, and the rehearsal dinner. My fiance and I paid for our honeymoon. From what my fiance has told me that his parents will not pay for anything because they just don't doing anything like that from him. Which is weird to me, but I guess every family is different. As for the invitations I did not put his parents name on it and my fiance agreed with me on that. Of course his mom did not like it. And I am planning on giving my mom/dad and sisters presents in private for all the hard work they have put in planning my wedding for me since I live in Fort Worth and the wedding is in Houston were they live.

I'm sorry that you are going through this. The same thing happened to me last year during the planning of our wedding. My in-laws were being jerks about it all and my parents ended up having to pay for everything. They were on a limited budget and they gave us a number of people we could invite from each side. Hubby and I were fine with that. His parents on the other hand kept adding people to the list. We made them pay for any extras and they had to pay for the stamps even to mail the extra invitations off. It wasn't fair to the people we wanted to invite. We wanted our wedding to be very small and personal and they wanted to invite people we had never even heard of. Just showing off. :rolleyes: I had to stand up to my in-laws and I'm glad I did. They didn't make the planning process easy but hubby and I got the wedding we wanted, not what they wanted.

Weddings are soo stressful...im getting married in 5 months and things got pretty crazy:questione You get so much advice from so many differnt people!! My parents are paying for everything while the soon-to-be inlaws keep asking why are we having such a big wedding etc.... Im the only girl and the youngest in my family so of course my parents are going nuts with all this!! The most frusterating part is that we live with my fiances parents so I cant even talk about anything cause I can see the money signs in there eyes (things arent cheap nowadays!!!) So ive learned to keep my mouth shut about everything and dont let her in on any new plans or anything. Were aving 200 people witch 30 are from his side and thats it. I have a HUGE fam and lots of close friends so it was hard to get the list down. Im with you during this stressfull time I just cant wait for it to get here and ENJOY the day and make the very best of it.

Okay, I am still trying to pick myself up of the floor. My future MIL just called me to get my mom's phone number, so that she could speak to her about the rehearsal dinner. She told me she need to know the names of resturants in the area that take reservations for large partys, so that she could make a reservation and set up payment. My fiance and I are in shock that my future inlaws are offering to pay for this.

thats great...:thumbup:

Yay! This is GREAT news! Wow, they must REALLY want those extra guests of theirs to be able to come to the wedding! :p

Me and my husband spent 500.00 on our wedding. I did my own flowers...i did our cake top. I MADE my 3 tier wedding cake. The part that cost was my dress for 300.00 and jeffs tuxes for him and his best man and my maid of honor. It was small but very nice and I really enjoyed it. We had a nice reception afterward. I have been to the big fancy wedding and knew I dod not want one of them. I understand ppl wanting a nice wedding but mine like i said was 500.00 probably and was small and really nice!

BLECH... To this day I think of my wedding with aweful memories. I myself didn't want one and my hubby and his father had a FIT. They actually booked a church and invited guests and then TOLD me about it. I hated EVERY FREAKIN MINUTE of it. I would have MUCH RATHER just eloped.
I did the wedding thing for hubby but ALWAYS will remember it as one of the worst memories we have together on a day that was to be so special. The whole day was freaky:mad: